They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
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acidlacedpenguinInstitutionalizedSafe in jail.Registered Userregular
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
I could not live with myself if I knew about it and did it anyway. I mean if he doesn't know about the other person than it's not his fault, but if he does and chooses to do it anyway he is just as much to blame as the female.
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
It's still wrong to enable cheating.
If you're in an open relationship, having sex with someone else isn't cheating.
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
It's still wrong to enable cheating.
If you're in an open relationship, having sex with someone else isn't cheating.
Point being he doesn't even know if either relationship is open.
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
It's still wrong to enable cheating.
If you're in an open relationship, having sex with someone else isn't cheating.
Point being he doesn't even know if either relationship is open.
Which is why he should find out. However, if they are open, and if everyone is fully aware of what's going on, I see no reason why he shouldn't go for it if he wants. The idea that he shouldn't because sex with him might damage his friends' relationships even if everyone involved has already indicated their approval is. Hm. Paternalistic? His friends are grown-ups and can set up their relationships as they like, and he should trust them to do that.
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
It's still wrong to enable cheating.
If you're in an open relationship, having sex with someone else isn't cheating.
Point being he doesn't even know if either relationship is open.
The onus is not on him to investigate further. Both of his friends have told him their significant others are okay with this, it is not his responsibility to ensure that his friends are not lying for the sake of their relationship. They're adults, and he should be able to take their words at face value about their relationships. Key point there, the relationships are not his to salvage or maintain, it is not his responsibility to make 100% certain that these girls' boyfriends are okay with this. If the girls say it's okay, then that is enough.
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Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
They offered. If their relationships suffers or fail, the blame lies with them.
What I would do, given this opportunity, is "practice" first with the girl in the open relationship. As you said, she's more vocal. Get that first time out of the way. And then organize that threesome. You'd become a legend.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
It's still wrong to enable cheating.
If you're in an open relationship, having sex with someone else isn't cheating.
Point being he doesn't even know if either relationship is open.
The onus is not on him to investigate further. Both of his friends have told him their significant others are okay with this, it is not his responsibility to ensure that his friends are not lying for the sake of their relationship. They're adults, and he should be able to take their words at face value about their relationships. Key point there, the relationships are not his to salvage or maintain, it is not his responsibility to make 100% certain that these girls' boyfriends are okay with this. If the girls say it's okay, then that is enough.
Yeah the relationships aren't his, he however doesn't have to be a colossal dick though either.
Replying to spawn but just wanna kill the huge quote tree going on.
I would consider it being a good friend if he found out for sure before doing anything. Also Trow I am not saying he shouldn't do it if everyone is okay with it, but it sounds out like the boyfriends aren't even being informed about it.
Replying to spawn but just wanna kill the huge quote tree going on.
I would consider it being a good friend if he found out for sure before doing anything. Also Trow I am not saying he shouldn't do it if everyone is okay with it, but it sounds out like the boyfriends aren't even being informed about it.
That's pretty much the way of it right there. The language has been that they may be cool if they knew.
But, because they came out and offered it to me. Could it be said that were I to go for it they would be the ones cheating and not me?
Replying to spawn but just wanna kill the huge quote tree going on.
I would consider it being a good friend if he found out for sure before doing anything. Also Trow I am not saying he shouldn't do it if everyone is okay with it, but it sounds out like the boyfriends aren't even being informed about it.
That's pretty much the way of it right there. The language has been that they may be cool if they knew.
But, because they came out and offered it to me. Could it be said that were I to go for it they would be the ones cheating and not me?
Technically it would not be you cheating, it would be them cheating with you (this is all if their SO's are not okay with it)
You are almost thirty and have never even kissed a girl.
Most women your age would find it really weird that you have never had any physical contact with a woman, no offense.
And then, two beautiful women, who know that you're a total virgin, offer you a threesome sex lesson?
If you don't do this, you are a total idiot, I'm sorry. Honestly. This woman is almost thirty, she is a big girl, and she knows how her fiance thinks. If this is something he would break up with her over, then she knows it, she isn't stupid. She is making a decision to have sex with you.
DO IT.
They don't expect you to be good at sex, they know you're a virgin, and will be teaching and helping you. God is smiling upon you from the heavens.
You know it's questionable though. The responsible thing here would be to ensure (through them) that their guy friends are okay with it, then proceed. Hell, if just the one is then go for it with just her. Being the dude that (knowingly, no less!) is on the other side of cheating is not cool, and could be something you regret down the road. (In the form of guilt or a potential ass-kicking.)
You are almost thirty and have never even kissed a girl.
Most women your age would find it really weird that you have never had any physical contact with a woman, no offense.
And then, two beautiful women, who know that you're a total virgin, offer you a threesome sex lesson?
If you don't do this, you are a total idiot, I'm sorry. Honestly. This woman is almost thirty, she is a big girl, and she knows how her fiance thinks. If this is something he would break up with her over, then she knows it, she isn't stupid. She is making a decision to have sex with you.
DO IT.
They don't expect you to be good at sex, they know you're a virgin, and will be teaching and helping you. God is smiling upon you from the heavens.
He is not a total idiot if he chooses not to do this because of the SO's or any reason.
I think it's important to wait for someone you truly have feelings for for your first time. Not that you hafta slide a ring on that finger to get some, but someone that matters, in a deep and meaningful way. I agree with whoever said to find someone who's equally inexperienced, and try it out and have some fun.
To be honest, you could try the threesome and end up blowing in four seconds... Not much of a learning experience there, and in my opinion, would get pretty awkward with your friends after a while. I mean, if both the girls s/o's are completely okay with it, you could end up getting into a polyamorous relationship...cool!
Replying to spawn but just wanna kill the huge quote tree going on.
I would consider it being a good friend if he found out for sure before doing anything. Also Trow I am not saying he shouldn't do it if everyone is okay with it, but it sounds out like the boyfriends aren't even being informed about it.
That's pretty much the way of it right there. The language has been that they may be cool if they knew.
But, because they came out and offered it to me. Could it be said that were I to go for it they would be the ones cheating and not me?
They're adults and it's their relationships. Any of you is free to decide you're not comfortable with the arrangment, but in practical terms it's between the three of you.
And yes, generally you'd be the one who either of them cheated with, not the one who cheated or was cheated on.
I'm kind of curious as to what's actually been said now. If they've just said they're going to teach you about sex in bed, you might get some kind of crazy puppet show or seminar (in bed). That would make for an awesome story in the end.
VivixenneRemember your training, and we'll get through this just fine.Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
I don't get why being 27 and not having had intimate relations with a girl is something that needs to be rectified by girls in relationships or girls in open relationships.
Get a damn girlfriend. Or even just go on a date with someone. Kiss her. Bang her. Done.
Really I feel like you should be asking WHY you have a problem with the fact that you've never kissed or had sex with a woman at the age of 27, not what to do with an absolutely ridiculous minefield of a situation.
I don't get why being 27 and not having had intimate relations with a girl is something that needs to be rectified by girls in relationships or girls in open relationships.
Get a damn girlfriend. Or even just go on a date with someone. Kiss her. Bang her. Done.
Really I feel like you should be asking WHY you have a problem with the fact that you've never kissed or had sex with a woman at the age of 27, not what to do with an absolutely ridiculous minefield of a situation.
I don't understand what your angle is here.
It doesn't need to happen this way, but the opportunity has presented itself. His problem with not having had sex or kissed a woman is the same as my problem with not having a hundred million dollars: it'd be nice to have.
Really, this situation isn't that complicated. It's not a minefield. The girls are offering and they're saying that it's alright in their relationships (or at least one of them did). It is simplicity itself.
VivixenneRemember your training, and we'll get through this just fine.Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
Learning the ropes to sex is not all that important. Every girl you're going to be with likes something different.
You don't need a threesome to learn how to have sex. You need a girl patient enough to teach you what she likes.
Even if both these girls end up to be masters in bed and are great at showing him what to expect, and it comes away with zero drama, so what? I can see how it's an exercise in confidence but it doesn't mean he'll be decent in bed when it actually matters.
I guess I don't get how just because a girl's in an open relationship and willing to teach a guy that it's a thing to consider. My angle is simply that his problem is thinking that being a virgin at 27 is a problem. It's not, but if he really does think it's an issue, maybe he should be asking himself why he's a virgin at 27 instead of worrying about stuff like this.
That seems to be a bigger problem in and of itself. I'm not going to judge how a dude should lose his virginity, but based on the information in this thread, I doubt this will actually solve any of his issues.
Vivi brings up a good point. This whole ordeal may not really address any of the actual issues the OP seems to have with his situation. I'm not saying flat out yes or no on it, but I think it'd be prudent to consider the consequences and the long-term of all of this.
Okay, people need to reread the OP. The girls haven't even really said they would have a threesome, or teach them. He says they have 'hinted' around, and let's face it, they wouldn't be the first person that is all talk.
But even if they aren't all talk, neither has cleared it with their BF/Fiancee. That right there is why some people are advising against it.
IF all parties are okay with it and going in knowing the risks, go for it.
Perish the thought that the OP has somehow misinterpreted the intentions of these girls. That would be tragic.
I still don't really see Vivi's point. Regardless of why he hasn't yet made lemonade, life is apparently giving him lemons. Two lemons! Just because this is not the end all solution to everything doesn't mean that it's not a worthwhile thing.
VivixenneRemember your training, and we'll get through this just fine.Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
Okay, minus the fact that his problems are much larger than getting his dick wet, you also have something ELSE I touched on: building unrealistic expectations around the idea of sex.
I'd say that's a pretty big risk to take. Unless this woman (the one in the open relationship) is well aware of everything that goes into properly "educating" a dude on sex, I doubt she's a realistic representation of what he can expect when it comes to sex with someone he actually gives a fuck about.
EDIT: Like I said, it could purely be a confidence-building exercise, but that feeds into why he thinks being a 27-year-old virgin is a problem to begin with, as well as the fact that he is a virgin at all given that fact.
Losing your virginity to two veterans of the field really doesn't sound that appealing to me. There's a pretty good chance you will be worried about being bad or doing something wrong or something of the sort, and that's not what sex is about. Going to get your dick super hard and FUCK LADIEZ YES HELL YES is childish and stupid, and it will probably lead to somebody getting hurt, probably you. Find a girl that you want to make happy who also wants to make you happy! Relationships are about two people, focusing entirely on yourself is just going to make you come off as creepy or desperate, and nobody wants that.
I see Vivs point and agree actually. If you see it as a problem maybe you should focus on why you haven't kissed or screwed someone and than focus on fixing that instead of just having a three some.
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sportzboytjwsqueeeeeezzeeeesome more tax breaks outRegistered Userregular
edited December 2008
If it helps: I was a virgin until I got married at 22. I'm happy I waited. She was too.
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Okay, minus the fact that his problems are much larger than getting his dick wet, you also have something ELSE I touched on: building unrealistic expectations around the idea of sex.
I'm not entirely sure what problems you're ascribing to the OP, but how does one build unrealistic expectations around sex by having sex?
VivixenneRemember your training, and we'll get through this just fine.Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
The sex he is out to have is not what I would call "normal" circumstances under which one would have sex, which would be a relationship or a one-night-stand he managed to score.
These girls are not the norm; one is in a sexually open relationship even while engaged and the other one doesn't intend to tell her boyfriend about her offer to educate him. On top of that, they are hinting at the possibility of a threesome.
Sorry, your first sexual encounter should be something real and something (i.e., an experience) that you can take with you into the next one, be it with someone else or the same person.
Overall, there is no magic formula that makes one good at sex. People have to learn what turns the other person on, and this varies from partner to partner and even night to night depending on mood. A one-night crash course isn't going to teach the dude anything, and on top of that he's likely going to be so overwhelmed that he's getting any at all, I doubt he'll be able to pay a lick of attention even if the girls are actually teaching him something useful.
That last bit is evidenced in the fact that the OP, again, makes a deal out of being a 27-year-old virgin and yet somehow manages to remain one, with his solution being two de facto-attached girls offering to teach him.
There are plenty of people in here telling him to go for it as long as both girls are straight with the people they're with, and that's fine. I'm just of the mind that given indicators on this dude's opinion of sex and other intimate relations, this sort of solution is going to do more harm than good.
I agree with the "find someone you care about" bit myself.
I'm definitely not one that believes you should save yourself for marriage or The One. Finding out you are not sexually compatible after a lot of emotional investment is not the clever way of going about it.
But having sex just because you haven't had any before isn't logical to me.
If you go at it with someone you are really into, it shouldn't matter if you're a virgin or how you perform. As someone said, sex is funny. My first time was relaxed and the situation humorous for both of us because of our inexperience but it was a great moment. Much better I'm sure than the drunken fuck with a random girl that I'm glad I passed on.
I mean, morally I don't really see a problem with you banging the open-relationship chick if what she is saying is correct. I don't think you're in it for the right reasons though.
To answer some questions and confirm some theories:
Ya, I got problems. More so than just being a virgin at 27. A thing, by the way, that does make me think I've gone wrong some where.
The conversation in which this whole "teach sex" thing came about was also the same conversation in which I told them what my problems are.
And right now, vivi is making a lot of sense to me.
[EDIT:Rather I should say that the conversation about my problems later spawned the teach sex conversation.]
Why not just ask these girls for advice and explanations instead of a physical demonstration (as great as that sounds)? You'd be risking getting yourself into a very sticky situation with at least one of them and I'd have to agree with vivi in that your first experiences should be something all on your own and not something like a mock experience. Theres nothing wrong with asking these girls their female point of view and get some tips on what to do so that when the time comes to pull the trigger on a girl you legitamately obtained you'll have some knowledge.
Also, I understand that there are some issues going on that may have cause the whole being 27 and a virgin thing but I'm sure it's nothing that can't be worked with. I'd suggest addressing these problems before heading knee deep into something like sex and trust me once these issues are resolved everything else will come on their own (no pun intended). Now if it's a confidence thing, thats absolutely fixable and is very much a thing that needs to be personally overcome. If it's a looks thing that is def something that can be worked on and tailored. The conversation and hooking of said females can be helped just by talking to your willing female friends and guy friends to get some info and tips. Ever watch the show The Pickup Artist? As cheesy as it may seem a lot of what they cover makes a whole lot of sense and it shows that anyone with personal and external issues can overcome them to be a successful ladiesman.
Sorry, your first sexual encounter should be something real and something (i.e., an experience) that you can take with you into the next one, be it with someone else or the same person.
Why?
Some people view sex as something special, hence the waiting, or advice on finding someone special first. Other's don't.
The only issue I have witht he OP's situation is the buttload of drama that can come out of this. If that can be worked out, there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't do this.
I was offered a threesome when I was still a virgin and I turned it down and I don't regret my decision. I didn't want my first time to be an emotional mess/one night stand, even if it involved awesome threesome sex.
My first time was awkward as hell for me and my girl, but it was wonderful anyways.
It's up to you to decide how you want to enjoy your life. If your confident this won't end in emotional wreckage then I say you might as well go for it weather you learn anything or not it it would probably be fun. If having this threesome is likely to wreck friendships or relationships then its not worth it.
From your description it sounds like this has a good chance of being an emotional mess/one night stand so I wouldn't bother.
Listen man, if there's not at LEAST two girls involved, I don't want anything to do with it.
Gotta have standards.
Also, have you considered the possibility that you're gay? Maybe you should ask the boyfriends if they want to be involved. Sort of a dabbler course buffet-style deal.
Man, this is crazy. You have answers bordering on the ladder theory immediatley followed by someone saying you should wait for your true love, even if that never comes.
I really feel for you...I had a tough time myself. The self esteem issues with this stuff are huge. 1: Stay away from the girl with the boyfriend, but watch and see if she dumps him. If she does, go for it.
On the other girl...geeze. The good angel is telling me that it might not be worth it, and you should wait. The bad angel is telling me that the benefits might be worth losing a friend. Is this lady your best friend in the whole world, or just another friend among many?
I feel your pain! I am curious as to why it never worked out with anyone else though. I spent a very long time just being the "friend", and the only way I was able to get past that was moving out of my comfort zone and meeting new people. Go places, do things, or even start hitting the online dating sites. I met my wife through match.com, and before her I dated some other girls, and three or four of those were actually very cool human beings through different sites. I probably would have married one of them if I had been at a different place in my life. Of course, some were freaks. And that was pretty good for someone who had basically been a sexless enuch to everyone female.
Good luck. Feel free to PM if you need more advice on that stuff.
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How nerdy is he though, if he is getting offered a threesome? :winky:
to the OP: At the least you can view this as a confidence booster that they offered. Whatever you decide.
Honestly if you think it would hurt their relationship and still do it part of the blame lies with you.
it's this kind of hippy peacemongering that has created this monster in the first place. The blame is entirely on the party who decides to do the cheating because if it isn't OP it's going to be someone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is unless OP coaxes the girl into it then the blame is squarely on the girl.
I could not live with myself if I knew about it and did it anyway. I mean if he doesn't know about the other person than it's not his fault, but if he does and chooses to do it anyway he is just as much to blame as the female.
If you're in an open relationship, having sex with someone else isn't cheating.
Point being he doesn't even know if either relationship is open.
Which is why he should find out. However, if they are open, and if everyone is fully aware of what's going on, I see no reason why he shouldn't go for it if he wants. The idea that he shouldn't because sex with him might damage his friends' relationships even if everyone involved has already indicated their approval is. Hm. Paternalistic? His friends are grown-ups and can set up their relationships as they like, and he should trust them to do that.
The onus is not on him to investigate further. Both of his friends have told him their significant others are okay with this, it is not his responsibility to ensure that his friends are not lying for the sake of their relationship. They're adults, and he should be able to take their words at face value about their relationships. Key point there, the relationships are not his to salvage or maintain, it is not his responsibility to make 100% certain that these girls' boyfriends are okay with this. If the girls say it's okay, then that is enough.
Yeah the relationships aren't his, he however doesn't have to be a colossal dick though either.
Satans..... hints.....
I would consider it being a good friend if he found out for sure before doing anything. Also Trow I am not saying he shouldn't do it if everyone is okay with it, but it sounds out like the boyfriends aren't even being informed about it.
That's pretty much the way of it right there. The language has been that they may be cool if they knew.
But, because they came out and offered it to me. Could it be said that were I to go for it they would be the ones cheating and not me?
Technically it would not be you cheating, it would be them cheating with you (this is all if their SO's are not okay with it)
You are almost thirty and have never even kissed a girl.
Most women your age would find it really weird that you have never had any physical contact with a woman, no offense.
And then, two beautiful women, who know that you're a total virgin, offer you a threesome sex lesson?
If you don't do this, you are a total idiot, I'm sorry. Honestly. This woman is almost thirty, she is a big girl, and she knows how her fiance thinks. If this is something he would break up with her over, then she knows it, she isn't stupid. She is making a decision to have sex with you.
DO IT.
They don't expect you to be good at sex, they know you're a virgin, and will be teaching and helping you. God is smiling upon you from the heavens.
He is not a total idiot if he chooses not to do this because of the SO's or any reason.
To be honest, you could try the threesome and end up blowing in four seconds... Not much of a learning experience there, and in my opinion, would get pretty awkward with your friends after a while. I mean, if both the girls s/o's are completely okay with it, you could end up getting into a polyamorous relationship...cool!
Hey, whatever happens, use protection!
They're adults and it's their relationships. Any of you is free to decide you're not comfortable with the arrangment, but in practical terms it's between the three of you.
And yes, generally you'd be the one who either of them cheated with, not the one who cheated or was cheated on.
I'm kind of curious as to what's actually been said now. If they've just said they're going to teach you about sex in bed, you might get some kind of crazy puppet show or seminar (in bed). That would make for an awesome story in the end.
Get a damn girlfriend. Or even just go on a date with someone. Kiss her. Bang her. Done.
Really I feel like you should be asking WHY you have a problem with the fact that you've never kissed or had sex with a woman at the age of 27, not what to do with an absolutely ridiculous minefield of a situation.
I don't understand what your angle is here.
It doesn't need to happen this way, but the opportunity has presented itself. His problem with not having had sex or kissed a woman is the same as my problem with not having a hundred million dollars: it'd be nice to have.
Really, this situation isn't that complicated. It's not a minefield. The girls are offering and they're saying that it's alright in their relationships (or at least one of them did). It is simplicity itself.
You don't need a threesome to learn how to have sex. You need a girl patient enough to teach you what she likes.
Even if both these girls end up to be masters in bed and are great at showing him what to expect, and it comes away with zero drama, so what? I can see how it's an exercise in confidence but it doesn't mean he'll be decent in bed when it actually matters.
I guess I don't get how just because a girl's in an open relationship and willing to teach a guy that it's a thing to consider. My angle is simply that his problem is thinking that being a virgin at 27 is a problem. It's not, but if he really does think it's an issue, maybe he should be asking himself why he's a virgin at 27 instead of worrying about stuff like this.
That seems to be a bigger problem in and of itself. I'm not going to judge how a dude should lose his virginity, but based on the information in this thread, I doubt this will actually solve any of his issues.
But even if they aren't all talk, neither has cleared it with their BF/Fiancee. That right there is why some people are advising against it.
IF all parties are okay with it and going in knowing the risks, go for it.
I still don't really see Vivi's point. Regardless of why he hasn't yet made lemonade, life is apparently giving him lemons. Two lemons! Just because this is not the end all solution to everything doesn't mean that it's not a worthwhile thing.
I'd say that's a pretty big risk to take. Unless this woman (the one in the open relationship) is well aware of everything that goes into properly "educating" a dude on sex, I doubt she's a realistic representation of what he can expect when it comes to sex with someone he actually gives a fuck about.
EDIT: Like I said, it could purely be a confidence-building exercise, but that feeds into why he thinks being a 27-year-old virgin is a problem to begin with, as well as the fact that he is a virgin at all given that fact.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
I'm not entirely sure what problems you're ascribing to the OP, but how does one build unrealistic expectations around sex by having sex?
These girls are not the norm; one is in a sexually open relationship even while engaged and the other one doesn't intend to tell her boyfriend about her offer to educate him. On top of that, they are hinting at the possibility of a threesome.
Sorry, your first sexual encounter should be something real and something (i.e., an experience) that you can take with you into the next one, be it with someone else or the same person.
Overall, there is no magic formula that makes one good at sex. People have to learn what turns the other person on, and this varies from partner to partner and even night to night depending on mood. A one-night crash course isn't going to teach the dude anything, and on top of that he's likely going to be so overwhelmed that he's getting any at all, I doubt he'll be able to pay a lick of attention even if the girls are actually teaching him something useful.
That last bit is evidenced in the fact that the OP, again, makes a deal out of being a 27-year-old virgin and yet somehow manages to remain one, with his solution being two de facto-attached girls offering to teach him.
There are plenty of people in here telling him to go for it as long as both girls are straight with the people they're with, and that's fine. I'm just of the mind that given indicators on this dude's opinion of sex and other intimate relations, this sort of solution is going to do more harm than good.
I'm definitely not one that believes you should save yourself for marriage or The One. Finding out you are not sexually compatible after a lot of emotional investment is not the clever way of going about it.
But having sex just because you haven't had any before isn't logical to me.
If you go at it with someone you are really into, it shouldn't matter if you're a virgin or how you perform. As someone said, sex is funny. My first time was relaxed and the situation humorous for both of us because of our inexperience but it was a great moment. Much better I'm sure than the drunken fuck with a random girl that I'm glad I passed on.
I mean, morally I don't really see a problem with you banging the open-relationship chick if what she is saying is correct. I don't think you're in it for the right reasons though.
Ya, I got problems. More so than just being a virgin at 27. A thing, by the way, that does make me think I've gone wrong some where.
The conversation in which this whole "teach sex" thing came about was also the same conversation in which I told them what my problems are.
And right now, vivi is making a lot of sense to me.
[EDIT:Rather I should say that the conversation about my problems later spawned the teach sex conversation.]
Also, I understand that there are some issues going on that may have cause the whole being 27 and a virgin thing but I'm sure it's nothing that can't be worked with. I'd suggest addressing these problems before heading knee deep into something like sex and trust me once these issues are resolved everything else will come on their own (no pun intended). Now if it's a confidence thing, thats absolutely fixable and is very much a thing that needs to be personally overcome. If it's a looks thing that is def something that can be worked on and tailored. The conversation and hooking of said females can be helped just by talking to your willing female friends and guy friends to get some info and tips. Ever watch the show The Pickup Artist? As cheesy as it may seem a lot of what they cover makes a whole lot of sense and it shows that anyone with personal and external issues can overcome them to be a successful ladiesman.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Why?
Some people view sex as something special, hence the waiting, or advice on finding someone special first. Other's don't.
The only issue I have witht he OP's situation is the buttload of drama that can come out of this. If that can be worked out, there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't do this.
My first time was awkward as hell for me and my girl, but it was wonderful anyways.
It's up to you to decide how you want to enjoy your life. If your confident this won't end in emotional wreckage then I say you might as well go for it weather you learn anything or not it it would probably be fun. If having this threesome is likely to wreck friendships or relationships then its not worth it.
From your description it sounds like this has a good chance of being an emotional mess/one night stand so I wouldn't bother.
Gotta have standards.
Also, have you considered the possibility that you're gay? Maybe you should ask the boyfriends if they want to be involved. Sort of a dabbler course buffet-style deal.
I really feel for you...I had a tough time myself. The self esteem issues with this stuff are huge. 1: Stay away from the girl with the boyfriend, but watch and see if she dumps him. If she does, go for it.
On the other girl...geeze. The good angel is telling me that it might not be worth it, and you should wait. The bad angel is telling me that the benefits might be worth losing a friend. Is this lady your best friend in the whole world, or just another friend among many?
I feel your pain! I am curious as to why it never worked out with anyone else though. I spent a very long time just being the "friend", and the only way I was able to get past that was moving out of my comfort zone and meeting new people. Go places, do things, or even start hitting the online dating sites. I met my wife through match.com, and before her I dated some other girls, and three or four of those were actually very cool human beings through different sites. I probably would have married one of them if I had been at a different place in my life. Of course, some were freaks. And that was pretty good for someone who had basically been a sexless enuch to everyone female.
Good luck. Feel free to PM if you need more advice on that stuff.