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Adjusting to Dorm Life
Wash
Sweet ChristmasRegistered User regular
Sweet ChristmasRegistered User regular
This is my first time living away from home, and more importantly, living away from everyone and everything I find familiar. It wasn't entirely my choice going to University, nor was it entirely my choice ending up at the University I am presently enrolled in, so being here is already little cause for enthusiasm.
The thing is, I'm from Toronto (Scarborough specifically); I grew up there, and with fewer than a dozen exceptions, everyone I've known and consider friends/family are there. I've got plenty of friends there, though only few of them close, though I can't say I've ever really wanted for company.
At school it's different; I know one person, and she is a work acquaintance who I've never really thought much of anyway. I'm no social butterfly, in fact I'm not that much of a people person at all - but having no one here still makes things terribly lonely. Most - if not all - of my friends are people I've known since first grade, or people who've approached me throughout the years, and I can't even remember the last time I've had to actively try to make friends, or felt the need to. I'm no stranger to H/A, and I'd expect the usual advice to be to put myself out there, meet people during class, go to dorm parties, maybe even hold one myself, and go out and meet people at the campus pub. The thing is, I've encountered problems on all of those fronts.
My school has a main campus and a second one that shares its land with another University and a College; I attend the latter. The thing about my campus is that the students who go to my school there almost all live in the area, so after class they don't stick around to hang, they go home - the people I meet in class I only get to spend time with in class. As for the students who attend the other schools and live in the same dorm building that I do, they all seem to come from the same area and know each other. So far my attempts to break into conversation with friendly-seeming groups of people have resulted in me being the odd man out amidst in-jokes and conversation regarding things that have happened to people they know.
This place feels alien to me, and so far the people I've met are much different than the people I'm used to. For the most part, I've met people who live out in farm country, and while I've been told to expect to meet a lot of like-minded individuals, so far all I've met are people who act exactly like the type of folk I avoided during highschool. To make the generalization that they're hicks would be unfair, but still... while about a quarter of the people I've met have been nice, none of them - and I say this without condescension - have been the type I can actually carry on a conversation with.
As well, my roommate so far has been far from the ideal. He's shotgunned beers near the clean dishes, wiped things up off the floor with my clean dish towel, forgets to flush often, has used my bath towel, uses up most of the kitchen cupboard space, and has proven himself to be an idiot on numerous other occasions (when we moved in the door didn't close properly, so we'd have to push it all the way upon entering or it wouldn't close. Ya... he never would. I'd come back to the room and the door would be open.) Maybe I was brought up in a stricter, more considerate home or something, because his loose and unthinking treatment of the room is getting on my nerves. I often feel like I need to house-break him or something.
Basically, H/A, what I'm asking for here is some advice on what I should do to feel more comfortable in my new living arrangements. Everything here is new and different for me, but in a most unpleasant way, and as far as my roommate goes, I'm having trouble addressing the many issues I've had with him that stem from his utter inconsideration. What should I do?
The thing is, I'm from Toronto (Scarborough specifically); I grew up there, and with fewer than a dozen exceptions, everyone I've known and consider friends/family are there. I've got plenty of friends there, though only few of them close, though I can't say I've ever really wanted for company.
At school it's different; I know one person, and she is a work acquaintance who I've never really thought much of anyway. I'm no social butterfly, in fact I'm not that much of a people person at all - but having no one here still makes things terribly lonely. Most - if not all - of my friends are people I've known since first grade, or people who've approached me throughout the years, and I can't even remember the last time I've had to actively try to make friends, or felt the need to. I'm no stranger to H/A, and I'd expect the usual advice to be to put myself out there, meet people during class, go to dorm parties, maybe even hold one myself, and go out and meet people at the campus pub. The thing is, I've encountered problems on all of those fronts.
My school has a main campus and a second one that shares its land with another University and a College; I attend the latter. The thing about my campus is that the students who go to my school there almost all live in the area, so after class they don't stick around to hang, they go home - the people I meet in class I only get to spend time with in class. As for the students who attend the other schools and live in the same dorm building that I do, they all seem to come from the same area and know each other. So far my attempts to break into conversation with friendly-seeming groups of people have resulted in me being the odd man out amidst in-jokes and conversation regarding things that have happened to people they know.
This place feels alien to me, and so far the people I've met are much different than the people I'm used to. For the most part, I've met people who live out in farm country, and while I've been told to expect to meet a lot of like-minded individuals, so far all I've met are people who act exactly like the type of folk I avoided during highschool. To make the generalization that they're hicks would be unfair, but still... while about a quarter of the people I've met have been nice, none of them - and I say this without condescension - have been the type I can actually carry on a conversation with.
As well, my roommate so far has been far from the ideal. He's shotgunned beers near the clean dishes, wiped things up off the floor with my clean dish towel, forgets to flush often, has used my bath towel, uses up most of the kitchen cupboard space, and has proven himself to be an idiot on numerous other occasions (when we moved in the door didn't close properly, so we'd have to push it all the way upon entering or it wouldn't close. Ya... he never would. I'd come back to the room and the door would be open.) Maybe I was brought up in a stricter, more considerate home or something, because his loose and unthinking treatment of the room is getting on my nerves. I often feel like I need to house-break him or something.
Basically, H/A, what I'm asking for here is some advice on what I should do to feel more comfortable in my new living arrangements. Everything here is new and different for me, but in a most unpleasant way, and as far as my roommate goes, I'm having trouble addressing the many issues I've had with him that stem from his utter inconsideration. What should I do?
Wash on
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What about...the other stuff? College is a time to reinvent yourself. Not a people person? Become one. Meet people and talk to them. There has to be others like you out there thare arent hicks.
And if you're not willing to do any of these, dunno if we can help. College is about making yourself uncomfortable so you can find out who you are.
You can also form study sessions with people in your classes. Not only will it improve your grades, but it will allow you to meet new people.
Just think - it's only a year, messy living is what being a student's all about, right?
Oh, and once again...clubs. Or sports. Or volunteer groups. Try something that you don't think you can do.
Honestly, most of the people who became my friends in college, I don't even remember how I met them.
IOS Game Center ID: Isotope-X
also, the people across from me insist on playing shitty R&B really loudly with their doors open all the damn time. But no, I've met some neat people, and I have alot of friends in Toronto who come and visit, so it isn't too bad.
and yea, I tried the open door thing, but the first person who came in was an asshole who almost tried to fight me because I only had hard stuff and no beer.
If you see someone in trouble moving stuff or otherwise in need of a hand, help them and use the opportunity to strike up a conversation. Just talk about what they're here for, bits about their course. Things will lead on to other things.
Learn not to be too shy about starting conversations. You don't need to wait for the other guy to start talking, and if you're too scared to talk to people then you're never going to meet anyone. Just put on a smile and don't be afraid to look stupid. Stupid happens to everyone, but you can make good friends where you wouldn't have otherwise.
There's plenty of opportunities to meet new people and make some good friends. Personally I came from a similar background to you, no real friends at school, mostly relatives. But university is an awesome place because people from all over with all sorts of characters come through. You can definitely meet people that think like you do and are into the same things.
Re: your roomate: Best advice I could give you is to let him know once not to touch your crap, then get a padlocked minifridge. Guys like that tend not to change and treat everything as theirs.
Also, build up your social network even with people you don't necessarily like. Most of the people I hung out with at the beginning of college I don't keep in touch with, but most of my current friends are friend of a friend.
I went to my first few classes, talked to a few people, joined the computer and rock societies, met and talked to more people. Now I've got a little under a dozen solid friends, and many passing acquaintances. I was going out several times a week, going out to a club, grabbing something to eat, catching a movie, or just to hang out at someone's place drinking beer and shooting shit. Now that the second year is about to begin, I'm anxious to move back, and I'm looking forward to seeing my friends, and to joining a few other societies and meeting more people.
The thing you need to understand is that people are not going to come to you. They will not knock on your door and ask if you want to come out to play, and you are far more likely to make friends if you are willing to make the initial effort to socialise. Get out there, interact, join some societies that interest you! You'll soon meet likeminded people and start having a good time.
I think that one of the problems is that you're too rooted in your old area, your old friends, and your old ways. I was lucky in that I waited a few years after my A Levels before going to university, and had moved out of my parents' place six months prior to university starting, due to a better paying job with better hours.
Oh, and I suggest that even if you aren't 'into' drinking, have a few drinks with the people you meet. I'm not talking about drinking yourself under the table, I mean have a few beers to loosen up a little. There's this odd 'oh no, the alcohol is evil!' thing that seems to happen when it comes to people asking this kind of advice, and whilst drinking in excess or becoming reliant on alcohol is a bad thing, it's just a case of learning that there is a time and a place for it. A few drinks over the course of a night makes it a far more enjoyable experience, I can promise you, and when you are enjoying yourself and appear happy, it makes you a much more approachable and attractive person.
Strategically, the clubs suggestion is the best one. I went to a drama club thing a couple of times despite having no interest in drama, and an extraordinarily high percentage of the people I met there were people I just couldn't stand. But I did meet another first year student named Nathan there; he ended up being my roommate my last year of college. Last autumn I was the best man at his wedding. I would probably have never met him if I hadn't tried doing one completely random-assed thing that wasn't actually even my idea, come to think of it--I happened to run into a couple guys from my hall who were on their way to audition and asked if I wanted to come along.
Suckers. I ended up beating them for the role they were auditioning for. But anyway.
Tactically, how comfortable do you feel talking about yourself? You've written a nice little paen to share with us about your loneliness, which would make me think you're good at expressing yourself. Share that with others. Practice telling a few short annecdotes about yourself that are humorous, easy to follow, and easy to relate to the situation of other people.
If there is not a single club that amuses you, *MAKE ONE.* You'll be amazed at how many similarly minded people you'll find. You don't even have to go through the school and make your club official (though if you do, you get random money for whatever you want). Case and point: Bunch of friends get together every Thursday, take over the commuter lounge in the University Center at night and watch bad movies. They do a 'Mystery Science Theater' thing, and its pretty awesome. Its called the 'Movie Critics Club.' Good stuff.
You have tons of options for social life in out-of-class colleging.
Also, I don't know how your dorm is laid out, but can you make friends with other dudes who have quads near you? My freshman roommate and I never got along particularly well (although we were fine living together), but someone on the floor always had their door open, so I spent a lot of time wandering around and talking to people.
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
Just do it. Also, it's college, not high school. What I mean is, for example, like the third day in the dorms, I got really really drunk and made it really clear to this girl that I was into her. I must have asked her to hangout at least thirty times. But guess what? I never have to see her again, it's college. I can literally never see her again, it's the same with anyone, so don't worry about making yourself look stupid.
Edit: Also, if your school is like mine and has those super lame things for people to get to know each other, GO. I have met a ton of my friends at those things. My school had this casino night thing that was really dumb, but I met this guy Kaan there, who ended up introducing me to his roommates, who are now my closest friends at school.
So yeah, just put yourself out there. It won't be weird.
Anyway, I felt the same way during my first semester. I go to UNC, which a humungous school, and it's easy to get lost in the crowds. I knew people that went to highschool with me but they weren't really my friends, and I was determined to make my own circle. My second year I got into a popular comedy group on campus. I also did some shows with a student run theater production company. This is good - depending on the company, they might have a lot of cast parties/bonding experiences. The comedy group in particular has given me a lot of connections and introduced me to a lot of new people. I also got along well with my suitemates, and chose to live with them the next year. This wasn't the case my first year by the way, I didn't really get along with my suitemates then.
So yeah, I say try some clubs. Go for one that interests you, or try to start your own. I had little luck meeting people in classes, except for the smaller more specialized ones, like creative writing or what not. But if your university is big, there are people around that are like you and share your interests. It can be really isolating at first, but keep at it. Keep your door open, go to clubs, be warm and interested in the stories of other people and so on.
What made you go to this school again? You know you are paying for this shit... right?
PROTIP!