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I'm new here, so this is new to you. New version of the "trailer" at bottom.
ShadowMaximus
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
There is a new one on page 2, I added and took out stuff. I know you guys don't really like it, but I am trying to improve it. Critique away!!
p.s. if you like it, then awesome!
I made this trailer real fast out of a film I did like 3 months ago. I was wondering what you great citizens of the pennyarcade forums think. It is about the relationship between two cops. It gets pretty deep, maybe even a little uncomfortable with how REAL it gets. I hope that you all can deal with it. Thank you, all.
p.s. if you like it, then awesome!
I made this trailer real fast out of a film I did like 3 months ago. I was wondering what you great citizens of the pennyarcade forums think. It is about the relationship between two cops. It gets pretty deep, maybe even a little uncomfortable with how REAL it gets. I hope that you all can deal with it. Thank you, all.
ShadowMaximus on
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As a side note, sock puppet guy is pretty awesome.
P.S. Just cause you guys don't like 4 minute trailers, I'll call it something different. How 'bout a taste of my movie, without being anything about my movie. Except for the characters. (That is a long name compared to, trailer)
I know that this thing is your baby and all of that, but if you gut about two thirds of that thing you'd have a much stronger teaser trailer.
I actually find the opening scene pretty boring. I love the rest though. I think the beginning is what really slows it down.
It is just a misunderstanding.
I am just one of those people that understand and see exactly what people mean, so I am pretty passive when someone gives me a comment. Cause a lot of time I see it too. But, I mean everyone wants to show there work, but I love the feedback too.
I would love to know what people find the strongest and what they find the weakest. I mean, I am open to listening.
This to me is like a quick drawing or sketch, imperfect but with strong points. So, if you all would help me iron it out then, AWESOME!!!
Also, I am not an editor, obviously.
As far as the story, I'm interested in seeing the puppet fight crime with his partner, and very much not interested to see him drinking and his partner crying. But hey, you can't please everyone. Good luck, I know it's tough.
Maybe it's because I'm not "one of those people", but this comes off as pretentious.
www.wonderingart.com
Cap'n Mango: It is not that I was real receptive, it is just, to receive the crits necessary for anything I think people need to understand. I wasn't receptive? I agreed with him. What advice was I really given that I could have been preceptive to? "It's too long." ? Alright, well tell me what I can do about it.
And about the "I'm not one of those people", I find just as many flaws in what I do as everyone does. That has nothing to do with being pretentious.
quid squid: I know, he should have been running faster. I agree too.
Overall, I think everyone is taking it like it's "The Hours". It is not at all supposed to be serious. But, yeah, thanks for the kinda feedback. If I rummage through it, I might be able to find something useful.
I'd say the concept is interesting enough, but there's apparently a lot more to film than the concept, because this got boring. I watched the first half of the original, then skipped around to the end. It comes off amateurish, and there's a lot of unnecessary parts, or just unfunny parts. But for all I know you were just making this for Youtube, so it's hard to judge it in the right frame of reference.
Some quicker, more timely cuts would help, and just like a comic, writing, or any other presentation, think about what is absolutely necessary; anything extra gets repetitive and boring FAST, and that's not just for "trailers."
This is really an unhelpful place. Everyone takes everything into a whole different context when it is said. It seems that everyone is just looking for a reason to be an ass. I'm told that I sound pretentious when I say I see the same problems in what I do, as others do. That is, stupid.
I've lurked here for a long time and have seen it, but I didn't believe that it happens to everyone.
This is a forum to help you, but the help is usually muddled in with pointless crap. People don't know how to explain what they say.
As I said, I am not an editor, tell me what you think I need to change, and not just, "It's too long".
First, I was trying to be nothing but honest.
Second, what are you expecting? You admit all over the place that you did this fast, you don't like certain parts of it, and then you get offended when people say they don't like it?
I made this stick figure drawing of a dinosaur attacking a Twinky factory. I did it really fast, and I don't like parts of it, but please tell how much you love it and modify it yourself so it looks better for me.
Not the greatest approach. Though again, in concept, a dinosaur attacking a Twinky Factory is an awesome.
It's all about presentation. I and everyone here are responding to how you presented yourself and your product, nothing more. No one came here looking to hurt you, only to critique your work.
Now read your paragraph and think about how you sound.
What kind of thing is that. When people aren't completely happy with their work, they come here for help. If I would have said I was completely happy with it, then why would I ask for help and get info on what you guys think. If I was completely happy with it, then I would have just been showboating what I can do. I am trying to see what I can fix when I continue this later.
So, do you see what I mean with what you said?
When you show us something that you are not entirely satisfied with, you will undoubtedly receive negative comments. Don't expect us to love something that even you aren't completely pleased with.
For one, IT'S TOO LONG!!! Do you expect us to tell you what scenes to cut and what to edit for length? This is your project, you are the artist; you should have the necessary skill to cast a critical eye on your own work. We can give you a broad impression of the flaws but we are not about to start nitpicking a four minute long "trailer."
My advice is to change the attitude. Once you calm down and actually try to understand what everyone is saying to you, and see your film from the spectator's point of view, you will be able to piece out what needs to change.
Right now the piece is too long, you will lose your audience's attention within the first 30 seconds of the film because the cuts are just too long. Shorten the length of the scenes, make it quick and snappy, and you will be able to hold your viewer's attention.
Second, there is no dialog. Although this can be a good thing, you handle it with no real care. It doesn't supply suspense or anything and the music is the only thing we hear. Sound is a major aspect in film, you need to use it creatively and innovativly to further the story you are telling. You have scenes where the characters are talking to each other but we don't hear anything...not very good film making.
I think the acting is terrible as well. Your cast is an assortment of your friends i assume, but most exhibit no emotion and i'm glad a sock got the part because he's more emotive than any of his human colleagues. The action scenes are stale and slow paced. Like it was said before...the bad guy is jogging to get away...not suspenseful at all.
This leads me to the next problem i have. You claim that it's a comedy... Did anyone laugh at all? I didn't see anything funny to speak of. You have a gimmick...your sock puppet...but that doesn't make it instantly funny. This could have been helped with better acting but you work with what you got i guess.
I dunno man. This project needs a serious overhaul. You can't use the excuse that you took no time to film to explain it's crappyness. Some of the most amazing art i've seen has only taken a few minutes to create.
i also laughed at the high school musical poster
i don't know anything about film making, but i thought it was alright, i dunno
Deelock: I appreciate what you are saying, which has been a lot more than other people. You actually took the time to say more. So thank you. I see exactly where you are coming from. That is all I wanted. I don't want people to take apart every scene, just tell me what makes it lag.
Beavotron: Thank you. I love that High School Musical Poster.
instead of arguing, try to look at what they are saying whether it is what you are looking for or not.
www.wonderingart.com
Not the one that just says, "it's too long".
I know you guys aren't fans, but I wanted to try again. I added some voice-over, faster editing, and some sound effects. I dunno.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urhmCWJC17M
The effects like the rain and the knife just look awful, I know it's supposed to help the comedy but it looks so bad. The bit where he swings the knife, I may be wrong here but it sounds like the *swish* sound effects were spoken instead of actual sound effects.
Did you find this funny? The humour comes across as really juvenile. Oh and the titles were really amateur and badly placed, the framing and angles were painful, and please oh god please buy a tripod... but you know what? There's an endless list here.
However, you say you're not an editor, but I did think for some of the parts (*some*, most were really bad), the sequences were quite well cut together. Still needs a lot of work but there is something promising there.
What I am interested to know, is what did you make this for? Was it for a project? For fun? Festivals? What standard were you aiming for when you made this?
Something positive though, if this is what you want to do in the future, or something you just want to get good at, then keep making more stuff. Don't re-edit old rushed projects, that's not going to improve anything. But like anything else, storytelling, camera work, editing etc etc it all takes tonnes of practice to get any good at it. Anybody who has tried putting good films together has made at least one poor one.