This is a miniphalla.
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Thief of Time
The Auditors of Reality are celestial bureaucrats. They make sure that gravity works, file the appropriate paperwork for each chemical reaction, and so forth. The Auditors hate life, because it's messy and unpredictable, which makes them fall behind on their paperwork; they much prefer barren balls of rock orbiting stars in neat, easily predictable elliptical paths. They really hate humans and other sentient beings, who are much more messy and unpredictable than other living things.
And so the Auditors have come to Discworld in yet another attempt to restore order and harmony to the universe. To do that, they have enlisted the quietly mad watchmaker Jeremy Clockson and his assistant Igor to construct a glass clock that, when activated, will stop time. Yes, all of it. This may have some unfortunate side effects, such as the Apocralypse (so named because it is an apocryphal apocalypse, nobody is sure when it will happen, how it will happen, and whether it will happen in the here-and-now sense).
The Auditors' plan will succeed in six days unless someone stops them first. Unfortunately for them, someone has just arrived.
Tick
Game will start at 10PM TONIGHT.
Rules:
Each night you will
!vote one of your own to be apprehended by the Watch. The vote ends nightly at
10pm EST.
If you have an ability, you must PM me before the vote closes. ONE PM PER DAY. I will ignore any subsequent PMs and be angry that you are taking up my valuable Inbox space.
All normal Phalla rules apply. No PM copying, screen shots, etc. No contacting the living if dead, no anonymous contact. Provide me with links to any private boards.
Inactive Rule: Post meaningfully. One post per day minimum, and if you just stop by to vote, you will reach the end of cake (i.e. be removed from the game and replaced).
No sharing or quoting of PMs with the host.
This Miniphalla will last a total of 6 days.
Sign up in
Lime.
Clarifications may be made in
Some form of orangeTickList of current Auditors1: TheLawinator - Mr Pink - Death by chocolate2: Wildcat - Mr Cyan - Beaten to death
3: DevoutlyApathetic
4: Ryadic - Mr Puce - Another window bites the dust5: FunkyWaltDogg - Mr Brown - Decapitated
6: Edcrab
7: [STRIKE]PolloDiablo[/STRIKE] Durax - Miss Taupe - Disembowelled8: SpeedySwaf - Mr Magenta - Throttled
9: JoschuaESQ
10: Oatway - Mr Black - Defenestrated
11: Cynic Jester
12: TehSloth
13: Mr. Defecation
14: [strike]Darkblade_1[/strike] Toxic Toys - Mr Indigo Violet - Statued15: eecc - Mr Blue - Cut in twain16: Marshmallow - Mr Grey - Mixed-sex bacchanaled17: Cold Salmon and Hatred - Jeremy Clockson - Frozen in time18: FreeAgent - Igor - Gave notice19: Obbi - Mr Cerulean - Kicked to death20: Maximus - Mr Beige - Fisted
21: Fembot
22: Red Bird
23: Lignisse - Lobsang Ludd - Under arrest24: Trust - Ronnie Soak (Kaos) - Sulking at the dairy25: El Skid - Mr Orange - Force fed delicious deathTickReserves
1: [strike]Toxic Toys[/strike]
2: [strike]Durax[/strike]
3: cheez
4: Frostmist
TickVillager Role PM
You are an Auditor of Reality! You don't actually call yourself that; in fact, you didn't call yourself anything until you became corporeal a few hours ago. Now you call yourself
MR/MISS COLOR because it is a color you have decided to like.
As an Auditor, you are charged with the task of ensuring that time is successfully stopped. Unfortunately, there are feeble humans out there trying to stop you, so you have to stop them first. You must get rid of all those who would stand in your way for your mission to succeed.
Every day, you must
!vote for someone to be kicked out of the museum and arrested by the Watch. The clock is ticking. You want to be there when it stops. Forever.
TickNight 1 ResultsTheLawinator - Mr Pink - Death by chocolate
Oatway - Mr Black - Defenestrated
Wildcat - Mr Cyan - Beaten to deathNight 2 ResultsFunkyWaltDogg - Mr Brown - Decapitated
Obbi - Mr Cerulean - Kicked to deathTrust - Ronnie Soak (Kaos) - Sulking at the dairyNight 3 ResultsEl Skid - Mr Orange - Force fed delicious death
Ryadic - Mr Puce - Another window bites the dustNight 4 ResultsToxic Toys - Mr Indigo Violet - Statued
eecc - Mr Blue - Cut in twainLignisse - Lobsang Ludd - Under arrestNight 5 resultsSpeedySwaf - Mr Magenta - Throttled
Marshmallow - Mr Grey - Mixed-sex bacchanaledFreeAgent - Igor - Gave noticeNight 6 resultsMaximus - Mr Beige - Fisted
Durax - Miss Taupe - DisembowelledCold Salmon and Hatred - Jeremy Clockson - Frozen in time
Posts
Night 1: Death By Chocolate
Night 2: Of Murder and Milkmen
Night 3: Running Out of Windows
Night 4: Arrested Development
Night 5: Dusting Off the Resume
Night 6: Apocralypse Now
Is it a sign up? Is it a request? Only time will tell.
I urge you all to remember rule 1.
Um, yes?
!Sign up
I would say so. But you are still more than welcome to help me run it. :P
Which rule 1?
Count me in!
Never read any of these books, maybe I should?
Just remember Rule 1, and you'll be fine.
Look here you, are you signing up or not? I demand answers!
You've never heard of any rule 1 having to do with smiling old men?
As an aside I'm totally blaming Quoth for making me want the 2008 Discworld calender book. It's already half over with!
My name is Quoth, and I approve your avatar.
:^:
And poor old Ryadic has never had the pleasure of reading Thief of Time :P
>.<
No, but after checking it out on Wikipedia, I think I'll read it after the Wheel of Time.
If so, !sign up
So the thing you're not getting and why the above joke falls flat is this: Auditors are very literal (are in fact like incarnations of literalness) and so a sign that says Left while pointing right causes them deep and abiding problems. They will simply not be able to understand that a statement like this could be incorrect.
Thus, my original bit. Your reaction is very close to what would be expected from an auditor to the above comments in the thread.
!Signup
EDIT:
This time, no dying on day one *crosses fingers / shakes fist at heavens
So yes, Quoth, I attempted to sign up.
twitch.tv/tehsloth
Steam
Shit yes Discphalla!
Quick, someone give me some chocolate.
You're drawn to my eccentric Brawl Code: 4596 9143 4529
Curses! Now which phalla do I design a new avatar for?