okay, here's the plan. first thing in the morning, you call her and ask her to lunch. If you fuck this up I swear to god heads will roll
heads will fucking roll
Do this, except definitely not first thing in the morning. That's not a good time to ask anybody out.
Agreed.
Try for a lunch date instead. See if there is a local Deli/Cafe/sandwich shop you can take her out to. Look up some info about the area surrounding that would make for a nice mid-day date. Call her up around 11ish and say you heard about this sandwich place and you wanted to go with her.
What do you want her to do to show you she's interested? I swear to god, the only thing she hasn't done that is blindingly obvious is just straight up yell at you to date her over and over until you finally do.
If you do ask her and she says no, then I will know, because I'll notice the planets aligning above me as Hell freezes over below me. I might be distracted though as I would have just been struck by lighting (twice) while winning the lottery, all upon the back of a velociraptor I had just tamed in the wild and ridden around all day without anyone noticing.
Seriously. The size of the hints she has been giving you ever since she saw you are reminiscent Super Metroid's Kraid. If one were to record the instances you speak of, it could be marketed as a how-to video for women trying to express their desire to date a guy without actually asking him out because it covers every classic tactic I've ever heard of.
How do you NOT screw this opportunity up? It's easy. Man the fuck up and ask her out on a date. What you're doing right now? That's what we like to call Screwing the Hell Up. Opportunity has been pummeling your face for a while now, it's only a matter of time before It gets tired of beating the fact that this girl likes you into your head and just leaves.
Or, hey. Would you rather just be safe? Just never mention the fact that you have a thing for her to her at all, and let it simmer in the little pressure cooker that is your mind until you can't stand it and she says "hey you had your chance, I made it painfully obvious to you, now I'm with Ricardo" or whatever. That will be real great for your friendship that you value so much.
Either way, whether you get a yes or a no back, it's better than not asking at all. If she says yes (which she will, like, there is a 100% chance of that happening) then hey woo girlfriend. If she says no, then hey you know now not to expect anything more than what you have.
What you're doing right now is nothing. That'd be all fine and great if you could do that without time passing, but you can't. You can't pause real life and think about every possible thing that could go wrong and prepare for it. Every second you waste reading this thread or concocting another incorporeal reason not to ask her out is a second she has to reconsider her EXTREMELY OBVIOUS attraction to you. And what happens if you find out down the road that she did have a thing for you, but then it faded due to your inaction? That is a feeling you never want to feel. Trust me.
So, ask her out. If you haven't asked her out by this time tomorrow, that is, 24 hours from now, I will hunt you down and cut off your penis. There is absolutely no legitimate reason for you to not ask her out in between now and then. Nothing. You may note that I didn't say "pretty much" no legitimate reason or "probably" no legitimate reason. Nothing you can conceivably come up with is something I or anyone else would consider legitimate. Just fucking do it. God damn. The only time I've seen women be as obvious as the one you're talking about was at a party where everyone was superdrunk. I pray that some day I might find a woman I'm interested in who is half as obvious as yours. If she's at a funeral mourning the death of her mom tomorrow, send her a text after the service. That is how important this shit is.
I mean, jesus fucking christ man, doesn't it even register in your head that the fact that she hung out with a dude other than you is seen as some really strange occurrence is in itself a really obvious sign that she's interested in you? "Oh, there was one night recently where she wasn't all over me with a puddle of drool forming under her. I lost my chance guys. You know, the chance I refused to acknowledge until right when it was too late." Fuck that shit.
You're just trying to make up excuses to stay in your comfort zone and you want her to do all the work. No. You don't get to. If you want to be happy, then you will have to step outside of your comfort zone and lay it on the line. If you do not, then you fail. There are few things in life as simple as this. There is no grey area. This is black and white. Your mind is making it seem so crazy because you do not want to step out of your comfort zone. You are setting yourself up to fail. Stop.
You know what, fuck it. When you read this post, if it is a decent time of day (that is, between the hours of 11 AM-11 PM), call her and ask her out on a date. As in right now. If it's not that time of day when you read this, do it at 11 AM the next day.
Christ.
Strain 121 on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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The Black HunterThe key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered Userregular
edited June 2008
or if it is late afternoon or evening call her for a date tommorrow
I am becoming progressively more enraged as I read this thread. Penguin, you should have been all over this shit a few days ago. Make a move already. Besides, it already looks as though if you don't, a Penguin Otaku Castration Task Force might be formed.
Holy shit, ask her out already. Hanging out with another guy at college absolutely doesn't mean anything; I typically hung out with anywhere from 15 to 25 people, guys and girls, and all it meant was that I lived in the dorms and people liked watching movies with other people.
Seriously, the only thing she could do to make herself more obvious is to write her name on your ass as a mark of ownership. I've been reading this thread for ages and you're femme-blueballing me.
Penguin, if you were one of my friends, I would've already stolen this girl from you because of your indecisiveness. Just to prove a point to you. And to shame you.
Call this girl up, today. Who gives a shit if she's going to hang out with some guy tonight
Penguin, I understand where you're coming from with this, since my first girlfriend basically had to jump me for me to get the hint that she liked me. A while after we had started dating she told me how frustrated and disappointed she had been that I had never made a move. Ever since then I've always pushed myself to be more assertive in pursuing and asking women out.
The point is ask her out. The worst thing that happens is that she says no and you stay good friends. Stop being a wuss.
I asked her earlier if she wanted to do anything (like catch a movie), this was around 12, and its been a good part of the day since then. She said she wasn't sure and would call me later. Well, she hasn't called yet and I'm a bit on the antsy side, but nevertheless I still feel like its hopeless.
I'm glad this thread got reported to Awesome Posts because IT'S THE STUPIDEST GIRL THREAD IN H/A EVER.
It's not like you can even have a reasonable fear of rejection.
"Oh hey, no, I'm not going to ask you out even though there's a 99% certainty that you'll say yes, because I was actually castrated at birth and I don't actually have any balls. No testosterone here! Enjoy your Photoshop!"
EDIT: ASK HER ON A DATE. TELL HER IT IS A DATE. MAKE IT... A DATE. You can't just ask a girl if she wants to hang out today (after you've done a great job of blowing her off) when she might have other plans. ASK HER ON A DATE FOR THURSDAY, PICK HER UP AT 7:30.
I asked her earlier if she wanted to do anything (like catch a movie), this was around 12, and its been a good part of the day since then. She said she wasn't sure and would call me later. Well, she hasn't called yet and I'm a bit on the antsy side, but nevertheless I still feel like its hopeless.
Man, trying to make plans for a Saturday night that very afternoon is just asking for trouble. You can practically guarantee she had other plans. Now if she calls back and says she can go, that means she cancelled plans to be with you, so fucking make the best of it. If she says she can't go, it's because you sprung it on her last-minute. What you should do is make plans for, say, the next day. Like tomorrow. A Sunday. When most college kids don't have shit to do.
So if she says no to tonight, ask to do something tomorrow. Whatever you do, don't take a no to tonight as a rejection, because you didn't really give yourself much chance for success on that.
Houk the Namebringer on
0
FalloutGIRL'S DAYWAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered Userregular
edited June 2008
Yeah dude, even if she says no to the movie then just ask her out for coffee or to the fair or something
if you give up after less than ten honest and complete attempts at asking her out, i swear to god I will throw a six-pack of molotov cocktails right on top of the Sooner Schooner
I asked her earlier if she wanted to do anything (like catch a movie), this was around 12, and its been a good part of the day since then. She said she wasn't sure and would call me later. Well, she hasn't called yet and I'm a bit on the antsy side, but nevertheless I still feel like its hopeless.
please tell me you at least made it clear that you wanted to take her out on a date and not just hang out with a friend. with all of the signals she's sent you that you hadn't responded to, she's probably pretty unsure how you view her.
Eh. She chose her original plans tonight. Going to a friends' house (I'm going to assume its a guy, because she's a girl who seems to make guy-friends) for whatever. I told her to call me when she got back, but... I don't know. I asked her to call me earlier, as well.
Ok. I get that her spending time with another guy means next to nothing. Yet, putting myself out on a limb to see if she even likes me in the same way scares the piss out of me.
I'm afraid I'm in the friends-zone already.
1) The other day when we were going to get food before the Finals game (I paid, no worries) she was telling me that all of her exes tended to choose the "bros before hos" mindset. I told her I never did that and never really liked that idea. Nevertheless, it seemed like a friendly thing to bring up.
2) Her mom called while we were watching the game. Something awesome happened, I yelled in excitement and her mom said, "Who was that?" "A friend of mine, Penguin."
On #2, I grant that sometimes we don't like to tell our parents things. Even so, if you're unsure of how someone may feel for you or if there's uncertainty, "Friend" is probably the best thing to call someone.
I'm pretty sure that she's into some other guy. Thats ok with me, she can do as she pleases. It was just that over the week we saw each other every night and well, I miss her after not seeing her for two. (Tonight is still open, I guess, but is looking more and more bleak.)
I want this to work. I'm willing to come out of my comfort zone for this, but... gosh dammit. I just don't know.
She wants you to miss her. Thats the god damn point.
Look. Penguin. I'm like you. I get scared as shit over this stuff, but in my defense, I'm horrible at reading signs, and I'm usually wrong. I usually have people saying "Yeah, I dunno either".
This is an obvious case. It doesn't have to be romantic. It doesn't have to be subtle. Next time you hang out, which needs to be soon, straight up tell her you're interested in her, and ask if she'd want to go out together.
Its not easy, for people like us, but god damnit do it. I promise you, the results, either way, will be better if you do nothing.
I want this to work. I'm willing to come out of my comfort zone for this, but... gosh dammit. I just don't know.
You don't have to know! Let me tell you a story.
One time I asked a girl out on a date, and she said no. Do you know what happened after that? I got on with my life, no harm done. I am happily married to a different girl now.
I promise you, even on the slight chance that she doesn't go out with you (and based on what I've read so far, I agree with everyone that this is extremely unlikely), you will feel better if you find out for sure.
I want this to work. I'm willing to come out of my comfort zone for this, but... gosh dammit. I just don't know.
I believe we can turn to that most erudite of philosophers here, Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take"
Take your god damn shot. There are no sure things, but you'll be a better, wiser, man for taking the risk of asking her out regardless of her response.
You're looking for excuses not to do something you actually want to do out of fear, hesitation, awkwardnesses, whatever. Do you really want to get stuck in analysis paralysis here?
Here's another story. There was this girl who was a really good friend of mine. I liked her and had been interested in her for a couple of years (so possibly verging on creepy). After a couple of months of procrastination (for predictable reasons), I asked her out. And we're dating.
It can go either way. Don't worry about the window. Just ask. Don't worry about whether she has other male friends and whether or not she's interested in any of them. Just ask. Don't worry about anything else. Just ask. Clear your mind and forget about whatever comfort zones you've set up for yourself. Just ask.
Ending a thought with "... gosh dammit. I just don't know." is a sign that you will either procrastinate on the matter or never address it. I do this all the time and, whenever I end a thought with that, I do nothing. It's not the way you should end thoughts this important.
Dear God, man, read the other posts and just ask her out for your own safety if nothing else.
you should go all out self depracating saying you realize how much a tool you have been but really want to ask her out... you know, then ask her out in the process
I'm going to not give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your 'asking her out to a movie' was unclear and ambiguous.
Rules for asking someone out:
1. The date must be at least a few days away from the asking time.
2. If its not obvious that the event will be a date, then use the word 'date'.
3. A dinner is a better first date than a movie.
Also I have no idea anymore if the girl likes you or not, because your self defeatist attitude is infectious. But those two things you used as examples for her not liking you are not even remotely relevant. What would you want her to say to her mum? "I'm just hanging out with a guy I like but I'm not sure whether he likes me... he hasn't made a move yet. I can't really talk right now though..."
so, let me get this straight, you asked her to go out with less than 24 hours notice and consider it hopeless because she chose to stick with plans she had previously made?
GIRLS NEED NOTICE. hell, there are a multitude of books on dating that tell us, over and over again, to not be "too available" and make sure that we don't drop all our plans to go date someone. Ask her on, say, Tuesday to go out on Friday or Saturday. Give her time to make plans, not force her to cancel ones that she's already set up
I'm afraid I'm in the friends-zone already.
1) The other day when we were going to get food before the Finals game (I paid, no worries) she was telling me that all of her exes tended to choose the "bros before hos" mindset. I told her I never did that and never really liked that idea. Nevertheless, it seemed like a friendly thing to bring up.
Just re-reading this and, I'm being totally honest here, I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with the "friends zone" and also why this would seem like a friendly thing to bring up. Perhaps I'm being incredibly thick here, but I can't see the coherence in this.
So if I were to see her right now, I'd be swinging full of confidence and would tell her. (I just got back from playing some blackjack and won a whopping $5. So thats why I'm swagger is up.) I would take over to the balcony and say something to the extent of,
"Hey. This isn't easy for me to say at all, but I want to say regardless I want to be your friend in the end. But, since we've been hanging out I've started to like you more than just a friend. With that said, I understand if you don't feel the same way, if you do though how does dinner on X sound?"
Probably a little more winded than it needs to be, but its what I had played out in my mind.
Listen, guys. I know I need to at least do this. I know that saying it will help me regardless. If she says yes, maybe things will continue to develop but nevertheless I did ask her. If she says no, we stay friends and I move on.
My inhibition, though is from my past. I've done this, well, twice before. The first began my year and a half relationship with my ex, and the latter was to a girl who I will probably never see again because she lives in Arizona and I felt I needed to tell her.
You know what it took the first time? Her best friend (a guy who, in the end, was the cause of us breaking up.. IRONY) told me that I should ask her out. I continued to ask why and finally he just shook me and told me to do it because she was expecting it. All of my friends were telling me to do it as well. When it happened? It was awkward as balls. I did it though and in the end she thought it was cute. Still, it took about two weeks for me to do it.
The second time? I only had a matter of hours to put myself up to it. I didn't like it, I knew she didn't reciprocate my feelings, but nevertheless I wanted to tell her how I felt. She appreciated it and I told her to enjoy her time in college and to hit me up if she were ever in Oklahoma.
This time? I'm coming off a really bad relationship. Girl dumped me on a night that my car was broken into and I was sick as a dog. The whole day she was a complete bitch to me and she capped it off with that. You think thats bad? The relationship itself (6 months of waiting to see her even though she lives 20 miles away and rarely had an excuse, oh she told me she LOVED at the beginning of those 6 months. For those 6 months it was confined nearly ALL to text messages. I'm a fucking idiot, I know) was terrible.
The thing is, I NEVER thought that anyone could be so cold, callous, selfish, and downright hateful as she was. What I'm afraid of is that its going to happen again. I have NO reason to think that of this girl, though. She, as I have said, is probably one of the most genuine people I have met. Ever. She's sweet, cute, and fun to be around.
So I know I need to do this, but when I've only done this two times (the 6 month text relationship just kinda... happened, long story) and its been about 2 years since I've done it with the actual possibility of something happening. I know. I'm off my game. I'm rusty. Fact of the matter is, I've never HAD game and I've never had anything to rust.
Sure, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of random hookups which I regret, but when it comes to the people that I really care for, that I really might want something with, I choke. I see this great person in them, but I am all but certain they see nothing in me. Its what I've been told for a majority of my life, so I'm afraid out of habit.
Keep the advice coming, I appreciate it and its all been helpful.
Don't pull that, "Well, we'll still be friends if you say no, right?" bullshit. Just ask her. If you make too much of a big deal of asking her, you'll just make it more awkward. Just ask her to get some lunch, or some coffee, or to hang out in a park, or something.
"Hey. This isn't easy for me to say at all, but I want to say regardless I want to be your friend in the end. But, since we've been hanging out I've started to like you more than just a friend. With that said, I understand if you don't feel the same way, if you do though how does dinner on X sound?"
It probably doesn't really make a difference how you do it, if she's really interested one sentence wont screw it up, but this just isn't... smooth.
They're not all like this I'm sure, but girls have told me that they prefer it when guys say something first so they know they're about to be asked out. But telling her that it isn't easy for you to say it, then saying that if she rejects you it doesn't really matter probably aren't the best ways to do that. Maybe something like, "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about..."
Same thing for "I understand if you don't feel the same way" Make her think you're confident, even if you aren't. Confidence is attractive as hell.
edit - Also, and I'm speaking from (recent!) experience here, if you do really like her and she rejects you, being friends with her afterwards isn't the healthiest choice you can make. I know it's hard, but seeing here will fuck you up. It depends on how strong your feelings for her are though I guess. Once she rejects you though you should make it a priority to get over her and find that kind of companionship elsewhere, and being friends with her isn't going to make that easy.
"Hey. This isn't easy for me to say at all, but I want to say regardless I want to be your friend in the end. But, since we've been hanging out I've started to like you more than just a friend. With that said, I understand if you don't feel the same way, if you do though how does dinner on X sound?"
Here's another story. There was this girl who was a really good friend of mine. I liked her and had been interested in her for a couple of years (so possibly verging on creepy). After a couple of months of procrastination (for predictable reasons), I asked her out. And we're dating.
It can go either way. Don't worry about the window. Just ask. Don't worry about whether she has other male friends and whether or not she's interested in any of them. Just ask. Don't worry about anything else. Just ask. Clear your mind and forget about whatever comfort zones you've set up for yourself. Just ask.
Ending a thought with "... gosh dammit. I just don't know." is a sign that you will either procrastinate on the matter or never address it. I do this all the time and, whenever I end a thought with that, I do nothing. It's not the way you should end thoughts this important.
Dear God, man, read the other posts and just ask her out for your own safety if nothing else.
Here's another story. There was this girl who was a really good friend of mine. I liked her and had been interested in her for a couple of years (so possibly verging on creepy). After a couple of months of procrastination (for predictable reasons), I asked her out. And we're dating.
It can go either way. Don't worry about the window. Just ask. Don't worry about whether she has other male friends and whether or not she's interested in any of them. Just ask. Don't worry about anything else. Just ask. Clear your mind and forget about whatever comfort zones you've set up for yourself. Just ask.
Ending a thought with "... gosh dammit. I just don't know." is a sign that you will either procrastinate on the matter or never address it. I do this all the time and, whenever I end a thought with that, I do nothing. It's not the way you should end thoughts this important.
Dear God, man, read the other posts and just ask her out for your own safety if nothing else.
What did you say to her when you asked her out?
"Are we going out going out?" We'd been going out basically every week for a year, but I wasn't sure whether it was a 'just friends' thing or not. There was preamble, though, I didn't just start a conversation with that. As an aside, I know I said exactly that because I asked her over Google Talk - we'd been busy and hadn't seen each other in person for a while. Probably not the best way to ask someone, but it worked. Didn't see each other again for a fortnight, though...
"Hey. This isn't easy for me to say at all, but I want to say regardless I want to be your friend in the end. But, since we've been hanging out I've started to like you more than just a friend. With that said, I understand if you don't feel the same way, if you do though how does dinner on X sound?"
I don't want to discourage you now that you're finally on the path to asking her out. Asking her out is good, you definitely should do that. But that little speech you came up with? That's just plain awful.
Keep the sentiment, but simplify the wording and don't make it so much about you.
Just tell her, "Y'know, hanging out last week was great. I really like being around you. Would you like to go out some time next week, like, on a date?"
It seems like you're making this so much more difficult than it has to be. You're over-analyzing things, and building it up, which makes it harder. I feel bad because you're not exactly an expert at this, and I know that can be hard. I remember when it was hard. I was 15, though. Girls didn't even like that back then. You're in college and that's a serious handicap. I forget how hard it used to be to ask a girl out, but trust me, the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Don't be so down on yourself. You think downplaying your chances will somehow make it not hurt as bad when she says no. Problem is, you're assuming she'll say no, which automatically gives you a disadvantage. Have some confidence that she is interested in you.
Posts
You don't want me to find you.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
Agreed.
Try for a lunch date instead. See if there is a local Deli/Cafe/sandwich shop you can take her out to. Look up some info about the area surrounding that would make for a nice mid-day date. Call her up around 11ish and say you heard about this sandwich place and you wanted to go with her.
Are you serious?
What do you want her to do to show you she's interested? I swear to god, the only thing she hasn't done that is blindingly obvious is just straight up yell at you to date her over and over until you finally do.
If you do ask her and she says no, then I will know, because I'll notice the planets aligning above me as Hell freezes over below me. I might be distracted though as I would have just been struck by lighting (twice) while winning the lottery, all upon the back of a velociraptor I had just tamed in the wild and ridden around all day without anyone noticing.
Seriously. The size of the hints she has been giving you ever since she saw you are reminiscent Super Metroid's Kraid. If one were to record the instances you speak of, it could be marketed as a how-to video for women trying to express their desire to date a guy without actually asking him out because it covers every classic tactic I've ever heard of.
How do you NOT screw this opportunity up? It's easy. Man the fuck up and ask her out on a date. What you're doing right now? That's what we like to call Screwing the Hell Up. Opportunity has been pummeling your face for a while now, it's only a matter of time before It gets tired of beating the fact that this girl likes you into your head and just leaves.
Or, hey. Would you rather just be safe? Just never mention the fact that you have a thing for her to her at all, and let it simmer in the little pressure cooker that is your mind until you can't stand it and she says "hey you had your chance, I made it painfully obvious to you, now I'm with Ricardo" or whatever. That will be real great for your friendship that you value so much.
Either way, whether you get a yes or a no back, it's better than not asking at all. If she says yes (which she will, like, there is a 100% chance of that happening) then hey woo girlfriend. If she says no, then hey you know now not to expect anything more than what you have.
What you're doing right now is nothing. That'd be all fine and great if you could do that without time passing, but you can't. You can't pause real life and think about every possible thing that could go wrong and prepare for it. Every second you waste reading this thread or concocting another incorporeal reason not to ask her out is a second she has to reconsider her EXTREMELY OBVIOUS attraction to you. And what happens if you find out down the road that she did have a thing for you, but then it faded due to your inaction? That is a feeling you never want to feel. Trust me.
So, ask her out. If you haven't asked her out by this time tomorrow, that is, 24 hours from now, I will hunt you down and cut off your penis. There is absolutely no legitimate reason for you to not ask her out in between now and then. Nothing. You may note that I didn't say "pretty much" no legitimate reason or "probably" no legitimate reason. Nothing you can conceivably come up with is something I or anyone else would consider legitimate. Just fucking do it. God damn. The only time I've seen women be as obvious as the one you're talking about was at a party where everyone was superdrunk. I pray that some day I might find a woman I'm interested in who is half as obvious as yours. If she's at a funeral mourning the death of her mom tomorrow, send her a text after the service. That is how important this shit is.
I mean, jesus fucking christ man, doesn't it even register in your head that the fact that she hung out with a dude other than you is seen as some really strange occurrence is in itself a really obvious sign that she's interested in you? "Oh, there was one night recently where she wasn't all over me with a puddle of drool forming under her. I lost my chance guys. You know, the chance I refused to acknowledge until right when it was too late." Fuck that shit.
You're just trying to make up excuses to stay in your comfort zone and you want her to do all the work. No. You don't get to. If you want to be happy, then you will have to step outside of your comfort zone and lay it on the line. If you do not, then you fail. There are few things in life as simple as this. There is no grey area. This is black and white. Your mind is making it seem so crazy because you do not want to step out of your comfort zone. You are setting yourself up to fail. Stop.
You know what, fuck it. When you read this post, if it is a decent time of day (that is, between the hours of 11 AM-11 PM), call her and ask her out on a date. As in right now. If it's not that time of day when you read this, do it at 11 AM the next day.
Christ.
he needs an infraction by the end of the day if they aren't dating
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
Seriously, the only thing she could do to make herself more obvious is to write her name on your ass as a mark of ownership. I've been reading this thread for ages and you're femme-blueballing me.
Call this girl up, today. Who gives a shit if she's going to hang out with some guy tonight
The point is ask her out. The worst thing that happens is that she says no and you stay good friends. Stop being a wuss.
It's not like you can even have a reasonable fear of rejection.
"Oh hey, no, I'm not going to ask you out even though there's a 99% certainty that you'll say yes, because I was actually castrated at birth and I don't actually have any balls. No testosterone here! Enjoy your Photoshop!"
EDIT: ASK HER ON A DATE. TELL HER IT IS A DATE. MAKE IT... A DATE. You can't just ask a girl if she wants to hang out today (after you've done a great job of blowing her off) when she might have other plans. ASK HER ON A DATE FOR THURSDAY, PICK HER UP AT 7:30.
So if she says no to tonight, ask to do something tomorrow. Whatever you do, don't take a no to tonight as a rejection, because you didn't really give yourself much chance for success on that.
if you give up after less than ten honest and complete attempts at asking her out, i swear to god I will throw a six-pack of molotov cocktails right on top of the Sooner Schooner
please tell me you at least made it clear that you wanted to take her out on a date and not just hang out with a friend. with all of the signals she's sent you that you hadn't responded to, she's probably pretty unsure how you view her.
I hate being mean in H/A, but...
this is because you are an idiot
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
Ok. I get that her spending time with another guy means next to nothing. Yet, putting myself out on a limb to see if she even likes me in the same way scares the piss out of me.
I'm afraid I'm in the friends-zone already.
1) The other day when we were going to get food before the Finals game (I paid, no worries) she was telling me that all of her exes tended to choose the "bros before hos" mindset. I told her I never did that and never really liked that idea. Nevertheless, it seemed like a friendly thing to bring up.
2) Her mom called while we were watching the game. Something awesome happened, I yelled in excitement and her mom said, "Who was that?" "A friend of mine, Penguin."
On #2, I grant that sometimes we don't like to tell our parents things. Even so, if you're unsure of how someone may feel for you or if there's uncertainty, "Friend" is probably the best thing to call someone.
I'm pretty sure that she's into some other guy. Thats ok with me, she can do as she pleases. It was just that over the week we saw each other every night and well, I miss her after not seeing her for two. (Tonight is still open, I guess, but is looking more and more bleak.)
I want this to work. I'm willing to come out of my comfort zone for this, but... gosh dammit. I just don't know.
Look. Penguin. I'm like you. I get scared as shit over this stuff, but in my defense, I'm horrible at reading signs, and I'm usually wrong. I usually have people saying "Yeah, I dunno either".
This is an obvious case. It doesn't have to be romantic. It doesn't have to be subtle. Next time you hang out, which needs to be soon, straight up tell her you're interested in her, and ask if she'd want to go out together.
Its not easy, for people like us, but god damnit do it. I promise you, the results, either way, will be better if you do nothing.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
You don't have to know! Let me tell you a story.
One time I asked a girl out on a date, and she said no. Do you know what happened after that? I got on with my life, no harm done. I am happily married to a different girl now.
I promise you, even on the slight chance that she doesn't go out with you (and based on what I've read so far, I agree with everyone that this is extremely unlikely), you will feel better if you find out for sure.
Remember all those signs she gave you to let you know she wanted you to ask her out? She was going through this same exact feeling.
I believe we can turn to that most erudite of philosophers here, Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take"
Take your god damn shot. There are no sure things, but you'll be a better, wiser, man for taking the risk of asking her out regardless of her response.
You're looking for excuses not to do something you actually want to do out of fear, hesitation, awkwardnesses, whatever. Do you really want to get stuck in analysis paralysis here?
It can go either way. Don't worry about the window. Just ask. Don't worry about whether she has other male friends and whether or not she's interested in any of them. Just ask. Don't worry about anything else. Just ask. Clear your mind and forget about whatever comfort zones you've set up for yourself. Just ask.
Ending a thought with "... gosh dammit. I just don't know." is a sign that you will either procrastinate on the matter or never address it. I do this all the time and, whenever I end a thought with that, I do nothing. It's not the way you should end thoughts this important.
Dear God, man, read the other posts and just ask her out for your own safety if nothing else.
Penguin Otaku Castration Task Force unite!!!!!
You're basically giving her no reason NOT to go for another guy. Why don't you start setting her up with other guys? Jesus christ...
Rules for asking someone out:
1. The date must be at least a few days away from the asking time.
2. If its not obvious that the event will be a date, then use the word 'date'.
3. A dinner is a better first date than a movie.
Also I have no idea anymore if the girl likes you or not, because your self defeatist attitude is infectious. But those two things you used as examples for her not liking you are not even remotely relevant. What would you want her to say to her mum? "I'm just hanging out with a guy I like but I'm not sure whether he likes me... he hasn't made a move yet. I can't really talk right now though..."
https://medium.com/@alascii
GIRLS NEED NOTICE. hell, there are a multitude of books on dating that tell us, over and over again, to not be "too available" and make sure that we don't drop all our plans to go date someone. Ask her on, say, Tuesday to go out on Friday or Saturday. Give her time to make plans, not force her to cancel ones that she's already set up
Just re-reading this and, I'm being totally honest here, I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with the "friends zone" and also why this would seem like a friendly thing to bring up. Perhaps I'm being incredibly thick here, but I can't see the coherence in this.
"Hey. This isn't easy for me to say at all, but I want to say regardless I want to be your friend in the end. But, since we've been hanging out I've started to like you more than just a friend. With that said, I understand if you don't feel the same way, if you do though how does dinner on X sound?"
Probably a little more winded than it needs to be, but its what I had played out in my mind.
Listen, guys. I know I need to at least do this. I know that saying it will help me regardless. If she says yes, maybe things will continue to develop but nevertheless I did ask her. If she says no, we stay friends and I move on.
My inhibition, though is from my past. I've done this, well, twice before. The first began my year and a half relationship with my ex, and the latter was to a girl who I will probably never see again because she lives in Arizona and I felt I needed to tell her.
You know what it took the first time? Her best friend (a guy who, in the end, was the cause of us breaking up.. IRONY) told me that I should ask her out. I continued to ask why and finally he just shook me and told me to do it because she was expecting it. All of my friends were telling me to do it as well. When it happened? It was awkward as balls. I did it though and in the end she thought it was cute. Still, it took about two weeks for me to do it.
The second time? I only had a matter of hours to put myself up to it. I didn't like it, I knew she didn't reciprocate my feelings, but nevertheless I wanted to tell her how I felt. She appreciated it and I told her to enjoy her time in college and to hit me up if she were ever in Oklahoma.
This time? I'm coming off a really bad relationship. Girl dumped me on a night that my car was broken into and I was sick as a dog. The whole day she was a complete bitch to me and she capped it off with that. You think thats bad? The relationship itself (6 months of waiting to see her even though she lives 20 miles away and rarely had an excuse, oh she told me she LOVED at the beginning of those 6 months. For those 6 months it was confined nearly ALL to text messages. I'm a fucking idiot, I know) was terrible.
The thing is, I NEVER thought that anyone could be so cold, callous, selfish, and downright hateful as she was. What I'm afraid of is that its going to happen again. I have NO reason to think that of this girl, though. She, as I have said, is probably one of the most genuine people I have met. Ever. She's sweet, cute, and fun to be around.
So I know I need to do this, but when I've only done this two times (the 6 month text relationship just kinda... happened, long story) and its been about 2 years since I've done it with the actual possibility of something happening. I know. I'm off my game. I'm rusty. Fact of the matter is, I've never HAD game and I've never had anything to rust.
Sure, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of random hookups which I regret, but when it comes to the people that I really care for, that I really might want something with, I choke. I see this great person in them, but I am all but certain they see nothing in me. Its what I've been told for a majority of my life, so I'm afraid out of habit.
Keep the advice coming, I appreciate it and its all been helpful.
Did you call her yet? Did you set a date up?
Do it now, christ.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
Fuck.
It probably doesn't really make a difference how you do it, if she's really interested one sentence wont screw it up, but this just isn't... smooth.
They're not all like this I'm sure, but girls have told me that they prefer it when guys say something first so they know they're about to be asked out. But telling her that it isn't easy for you to say it, then saying that if she rejects you it doesn't really matter probably aren't the best ways to do that. Maybe something like, "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about..."
Same thing for "I understand if you don't feel the same way" Make her think you're confident, even if you aren't. Confidence is attractive as hell.
edit - Also, and I'm speaking from (recent!) experience here, if you do really like her and she rejects you, being friends with her afterwards isn't the healthiest choice you can make. I know it's hard, but seeing here will fuck you up. It depends on how strong your feelings for her are though I guess. Once she rejects you though you should make it a priority to get over her and find that kind of companionship elsewhere, and being friends with her isn't going to make that easy.
wrong
https://medium.com/@alascii
What did you say to her when you asked her out?
"Are we going out going out?" We'd been going out basically every week for a year, but I wasn't sure whether it was a 'just friends' thing or not. There was preamble, though, I didn't just start a conversation with that. As an aside, I know I said exactly that because I asked her over Google Talk - we'd been busy and hadn't seen each other in person for a while. Probably not the best way to ask someone, but it worked. Didn't see each other again for a fortnight, though...
You: Do, uhh, err, I mean... do you... err... want to go out with me?
Her: God yes, fucking finally.
*Crazy sex on the nearest hard object*
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
I don't want to discourage you now that you're finally on the path to asking her out. Asking her out is good, you definitely should do that. But that little speech you came up with? That's just plain awful.
Keep the sentiment, but simplify the wording and don't make it so much about you.
Just tell her, "Y'know, hanging out last week was great. I really like being around you. Would you like to go out some time next week, like, on a date?"
t Ramius: I'm probably gonna use that verbatim.
Don't be so down on yourself. You think downplaying your chances will somehow make it not hurt as bad when she says no. Problem is, you're assuming she'll say no, which automatically gives you a disadvantage. Have some confidence that she is interested in you.