Haha, that reminds me of the time I lived with a friend of mine in the dorms over summer.
He had a webcam set up on his computer for chatting. Well, he started a chat with someone not realizing that I was out of the room to take a shower. I came back in and started changing, and he goes "Umm, dude, the webcam is on, and I'm chatting with a girl."
I very quickly got the towel back up and then myself behind the bed. Then he goes, "Its cool though, she says you have a nice ass."
So for the rest of that summer any time he was chatting with her, he would say something like "You gonna strip again for her?"
Back before I had my own place my girlfriend and I would hook up in my car at random spots around town. One of them was a playground parking lot.
So we are in said parking lot, one things lead to another, yadda yadda. Anyways, we're going at it and we see lights behind us. Freaked out I jump off of her and half ass my clothes back on while she fixes her skirt and bra. The cop walks up asks what we were doing ("Talking... officer. Really"). I give him my license, and girlfriend gives him her license and he looks at mine then hands it back. Then he looks at hers. REALLY looks at hers.
(Not her real last name)
"...Wiggin? Are you related to Andrew?"
"Yeah, he's my uncle"
"Oh, well, you guys can just hang out here if you want"
And drives off.
Me: "What the hell was that about?"
GF: "My Uncle just retired two weeks ago... he was the chief of police"
Yeah, he still rags on her about that.
We found a secure spot later a couple weeks later in a church parking lot. Thank GOD we were never caught there.
again, not to oldpost, but is there some sort of unspoken rule about this? if a person is related to a cop, and they did something stupid, but not like, heinous, then you let them off? it's happened to me and my friend who has a dad-cop....how does this work, exactly? and more importantly, why?
Back before I had my own place my girlfriend and I would hook up in my car at random spots around town. One of them was a playground parking lot.
So we are in said parking lot, one things lead to another, yadda yadda. Anyways, we're going at it and we see lights behind us. Freaked out I jump off of her and half ass my clothes back on while she fixes her skirt and bra. The cop walks up asks what we were doing ("Talking... officer. Really"). I give him my license, and girlfriend gives him her license and he looks at mine then hands it back. Then he looks at hers. REALLY looks at hers.
(Not her real last name)
"...Wiggin? Are you related to Andrew?"
"Yeah, he's my uncle"
"Oh, well, you guys can just hang out here if you want"
And drives off.
Me: "What the hell was that about?"
GF: "My Uncle just retired two weeks ago... he was the chief of police"
Yeah, he still rags on her about that.
We found a secure spot later a couple weeks later in a church parking lot. Thank GOD we were never caught there.
again, not to oldpost, but is there some sort of unspoken rule about this? if a person is related to a cop, and they did something stupid, but not like, heinous, then you let them off? it's happened to me and my friend who has a dad-cop....how does this work, exactly? and more importantly, why?
It's part of the culture of corruption around cops. You don't write tickets to other cops, or the families of other cops. It's one of the intangible perks of the job.
Back before I had my own place my girlfriend and I would hook up in my car at random spots around town. One of them was a playground parking lot.
So we are in said parking lot, one things lead to another, yadda yadda. Anyways, we're going at it and we see lights behind us. Freaked out I jump off of her and half ass my clothes back on while she fixes her skirt and bra. The cop walks up asks what we were doing ("Talking... officer. Really"). I give him my license, and girlfriend gives him her license and he looks at mine then hands it back. Then he looks at hers. REALLY looks at hers.
(Not her real last name)
"...Wiggin? Are you related to Andrew?"
"Yeah, he's my uncle"
"Oh, well, you guys can just hang out here if you want"
And drives off.
Me: "What the hell was that about?"
GF: "My Uncle just retired two weeks ago... he was the chief of police"
Yeah, he still rags on her about that.
We found a secure spot later a couple weeks later in a church parking lot. Thank GOD we were never caught there.
again, not to oldpost, but is there some sort of unspoken rule about this? if a person is related to a cop, and they did something stupid, but not like, heinous, then you let them off? it's happened to me and my friend who has a dad-cop....how does this work, exactly? and more importantly, why?
Same reason the staff gives you free doughnuts if your dad runs the bakery? Nepotism isn't a good thing, but it still exists, unfortunately.
Corlis on
But I don't mind, as long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine,
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
About an hour ago, I was showing my mom how to use her brand new digital picture frame. I used the memory card from my phone (also mp3 player, camera) as an example, figuring I had deleted the plethora of nude photos of my girlfriend.
About an hour ago, I was showing my mom how to use her brand new digital picture frame. I used the memory card from my phone (also mp3 player, camera) as an example, figuring I had deleted the plethora of nude photos of my girlfriend.
About an hour ago, I was showing my mom how to use her brand new digital picture frame. I used the memory card from my phone (also mp3 player, camera) as an example, figuring I had deleted the plethora of nude photos of my girlfriend.
About an hour ago, I was showing my mom how to use her brand new digital picture frame. I used the memory card from my phone (also mp3 player, camera) as an example, figuring I had deleted the plethora of nude photos of my girlfriend.
I'm not sure how I would classify this story, not particularly embarrasing, but strange I suppose:
I was getting ready to go to a concert with a few friends (it was at Fiddler's Green, for anyone who knows Denver). It was one of those all-day things, so we knew that we'd get hungry eventually, and rather than buy 5 dollar hotdogs and 3 dollar cokes all day, we stocked up on a bunch of food from the grocery store before going in. We got a bunch of stuff; lunch meat, bread, chips, drinks, donut holes, and more. Of course, as we're walking in (and I don't know why we didn't think of this), they tell us that there's no outside food or drinks inside. We had walked from a friend's house a couple miles away, so we didn't have access to a car, so we had to figure out what to do with the food. We ended up finding some trees not too far away, and we stashed about half the stuff behind them, and smuggled the rest inside in our pockets.
So we get out of the concert that night, around 10:30 or 11:00, and grab the food that we stashed and started walking back to the friend's house. Since we're all pretty hungry, we start devouring the donut holes, while walking and talking. I noticed that they seemed kind of stale, which wasn't a big deal, but they were more stale then I thought donuts should be after one day. I'm no donut expert, though, and since I was hungry, it didn't bother me enough to stop.
After a few minutes, when the holes were about half gone, we happend to pass under a streetlight as I reached for my next one, and as I looked down, I saw that they were just swarming with ants. I looked at my hand, and I saw that there were ants all along my hand, sleeve, and chest. I said something like "oh, shit", and dropped the box and started brushing myself off. One of the girls with us I knew was terrified of bugs, in general (moths in particular, but that's a whole different issue), so I didn't want to say anything. We passed under another streetlight, though, and when she saw, she freaked out something fierce.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, look before you eat.
About an hour ago, I was showing my mom how to use her brand new digital picture frame. I used the memory card from my phone (also mp3 player, camera) as an example, figuring I had deleted the plethora of nude photos of my girlfriend.
I hadn't.
Ahahaha, owned.
No matter what I'm listening to, your avatar seems to be wiggling in time with it.
Torso Boy on
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
I think he means that he had been lookin at porn, possibly wankin' it, and it had been all caught on his roommate's web cam.
This.
The camera was understandable I suppose. He would sometimes be at the hospital for days at a time, and couldn't figure out who was stealing from him. We didn't know for months that K's sisters had keys to the house. Fucking cunts.
I think he means that he had been lookin at porn, possibly wankin' it, and it had been all caught on his roommate's web cam.
This.
The camera was understandable I suppose. He would sometimes be at the hospital for days at a time, and couldn't figure out who was stealing from him. We didn't know for months that K's sisters had keys to the house. Fucking cunts.
Seriously. Getting stuff stolen from you, especially repeatedly, is annoying as hell.
About an hour ago, I was showing my mom how to use her brand new digital picture frame. I used the memory card from my phone (also mp3 player, camera) as an example, figuring I had deleted the plethora of nude photos of my girlfriend.
I hadn't.
It'd be great if you could specify the time to keep a particular picture up on the frame: Flash nudes (although not necessarily of your girlfriend) up for like, a second at a time, then switching to a normal, family picture for an hour.
Then see if anybody notices over the course of say, a week.
Anyhow, embarrassing stories about jerking it: I remember, back in the day of 56k connections, I was on the PC, downloading porn movies and doing my thing. My mum comes into the room, I hurriedly hide everything and she starts to have a full blown conversation with me, I'm chatting, my erection now officially killed and such, and I think I'm in the clear.
This conversation goes on for about 5 minutes, then all of a sudden I spot something out of the corner of my eye.
See, on 56k, it sometimes took a few minutes for shitty 30 second clips to download, and I'd set it to play once it downloaded. My mum was looking out of the window, whilst on the computer screen 3 feet away there was some guy banging the hell out of this woman.
I kept talking to my mum, before lurching over to my monitor and whacking the power button, my mum didn't say a thing. I'm still not sure if my mum knew what I was doing, and came up to interrupt and embarrass me, or if she never figured it out, and quite frankly, I'm too scared to ask.
Funny forgotten-picture story, non-nude but embarrassing to one of my friends we'll call Bob.
This story takes place shortly after Halloween a few years ago. Bob had made this awesome KISS costume for a Halloween office party, which none of us (his intimate circle of childhood friends) had seen since none of us work with him. So one random night a half-dozen of us are at another friend's place, just chillin', Bob comes over and brings his digital camera on which his Halloween costume pictures were. We hook it up to the TV, gather around and start going through the pictures. It really was a nice costume, so we were all focused on the screen as we flipped from KISS picture to KISS picture.... to a picture of Bob taking a sexy evocative pose for a dating website. We just burst into incontrollable laughter, as behind us we heard Bob curse "fuck those are there too?!" We flipped and laughed through the entire sexy evocative set, over Bob's objections. That was fun (for us; Bob didn't seem to appreciate).
When I was 13, I had one of those Playboy newsstand specials. It was fantastic. Good, basic softcore porn. One morning I was looking at it before rushing off to catch the schoolbus. I normally kept it in the middle of a stack of magazines on my bookshelf.
Cut to me in school. It dawns on me that I had not properly returned the Playboy to its stack, but had instead carelessly left it in the folds of my bed covers. Oh, how I hoped and hoped that no one went into my room to clean up while I was out. Please let it be a slack day as far as chores were concerned.
Cut to me coming home that afternoon. I walk into my room. The bed is made. I walk into my parents room. I get some very nasty and disappointed looking scowls. They never said anything about it, though. That was the odd part.
In later years I would get busted a couple of times for looking at porn online. At no point did they ever attempt to explain why it was wrong, they just assumed I knew why. It's great to be raised by uptight upper-lower-middle class WASPy liberals; not a damn bit of communication. Or maybe it was just me.
Gim on
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
edited February 2008
Gim, you do not want that conversation.
It is uncomfortable, and especially re:intertubes and forgetting to clear histories, you have to live with the knowledge that you had a discussion with your parents about why you should not look at... well, the horrible shit a 13-year-old with unsupervised internet access looks at.
Well, that thought wasn't on my mind back then. I was punished for the internet stuff with restrictions on access, so I wasn't sitting down and wondering about the moral implications of their parenting techniques. It's just that now I kind of wonder if they ever had any clue about how to deal with me dealing with my discovery of sexuality. Probably not.
...
Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy
There are worse things than having a conversation about how it's bad.
Example:
Back when I was living at my parents' place, I had some of those playboy specials Gim mentioned, and I kept them in my bed, under my pillow. I liked waking up and seeing naked ladies, what can I say. And since I make my own bed, it's no problem.
Then one afternoon, it snowed, so my mom comes by and asks me to go shovel the driveway. No problem. I go out, shovel for half an hour or so, come back in, go back to my room... and find that my mom had randomly decided to change my bed sheets. So there she was, re-making my bed, and of course she had found the Playboys, and had stacked them neatly on my bedside table. I just stand there by the door looking like , and she sees me and laughs. Not an uncomfortable laughter or an evil laughter, she just thought the situation was funny.
I went away, and she finished the bed. When I came back later, I found that she had neatly placed a Playboy on each pillow like they were chocolate mints in a hotel.
There are worse things than having a conversation about how it's bad.
Example:
Back when I was living at my parents' place, I had some of those playboy specials Gim mentioned, and I kept them in my bed, under my pillow. I liked waking up and seeing naked ladies, what can I say. And since I make my own bed, it's no problem.
Then one afternoon, it snowed, so my mom comes by and asks me to go shovel the driveway. No problem. I go out, shovel for half an hour or so, come back in, go back to my room... and find that my mom had randomly decided to change my bed sheets. So there she was, re-making my bed, and of course she had found the Playboys, and had stacked them neatly on my bedside table. I just stand there by the door looking like , and she sees me and laughs. Not an uncomfortable laughter or an evil laughter, she just thought the situation was funny.
I went away, and she finished the bed. When I came back later, I found that she had neatly placed a Playboy on each pillow like they were chocolate mints in a hotel.
This right here. I want to be your mother. I would like to have the security and down to earthiness to react the same way your obviously awesome mother did. I like the last part where she puts them on your pillow like mints.
Mom2Kat on
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
This right here. I want to be your mother. I would like to have the security and down to earthiness to react the same way your obviously awesome mother did. I like the last part where she puts them on your pillow like mints.
I believe that was the second time she found my Playboys. As I recall, the first time went like this.
So I have those Playboy specials Gim mentioned, and I'm getting bored looking at them, but I won't throw them out (I never throw anything out, I'm just like that), so I decide to stash them somewhere. I put them in a storage drawer (I have a lot of those, since I never throw anything out), under some old, large and massive picture albums we never look at.
Months pass. I forget about them entirely.
So now it's months later, I'm sitting in the living room one evening having a drink with my dad, my mom and my brother. We start remembering old childhood stories, talking about the good old days, and on a whim my parents decide they feel like looking at old pictures. "Where are the albums?", they ask. "In the bottom drawer of the second cabinet", I tell them. "I'll go get them!", my mom volunteers. And she goes, and a minute later comes back with the picture albums in question. We start looking at them. And as we're staring at childhood pictures, my mom mentions casually, in passing, "By the way Richy, you should have warned me that's where you keep your Playboys. It was a surprise."
I had the weirdest freakin' conversation with my mom a couple days ago, on the phone.
Me: Hi, mom, I was wondering when you and dad'll be back from [where ever]
Mom: Why?
Me:...just wondering?
Mom: Oh...uh...do you, uhm, want me to take longer?
Me:....what?
Mom: [Boyfriend] is over right? You want me to take longer?
Me:...What!? No, We were ordering pizza, and wanted to time it right so it would still be hot when you guys get home. Jesus Christ, Mom.
I never got caught with my internet porn. I looked at it all the time. The only time I came close to being caught that I recall was when my mother's computer that was in my mother's room, for some reason, had a window open to sex.com. I got accused, of course. But I genuinely didn't do it. My explanation of "There's a computer in the basement. Why would I go into my parents' room and then leave it up on the screen so I could go downstairs and watch TV?" That convinced them it was just a very convincing pop up.
I still don't know what the hell had gone on there. Maybe dad f'd up and left it up there and then blamed it on me.
---
A separate story. Years and years ago. My girlfriend gave me a pair of her panties because she (and I) thought it would be hot for me to have them. When I lived at home, I kept them in one of the inside pockets of a reversible jacket that I had in my closet. I forgot they were in there when I went to college.
Five years later, I move into a house with some friends. It's getting to be winter and I run home to get some stuff. I see my old coat and think "Awesome, now I don't have to spend money on a new coat." I wear it back to my house. Hanging out with my roommates, I point it out to them that it's reversible. I turn it inside out and put it back on. I place my hands in my pockets. Something's in there. My natural reaction is to say out loud to the two of my roommates "What the fuck is in this pocket?" I promptly remove the panties from my pocket and hold them up for all to see. As soon as I realize what I'm holding, I glance at my roommates who are both making the o_O face.
jotate on
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
edited February 2008
There's a really fine line between cool mom and criminally negligent bitch who thinks that God will handle everything so it's ok that her fucked up kids are doing coke and owe me money gaaahh
I never got caught with my internet porn. I looked at it all the time. The only time I came close to being caught that I recall was when my mother's computer that was in my mother's room, for some reason, had a window open to sex.com. I got accused, of course. But I genuinely didn't do it. My explanation of "There's a computer in the basement. Why would I go into my parents' room and then leave it up on the screen so I could go downstairs and watch TV?" That convinced them it was just a very convincing pop up.
I still don't know what the hell had gone on there. Maybe dad f'd up and left it up there and then blamed it on me.
You need to casually drop this into a conversation somewhere, with a subtle accusation. The truth must be found out, then posted on the intertrons for the delight of many.
My mom said 'if you're going to have sex for god's sake keep it down.' And ever since we've had the ability to do the hanky panky whenever. It was embarassing at first but nifty in the end.
Urgh, the first recorded instance of my parents finding out about my sexually active side was actually pretty recently; about a year ago now.
My missus at the time and I had just done the deed while the rest of the family was at work. Afterwards we hopped in the shower and I hear my mums car coming back from work early Mum hasn't even met said missus before and she doesn't really like strangers in the house... (Then theres the whole fact that my mum loves one of my female friends and is nearly begging me to date her, but thats another story).
I suddenly realise that I've left my bedroom door open, which my mum will walk past on the way to the kitchen. Think clothes (of female origin) all over the place, messed up sheets etc. Oh, and I have a naked girl in the shower with no towel because the linen closet is down the hall. Once I saw that the coast was clear we dried off and cleaned everything up. After the fastest introduction to my unimpressed Mum in history, she exited stage left haha.
Mum didn't bring up the topic later, but she gave me 'the look of disapproval'. You all know what I'm talkn about
ha, I guess I'll throw one down about the mum. So two weeks ago I got my tongue pierced (had to take my eyebrow one out because of migration, thought I'd get something else), and while I knew mum wouldn't make too much fuss about it, I didn't really want to deal with it. She's not extremely rational or constant, so I usually avoid sketchy interaction with her. Fast-forward to this Sunday - I'm making dinner for her on one of our irregular visits. We're doing the usual interrogation routine while I'm letting the pasta cook, and I'm not really thinking, so I go to stretch/yawn. Right in the middle of it, that point where you're completely stretched out and relaxed, she bursts out "OH MY GOD YOU GOT YOUR TONGUE PIERCED!!11!" The sheer force of her exclamation snaps me out of the stretch in that oh-so-unpleasant way. Then, of course...
"tongue, tongue, what does that mean again?"
"hm, wot?"
"isn't that sexual?"
"huh? what do you mean?" *focuses on pasta*
"well, I just thought...I didn't mean to imply...no, forget about it."
After that the usual pattern of alternating accusals and apologies started up, not to mention the "don't get anybody pregnant...just don't have sex!" talks. Things are always awkward with her.
METAzraeL on
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
Well, the tongue piercing is for oral sex leading to intercourse which... yeah. All of which is predicated on the assumption of hetero sex, as opposed to not being gay and yet somehow having her first thought come to mind that it's for his man.
Good god. I don't know what's worse. That I spelled it out, or that I did it badly.
Since porn-and-parents stories are the order of the day, here's one.
Toward the end of high school, my younger brother and I were talking about the journalistic quality of skin mags for some reason, and I mentioned that I'd read part of an article online that turned out to be in Penthouse originally (something political-ish, I forget) and that I was kind of surprised by how good it was. Anyway, we were having this conversation within earshot of my extremely liberal, hippie-ish dad.
So later on, I go upstairs to my bedroom and there's a Penthouse on my bed. I go "huh" and pick it up to flip through it, as one tends to do with surprise porn.
My dad shows up in the doorway and sees me holding the Penthouse. Him: "Oh, you said you liked that article, so I figured you might want to finish it."
Me: "Um. Okay. Thanks."
Him: "Yeah, your granddad has a subscription, and he passes them along to [my uncle], and he gives them to me when he's done. Let me know if you want them and I'll pass them to you."
Me: "Er."
Him: "Oh, and [my brother] would probably like to read that, too."
And off he went, leaving me with a copy of Penthouse that had been perused by not one but three members of my immediate family. Sort of the Circle of Porn. (I didn't turn down the future magazines, though.)
Posts
He had a webcam set up on his computer for chatting. Well, he started a chat with someone not realizing that I was out of the room to take a shower. I came back in and started changing, and he goes "Umm, dude, the webcam is on, and I'm chatting with a girl."
I very quickly got the towel back up and then myself behind the bed. Then he goes, "Its cool though, she says you have a nice ass."
So for the rest of that summer any time he was chatting with her, he would say something like "You gonna strip again for her?"
again, not to oldpost, but is there some sort of unspoken rule about this? if a person is related to a cop, and they did something stupid, but not like, heinous, then you let them off? it's happened to me and my friend who has a dad-cop....how does this work, exactly? and more importantly, why?
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
I hadn't.
Ahahaha, owned.
hahahahah, this is great.
I was getting ready to go to a concert with a few friends (it was at Fiddler's Green, for anyone who knows Denver). It was one of those all-day things, so we knew that we'd get hungry eventually, and rather than buy 5 dollar hotdogs and 3 dollar cokes all day, we stocked up on a bunch of food from the grocery store before going in. We got a bunch of stuff; lunch meat, bread, chips, drinks, donut holes, and more. Of course, as we're walking in (and I don't know why we didn't think of this), they tell us that there's no outside food or drinks inside. We had walked from a friend's house a couple miles away, so we didn't have access to a car, so we had to figure out what to do with the food. We ended up finding some trees not too far away, and we stashed about half the stuff behind them, and smuggled the rest inside in our pockets.
So we get out of the concert that night, around 10:30 or 11:00, and grab the food that we stashed and started walking back to the friend's house. Since we're all pretty hungry, we start devouring the donut holes, while walking and talking. I noticed that they seemed kind of stale, which wasn't a big deal, but they were more stale then I thought donuts should be after one day. I'm no donut expert, though, and since I was hungry, it didn't bother me enough to stop.
After a few minutes, when the holes were about half gone, we happend to pass under a streetlight as I reached for my next one, and as I looked down, I saw that they were just swarming with ants. I looked at my hand, and I saw that there were ants all along my hand, sleeve, and chest. I said something like "oh, shit", and dropped the box and started brushing myself off. One of the girls with us I knew was terrified of bugs, in general (moths in particular, but that's a whole different issue), so I didn't want to say anything. We passed under another streetlight, though, and when she saw, she freaked out something fierce.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, look before you eat.
This.
The camera was understandable I suppose. He would sometimes be at the hospital for days at a time, and couldn't figure out who was stealing from him. We didn't know for months that K's sisters had keys to the house. Fucking cunts.
Seriously. Getting stuff stolen from you, especially repeatedly, is annoying as hell.
Then see if anybody notices over the course of say, a week.
Anyhow, embarrassing stories about jerking it: I remember, back in the day of 56k connections, I was on the PC, downloading porn movies and doing my thing. My mum comes into the room, I hurriedly hide everything and she starts to have a full blown conversation with me, I'm chatting, my erection now officially killed and such, and I think I'm in the clear.
This conversation goes on for about 5 minutes, then all of a sudden I spot something out of the corner of my eye.
See, on 56k, it sometimes took a few minutes for shitty 30 second clips to download, and I'd set it to play once it downloaded. My mum was looking out of the window, whilst on the computer screen 3 feet away there was some guy banging the hell out of this woman.
I kept talking to my mum, before lurching over to my monitor and whacking the power button, my mum didn't say a thing. I'm still not sure if my mum knew what I was doing, and came up to interrupt and embarrass me, or if she never figured it out, and quite frankly, I'm too scared to ask.
This story takes place shortly after Halloween a few years ago. Bob had made this awesome KISS costume for a Halloween office party, which none of us (his intimate circle of childhood friends) had seen since none of us work with him. So one random night a half-dozen of us are at another friend's place, just chillin', Bob comes over and brings his digital camera on which his Halloween costume pictures were. We hook it up to the TV, gather around and start going through the pictures. It really was a nice costume, so we were all focused on the screen as we flipped from KISS picture to KISS picture.... to a picture of Bob taking a sexy evocative pose for a dating website. We just burst into incontrollable laughter, as behind us we heard Bob curse "fuck those are there too?!" We flipped and laughed through the entire sexy evocative set, over Bob's objections. That was fun (for us; Bob didn't seem to appreciate).
Cut to me in school. It dawns on me that I had not properly returned the Playboy to its stack, but had instead carelessly left it in the folds of my bed covers. Oh, how I hoped and hoped that no one went into my room to clean up while I was out. Please let it be a slack day as far as chores were concerned.
Cut to me coming home that afternoon. I walk into my room. The bed is made. I walk into my parents room. I get some very nasty and disappointed looking scowls. They never said anything about it, though. That was the odd part.
In later years I would get busted a couple of times for looking at porn online. At no point did they ever attempt to explain why it was wrong, they just assumed I knew why. It's great to be raised by uptight upper-lower-middle class WASPy liberals; not a damn bit of communication. Or maybe it was just me.
It is uncomfortable, and especially re:intertubes and forgetting to clear histories, you have to live with the knowledge that you had a discussion with your parents about why you should not look at... well, the horrible shit a 13-year-old with unsupervised internet access looks at.
...
Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind
Example:
Back when I was living at my parents' place, I had some of those playboy specials Gim mentioned, and I kept them in my bed, under my pillow. I liked waking up and seeing naked ladies, what can I say. And since I make my own bed, it's no problem.
Then one afternoon, it snowed, so my mom comes by and asks me to go shovel the driveway. No problem. I go out, shovel for half an hour or so, come back in, go back to my room... and find that my mom had randomly decided to change my bed sheets. So there she was, re-making my bed, and of course she had found the Playboys, and had stacked them neatly on my bedside table. I just stand there by the door looking like
I went away, and she finished the bed. When I came back later, I found that she had neatly placed a Playboy on each pillow like they were chocolate mints in a hotel.
This right here. I want to be your mother. I would like to have the security and down to earthiness to react the same way your obviously awesome mother did. I like the last part where she puts them on your pillow like mints.
Was your mom otherwise cool?
So I have those Playboy specials Gim mentioned, and I'm getting bored looking at them, but I won't throw them out (I never throw anything out, I'm just like that), so I decide to stash them somewhere. I put them in a storage drawer (I have a lot of those, since I never throw anything out), under some old, large and massive picture albums we never look at.
Months pass. I forget about them entirely.
So now it's months later, I'm sitting in the living room one evening having a drink with my dad, my mom and my brother. We start remembering old childhood stories, talking about the good old days, and on a whim my parents decide they feel like looking at old pictures. "Where are the albums?", they ask. "In the bottom drawer of the second cabinet", I tell them. "I'll go get them!", my mom volunteers. And she goes, and a minute later comes back with the picture albums in question. We start looking at them. And as we're staring at childhood pictures, my mom mentions casually, in passing, "By the way Richy, you should have warned me that's where you keep your Playboys. It was a surprise."
I could only reply
yah your mom sounds funny and pretty cool. although i'm sure it that didn't take away from the embarrassment.
Me: Hi, mom, I was wondering when you and dad'll be back from [where ever]
Mom: Why?
Me:...just wondering?
Mom: Oh...uh...do you, uhm, want me to take longer?
Me:....what?
Mom: [Boyfriend] is over right? You want me to take longer?
Me:...What!? No, We were ordering pizza, and wanted to time it right so it would still be hot when you guys get home. Jesus Christ, Mom.
....
I guess I could say she's a pretty rockin' mom.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
I still don't know what the hell had gone on there. Maybe dad f'd up and left it up there and then blamed it on me.
---
A separate story. Years and years ago. My girlfriend gave me a pair of her panties because she (and I) thought it would be hot for me to have them. When I lived at home, I kept them in one of the inside pockets of a reversible jacket that I had in my closet. I forgot they were in there when I went to college.
Five years later, I move into a house with some friends. It's getting to be winter and I run home to get some stuff. I see my old coat and think "Awesome, now I don't have to spend money on a new coat." I wear it back to my house. Hanging out with my roommates, I point it out to them that it's reversible. I turn it inside out and put it back on. I place my hands in my pockets. Something's in there. My natural reaction is to say out loud to the two of my roommates "What the fuck is in this pocket?" I promptly remove the panties from my pocket and hold them up for all to see. As soon as I realize what I'm holding, I glance at my roommates who are both making the o_O face.
You need to casually drop this into a conversation somewhere, with a subtle accusation. The truth must be found out, then posted on the intertrons for the delight of many.
Well played, Eddy.
Damnit, you beat me to it.
When I read that, I did one of those chuckles that's mostly blowing a little air out of your nose, and I accidentally blew out a nearby candle.
My missus at the time and I had just done the deed while the rest of the family was at work. Afterwards we hopped in the shower and I hear my mums car coming back from work early
I suddenly realise that I've left my bedroom door open, which my mum will walk past on the way to the kitchen. Think clothes (of female origin) all over the place, messed up sheets etc. Oh, and I have a naked girl in the shower with no towel because the linen closet is down the hall. Once I saw that the coast was clear we dried off and cleaned everything up. After the fastest introduction to my unimpressed Mum in history, she exited stage left haha.
Mum didn't bring up the topic later, but she gave me 'the look of disapproval'. You all know what I'm talkn about
"tongue, tongue, what does that mean again?"
"hm, wot?"
"isn't that sexual?"
"huh? what do you mean?" *focuses on pasta*
"well, I just thought...I didn't mean to imply...no, forget about it."
After that the usual pattern of alternating accusals and apologies started up, not to mention the "don't get anybody pregnant...just don't have sex!" talks. Things are always awkward with her.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
Most of my vaguely-formed thoughts would probably require a lot of stretching, probably some Yoga.
Good god. I don't know what's worse. That I spelled it out, or that I did it badly.
Toward the end of high school, my younger brother and I were talking about the journalistic quality of skin mags for some reason, and I mentioned that I'd read part of an article online that turned out to be in Penthouse originally (something political-ish, I forget) and that I was kind of surprised by how good it was. Anyway, we were having this conversation within earshot of my extremely liberal, hippie-ish dad.
So later on, I go upstairs to my bedroom and there's a Penthouse on my bed. I go "huh" and pick it up to flip through it, as one tends to do with surprise porn.
My dad shows up in the doorway and sees me holding the Penthouse. Him: "Oh, you said you liked that article, so I figured you might want to finish it."
Me: "Um. Okay. Thanks."
Him: "Yeah, your granddad has a subscription, and he passes them along to [my uncle], and he gives them to me when he's done. Let me know if you want them and I'll pass them to you."
Me: "Er."
Him: "Oh, and [my brother] would probably like to read that, too."
And off he went, leaving me with a copy of Penthouse that had been perused by not one but three members of my immediate family.
I mean, I stole my Dad's porn stash, sure just like every other kid, but to inherit it? While he's still alive? And it's not originally his?
*boggle*