FREEDOM FORMULA 3 is OUT! pencils inside -

Mr. Visions · November 2008

Hey guys, my name's Chris, and this is my first post. I just recently got a gig with Radical Comics doing the FREEDOM FORMULA title. Issue three (the one a started with) just hit shelves and I'd thought I'd share some pencils.

EDIT: Here's a link to a trailer and quick overview of what the title is about -
http://www.mania.com/videos/radicalpublishing-freedom-formula-comic-trailer_video_2418.html

The following pages are just samples from the comic, not sequential to each other:

PAGE1

PAGE3

PAGE 6

PAGE22

Let me know what you think (<<CRIT ME!>>) and thanks for looking -

- Visions

JohnTWM · November 2008

Looks pretty good, although it's a little unclear whats going on between (what I think is) the 1st and 2nd panel, and then also just the second panel in general is a little confusing.

NakedZergling · November 2008

i LOVE page 2 man! They're all awesome, but 2 is my fav. I agree that i don't really get whats going on in page one. Looks like a ship or something lands on the platform established in panel one?

McGibs · November 2008

The art is very nice, but the readability is all kinds of off. I seem to see this in alot of mainstream super-hero-ee comics, where every panel apparently has to be its own dramatic scene with a funky camera angle or lots of action. It makes them a real chore to read because you have to decode each panel to see how it fits into the story.

Now, I realize these particular pages might be alot more clear in context with other pages, and with dialogue and colour. The script you're making them off of might also call for those specific shots, but bare with me anyway.

The main problem I see is that all the panels make very big -jumps- in the narrative. There is very little to tie the sequence of panels together, so they become very hard to follow.

For example: The second page
1st panel: big guy is yelling at kid while being restrained by the crocodile dundee.
2nd panel: big guy is accosting kid up close.
Problems: There isnt much to link the two panels together other then the big guy yelling. One moment he's just shouting, and the next he's suddenly all up in this kid's grill. It feels as if he just teleported or something. What happened to the guy restraining him? Why is the kid not even reacting to him in the first panel? (apart from the shirt, we wouldn't even know it was the same character)

To make the two panels flow better, you need to include more linking elements. Maybe make the kid in the first panel slightly turning towards the big guy shouting. Maybe make the big guy straining against his friend, showing that he's about to break free. Maybe make the big guy turning the kid around in the second panel (he just makes a sudden 180 degree turn?) Maybe make the big guy's friends in the second panel trying to pull him off the kid after he's broken free. etc etc

And that's just two panels! The two panels after that I have no idea whats going on! The camera shifts abruptly to a totally different angle (almost always a bad idea), focusing on totally unrelated characters, THEN it switches back to the kid, except now the big dude isnt there and there's a girl running past (and not even the girl from the first panel, as she seems to be wearing different clothing).

Can you show the finished pages, or maybe the script for these pages? I might be able to give better crits on pacing and readability if I knew what the base material was.

winter_combat_knight · November 2008

I like the linework. Hopefully you can upload the final soon! I think theres a little too much going on in the first page, for viewers to interperate... maybe like most comics, the colour version will fix that. Looks like you have put a lot of plan into the compositions. I know a lot of (dodgy) comics look like they draw each illustration seperate, then try to design a composition which fits. Yours looks well planned. Good luck with it.

Mustang · November 2008

Great art but yeah, I don't have a friggin clue what's going on in any of it.

Mr. Visions · November 2008

Thanks everyone who took time to check out the pages, I put up a disclaimer that these pages are not sequential to one another, there just samples from the book -

I'll put up individual response here in a minute. Thanks again -

Zombiemambo · November 2008

I didn't have any trouble telling what was going on, even though there are pages missing. It looks dynamic and very sexy, if you ask me. I'd give you any crits if I had them, but even looking it over closely...not seeing anything.

Sublimus · November 2008

Chis Johnson is posting here!?

Awesome!

Nappuccino · November 2008

I don't think the problems come from the missing pages, but the panels alone- it is hard to tell what exactly is going on in each page (namely the first ones) because so much of the action gets left out between panels. Characters escaping someone holding them back and crossing whole rooms between just two panels, and never getting a good sense of the space in the room are all problems in these pages. Not to mention the bottom two panels on the first page have characters and perspectives we haven't seen before- we have no idea where they relate to the action going on.

The characters themselves look great and very dynamic- but right now it seems to be at the cost of letting the reader easly understand what is going on from one panel to another.

Zombiemambo · November 2008

Page 3 is the only time I get lost. It goes from "I'm going to punch you in the face" to "Who was that guy who tried to punch me in the face?"

Phthano · November 2008

From the three pages (Which, are not contiguous as everyone else seems to be is assuming) it seems that your artwork is very technically proficient, but the angles and are sort of muddled. They are very hard to read. I like the second panel in page three a lot. The way you draw humans is very stylized but also very consistent.

Panels four and five on page 6 don't have to be as dynamic as they are. You have to trade the crazy isometric angles for things that are more easily visually legible. It makes the entire page more interesting, but you can't do it with every panel.

This is one of the problems I felt Blankets had. Every page was a splash page. Provided, I don't have the entire comic to review so I can't necessarily make that assumption. It worked in Blankets though because of how Thompson heavily stylized everything and you could separate his reality from his unreality.

Also, what is with the splinter of black between the panels in page 3? They seem to add chaos to the entire thing but don't make the panels necessarily look any better. They seem unnecessary.

In short, I really like how sharp the artwork is but it seems to have bad camerawork.

I hope that makes sense.

McGibs · November 2008

I don't think anyone assumed they were contiguous...

falconire · November 2008

I like the overall crisp style you have. It's one of the reasons I hired my artist. The way you draw the clothing looks great to me as well. Are you doing the inking as well?

Penny Arcade

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