Let me see if I can summarize this situation a bit more clearly. Put it in a bit of perspective.
The OP has never had sex.
An engaged woman has offered to have sex with him. She has not asked her fiancé if this is acceptable but says "he would be cool with it if he found out" (emphasis added). We'll call this girl "A".
We have fewer details about the second woman, but we do know that she's in a relationship, and that her boyfriend will not approve. OP words it as such: "[He] may not be so cool about it if we're not discreet enough", so once again, it's an issue of "if he finds out". We'll call her "B".
So in both cases, the OP is thinking about how the respective S.O.s of these girls will react if they find out, not when, because apparently nobody is planning on telling either of these guys.
Now, to the next point, apparently "A" had a sit-down, heart-to-heart chat with "B" which went in the direction of "B" cheating on her boyfriend to have a threesome with OP. So "A" is probably complicit in "B" cheating.
So here's where we're at. We've got an OP who knows these girls are taken but wants to bang them anyway. We've got one girl who says she's in an open relationship but isn't planning on telling her boyfriend about sleeping with the OP. And we've got that girl convincing another girl who would be out-and-out, unquestionably, absolutely cheating that she wants to get in on this action, too.
So look, limp moose et al, if you feel like they're adults and it's their business what they do, that's your prerogative. But it's pretty goddamn clear that if you're encouraging him to have the threesome, you're encouraging cheating, and that's pretty morally repugnant.
I suggest he shouldn't be noble about any of these women's relationships. They are big girls, and he doesn't need to be dealing with their relationships.
Not everyone in an open relationship tells their S.O. about their extra-relationship sex, by the way.
That doesn't change the fact that the second girl is cheating, and that the girl who is in an open relationship is encouraging it.
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HalfmexI mock your value systemYou also appear foolish in the eyes of othersRegistered Userregular
edited December 2008
But by being involved in this activity, he will be dealing with their relationships. Yes, they're adults who can make their own decisions, but when you screw around (literally and figuratively) with involved people, there's a good chance that you'll end up on the wrong end of someone's fist, or worse.
It's just a really bad avenue to go down, and like others in the thread have mentioned, this isn't going to be some kind of "cure all" for the OP. Just because he hasn't been laid before isn't some free pass to nail anyone that comes along without thought of repercussions. I'm not necessarily saying he should "hold out for Ms. Right" or whatever (and I'm not NOT saying that), but there are more cons to this particular situation than there are pros, in my eyes at least.
Because there are more cons to this, I think you should meet half way. Play around with the girl that is in the "open relationship" and have fun, learn a few things, and move on.
The op apparently labels having never kissed a girl or being a virgin a "problem", and having a threesome isn't going to solve that problem long term. Not unless he wants to rely on pity sex from willing friends for the rest of his life.
Would people be so gunho in their advice if instead of friends it was hookers the guy was considering buying?
Not everyone in an open relationship tells their S.O. about their extra-relationship sex, by the way.
That doesn't change the fact that the second girl is cheating, and that the girl who is in an open relationship is encouraging it.
Well, yes. If you look back, my advice was for him to check and make sure the open-relationship-girl's fiance is okay with it and then go for it with her. I'm just saying that not everyone's open-relationship-rules require you to tell your S.O. about every extra-relationship affair.
Plus, I've been in something like this situation from the female side. It wasn't a big deal, I got to have some fun sex with a friend, and the friend didn't worry about "omg will die a virgin" anymore. There are worse things than having your first time with someone who already knows and cares about you.
I also think that threesomes probably aren't the best idea for a first sexual encounter. Not because of any moral issues, mind, but because it takes a lot of skill to make sure everyone has a good time. One-on-one is much easier, especially with a n00b.
The op apparently labels having never kissed a girl or being a virgin a "problem", and having a threesome isn't going to solve that problem long term. Not unless he wants to rely on pity sex from willing friends for the rest of his life.
Would people be so gunho in their advice if instead of friends it was hookers the guy was considering buying?
the thing is, a gun is awefully scary until you shoot one for the first time, then you realize its not so bad. he needs to do this just so the stigma and bizarreity of sex is taken away and he can see it for what it is. i remember when i losy my virginity i thought (huh. i dont feel any different now than i did before. i thought it was supposed to make me feel different)
im guessing he has never done anything before because hes scared and this will help him realize that its not some big deal and you dont have to find a spirit partner or whatever the fuck because its just sex. it gets better when youre with someone you love, but its not a prerequisite.
1. OP is worried about his lack of physical contact/association with the ladies and is putting a lot of thought into the stigma of sex and is obsessing about it (more or less)
2. Talking to a friend, She offers instructional aid in said areas of OP's problem area. Op doesn't say, hey know what would be fun, you should have sex with me to get me over the hump, it was offered by the lady
3. lady offers threesome with mutual friend.
4. People in a relationship: Ladies. no relatiionship: OP,
I don't see where people are throwing out him cheating as an arguement against him going for the threesome. 1. He is not in a relationship. 2. He didn't proposition the girls to have sex with him. 3. It would probably help him realize sex is not something to fret about. to borrow from the 40year old virgin, to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.
caveats to not doing it:
straight up pity sex. they feel bad for you so they are sleeping with you might not help with self esteem
guy in open relationship might want to join in with you so that might freak you out.
i say go for it. it will help you relax and not worry about being a virgin so much and let you focs on other things. basically all you have to do is enjoy yourself. it might not be said but its a given, that the threesome is all about you so you don't need to worry about everyone
screw people saying its cheating for you. sure technically you are the mistress, but it was initiated by other people, who could have said no.
They are also consenting adults. If they are willing to risk their relationships to nail the OP then so be it.
It is not his responsability to safe guard other peoples relationships.
Second the fact that he is even debating this and worrying over what he should do and not having the gumption to Act is probably the exact problem that lead to this situation in the first place. ( I say situation because it is not a problem to be a virgin unless you don't want to be.)
Third someone asked if I would be so gung ho if it was a hooker and not some girl in a relationship. As long as it was in a place where hookers were legal (nevada, tailand, amsterdam) I absolutely would be. What two consenting adults do on their own time is their own damn business. If the OP is tired of being a virgin only he can solve that problem.
Everyone worrying about the two girls is missing the forest for the trees. Lets worry about the op here.
Many people here (myself included) seem to be against cheating in relationships, and as such, it would be hypocritical to encourage someone else to cheat or enable a cheater. "Living the dream" of a threesome with (presumably attractive) friends would be a rush, I'm sure, but there's more to it than that.
They are also consenting adults. If they are willing to risk their relationships to nail the OP then so be it.
It is not his responsability to safe guard other peoples relationships.
Here's the other sticking point; they're friends. Not only that, but we've established that both Boyfriends may/would be (understandably) unhappy to find out about said shenanigans. Furthermore to the point of "they're friends", if he wishes to retain their friendship without getting into something complicated down the road, not fucking them (at least for now) would be the safer choice. How welcome do you think he'd be at their homes just to hang out, should their boyfriend discover their affair? How comfortable would group outings be that might incorporate any combination of the aforementioned people?
Or maybe that's the point, and one or both women is unhappy in their relationship and willing to risk a falling out over deflowering a friend.
Regardless, I don't think it's a bad idea to think this one through quite closely.
Bluntly, if they want to fuck him now while they're in a relationship, why not just leave that on the table until one/both of them are out of a relationship, and keep searching for someone that wants to get in his pants without potential other-relationship drama?
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
Bluntly, if they want to fuck him now while they're in a relationship, why not just leave that on the table until one/both of them are out of a relationship, and keep searching for someone that wants to get in his pants without potential other-relationship drama?
i think thats the reason he's still a virgin. you gotta take what you can get "early on" before you can start getting picky.
Not everyone in an open relationship tells their S.O. about their extra-relationship sex, by the way.
That doesn't change the fact that the second girl is cheating, and that the girl who is in an open relationship is encouraging it.
I know you were responding just to limp moose and not the whole thread, but almost everyone who has been encouraging him to do it has been at least mentioning that it should only be with A and not B.
If you don't know how to screw one woman, how the hell is trying to do two at the same time going to help you figure out what to do with one?
On A, if she wants to do it, I say go for it. If she's offering, well, go for it, but make sure she REALLY means it. I'd hate to see you go through all this for a joke. She's in an open relationship, just make sure you remember to use protection. You don't want to catch something your first time, that might put you off sex for good.
On B, stay the fuck away. She's not sure how her SO will react, so best to avoid that drama mess until she decides she wants to or doesn't want to. Don't push her either way. We're trying to save you from getting your ass beaten to a pulp if B's SO finds out you did the deed and doesn't appreciate it.
I think a lot of people who are saying, "How is he supposed to handle two women at once?!?!" aren't realizing that these girls KNOW THAT HE IS A VIRGIN and have agreed to this threesome JUST SO THEY CAN TEACH HIM ABOUT SEX.
Good fucking god, this is blowing my mind. You get a crash course in sex from two attractive friends of yours who don't expect anything from you in return because they know you're a virgin. Also, after this you won't have to tell people that you're thirty years old and have never kissed a girl, plus you get to feel sexually experienced because you had a threesome. Jesus, what more could you want? I literally do not understand, at all.
I lost my Virginity to two chicks at the same time. They weren't dating men, but rather eachother. It was god damned amazing. They knew I was a virgin, and took respect to that. Just have an open mind, do it up, do it down, but dammit you better do it.
Cause you know what, when are you going to get this kind of opportunity again?
Oh, and if girl B is so excited to 'help' I am sure she has wanted to 'help' other before you, and will others in the future. To be honest, I am pretty jealous.
I think a lot of people who are saying, "How is he supposed to handle two women at once?!?!" aren't realizing that these girls KNOW THAT HE IS A VIRGIN and have agreed to this threesome JUST SO THEY CAN TEACH HIM ABOUT SEX.
Good fucking god, this is blowing my mind. You get a crash course in sex from two attractive friends of yours who don't expect anything from you in return because they know you're a virgin. Also, after this you won't have to tell people that you're thirty years old and have never kissed a girl, plus you get to feel sexually experienced because you had a threesome. Jesus, what more could you want? I literally do not understand, at all.
You don't understand that the two girls are in relationships and the OP himself had admitted that if the boyfriend's found out, they probably would 't be happy?
I think a lot of people who are saying, "How is he supposed to handle two women at once?!?!" aren't realizing that these girls KNOW THAT HE IS A VIRGIN and have agreed to this threesome JUST SO THEY CAN TEACH HIM ABOUT SEX.
Good fucking god, this is blowing my mind. You get a crash course in sex from two attractive friends of yours who don't expect anything from you in return because they know you're a virgin. Also, after this you won't have to tell people that you're thirty years old and have never kissed a girl, plus you get to feel sexually experienced because you had a threesome. Jesus, what more could you want? I literally do not understand, at all.
You don't understand that the two girls are in relationships and the OP himself had admitted that if the boyfriend's found out, they probably would 't be happy?
I think a lot of people who are saying, "How is he supposed to handle two women at once?!?!" aren't realizing that these girls KNOW THAT HE IS A VIRGIN and have agreed to this threesome JUST SO THEY CAN TEACH HIM ABOUT SEX.
Good fucking god, this is blowing my mind. You get a crash course in sex from two attractive friends of yours who don't expect anything from you in return because they know you're a virgin. Also, after this you won't have to tell people that you're thirty years old and have never kissed a girl, plus you get to feel sexually experienced because you had a threesome. Jesus, what more could you want? I literally do not understand, at all.
You don't understand that the two girls are in relationships and the OP himself had admitted that if the boyfriend's found out, they probably would 't be happy?
Why is that his problem?
I'm assuming that the OP doesn't want a punch in the face or, indeed, far worse. I think going through with this would be a stupid move to do this without the boyfriend(s) actually knowing and being cool with it.
I also think that this point of view should be fairly obvious. What would you do if you were one of the girls' boyfriends in this situation and you found out afterwards instead of being told beforehand?
EDIT: Not saying that all boyfriends would want to knock the OP's teeth out in such a situation, just that you should be wary of this possibility.
Aside from a non-zero chance of violence, there's the point that I emphasized above; these are friends, and despite them wanting to tear off his pants, friends don't let friends do something they might regret, such as something which could jeopardize their relationship(s) or drive a wedge between their ability to remain friends with each other. I am equally surprised that so many people would eagerly put a night of fucking ahead of who knows how many years of friendship.
For the record; while I find the comment about "if he found out" in regards to A something of a red flag, spending some time "learning" with her seems like the least likely thing to start a problem.
Stay the hell away from B until she's not in a relationship, or is in one that such shenanigans would be approved of.
[silly]Or he could just bypass the whole issue and have a 5-some with both girls and both guys. If you're going to jump into the deep end, what's an extra 5 feet of water overhead?[/silly]
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
As tempting as the three-way sounds(which, again, he won't be able to fully appreciate), I would agree that the reward to risk ratio is way better with a night of learning with just chick A.
As tempting as the three-way sounds(which, again, he won't be able to fully appreciate), I would agree that the reward to risk ratio is way better with a night of learning with just chick A.
My initial response was to say: you're late to the party bro, might as well make a grand entrance.
But this option will get your ass kicked or worse. If guys are willing to hop flights and kill someone over something they said in a gaming forum(google it) then the possibility that you might have a tag on your toe, after your two girls/one guy party, is certainly high. Crimes of passion aren't mythical legends, they are real.
Get girl A to MAKE SURE it's cool with her guy. If it is get to the learning my friend.
Forget girl B.
I also agree that these girls relationships are theirs to deal with. If my wife was cheating I'd like to think that I wouldn't be angry with him, it's her that cheated after all...but I would most likely want to kill him...then her.......slowly. I imagine that most people think the latter when it comes to this.
Good luck either way...and the best advice so far in this thread? WRAP YO SHIT!
the thing is, a gun is awefully scary until you shoot one for the first time, then you realize its not so bad.
Yes -
Sexual clumsiness isn't this guys problem. Lack of confidence is. This is an opportunity for him to demystify this thing called sex, and focus on actually meeting someone. I laugh at all the people saying "Oh just go out and form a relationship with someone" - as if that works for everyone.
the thing is, a gun is awefully scary until you shoot one for the first time, then you realize its not so bad.
Yes -
Sexual clumsiness isn't this guys problem. Lack of confidence is. This is an opportunity for him to demystify this thing called sex, and focus on actually meeting someone. I laugh at all the people saying "Oh just go out and form a relationship with someone" - as if that works for everyone.
The thing is, that for the most part having sex isn't going to really change him. Yeah, it won't make him be nervous when he gets the chance, but if he's 27 and never even kissed a girl, his problems run deeper than that.
Maybe the girls should offer to teach him how to talk and flirt with girls first.
I mean, if two girls are willing to have sex with you, then you aren't a total uglo or missing any limbs, so you figure you could possibly snag a girl without help from friends. Friends that are already in relationships that might lead to big time drama.
Yeah...here's a not-so out there scenario. You hook up with one or both girls. She realizes that she liked the sex with you more than with her significant other. Crazy relationship drama ensues for all involved.
The advice has been immensely appreciated. You have all made excellent points(even the fratboys) about if, how and who. wasted pixel's summation on the 5th page is spot-on.
Some of you are going think I'm an idiot/pussy. Others will prolly think I'm being responsible.
I'm not going to do it.
Since making the thread and asking the question, there has been little talk of the offer and I have not pursued it.
I realize that I may never be able to take advantage of this opportunity ever again in my entire life and I am as 'ok' with that as I can be. If I have to wait another 13 years, then I shall wait.
Unless they chloroform me and chain me to a bed, I will simply consider it as friendly banter and it was nothing serious.
I feel weird jumping into this topic so late, after the OP made up his mind, no less.
But you're making the right decision. For one thing, if you've gone this long without being in an intimately physical relationship, you're going to, on some level, fall for one of these girls. It's human nature; being involved in such an intensely emotional situation you've never approached before, particularly so since you've waited this long, means you're going to attach all these pent-up emotions to one of these girls and become romantically attached to her. And she's not going to reciprocate those feelings. You're pretty much guaranteed to get hurt if your first sexual experience is a threesome. Not to mention, as WP pointed out a couple pages ago, the severely murky waters already surrounding the situation.
Now, I know it's not as easy as just saying "Go get a girlfriend". I can definitely understand how it's always more complicated than that. But this was just an electrically charged situation. It's a display of your strength of character to recognize that.
I feel weird jumping into this topic so late, after the OP made up his mind, no less.
But you're making the right decision. For one thing, if you've gone this long without being in an intimately physical relationship, you're going to, on some level, fall for one of these girls. It's human nature; being involved in such an intensely emotional situation you've never approached before, particularly so since you've waited this long, means you're going to attach all these pent-up emotions to one of these girls and become romantically attached to her. And she's not going to reciprocate those feelings. You're pretty much guaranteed to get hurt if your first sexual experience is a threesome. Not to mention, as WP pointed out a couple pages ago, the severely murky waters already surrounding the situation.
Now, I know it's not as easy as just saying "Go get a girlfriend". I can definitely understand how it's always more complicated than that. But this was just an electrically charged situation. It's a display of your strength of character to recognize that.
Whaaaa? Not everyone falls in love with their first partner. Sex isn't magic; if he hasn't already fallen for one of his female friends, some bedroom gymnastics isn't going to change that.
Edit: Not that he shouldn't stick to his decision, because it sounds like he thought it out thoroughly. I'm just objecting to this "devirginizing = attachment" silliness.
Sex is an emotional thing. That's a simple fact of our biology, reinforced by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. When you're young, it's easier to ignore and forget the impact of it, since you're generally more emotional anyway; and the more you do it, the less pronounced it becomes, but it's there. It doesn't mean an automatic obsessive attachment, but there's going to be something. This guy sounds like a generally sincere guy, and he's waited a long time, so yes, he would become attached, I really have no doubt about it. Especially so in an emotionally confusing situation like a threesome with two involved girls.
Sex is an emotional thing. That's a simple fact of our biology, reinforced by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. When you're young, it's easier to ignore and forget the impact of it, since you're generally more emotional anyway; and the more you do it, the less pronounced it becomes, but it's there. It doesn't mean an automatic obsessive attachment, but there's going to be something. This guy sounds like a generally sincere guy, and he's waited a long time, so yes, he would become attached, I really have no doubt about it. Especially so in an emotionally confusing situation like a threesome with two involved girls.
Citation please. I've read studies saying that sex promotes "bonding" emotions when the those emotions were already there, but not that it creates them out of whole cloth. People have sex without involving their emotions all the time, or involving them in a "that was fun, I'm glad we're friends" way, and it's kind of weird that you think they don't.
Sex is an emotional thing. That's a simple fact of our biology, reinforced by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. When you're young, it's easier to ignore and forget the impact of it, since you're generally more emotional anyway; and the more you do it, the less pronounced it becomes, but it's there. It doesn't mean an automatic obsessive attachment, but there's going to be something. This guy sounds like a generally sincere guy, and he's waited a long time, so yes, he would become attached, I really have no doubt about it. Especially so in an emotionally confusing situation like a threesome with two involved girls.
Citation please. I've read studies saying that sex promotes "bonding" emotions when the those emotions were already there, but not that it creates them out of whole cloth. People have sex without involving their emotions all the time, or involving them in a "that was fun, I'm glad we're friends" way, and it's kind of weird that you think they don't.
There was actually a Boston Legal episode (The Mighty Rogues) that contained a story about Jerry spraying on Oxytocin to get this girl to like him, which included them explaining about its questionable effects:
Bonding. In the Prairie Vole, oxytocin released into the brain of the female during sexual activity is important for forming a monogamous pair bond with her sexual partner. Vasopressin appears to have a similar effect in males.[10] Oxytocin has a role in social behaviors in many species, and so it seems likely that it has similar roles in humans.
...
Increasing trust and reducing fear. In a risky investment game, experimental subjects given nasally administered oxytocin displayed "the highest level of trust" twice as often as the control group. Subjects who were told that they were interacting with a computer showed no such reaction, leading to the conclusion that oxytocin was not merely affecting risk-aversion.[15] Nasally administered oxytocin has also been reported to reduce fear, possibly by inhibiting the amygdala (which is thought to be responsible for fear responses).[16] There is no conclusive evidence for access of oxytocin to the brain through intranasal administration, however.
One possible chemical response that could cause love-like effects?
Sex is an emotional thing. That's a simple fact of our biology, reinforced by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. When you're young, it's easier to ignore and forget the impact of it, since you're generally more emotional anyway; and the more you do it, the less pronounced it becomes, but it's there. It doesn't mean an automatic obsessive attachment, but there's going to be something. This guy sounds like a generally sincere guy, and he's waited a long time, so yes, he would become attached, I really have no doubt about it. Especially so in an emotionally confusing situation like a threesome with two involved girls.
Citation please. I've read studies saying that sex promotes "bonding" emotions when the those emotions were already there, but not that it creates them out of whole cloth. People have sex without involving their emotions all the time, or involving them in a "that was fun, I'm glad we're friends" way, and it's kind of weird that you think they don't.
They're already good friends, he obviously has emotions for them. I agree that he would most likely get attatched.. it is human nature. I don't think Mars was saying he'd fall in love out of thin air.. But they're friends, there is already a sort of attachment. Sex will amplify it. He has no sort of experience with that sort of thing, not to say anything bad about the OP, but I find it hard to believe he'd be able to handle such a situation without feeling some sort of emotion for one of them.
And no, I'm not saying sex = emotion. I know quite well people do it all the time with no meaningful feelings for one another. But, in his situation, I do think that it's probable he would.
Posts
The OP has never had sex.
An engaged woman has offered to have sex with him. She has not asked her fiancé if this is acceptable but says "he would be cool with it if he found out" (emphasis added). We'll call this girl "A".
We have fewer details about the second woman, but we do know that she's in a relationship, and that her boyfriend will not approve. OP words it as such: "[He] may not be so cool about it if we're not discreet enough", so once again, it's an issue of "if he finds out". We'll call her "B".
So in both cases, the OP is thinking about how the respective S.O.s of these girls will react if they find out, not when, because apparently nobody is planning on telling either of these guys.
Now, to the next point, apparently "A" had a sit-down, heart-to-heart chat with "B" which went in the direction of "B" cheating on her boyfriend to have a threesome with OP. So "A" is probably complicit in "B" cheating.
So here's where we're at. We've got an OP who knows these girls are taken but wants to bang them anyway. We've got one girl who says she's in an open relationship but isn't planning on telling her boyfriend about sleeping with the OP. And we've got that girl convincing another girl who would be out-and-out, unquestionably, absolutely cheating that she wants to get in on this action, too.
So look, limp moose et al, if you feel like they're adults and it's their business what they do, that's your prerogative. But it's pretty goddamn clear that if you're encouraging him to have the threesome, you're encouraging cheating, and that's pretty morally repugnant.
That doesn't change the fact that the second girl is cheating, and that the girl who is in an open relationship is encouraging it.
It's just a really bad avenue to go down, and like others in the thread have mentioned, this isn't going to be some kind of "cure all" for the OP. Just because he hasn't been laid before isn't some free pass to nail anyone that comes along without thought of repercussions. I'm not necessarily saying he should "hold out for Ms. Right" or whatever (and I'm not NOT saying that), but there are more cons to this particular situation than there are pros, in my eyes at least.
Would people be so gunho in their advice if instead of friends it was hookers the guy was considering buying?
Well, yes. If you look back, my advice was for him to check and make sure the open-relationship-girl's fiance is okay with it and then go for it with her. I'm just saying that not everyone's open-relationship-rules require you to tell your S.O. about every extra-relationship affair.
Plus, I've been in something like this situation from the female side. It wasn't a big deal, I got to have some fun sex with a friend, and the friend didn't worry about "omg will die a virgin" anymore. There are worse things than having your first time with someone who already knows and cares about you.
I also think that threesomes probably aren't the best idea for a first sexual encounter. Not because of any moral issues, mind, but because it takes a lot of skill to make sure everyone has a good time. One-on-one is much easier, especially with a n00b.
the thing is, a gun is awefully scary until you shoot one for the first time, then you realize its not so bad. he needs to do this just so the stigma and bizarreity of sex is taken away and he can see it for what it is. i remember when i losy my virginity i thought (huh. i dont feel any different now than i did before. i thought it was supposed to make me feel different)
im guessing he has never done anything before because hes scared and this will help him realize that its not some big deal and you dont have to find a spirit partner or whatever the fuck because its just sex. it gets better when youre with someone you love, but its not a prerequisite.
1. OP is worried about his lack of physical contact/association with the ladies and is putting a lot of thought into the stigma of sex and is obsessing about it (more or less)
2. Talking to a friend, She offers instructional aid in said areas of OP's problem area. Op doesn't say, hey know what would be fun, you should have sex with me to get me over the hump, it was offered by the lady
3. lady offers threesome with mutual friend.
4. People in a relationship: Ladies. no relatiionship: OP,
I don't see where people are throwing out him cheating as an arguement against him going for the threesome. 1. He is not in a relationship. 2. He didn't proposition the girls to have sex with him. 3. It would probably help him realize sex is not something to fret about. to borrow from the 40year old virgin, to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.
caveats to not doing it:
straight up pity sex. they feel bad for you so they are sleeping with you might not help with self esteem
guy in open relationship might want to join in with you so that might freak you out.
i say go for it. it will help you relax and not worry about being a virgin so much and let you focs on other things. basically all you have to do is enjoy yourself. it might not be said but its a given, that the threesome is all about you so you don't need to worry about everyone
screw people saying its cheating for you. sure technically you are the mistress, but it was initiated by other people, who could have said no.
These girls are in relationships. So what.
They are also consenting adults. If they are willing to risk their relationships to nail the OP then so be it.
It is not his responsability to safe guard other peoples relationships.
Second the fact that he is even debating this and worrying over what he should do and not having the gumption to Act is probably the exact problem that lead to this situation in the first place. ( I say situation because it is not a problem to be a virgin unless you don't want to be.)
Third someone asked if I would be so gung ho if it was a hooker and not some girl in a relationship. As long as it was in a place where hookers were legal (nevada, tailand, amsterdam) I absolutely would be. What two consenting adults do on their own time is their own damn business. If the OP is tired of being a virgin only he can solve that problem.
Everyone worrying about the two girls is missing the forest for the trees. Lets worry about the op here.
DUDE GET SCREWING!
Many people here (myself included) seem to be against cheating in relationships, and as such, it would be hypocritical to encourage someone else to cheat or enable a cheater. "Living the dream" of a threesome with (presumably attractive) friends would be a rush, I'm sure, but there's more to it than that.
Here's the other sticking point; they're friends. Not only that, but we've established that both Boyfriends may/would be (understandably) unhappy to find out about said shenanigans. Furthermore to the point of "they're friends", if he wishes to retain their friendship without getting into something complicated down the road, not fucking them (at least for now) would be the safer choice. How welcome do you think he'd be at their homes just to hang out, should their boyfriend discover their affair? How comfortable would group outings be that might incorporate any combination of the aforementioned people?
Or maybe that's the point, and one or both women is unhappy in their relationship and willing to risk a falling out over deflowering a friend.
Regardless, I don't think it's a bad idea to think this one through quite closely.
Bluntly, if they want to fuck him now while they're in a relationship, why not just leave that on the table until one/both of them are out of a relationship, and keep searching for someone that wants to get in his pants without potential other-relationship drama?
i think thats the reason he's still a virgin. you gotta take what you can get "early on" before you can start getting picky.
On A, if she wants to do it, I say go for it. If she's offering, well, go for it, but make sure she REALLY means it. I'd hate to see you go through all this for a joke. She's in an open relationship, just make sure you remember to use protection. You don't want to catch something your first time, that might put you off sex for good.
On B, stay the fuck away. She's not sure how her SO will react, so best to avoid that drama mess until she decides she wants to or doesn't want to. Don't push her either way. We're trying to save you from getting your ass beaten to a pulp if B's SO finds out you did the deed and doesn't appreciate it.
I can has cheezburger, yes?
Good fucking god, this is blowing my mind. You get a crash course in sex from two attractive friends of yours who don't expect anything from you in return because they know you're a virgin. Also, after this you won't have to tell people that you're thirty years old and have never kissed a girl, plus you get to feel sexually experienced because you had a threesome. Jesus, what more could you want? I literally do not understand, at all.
Cause you know what, when are you going to get this kind of opportunity again?
Oh, and if girl B is so excited to 'help' I am sure she has wanted to 'help' other before you, and will others in the future. To be honest, I am pretty jealous.
You don't understand that the two girls are in relationships and the OP himself had admitted that if the boyfriend's found out, they probably would 't be happy?
2 (or 3) extra targets means you don't have to have good aim?
Why is that his problem?
I'm assuming that the OP doesn't want a punch in the face or, indeed, far worse. I think going through with this would be a stupid move to do this without the boyfriend(s) actually knowing and being cool with it.
I also think that this point of view should be fairly obvious. What would you do if you were one of the girls' boyfriends in this situation and you found out afterwards instead of being told beforehand?
EDIT: Not saying that all boyfriends would want to knock the OP's teeth out in such a situation, just that you should be wary of this possibility.
For the record; while I find the comment about "if he found out" in regards to A something of a red flag, spending some time "learning" with her seems like the least likely thing to start a problem.
Stay the hell away from B until she's not in a relationship, or is in one that such shenanigans would be approved of.
[silly]Or he could just bypass the whole issue and have a 5-some with both girls and both guys. If you're going to jump into the deep end, what's an extra 5 feet of water overhead?[/silly]
My initial response was to say: you're late to the party bro, might as well make a grand entrance.
But this option will get your ass kicked or worse. If guys are willing to hop flights and kill someone over something they said in a gaming forum(google it) then the possibility that you might have a tag on your toe, after your two girls/one guy party, is certainly high. Crimes of passion aren't mythical legends, they are real.
Get girl A to MAKE SURE it's cool with her guy. If it is get to the learning my friend.
Forget girl B.
I also agree that these girls relationships are theirs to deal with. If my wife was cheating I'd like to think that I wouldn't be angry with him, it's her that cheated after all...but I would most likely want to kill him...then her.......slowly. I imagine that most people think the latter when it comes to this.
Good luck either way...and the best advice so far in this thread? WRAP YO SHIT!
Yes -
Sexual clumsiness isn't this guys problem. Lack of confidence is. This is an opportunity for him to demystify this thing called sex, and focus on actually meeting someone. I laugh at all the people saying "Oh just go out and form a relationship with someone" - as if that works for everyone.
The thing is, that for the most part having sex isn't going to really change him. Yeah, it won't make him be nervous when he gets the chance, but if he's 27 and never even kissed a girl, his problems run deeper than that.
Maybe the girls should offer to teach him how to talk and flirt with girls first.
This would probably be a really good idea. For one, you could be pretty sure that your skeletal structure remains undamaged.
sounds a bit like chasing amy
The advice has been immensely appreciated. You have all made excellent points(even the fratboys) about if, how and who. wasted pixel's summation on the 5th page is spot-on.
Some of you are going think I'm an idiot/pussy. Others will prolly think I'm being responsible.
I'm not going to do it.
Since making the thread and asking the question, there has been little talk of the offer and I have not pursued it.
I realize that I may never be able to take advantage of this opportunity ever again in my entire life and I am as 'ok' with that as I can be. If I have to wait another 13 years, then I shall wait.
Unless they chloroform me and chain me to a bed, I will simply consider it as friendly banter and it was nothing serious.
Thank you.
This thread can be locked, I think.
I read this as
"If they chloroform me and chain me to a bed, I will simply consider it as friendly banter"
and thought he's going to be alright...
But you're making the right decision. For one thing, if you've gone this long without being in an intimately physical relationship, you're going to, on some level, fall for one of these girls. It's human nature; being involved in such an intensely emotional situation you've never approached before, particularly so since you've waited this long, means you're going to attach all these pent-up emotions to one of these girls and become romantically attached to her. And she's not going to reciprocate those feelings. You're pretty much guaranteed to get hurt if your first sexual experience is a threesome. Not to mention, as WP pointed out a couple pages ago, the severely murky waters already surrounding the situation.
Now, I know it's not as easy as just saying "Go get a girlfriend". I can definitely understand how it's always more complicated than that. But this was just an electrically charged situation. It's a display of your strength of character to recognize that.
Whaaaa? Not everyone falls in love with their first partner. Sex isn't magic; if he hasn't already fallen for one of his female friends, some bedroom gymnastics isn't going to change that.
Edit: Not that he shouldn't stick to his decision, because it sounds like he thought it out thoroughly. I'm just objecting to this "devirginizing = attachment" silliness.
Citation please. I've read studies saying that sex promotes "bonding" emotions when the those emotions were already there, but not that it creates them out of whole cloth. People have sex without involving their emotions all the time, or involving them in a "that was fun, I'm glad we're friends" way, and it's kind of weird that you think they don't.
There was actually a Boston Legal episode (The Mighty Rogues) that contained a story about Jerry spraying on Oxytocin to get this girl to like him, which included them explaining about its questionable effects:
One possible chemical response that could cause love-like effects?
They're already good friends, he obviously has emotions for them. I agree that he would most likely get attatched.. it is human nature. I don't think Mars was saying he'd fall in love out of thin air.. But they're friends, there is already a sort of attachment. Sex will amplify it. He has no sort of experience with that sort of thing, not to say anything bad about the OP, but I find it hard to believe he'd be able to handle such a situation without feeling some sort of emotion for one of them.
And no, I'm not saying sex = emotion. I know quite well people do it all the time with no meaningful feelings for one another. But, in his situation, I do think that it's probable he would.
Back to OP: I think you made the right choice.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH