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Breaking up

TylerbroorTylerbroor Registered User
edited December 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
Hey. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years. We're really compatible, and up until few months ago, were really pretty happy/content with our relationship. A couple things happened or continued to happen.

1. Whenever we talk about the future, it seems fairly clear to both of us that we're not going to stay together past college (going into my second quarter of junior year), but whenever I bring it up as a problem, we end up agreeing that it's too far in the future to be a concern, and that we should be happy in the moment. I want to be building a relationship for the future right now, and though she says the same, neither of us see each other in the distant future (which, I'll admit, is stupid).

2. I'm a music major, I love music, my life and passions surround and incorporate music. She's a psych major and has trouble relating to the things I'm working on. She's supportive, but I want a partner who really understands music, and perhaps makes their own. Not a huge problem or anything, but something serious that I think about often.

3. We contracted Molluscum over the summer, and in order to stop spreading it between each other, our sex life has had to almost absolutely cease. Really tough. It will take a couple months to fully disappear, and that's only if we stop occasionally having sex.

4. There's a girl I see every day at school who I really enjoy. And I slept at her house last night in her bed. We didn't do anything, but the act in and of itself is whack enough to deserve a smack in the head. I don't want to be with her right now, and I understand that even if I do break up with my GF today, it won't mean I can hop into her arms. Confused. Reading this in retrospect, it sounds like last night was a one time deal, but we've been hanging out for months.

5. We just haven't been having a great time in the last 3 months. I've been busy as fuck, and due to #3, our physical situation has been frustrating.

tl, dr: I'm fucking confused and don't know whether or not I should break up with my gf in six hours when she comes back into town. Help me, Help / Advice Forum.

Tylerbroor on


  • ProPatriaMoriProPatriaMori Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Sounds like you're trying to justify doing it. Hanging out with the other girl like that it almost sounds like you're trying to get your girlfriend to do it.

    My advice is to sit there and think about her. Think about how you started dating, things you've done. Think about the times you've had recently with her. And then try and imagine what things will be like without her. You absolutely can fall into #4's arms, quite immediately by the sound of things, but whether or not that's a good idea I can't say (I'd suspect not but eh).

    Dating is supposed to be a happy thing. That's not to say that if there's a sour patch you should just break it off, but if you think it'll be a better thing for it to end, end it. If you think you can be happy with her until you go your separate ways I don't see any reason not to do that.

    Hope this helps.

    ProPatriaMori on
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    If you have a disease that can be transferred by sex, you can't morally go out with the new girl either, right? You'd just give her it too. So your sex life won't be any good, either way, for a while.

    CelestialBadger on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Maybe you should consider turning it into an open relationship.

    Thanatos on
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    Ignore the other girl, ignore the lack of sex life: those are tangential and wouldn't matter if you weren't already thinking of breaking up. Honestly, if you're not going to be willing to try to make the relationship last after college and that's weighing on your mind, you probably should break it off.

    In the meantime, don't sleep with the other girl, even in the strictly-innocent sense. Unless you and your girlfriend have agreed that sleeping-with-other-people is okay, I'd call that cheating. Break up with your girlfriend, take a couple of months to let the molluscum clear up, and then see how the dating scene goes.

    Trowizilla on
  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Your #1 is spot-on and is really the only thing on which you should be basing your decision. Everything else is incidental and ultimately not telling of how healthy your current relationship is.

    As you said, you are staying in the relationship because it's good times now and you'll deal with the future when you come to it. Normally, I would say that hey, why not enjoy the ride while it lasts and then move on when the time comes? BUT. I would only say that if you were truly happy in this relationship.

    You don't seem to be. Ergo, break it off.

    Vivixenne on
  • DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I just broke up with my gf of 3 years for pretty much the same reason, we acutally moved in together and it was weird thinking about the future before we moved in I could see her there. However now when I think about it I don't see her there, we broke up today after 3 years. Been pretty hard but I drove 2 hours to be with friends and we just got drunk and high and played some xbox and smash. It was a good time, it is fucking hard to break up with someone youve been with for that long.

    Now the bad part is I still live with her for 5 more months of school...

    Dixon on
  • TylerbroorTylerbroor Registered User
    edited December 2008
    Thanks for the advice, guys. I just did it. #1 was indeed the only real issue, and it was enough in my mind to constitute the split. Tough shit. I need sleep.

    Tylerbroor on
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