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So these two guys...

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    iusehappymodiusehappymod Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    t dr.ian: Oh god please not that one

    iusehappymod on

    Hamlet will be Hamlet
    An ineffable tragedy of the human spirit that still resonates, even today.
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    transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Onomatopoeia joke.

    What do you call a fish with no eye?
    Fssshhhhhhh.

    transistorsect on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    you know what you call a black guy with a gun?

    sir.

    Metzger Meister on
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    the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Why is Jesus bad at hockey?
    'cause he's always getting nailed to the boards

    Why do women love Jesus?
    'cause he's hung like this
    jesus002.jpg

    the wook on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    god I just want to hug you

    Captain K on
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    transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    the wook wrote: »
    Why is Jesus bad at hockey?
    'cause he's always getting nailed to the boards

    Why do women love Jesus?
    'cause he's hung like this
    jesus002.jpg

    I have heard the second one but never the first one.

    Another one goes like this:

    If you're Jesus and you know it clap your hands! *wiggle arms*

    transistorsect on
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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Oh my god, Wook.

    I can see your nipples.

    ChicoBlue on
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    EinhanderEinhander __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?
    A dead epileptic

    Einhander on
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    the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Captain K wrote: »
    god I just want to hug you

    < <
    > >
    hugs003.jpg

    the wook on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    yesssssssssss

    Captain K on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    you know what you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    you already told the bitch twice

    know what you call a woman with one black eye?
    fast learner.

    Metzger Meister on
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    the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    ChicoBlue wrote: »
    Oh my god, Wook.

    I can see your nipples.

    give me five minutes, i'll post a video of me etching glass

    the wook on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    metzger do you have a lot of sex

    Captain K on
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    transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Why do women have smaller feet?
    So they can stand closer to the stove.

    Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?
    BECAUSE THE BEANS FALL THROUGH THE GRILL

    transistorsect on
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    There's a pan of muffins baking in the oven.

    One of the muffins turns to the one next to him and says, "Hey, it's pretty hot in here, eh?"

    The muffin next to him exclaims, "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    DarkPrimus on
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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I like that joke, DarkPrimus.

    ChicoBlue on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Two atoms are walking down the street.

    One of them says "I think I lost an electron!"

    The other says "Are you positive?"

    Captain K on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Captain K wrote: »
    metzger do you have a lot of sex

    not consensually.

    Metzger Meister on
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    transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    There's a pan of muffins baking in the oven.

    One of the muffins turns to the one next to him and says, "Hey, it's pretty hot in here, eh?"

    The muffin next to him exclaims, "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    This is my awkward silence joke.

    transistorsect on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    So this guy is fucking me in the ass

    and he reaches around and starts trying to trying to grab my balls

    and I'm like "what the fuck, are you a faggot or something?"

    Captain K on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    so, this guy runs out of gas outside this old haunted house.

    and he walks up the driveway and he's definitely creeped out.

    and he knocks on the door, three times, and this ten year old boy answers it wearing a bra and panties, and high heels, smoking a cigar with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

    the man, confused and slightly frightened, asks "are your mother and father home."

    "what the fuck do you think, jerkoff?"

    Metzger Meister on
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    transistorsecttransistorsect Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Captain K wrote: »
    So this guy is fucking me in the ass

    and he reaches around and starts trying to trying to grab my balls

    and I'm like "what the fuck, are you a faggot or something?"

    "I just wanted to cuddle"
    "Cuddle?! What a fag."

    transistorsect on
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    NewtronNewtron Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?

    The Wheelchair.

    Newtron on
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    UrianUrian __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    Kazhiim wrote: »
    so a man walks into a bar


    He suffers severe brain damage and is left in a persistent vegetated state. His family falls apart.

    hahahahaha I laughed so hard at this

    Urian on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Urian what is up


    are you awake for a long haul cause I am (unintentionally) and would like to chat in the Vents or something

    Captain K on
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    UrianUrian __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    Captain K wrote: »
    Urian what is up


    are you awake for a long haul cause I am (unintentionally) and would like to chat in the Vents or something

    yes dogg I am staying up for another hour and a half at least

    Urian on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Newtron wrote: »
    Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?

    The Wheelchair.

    i got suspended for telling this joke in class one time. for three days.

    Metzger Meister on
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    Captain KCaptain K Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    which Vent is the best Vent right now

    Captain K on
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    NewtronNewtron Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Two tampons cross the street. They both see a friend as they cross. Which one of them waves?

    Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

    Newtron on
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    JigrahJigrah Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Are my Bosons giving you a Hadron?

    Ahahahaha.

    Why did the Tomato blush?

    It saw the salad dressing.

    Jigrah on
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    YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Centipede Damascus wrote: »
    YaYa wrote: »
    MY CORONATION!


    Coronation.jpg

    I have to say YaYa

    this is probably the best thing you've ever done

    at least someone got it

    YaYa on
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    redfenixredfenix Aka'd as rfix Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    There's a pan of muffins baking in the oven.

    One of the muffins turns to the one next to him and says, "Hey, it's pretty hot in here, eh?"

    The muffin next to him exclaims, "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    this is my favorite joke
    i once told this, stand-up style, to a big audience when i was in a sketch comedy group

    they didn't laugh either, but that's ok

    redfenix on
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    lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    What kind of bee's make milk?


    BOO BEES

    lostwords on
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    SlagmireSlagmire Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    CobertandBears.jpg

    Slagmire on
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