As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

From the mouths of babes

J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
edited January 2007 in Social Entropy++
So - last night, a local forumer and I met up at a pub with about 6 of my friends. I will not mention names unless this person wishes to come forward.

Ha, right, so it was Darth.

Anyhoo. We meet at this English-style pub and Darth, sneaky weasel that he is, already has a hot chick that he apparently just met. Instantaneously, three things are very, very obvious about this girl:
- She's pretty goddamn drunk.
- She's fairly cute.
- She's dumber'n a bag of wet, hammered chickens

We shall, for sake of names, refer to her as Bluejay from here out.

Bluejay became a source of constant entertainment throughout the night. I am still trying to remember everything stupid that came out of her mouth, and my mind staggers.

We all caravaned to another bar, where Bluejay became even more inebriated, and at some point decided to move the party to our house. And that was where the real fun began.

ANYTHING you said to this girl, no matter what, transmogrified into something else in her brain. Seriously, seriously drunk AND stupid. Some gems:

ME: [walking staggering bimbo up front sidewalk to house] Okay, the rule is if you throw up in our house, we make you strip naked and roll around in it, ok?
BJ: But that would make my shoes hurt!

BJ: [watching capoeira video on a computer] Your wife does this?
ME: Yep.
BJ: Get her in here!
ME: What?
BJ: HAY MEL COME IN HERE AND DO CHUPACABRA

MEL: I can't do capoeira in here. This room is tiny.
BJ: How much space you need?
MEL: About three times as much space.
BJ: Well, scoot back!

[back porch, smoking with some of the partygoers]
BJ: [enters scenario] Brrrrr! It's cold out here!
ME: Yes, it is.
BJ: Too cold! [starts to go inside. It should be noted she gots some lungs, and is wearing a thin sweater]
ME: Hey, hold on. Stick your arms out like this.
BJ: [imitates Christ on the cross]
ME: Now jump up and down.
BJ: [Does so, boobies a-flyin around]
ME: Nah, you're not cold enough yet.
EVERYONE: LOL
BJ: ......HA HA... what?

The one that we all thought was the epitome of just how dumb this twat was:
BJ: [VERY drunk, rearranging word magnets on fridge] Never...shave...a....ferret! LOLOLOL
ME: So what's your stance on ass to mouth?
[spoiler:602f482fae]BJ: Oh, I don't do drugs.[/spoiler:602f482fae]

All in all, Darthwaiter was a cool guy. A+++ WOULD BLOW AGAIN LOLOL


TL;DR= No, fuck you, learn to read, fag.

J. Grant on
«134567

Posts

  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited January 2007
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    Garlic Bread on
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Dumb hussies.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    J. Grant on
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    Who or what is "BJ"?

    Garlic Bread on
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.

    J. Grant on
  • ZephosZephos Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up. MichiganRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    seriously though, if you shave a ferret they go into a ferret rage.

    its not pretty, i saw the after effects of a ferret rage back in Denver in 93. so many body parts just lying everywhere.

    Zephos on
    Xbox One/360: Penguin McCool
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Keith wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    Who or what is "BJ"?
    J. Grant wrote:
    TL;DR= No, fuck you, learn to read, fag.

    J. Grant on
  • BergyBergy Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    did you rape her

    Bergy on
    ChicagoBulls01.jpg
    I've been trying to reach you, but your extension cord doesn't reach that far.
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.
    Well what did Darth do

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Bergy wrote:
    did you rape her

    I have a long-standing rule of never fucking anything dumber than the hair on my nuts.

    J. Grant on
  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    plushophilia, guys.

    Skull Man on
  • ZephosZephos Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up. MichiganRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Keith wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    Who or what is "BJ"?
    why dont you ASK YOUR MOM.

    Zephos on
    Xbox One/360: Penguin McCool
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.
    Well what did Darth do

    That is not for me to say, homeboy.

    [edit] Although he might say once he gets done sleeping it off. We killed a LOT of Guinnui last night. My kitchen looks like the Irish Army was drinking in it.

    J. Grant on
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.
    Well what did Darth do

    That is not for me to say, homeboy.
    Couldn't get it up :(

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    [back porch, smoking with some of the partygoers]
    BJ: [enters scenario] Brrrrr! It's cold out here!
    ME: Yes, it is.
    BJ: Too cold! [starts to go inside. It should be noted she gots some lungs, and is wearing a thin sweater]
    ME: Hey, hold on. Stick your arms out like this.
    BJ: [imitates Christ on the cross]
    ME: Now jump up and down.
    BJ: [Does so, boobies a-flyin around]
    ME: Nah, you're not cold enough yet.
    EVERYONE: LOL
    BJ: ......HA HA... what?

    You may be a rapist.

    KalTorak on
  • ZephosZephos Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up. MichiganRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    The chips are on Whiskey Dick at this point i think.

    Zephos on
    Xbox One/360: Penguin McCool
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    KalTorak wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    [back porch, smoking with some of the partygoers]
    BJ: [enters scenario] Brrrrr! It's cold out here!
    ME: Yes, it is.
    BJ: Too cold! [starts to go inside. It should be noted she gots some lungs, and is wearing a thin sweater]
    ME: Hey, hold on. Stick your arms out like this.
    BJ: [imitates Christ on the cross]
    ME: Now jump up and down.
    BJ: [Does so, boobies a-flyin around]
    ME: Nah, you're not cold enough yet.
    EVERYONE: LOL
    BJ: ......HA HA... what?

    You may be a rapist.

    Only if you ask nicely.

    J. Grant on
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    oh yay a thread about a drunk person

    i certainly do not have acces to a city or urban development of any type or even a shack in the desert with just one guy living on his own





    man i thought this thread would be about snowballing

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    This belongs in H/A. I'm pretty sure everyone referred to in the OP needs help. Lots of it.

    Drez on
    Switch: SW-7690-2320-9238Steam/PSN/Xbox: Drezdar
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited January 2007
    displayimagenc3.jpg

    Garlic Bread on
  • Carl with a KCarl with a K Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    haha those sure are wacky things she said

    Carl with a K on
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    That'll do, pig.
    That'll do.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • Threadbare SockThreadbare Sock regular
    edited January 2007
    jareth.jpg

    Threadbare Sock on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
  • PeshPesh Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    is that david bowie

    cause i think that's david bowie

    Pesh on
    sigxu7.jpg
  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    that's not real Babe

    that's Pig in the City Babe

    boo to that

    not even the same pig

    Skull Man on
  • Threadbare SockThreadbare Sock regular
    edited January 2007
    jareth.jpg

    You remind me of the babe?


    What babe?


    The babe with the powerrrrrr

    Threadbare Sock on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
  • [Tycho?][Tycho?] As elusive as doubt Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    So who had sex with her then?

    [Tycho?] on
    mvaYcgc.jpg
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    what power?

    potatoe on
  • Threadbare SockThreadbare Sock regular
    edited January 2007
    The power of voodoo

    Threadbare Sock on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    who do?

    potatoe on
  • Threadbare SockThreadbare Sock regular
    edited January 2007
    you do

    Threadbare Sock on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    do what?

    potatoe on
  • PeshPesh Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    that voodoo

    Pesh on
    sigxu7.jpg
  • Threadbare SockThreadbare Sock regular
    edited January 2007
    Remind me of the babe

    Threadbare Sock on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    If you bust into that gay-ass song about magic babies and shit I will kill you.

    J. Grant on
  • Carl with a KCarl with a K Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    guys remember muppet babies

    Carl with a K on
  • As7As7 Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    If you bust into that gay-ass song about magic babies and shit I will kill you.

    Man they already got through the entire chorus, where were you?

    As7 on
    XBOX Live: Arsenic7
    Secret Satan
  • Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited January 2007
    i saw my baby

    cryin hard as babes could cry

    what could i dooOOooo

    Garlic Bread on
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    this sounds like fun

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • SmokingGunSmokingGun Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    and relax

    SmokingGun on
Sign In or Register to comment.