Maybe it's time to expand on the whole "more guys like me than girls" thing. I almost told this story first. It probably works better this way though.
So as I mentioned, I moved across the country, settled down in Los Angeles, found a gym, and found work as a visual effects artist. I was in a phase where I loved to exercise in the morning before work, so I'd be at the gym around 7. That is where this story begins.
I enter the gym and head to the back where all of the treadmills are. I would always start my day with a light 5-10 minute jog to get the blood flowing. Well, I'm on my way back there and I'm very lazily scanning the room. I don't know who I expect to see, but it's just something we do, right? So as I'm walking past the exercise bikes, this guy happens to catch the haphazard arc of my eyes and nods at me. I guess I was under the impression that he knew me, so I waved back and probably said "How's it going?" We chat for a minute and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to know this guy when he tells me his name (we'll go with) was Tim. Oh! Tim! I just had an interview where I was recently hired and the one guy that wasn't able to attend the group interview (I seriously had 10 or 12 people asking me questions all at once) was named Tim. That must be who this guy is! So we chat another minute or two and then he says, "So what do you do for a living?"
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Now I'm suddenly reminded of the orange flag shoes story, but maybe people are just chatty friendly in LA. I don't know.
So it ends with a "have a good workout" shortly after, and I go on with my routine. Well, it turns out we're on a similar schedule so I see this guy a lot in the following weeks.
Now, let me clarify that I have no problem with homosexuals, (or, hypothetical ones as it may be. I'm really not sure about this guy). One of my best friends from college is one. But having grown up in the Pittsburgh suburbs where everyone was white and went to church, I'm a little bit sheltered on these topics. So the way I react or interpret things can often be a little off...
...Which leads me to my next question. Guys. When you see a friend somewhere, how do you react? Head nod? Wave? Some combination of the two? That's what I expect, but that might be the sheltered me speaking.
Over the next few weeks I was getting winks.
While I did my best to shrug it off, I was still a little weirded out by it, you know? But we still make small talk. Maybe winking is your "thing." That's fine. Just don't expect me to wink back. So it goes on like this.
"Hey, how's it going?" *wink*
"You're working hard today huh?" *wink*
"So I'm thinking we should grab a drink sometime after work one day. How's that sound?"
...
I filled the void with the "Uhh, I don't know, I'm kind of busy" speech. Buy me some time, let me figure out if I'm paranoid or if I should be worried here.
Well, the next time he sees me he brings me one of his business cards and says I should call him. Except it seems like he's all flustered about it. Kind of like the way I used to act when I'd ask a girl out in high school. Alright. I've got to figure this out once and for all.
- "Is...is this like...like a date...?"
Yeah that's right, I said it. Don't act surprised, the last story proves I'm no social genius.
"No...no. No! Of course not! Haha, why would you think that?"
- "Ah, I'm sorry, I don't know...I'm new to the area, different people out here, the winking...ahhh forget it, my apologies."
He was definitely acting strange though. Maybe it was my thinking he was asking me out when he wasn't. Maybe it was my thinking he was asking me out when he really was. I don't know. He was an older guy though. 40s I'd guess. How often do men in their 40s ask 22 year old guys to give them a call when they've only exchanged idle weight room chat?
I was hit on one other time at that gym. Another guy asked me out for coffee. He was polite about it though when I told him that wasn't me. Very apologetic. Would reject again, ++. Or something like that.
So yeah, apparently I was sending out the wrong signals.
I didn't have the gumption to read through this entire behemoth of a thread, so I'm going to cross my fingers in hopes that no one else has told a story quite like mine.
Imagine walking into your mom's bedroom nonchalantly when you're about 5 or 6. You know, just checking to see what's up. And you find that your mom's current boyfriend's dick is what's up, and they're just lying there on the bed all neckid and flushed...
Yeah. The boyfriend was all "oh crap" and hurriedly tried to cover them both. I was extremely naive at this point and all I could muster was a quiet "ummmm..." before walking awkwardly out of the room. My mom then came into my room with her robe on, explaining to me that sometimes grown-ups like to have their "lovey-dovey" time. No joke, that's what she called it. I still didn't really understand what was going on, I just thought it was really weird and I was pretty confused.
If you think walking in on it once was bad enough, it gets worse.
I definitely walked in on my mom having sex with random boyfriends at least three more times before it finally stopped (I think she got the sense to not do it when I was in the house). I realized later on that my mom was pretty much a nymphomaniac, and that she was extremely good at keeping herself silent while in the act if she knew I was up and in the house. I mean, if you're going to have the nerve to go at it when I'm in the general vicinity of the bedroom, bang the headboard a few times, or something. At least I'll get the hint and leave.
Once I wandered into her room in the morning before school to grab a hairbrush or something, because I couldn't find mine, and she was fucking the shit out of her current boyfriend. I angrily stormed out and yelled "God, is that all you guys DO?!" And randomly sometimes I'd hear her in the middle of the night and get angry because all I wanted to do was sleep.
Looking back, it's actually pretty funny. But at the time I really wasn't impressed. Now I know that my mom just loves doin' it. Can't really blame her.
Bottom line: hearing people do it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
Also, walking in on people doing it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
I might post again when other strange/embarrassing occurrences (that I had otherwise managed to fully suppress) resurface in my memory.
I was walking into a small class late so I was trying to be quiet. I opened the door with my right hand and reached around my back, without looking, with my left to ease the door closed. For some reason the knob felt squishy. After pausing, I turn around to see this dude with an absolutely horrified look on his face. He had tried to sneak in after me and I had full on grabbed his balls. I had ahold of them for a good 4 seconds before I turned around to see what the fuck was up with the door. All I could do was mumble sorry and try not to laugh while he looked about ready to cry. I just put my head down for the rest of the class because I couldn't stop laughing.
Also, in the life sciences building there is only one bathroom and its unisex. The bathroom is really small and when you open the door you get a straight on view of the toilet. Well, it was just before a test and everyone was waiting in the hall to go into the classroom. I figured it was a good idea to take a leak and started to open the door only to get a very brief glimpse of an arab girl sitting on the toilet yelling "Someone's in here." She hadn't clicked the lock. When I tried to shut the door something was wrong, it was like the door was fighting me. I was thinking "What the fuck?" when I realized it was a power assisted door for handicap people. Those things don't close without fully opening. So I'm standing there shoving on this thing while shes screaming "I'm in here". Finally I did the only thing I could: I let go of the door and ran away. Everyone in the hall started looking as the door opened up, on its own, to reveal this poor girl sitting on the john and screaming "Close the door".
sorry to old-post, but I loved the first few incarnations of this thread back in the day, and I'm jumping around this thread.
I had a similar instance in intimate grabbing when I was in Italy. I was scratching my armpit and my back, but apparently, this tanktopped old woman was behind me, very closely, and I grabbed her...armpit/side breast instead. :-(
The entire few milliseconds, I could not for the life of me figure out what the hell was so clammy that I was grabbing.
Also, I have a story just about me being a dick and not realizing someone was there. Threatening to stab a friend with my penis is not a smart thing to do when an old woman is standing directly in front of you. I have poor peripheral vision. I blame my slitty eyes.
I didn't have the gumption to read through this entire behemoth of a thread, so I'm going to cross my fingers in hopes that no one else has told a story quite like mine.
Imagine walking into your mom's bedroom nonchalantly when you're about 5 or 6. You know, just checking to see what's up. And you find that your mom's current boyfriend's dick is what's up, and they're just lying there on the bed all neckid and flushed...
Yeah. The boyfriend was all "oh crap" and hurriedly tried to cover them both. I was extremely naive at this point and all I could muster was a quiet "ummmm..." before walking awkwardly out of the room. My mom then came into my room with her robe on, explaining to me that sometimes grown-ups like to have their "lovey-dovey" time. No joke, that's what she called it. I still didn't really understand what was going on, I just thought it was really weird and I was pretty confused.
If you think walking in on it once was bad enough, it gets worse.
I definitely walked in on my mom having sex with random boyfriends at least three more times before it finally stopped (I think she got the sense to not do it when I was in the house). I realized later on that my mom was pretty much a nymphomaniac, and that she was extremely good at keeping herself silent while in the act if she knew I was up and in the house. I mean, if you're going to have the nerve to go at it when I'm in the general vicinity of the bedroom, bang the headboard a few times, or something. At least I'll get the hint and leave.
Once I wandered into her room in the morning before school to grab a hairbrush or something, because I couldn't find mine, and she was fucking the shit out of her current boyfriend. I angrily stormed out and yelled "God, is that all you guys DO?!" And randomly sometimes I'd hear her in the middle of the night and get angry because all I wanted to do was sleep.
Looking back, it's actually pretty funny. But at the time I really wasn't impressed. Now I know that my mom just loves doin' it. Can't really blame her.
Bottom line: hearing people do it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
Also, walking in on people doing it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
I might post again when other strange/embarrassing occurrences (that I had otherwise managed to fully suppress) resurface in my memory.
Does your mom not believe in LOCKING THE FUCKING DOOR or what? Jesus Christ.
I walked in on my mom once and from then on she had the fucking sense to lock the door.
PalinDrone: Did you ever consider that perhaps the only way she could get off was if you were in the house? You know, the risk of getting caught? THE DANGER?
PalinDrone: Did you ever consider that perhaps the only way she could get off was if you were in the house? You know, the risk of getting caught? THE DANGER?
PalinDrone: You don't need gumption to read through this thread. You need a desire to laugh your fucking ass off for a very long time.
I'll toss in another story that I may have already put out there, but I can't remember.
I lived in my fraternity house in college. One guy lived in the room next to mine. We'll call him Tall Cum Dumpster, or TCD for short. Mostly because that's what we actually called him. Anyway, TCD lived next door. It was an old house and that room in particular was really weird. If you walked in the door, you had to walk in a little entry way type area and around the corner to get to the actual room. Let's see if I can ascii this shit up.
You know what, I tried for like 20 minutes. The [ code ] tags on this forum don't fucking work. One space completely realigns the entire line. Shit will be one space off, I add a space, suddenly it's one space off on the other side. WTF?
Anyway, so you had to walk around the wall to get to the actual room, and his desk was against that wall. So you turn to face into the room and are looking over the corner of the desk, anyone sitting there is facing you.
So I decide it'd be a good day for us to get some food. I notice his door is open. So I walk in, turn the corner, and his sitting there. I say "Hey TCD, you wanna go grab some Que Tal (like Chipotle but better)?" He's just sitting there looking at me like . I stand there for a few seconds and it finally occurs to me that he's gradually moving from to .
I casually say "Are you whackin' it?"
He yells "Yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
I, not being able to actually see his cock and therefore not being nearly as uncomfortable as him, decide to calmly continue the conversation.
"Well, then. That's awkward."
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
"Dude, don't yell at me, it's not my fault you left the door wide open before you decided to do that."
In a desperate, almost laughing yet almost crying voice he pleas "Why? Why are you just standing there!? Fucking leave, man!"
I laugh and leave the room, closing the door behind me.
As it turns out, he was pretty mortified by that situation. He really has no idea why I was so cool with standing there as long as I did. To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from. I'm not really sure why I stood there that long either. In hindsight, all I can guess is that my brain switched into COCKSOLOL mode.
2) This one is kind of one of those embarrassing things that in the end might have actually worked out in my favor. I was completely anonymous in school, not really fitting into nerd, jock, bando, etc. stereotypes. But I could spell like the wind. So I was in our school's bee, about to launch into national fame and fortune. I think this was 6th grade. Kids were dropping like flies in the 1st round, and my first word was "schedule." I'm pretty sure I heard girls gasping when I got it right and moved to Round 2. My next one was "dough-nut." Notice how I spelled it there. Doughnut without the hyphen is technically wrong I guess. But when I got this word, in 6th grade, I incredulously said "DONUT?!?!" As in, NO I don't need you to use it in a sentence, unless it's "this fucking thing is in the bag because my piss-ass easy word is DONUT. " So I say D-O-N-U-T DONUT and pass the mic to the chick next to me in a "good fucking luck cuz I'm on fire" motion. When the teacher said "wrong" my body froze and I think that may have been the only time in my life that I've blushed. I took my seat, while kids were muttering under their breath 'isn't that right? and those girls from earlier were saying "you'd think this fat kid would know how to spell donut". The good parts about this story that I referenced earlier was I got some needed attention, I had a good laugh with a lot of various people about it, people would actually buy me Dunkin' Donuts pretty often, and the story would resurface every couple of years so these things could continue. If only he had clarified that I was to spell it in Olde English my entire life may have turned out different.
I got eliminated from a spelling bee with 'lozenge'. I was and still am a pretty damn good speller, as long as I had come across the word previously. That one, though, was new to my fifth grade ears. I was quite familiar with the term 'cough drop', but not this one. I had to ask what the word was a second time. I think I attempted it with 'L-A-W-S-A-N-G-E'. Down I go. My spirit broke a little bit more. The winning word ended up being 'cupboard'. Were they kidding me? Cupboard? That is so much easier than lozenge.
I actually misspelled that word in this post the first time I typed it out. It is an evil word.
I lost in sixth grade on 'bookkeeper'...just because I was spelling, and mid-word, I thought, "there is no way in hell a word has this many double letters" so I took out the second 'k'.
It's ok, I redeemed myself the next year by making it to state and then misspelling the word "formicivorous.' At least that is semi-understandable. I still can't remember exactly what it means.
It's ok, I redeemed myself the next year by making it to state and then misspelling the word "formicivorous.' At least that is semi-understandable. I still can't remember exactly what it means.
I'm not sure, but I'm suddenly worried there's an animal out there that feeds on formica countertops.
PalinDrone: You don't need gumption to read through this thread. You need a desire to laugh your fucking ass off for a very long time.
I'll toss in another story that I may have already put out there, but I can't remember.
I lived in my fraternity house in college. One guy lived in the room next to mine. We'll call him Tall Cum Dumpster, or TCD for short. Mostly because that's what we actually called him. Anyway, TCD lived next door. It was an old house and that room in particular was really weird. If you walked in the door, you had to walk in a little entry way type area and around the corner to get to the actual room. Let's see if I can ascii this shit up.
You know what, I tried for like 20 minutes. The [ code ] tags on this forum don't fucking work. One space completely realigns the entire line. Shit will be one space off, I add a space, suddenly it's one space off on the other side. WTF?
Anyway, so you had to walk around the wall to get to the actual room, and his desk was against that wall. So you turn to face into the room and are looking over the corner of the desk, anyone sitting there is facing you.
So I decide it'd be a good day for us to get some food. I notice his door is open. So I walk in, turn the corner, and his sitting there. I say "Hey TCD, you wanna go grab some Que Tal (like Chipotle but better)?" He's just sitting there looking at me like . I stand there for a few seconds and it finally occurs to me that he's gradually moving from to .
I casually say "Are you whackin' it?"
He yells "Yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
I, not being able to actually see his cock and therefore not being nearly as uncomfortable as him, decide to calmly continue the conversation.
"Well, then. That's awkward."
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
"Dude, don't yell at me, it's not my fault you left the door wide open before you decided to do that."
In a desperate, almost laughing yet almost crying voice he pleas "Why? Why are you just standing there!? Fucking leave, man!"
I laugh and leave the room, closing the door behind me.
As it turns out, he was pretty mortified by that situation. He really has no idea why I was so cool with standing there as long as I did. To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from. I'm not really sure why I stood there that long either. In hindsight, all I can guess is that my brain switched into COCKSOLOL mode.
Well, the other day we were doing a Focused Physical Assessment of a patient during our class. So the instructor, who is actually the Assistant Fire Chief (or something of the sort. Perhaps the EMT director or something) in the town I live in and hope to work in the future, takes us to a row of cots and has us all stand around a student "volunteering" as a patient and one who was supposed to be the EMT.
One student acts as the EMT for a few of the initial assessment protocols, and then my teacher ends up getting an urgent phone call and leaving for several minutes. She returns and decides we'll just start from the beginning.. but with a new person performing the physical.
Now, I know this is something I'm going to have to get over and QUICK, but you actually had to essentially feel up the patient from head-to-toe, simulating that you were doing a DCAP/BTLS (Deformities, Contusions, Abrasions, ect. Bascially checking for wounds or abnormalities) and I had to perform it on a dude. In front of my whole class.
And if that wasn't bad enough, my teacher asked me what the first thing you do with a patient before you begin any sort of treatment. Ah, an easy one. It's the ABC's!
"Well you'd check for an open airway, then look listen and feel for breasts and then check circula..." and I feel my heart drop and my face get hot.
"BREATHING! I MEANT TO SAY BREATHING!" I try to say over the laughter from the students and teacher.
Ironically, we were talking about reasons medically why someone would become flushed, and she quickly added "Stuff like that will also cause a person to appear flushed."
This was our last class. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. :P
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
Well, the other day we were doing a Focused Physical Assessment of a patient during our class. So the instructor, who is actually the Assistant Fire Chief (or something of the sort. Perhaps the EMT director or something) in the town I live in and hope to work in the future, takes us to a row of cots and has us all stand around a student "volunteering" as a patient and one who was supposed to be the EMT.
One student acts as the EMT for a few of the initial assessment protocols, and then my teacher ends up getting an urgent phone call and leaving for several minutes. She returns and decides we'll just start from the beginning.. but with a new person performing the physical.
Now, I know this is something I'm going to have to get over and QUICK, but you actually had to essentially feel up the patient from head-to-toe, simulating that you were doing a DCAP/BTLS (Deformities, Contusions, Abrasions, ect. Bascially checking for wounds or abnormalities) and I had to perform it on a dude. In front of my whole class.
And if that wasn't bad enough, my teacher asked me what the first thing you do with a patient before you begin any sort of treatment. Ah, an easy one. It's the ABC's!
"Well you'd check for an open airway, then look listen and feel for breasts and then check circula..." and I feel my heart drop and my face get hot.
"BREATHING! I MEANT TO SAY BREATHING!" I try to say over the laughter from the students and teacher.
Ironically, we were talking about reasons medically why someone would become flushed, and she quickly added "Stuff like that will also cause a person to appear flushed."
This was our last class. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. :P
If I end up in some sort of horrible naked car crash, and the EMT is standing there saying 'eww!' and lamenting the idea of getting blood on his freshly lightened loafers, I'm going to kick your ass.
Well I can't say I'm gonna have that problem. I've already been a 3rd rider, who usually just observe, but done plenty of vitals and SAMPLE histories and stuff. Blood and gore don't bother me.
And goddammit if I'm gonna wear my freshly lightened loafers to work. :P
And hell, can you blame me for not wanting to rub my hands up and down some dude I'm gonna have to sit in class with until June?
You should've done it as subtly but seductively as possible. Then when he gets a very obvious hard on, you could've noticed and started yelling "Ahhh, what the hell!? Dude, that's completely inappropriate!"
This one didn't actually involve me (I'm a careful guy when it comes to that sort of thing), but that's only because I was hiding in the other room, making damn sure I didn't get involved.
So, to set the scene: there's my one suite mate Matt, hanging out in the common room, and my other suite mate Matt, in his room with the door closed. A guy their frat stumbles up to the door with some chick, and knocks- he's drunk and wants to say hi.
They try to get the inside Matt to open his door, but he won't answer when they knock- he must be asleep. No problem, the other Matt is our RA. He goes and looks up the code to the door, and barges on in.
"Hey Matt guess who's WHOAH"
There lies Matt. Completely naked, on his bed, wearing headphones, and staring at his computer screen. After a few more seconds he happens to look up, noticing the intrusion. He slams down the laptop cover and tries to cover himself.
The other guy (did I mention that he was drunk?) is completely oblivious to all of this. He walks right in saying hi, and gets to within handshake range before he realizes something is awry. A few seconds pause.
"Man, were you jerking off?"
They finally leave the poor guy to get dressed, and laugh outside of his room for a good ten minutes.
I managed to forget to lock my door one time in college. One of the guys in the house just opened the door and came right in. Luckily, my desk was in a place relative to the door that I was completely hidden by the desk and the monitor. He asked if he could borrow a spoon. So I motioned, cock in one hand and pointed finger with the other, to the shelf where I kept my spoons. He took one, thanked me, and left.
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Muse Among MenSuburban Bunny Princess?Its time for a new shtick Registered Userregular
edited February 2008
I feel embarrassed for our corner neighbors. They have a little pedestal facing the street, a giant sign wrapped in glowing lights upon it. And it read:
Stop the confusion and hypocrisies ...
Attack the hypocrisies by revolution and overthrow...
Elect HRM* Caesar _____ Bonaparte!"
... People don't care.
I wish I had the lolwut pear. I am not quite sure what to fathom or what response they hope to evoke.
If it's a joke it's subtlety is off. If it is serious than I am stunned.
*His Royal Majesty
PalinDrone: Did you ever consider that perhaps the only way she could get off was if you were in the house? You know, the risk of getting caught? THE DANGER?
Think about it.
Oh dear GOD NO.
If that is the case, then I would feel so dirty. And used. You can't run water hot enough!
Also, if there were locks on the doors, I assume she would have used them. But there were never locks, unfortunately for me.
And I do plan on eventually reading through the whole behemoth of a thread. This has given me a glorious new way to procrastinate instead of writing papers.
You should've done it as subtly but seductively as possible. Then when he gets a very obvious hard on, you could've noticed and started yelling "Ahhh, what the hell!? Dude, that's completely inappropriate!"
As a matter of fact, in the full physical exam you sometimes have to do a visual inspection of the genitalia. Just like a quick lift of the undies kind of like the doctor, but without going anywhere near there unless the injury is specific to that area... which would be unfortunate not only for the victim but for me as well.
Also, you might have to check for a priapus which is a symptom of a certain type of arrest. Seizure, shock, cardiac, I don't remember right now. A priapus is a raging hard-on.
I can see the run report now.
EDIT: And shit I must sound like I'm going to be a shitty EMT. I need to read more I think.
A year or two ago I had to go to my family doctor to get my knee checked out (later on it ended up with my kneecap slipping out, whee) but it was a normal checkup pretty much. So I'm getting asked the regular questions by her , and at the same time its a bit early in the morning so I guess I was kind of out of it or whatever, I don't know.
So out of the list of questions shes asking me she drops this on me: "So whats your sexual orientation?"
"Hrm? Oh, male."
Good ten seconds of silence follows.
"Wait a minute, fuck I mean female, godamnit."
She just ended up laughing and we went on as normal but fuck for a moment there I was all .
Bottom line: hearing people do it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
Also, walking in on people doing it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
Try walking in on both your parents doing the ol' 69. When you're 25 and they're 55.
So much for coming home from early to "surprise" them with their anniversary present.
I have a bad habit of walking in on people inflagrante. I do knock, they just don't answer. I have gotten lucky out of it when walking in on one of my sister's friends in the bathroom, though... 8-)
It's ok, I redeemed myself the next year by making it to state and then misspelling the word "formicivorous.' At least that is semi-understandable. I still can't remember exactly what it means.
Anteater. And, no, didn't look it up. Ants are "formicids." I know this because there's a running joke in Quest for Glory III with ant-people and formic acid (i.e. antacid... it was very funny when I was younger, so FOAD if you're pointing and laughing at me). There's also some stuff in Neverwinter Nights, but mostly I think QFG3.
I lost in sixth grade on 'bookkeeper'...just because I was spelling, and mid-word, I thought, "there is no way in hell a word has this many double letters" so I took out the second 'k'.
It's ok, I redeemed myself the next year by making it to state and then misspelling the word "formicivorous.' At least that is semi-understandable. I still can't remember exactly what it means.
In eighth grade math class, we were learning some trig as well as algebra. This doomed me in the spelling bee. The word they gave me? 'Compliment.' The word I began to spell? 'Supplement.' And since you can't start over once you've begun, I got four letters in, realized what I had done, sighed, then spelled supplement.
I don't have anything too horrible. One time went downstairs to ask my parents if they had walked the dog yet. They were rustling around under the covers. To this day I'm not sure what they were doing, but I left quickly and didn't investigate.
Caught roommates jerkin' it in the room a few times. Fortunately they were quick with the pants and so on so I didn't have to see any dong.
I think the reason I don't have many stories to share is because I spend so much energy and time avoiding embarrassment.
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
edited February 2008
For a time I lived with my buddies in this 4-bedroom house in a nice part of Ohio. The guy who lived there, call him K, his parents were in the process of getting divorced, and had each split different ways in the meantime, so it was a rent-free party house for like a year.
One of the guys, let's call him P, had had some shit go missing, most likely due to K's bitch sisters stealing it. P moved out due to illness, and when we were cleaning his room out so someone else could use it, we found a hidden webcam hooked up to a PC tower that everyone thought was off.
I mentioned it to him, and he gave me an odd look, and said people's business shouldn't be in his room. I chuckled, and said "you know if you watched that, you're going to hell." This is because I'd been fooling around with this girl who happened to be his cousin in there, as I'd moved in recently and my room lacked a proper bed.
He gives me this look again, and right then I remember that for a time his room had been the only one with internet. The only porn access.
So, anyone else here ever had multiple MSN conversations open, gotten them confused, and said something wholly inappropriate to someone? Yeeeeah, I've been there. Can't think of a specific example, tho.
So, anyone else here ever had multiple MSN conversations open, gotten them confused, and said something wholly inappropriate to someone? Yeeeeah, I've been there. Can't think of a specific example, tho.
Nope. I've got a unique background for each contact, which is a picture of that person. So I can't get confused between multiple windows.
For a time I lived with my buddies in this 4-bedroom house in a nice part of Ohio. The guy who lived there, call him K, his parents were in the process of getting divorced, and had each split different ways in the meantime, so it was a rent-free party house for like a year.
One of the guys, let's call him P, had had some shit go missing, most likely due to K's bitch sisters stealing it. P moved out due to illness, and when we were cleaning his room out so someone else could use it, we found a hidden webcam hooked up to a PC tower that everyone thought was off.
I mentioned it to him, and he gave me an odd look, and said people's business shouldn't be in his room. I chuckled, and said "you know if you watched that, you're going to hell." This is because I'd been fooling around with this girl who happened to be his cousin in there, as I'd moved in recently and my room lacked a proper bed.
He gives me this look again, and right then I remember that for a time his room had been the only one with internet. The only porn access.
Embarrassing.
I can sense that something embarassing is being described by this story, but I don't get it. Had you been fooling around with someone on this guy's bed? And what does his being the only room with internet mean?
I used to live with 3 people in a house with my computer being the only one in the house. I had a webcam to chat with folks. Often times I'd come home and the webcam would be facing the wall, or moved to someplace I wouldn't have placed it.
Now it was probably my roommates being paranoid of someone watching them while they're checking emails, but at the same time, makes me wonder what they were getting up to.
Posts
I'm a fan of most awkward silences.
Man, I really hope they air that episode again now. This could be epic.
If you get it on youtube, you will be a hero.
So as I mentioned, I moved across the country, settled down in Los Angeles, found a gym, and found work as a visual effects artist. I was in a phase where I loved to exercise in the morning before work, so I'd be at the gym around 7. That is where this story begins.
I enter the gym and head to the back where all of the treadmills are. I would always start my day with a light 5-10 minute jog to get the blood flowing. Well, I'm on my way back there and I'm very lazily scanning the room. I don't know who I expect to see, but it's just something we do, right? So as I'm walking past the exercise bikes, this guy happens to catch the haphazard arc of my eyes and nods at me. I guess I was under the impression that he knew me, so I waved back and probably said "How's it going?" We chat for a minute and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to know this guy when he tells me his name (we'll go with) was Tim. Oh! Tim! I just had an interview where I was recently hired and the one guy that wasn't able to attend the group interview (I seriously had 10 or 12 people asking me questions all at once) was named Tim. That must be who this guy is! So we chat another minute or two and then he says, "So what do you do for a living?"
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Now I'm suddenly reminded of the orange flag shoes story, but maybe people are just chatty friendly in LA. I don't know.
So it ends with a "have a good workout" shortly after, and I go on with my routine. Well, it turns out we're on a similar schedule so I see this guy a lot in the following weeks.
Now, let me clarify that I have no problem with homosexuals, (or, hypothetical ones as it may be. I'm really not sure about this guy). One of my best friends from college is one. But having grown up in the Pittsburgh suburbs where everyone was white and went to church, I'm a little bit sheltered on these topics. So the way I react or interpret things can often be a little off...
...Which leads me to my next question. Guys. When you see a friend somewhere, how do you react? Head nod? Wave? Some combination of the two? That's what I expect, but that might be the sheltered me speaking.
Over the next few weeks I was getting winks.
While I did my best to shrug it off, I was still a little weirded out by it, you know? But we still make small talk. Maybe winking is your "thing." That's fine. Just don't expect me to wink back. So it goes on like this.
"Hey, how's it going?" *wink*
"You're working hard today huh?" *wink*
"So I'm thinking we should grab a drink sometime after work one day. How's that sound?"
...
I filled the void with the "Uhh, I don't know, I'm kind of busy" speech. Buy me some time, let me figure out if I'm paranoid or if I should be worried here.
Well, the next time he sees me he brings me one of his business cards and says I should call him. Except it seems like he's all flustered about it. Kind of like the way I used to act when I'd ask a girl out in high school. Alright. I've got to figure this out once and for all.
- "Is...is this like...like a date...?"
Yeah that's right, I said it. Don't act surprised, the last story proves I'm no social genius.
"No...no. No! Of course not! Haha, why would you think that?"
- "Ah, I'm sorry, I don't know...I'm new to the area, different people out here, the winking...ahhh forget it, my apologies."
He was definitely acting strange though. Maybe it was my thinking he was asking me out when he wasn't. Maybe it was my thinking he was asking me out when he really was. I don't know. He was an older guy though. 40s I'd guess. How often do men in their 40s ask 22 year old guys to give them a call when they've only exchanged idle weight room chat?
I was hit on one other time at that gym. Another guy asked me out for coffee. He was polite about it though when I told him that wasn't me. Very apologetic. Would reject again, ++. Or something like that.
So yeah, apparently I was sending out the wrong signals.
Imagine walking into your mom's bedroom nonchalantly when you're about 5 or 6. You know, just checking to see what's up. And you find that your mom's current boyfriend's dick is what's up, and they're just lying there on the bed all neckid and flushed...
Yeah. The boyfriend was all "oh crap" and hurriedly tried to cover them both. I was extremely naive at this point and all I could muster was a quiet "ummmm..." before walking awkwardly out of the room. My mom then came into my room with her robe on, explaining to me that sometimes grown-ups like to have their "lovey-dovey" time. No joke, that's what she called it. I still didn't really understand what was going on, I just thought it was really weird and I was pretty confused.
If you think walking in on it once was bad enough, it gets worse.
I definitely walked in on my mom having sex with random boyfriends at least three more times before it finally stopped (I think she got the sense to not do it when I was in the house). I realized later on that my mom was pretty much a nymphomaniac, and that she was extremely good at keeping herself silent while in the act if she knew I was up and in the house. I mean, if you're going to have the nerve to go at it when I'm in the general vicinity of the bedroom, bang the headboard a few times, or something. At least I'll get the hint and leave.
Once I wandered into her room in the morning before school to grab a hairbrush or something, because I couldn't find mine, and she was fucking the shit out of her current boyfriend. I angrily stormed out and yelled "God, is that all you guys DO?!" And randomly sometimes I'd hear her in the middle of the night and get angry because all I wanted to do was sleep.
Looking back, it's actually pretty funny. But at the time I really wasn't impressed. Now I know that my mom just loves doin' it. Can't really blame her.
Bottom line: hearing people do it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
Also, walking in on people doing it is not cool, especially if it's your mom.
I might post again when other strange/embarrassing occurrences (that I had otherwise managed to fully suppress) resurface in my memory.
sorry to old-post, but I loved the first few incarnations of this thread back in the day, and I'm jumping around this thread.
I had a similar instance in intimate grabbing when I was in Italy. I was scratching my armpit and my back, but apparently, this tanktopped old woman was behind me, very closely, and I grabbed her...armpit/side breast instead. :-(
The entire few milliseconds, I could not for the life of me figure out what the hell was so clammy that I was grabbing.
Also, I have a story just about me being a dick and not realizing someone was there. Threatening to stab a friend with my penis is not a smart thing to do when an old woman is standing directly in front of you. I have poor peripheral vision. I blame my slitty eyes.
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Hey, great story Tal. *wink*
(Sorry, couldn't help it.)
Does your mom not believe in LOCKING THE FUCKING DOOR or what? Jesus Christ.
I walked in on my mom once and from then on she had the fucking sense to lock the door.
Think about it.
You are an evil person, Gim.
I'll toss in another story that I may have already put out there, but I can't remember.
I lived in my fraternity house in college. One guy lived in the room next to mine. We'll call him Tall Cum Dumpster, or TCD for short. Mostly because that's what we actually called him. Anyway, TCD lived next door. It was an old house and that room in particular was really weird. If you walked in the door, you had to walk in a little entry way type area and around the corner to get to the actual room. Let's see if I can ascii this shit up.
Anyway, so you had to walk around the wall to get to the actual room, and his desk was against that wall. So you turn to face into the room and are looking over the corner of the desk, anyone sitting there is facing you.
So I decide it'd be a good day for us to get some food. I notice his door is open. So I walk in, turn the corner, and his sitting there. I say "Hey TCD, you wanna go grab some Que Tal (like Chipotle but better)?" He's just sitting there looking at me like
I casually say "Are you whackin' it?"
He yells "Yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
I, not being able to actually see his cock and therefore not being nearly as uncomfortable as him, decide to calmly continue the conversation.
"Well, then. That's awkward."
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"
"Dude, don't yell at me, it's not my fault you left the door wide open before you decided to do that."
In a desperate, almost laughing yet almost crying voice he pleas "Why? Why are you just standing there!? Fucking leave, man!"
I laugh and leave the room, closing the door behind me.
As it turns out, he was pretty mortified by that situation. He really has no idea why I was so cool with standing there as long as I did. To be honest, I can understand where he's coming from. I'm not really sure why I stood there that long either. In hindsight, all I can guess is that my brain switched into COCKSOLOL mode.
I lost in sixth grade on 'bookkeeper'...just because I was spelling, and mid-word, I thought, "there is no way in hell a word has this many double letters" so I took out the second 'k'.
It's ok, I redeemed myself the next year by making it to state and then misspelling the word "formicivorous.' At least that is semi-understandable. I still can't remember exactly what it means.
Epic =D
BRILLIANT
Well, the other day we were doing a Focused Physical Assessment of a patient during our class. So the instructor, who is actually the Assistant Fire Chief (or something of the sort. Perhaps the EMT director or something) in the town I live in and hope to work in the future, takes us to a row of cots and has us all stand around a student "volunteering" as a patient and one who was supposed to be the EMT.
One student acts as the EMT for a few of the initial assessment protocols, and then my teacher ends up getting an urgent phone call and leaving for several minutes. She returns and decides we'll just start from the beginning.. but with a new person performing the physical.
Now, I know this is something I'm going to have to get over and QUICK, but you actually had to essentially feel up the patient from head-to-toe, simulating that you were doing a DCAP/BTLS (Deformities, Contusions, Abrasions, ect. Bascially checking for wounds or abnormalities) and I had to perform it on a dude. In front of my whole class.
And if that wasn't bad enough, my teacher asked me what the first thing you do with a patient before you begin any sort of treatment. Ah, an easy one. It's the ABC's!
"Well you'd check for an open airway, then look listen and feel for breasts and then check circula..." and I feel my heart drop and my face get hot.
"BREATHING! I MEANT TO SAY BREATHING!" I try to say over the laughter from the students and teacher.
Ironically, we were talking about reasons medically why someone would become flushed, and she quickly added "Stuff like that will also cause a person to appear flushed."
This was our last class. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. :P
If I end up in some sort of horrible naked car crash, and the EMT is standing there saying 'eww!' and lamenting the idea of getting blood on his freshly lightened loafers, I'm going to kick your ass.
And goddammit if I'm gonna wear my freshly lightened loafers to work. :P
And hell, can you blame me for not wanting to rub my hands up and down some dude I'm gonna have to sit in class with until June?
This one didn't actually involve me (I'm a careful guy when it comes to that sort of thing), but that's only because I was hiding in the other room, making damn sure I didn't get involved.
So, to set the scene: there's my one suite mate Matt, hanging out in the common room, and my other suite mate Matt, in his room with the door closed. A guy their frat stumbles up to the door with some chick, and knocks- he's drunk and wants to say hi.
They try to get the inside Matt to open his door, but he won't answer when they knock- he must be asleep. No problem, the other Matt is our RA. He goes and looks up the code to the door, and barges on in.
"Hey Matt guess who's WHOAH"
There lies Matt. Completely naked, on his bed, wearing headphones, and staring at his computer screen. After a few more seconds he happens to look up, noticing the intrusion. He slams down the laptop cover and tries to cover himself.
The other guy (did I mention that he was drunk?) is completely oblivious to all of this. He walks right in saying hi, and gets to within handshake range before he realizes something is awry. A few seconds pause.
"Man, were you jerking off?"
They finally leave the poor guy to get dressed, and laugh outside of his room for a good ten minutes.
I wish I had the lolwut pear. I am not quite sure what to fathom or what response they hope to evoke.
If it's a joke it's subtlety is off. If it is serious than I am stunned.
*His Royal Majesty
Oh dear GOD NO.
If that is the case, then I would feel so dirty. And used. You can't run water hot enough!
Also, if there were locks on the doors, I assume she would have used them. But there were never locks, unfortunately for me.
And I do plan on eventually reading through the whole behemoth of a thread. This has given me a glorious new way to procrastinate instead of writing papers.
As a matter of fact, in the full physical exam you sometimes have to do a visual inspection of the genitalia. Just like a quick lift of the undies kind of like the doctor, but without going anywhere near there unless the injury is specific to that area... which would be unfortunate not only for the victim but for me as well.
Also, you might have to check for a priapus which is a symptom of a certain type of arrest. Seizure, shock, cardiac, I don't remember right now. A priapus is a raging hard-on.
I can see the run report now.
EDIT: And shit I must sound like I'm going to be a shitty EMT. I need to read more I think.
So out of the list of questions shes asking me she drops this on me: "So whats your sexual orientation?"
"Hrm? Oh, male."
Good ten seconds of silence follows.
"Wait a minute, fuck I mean female, godamnit."
She just ended up laughing and we went on as normal but fuck for a moment there I was all
Yeah, seems like an odd thing to ask, unless he was giving blood or something.
...
...
I'm not gay!
She was asking him out!
So much for coming home from early to "surprise" them with their anniversary present.
I have a bad habit of walking in on people inflagrante. I do knock, they just don't answer. I have gotten lucky out of it when walking in on one of my sister's friends in the bathroom, though... 8-)
Anteater. And, no, didn't look it up. Ants are "formicids." I know this because there's a running joke in Quest for Glory III with ant-people and formic acid (i.e. antacid... it was very funny when I was younger, so FOAD if you're pointing and laughing at me). There's also some stuff in Neverwinter Nights, but mostly I think QFG3.
This was my thought.
Correctly.
Caught roommates jerkin' it in the room a few times. Fortunately they were quick with the pants and so on so I didn't have to see any dong.
I think the reason I don't have many stories to share is because I spend so much energy and time avoiding embarrassment.
One of the guys, let's call him P, had had some shit go missing, most likely due to K's bitch sisters stealing it. P moved out due to illness, and when we were cleaning his room out so someone else could use it, we found a hidden webcam hooked up to a PC tower that everyone thought was off.
I mentioned it to him, and he gave me an odd look, and said people's business shouldn't be in his room. I chuckled, and said "you know if you watched that, you're going to hell." This is because I'd been fooling around with this girl who happened to be his cousin in there, as I'd moved in recently and my room lacked a proper bed.
He gives me this look again, and right then I remember that for a time his room had been the only one with internet. The only porn access.
Embarrassing.
I can sense that something embarassing is being described by this story, but I don't get it. Had you been fooling around with someone on this guy's bed? And what does his being the only room with internet mean?
Now it was probably my roommates being paranoid of someone watching them while they're checking emails, but at the same time, makes me wonder what they were getting up to.