Reunion time!
It turns out that I am pretty damn old, and ten years ago, I graduated from North Stafford High School in rustic Stafford, VA.
Thanks to facebook, I've found out that my 10-year reunion is this Saturday. The problem is that I am a miserable failure in life and I need to come up with a good cover story to impress the yokels who never made it out of Stafford.
Plausible is fine, and of course, it doesn't have to be verifiable, once I crawl out in a drunken stupor, I don't care if they fact check.
I'm thinking of dressing like this:
And of course I have Dr. Oatman on speed dial.
Feel free to discuss Gross Pointe Blank instead of my shitty small town reunion.
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All the hot girls stayed hot, bar two or three. All the cool guys ended up being successful. The stoners, burn-outs ended up doing fuck all and the average people ended up just being pretty normal and average.
And many of the ugly girls are now attractive.
i dont want to go back to my highschool reunion and have everyone realized i turned out
exactly like they thought i would
I graduated 10 years ago, Grath.
Duh.
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
This quest first took you to the FAA were you played a roll working to set policy regarding pilots carrying fire arms. You were required to fly all across the country and world discussing the issue with pilots. Got to see lots of cool places.
With that transportation background you managed to pull an investigator job with the NTSB. On call for one week every five, you were stationed and ready to fly out at a moments notice to help determine the cause of transportation disasters. You became adept at taking the highly complicated terminology and explaining them to the elected officials so that they could speak intelligently.
That's what first caught the eye of the CIA. You started off giving briefings to upper level staffers, but what you do now, well, you can't really say.
Go with that.
I was able to find out what a few dudes I went to high school with have been doing through that.
Just go as john cusack
Life has not been easy on that girl.
had my reunion last year and it was mostly a joke, but really interesting to see that all the super-motivated people did basically nothing after high school
Zip, this is magnificent
not you!
i was asking bear bear over there.
Yeah, I don't think I can top that.
just leave people wondering
2001 FOREVER!
We should get you business cards made up.
All non-chalantly rolling to your feet and dusting yourself off as you walk.
Hey how's the wife?
You had a small breakdown as it seemed nothing was working out for you and instead of following through on flying home to attend your grandparents' funeral you instead booked the first international flight that was available. This landed you in Japan for a week where you found it nearly impossible to get by as a foreigner. Following a tip from one of your internet contacts you took a ferry to South Korea and managed to get a pretty decent job doing janitorial work at the national library in Seoul.
After a year you decided you should apply for citizenship. Your library job payed okay but you found a better opportunity working at a night club that was only a few trolley-stops away from your house. You mostly worked during the day to clean the place up for the evening and didn't interact with any of the clientèle. It was after work one night when you met Sophia Kim, a part-time singer and struggling model. She asked you out on a date under the guise of perfecting her English.
Sophia's English was perfect and she was very beautiful, though not in that pop-idol way. You two hit it off famously just as her career started to pick up. You moved in together a year and a half ago and were talking about plans of marriage. Less than a month later, an obsessed fan threw a flaming bottle through your balcony window while the two of you were watching a movie. Sophia was burned and you somehow managed to drag both her and yourself out of the house with only superficial injuries that healed up in a matter of weeks. Sophia, meanwhile, had an ugly scar next to her right eye which ended her entertainment career forever.
The ensuing financial hardship coupled with her loss of beauty caused Sophia to kick you out of the apartment in a fit of manic depression and you discovered a week later that she had taken her own life. Devastated you picked up what little belongings you had and returned home, with much of Sophia's fanbase believing that it was your fault she killed herself.
Now you're trying to put your life back together but you just don't know if you'll ever learn to love again.
...ladies?
Also Sarukun.
A terse phonecall during dinner from Donald Rumsfeld
I would think that'd be enough
Hire someone (or get a friend) in a black suit and tie to come to the sign-in desk and ask for them to page you. When the person handing out name-tags hesitates (assuming he/she doesn't have the ability to page from the fold-out chair) this person should shove by her saying "Fuck it there's not time for this" and entering the reunion. There they need to make a bee-line to you, grab you on the shoulder and say "Albatross just gave the okay, you're wanted for consultation immediately" in a stern tone before escorting you out of the building at a fast-walk.
Hmm.
Maybe I'll drop Leanna off to do shopping before I try this one out.
You just finished up a small supervisory position at CERN during the LHC construction
You're a fact-checker for Oprah
You work as a chemist for a major car company trying to stabilize Hydrogen as a fuel source without lowering it's efficiency.
You were part of a team that handled travel for the US olympic teams, and it gave you the chance to go to China.
Not sure whether I'm going yet, it's not an official thing, just drinks at a local bar organised by a student via Facebook. There's really nobody from high school that I give a fuck about except for those I already see on a regular basis, so I'm not sure I'll be going.
Before walking through the door walk up to the nearest table there and demand that the people there hand you one pen, one piece of paper, a watch battery and a shoelace. Thank them for helping their country and get the hell out the door.