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Strange & Embarassing Moments: The Finer Points of Cunnilingus on a Chalkboard

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Posts

  • Element BrianElement Brian Peanut Butter Shill Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    That's all kinds of shit. Let me tell you why.

    First, she's an emotional ninja. She'll sneak up on you and just rape the shit out of you when you least expect it for absolutely no reason.

    Second, well there is no second because she put you in a situation that the homeless guy up on main street would put you in if he walked up to you and said, "Those fucking gremlins have been after me for a week, let's head back to the lab and make that secret weapon you were talking about."

    Yea but shes cute.

    Element Brian on
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  • Silas BrownSilas Brown That's hobo style. Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Bowen is doing posting combos or something. Can he get a third in?

    Silas Brown on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    That's all kinds of shit. Let me tell you why.

    First, she's an emotional ninja. She'll sneak up on you and just rape the shit out of you when you least expect it for absolutely no reason.

    Second, well there is no second because she put you in a situation that the homeless guy up on main street would put you in if he walked up to you and said, "Those fucking gremlins have been after me for a week, let's head back to the lab and make that secret weapon you were talking about."

    Yea but shes cute.

    Is there love there? Here's how you find out. Start wearing the Burger King mask every time you go places she might be. If there's true love she'll ignore you completely, because she only has eyes for you. Chances are she's going to be all over you because, well, you're the Burger King. She'll probably ask you to do her doggy style, because that's how the King likes it.

    Do you have the courage to be the King?

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    That's all kinds of shit. Let me tell you why.

    First, she's an emotional ninja. She'll sneak up on you and just rape the shit out of you when you least expect it for absolutely no reason.

    Second, well there is no second because she put you in a situation that the homeless guy up on main street would put you in if he walked up to you and said, "Those fucking gremlins have been after me for a week, let's head back to the lab and make that secret weapon you were talking about."

    Yea but shes cute.

    This is important

    In all seriousness people make mistakes all the time, and she might've misinterpreted a signal from you as a sign of interest. You don't know. There is NO FUCKING REASON not to ask her about it. She might be The One, or she might be batshit crazy. But you don't know if you don't find out.
    EDIT: someone report Bowen's posts NOW for awesome

    Rent on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    The infraction would be so worth it to do this in H&A. Pheezer has it out for me though so I'd probably get banned for doing it.

    And you don't know how hard it is to not post it. Like every 5 minutes there's a new girl thread.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    The infraction would be so worth it to do this in H&A. Pheezer has it out for me though so I'd probably get banned for doing it.

    And you don't know how hard it is to not post it. Like every 5 minutes there's a new girl thread.
    Resist, man
    D and D is like H/A, except more political and serious
    Like The West Wing to Dallas

    Rent on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Rent wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    The infraction would be so worth it to do this in H&A. Pheezer has it out for me though so I'd probably get banned for doing it.

    And you don't know how hard it is to not post it. Like every 5 minutes there's a new girl thread.
    Resist, man
    D and D is like H/A, except more political and serious
    Like The West Wing to Dallas

    D&D can take a joke sometimes.

    Banatos and Wheezer run it like Soviet Cuba.
    I love you all.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2008
    I'm going to call this strange and embarrassing because I'm actually posting this. It's meta S&E.

    I live in a dorm, so the bathrooms use public-style toilets w/ the U-shaped seats and the bar-type (damn, what's the word, it's the switch that makes the toilet flush) lever. These specific ones are designed in such a way that when the seat is up, the bar is behind it (I'm pretty sure that's typical, but I wanted to make it clear). Now, lately I've noticed something that I find really odd: almost daily, I come across a toilet that is both flushed and has its seat up, so that a person would have had to put the seat down, flushed, and put the seat back up, and I'm just wondering if that's standard practice in men's rooms w/o urinals, somebody just does that for some reason, there's a toilet fairy on my floor going around putting up toilet seats, or I'm just so manly that the toilets move their seats into the male-use position when they hear me coming.

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    Rent wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    The infraction would be so worth it to do this in H&A. Pheezer has it out for me though so I'd probably get banned for doing it.

    And you don't know how hard it is to not post it. Like every 5 minutes there's a new girl thread.
    Resist, man
    D and D is like H/A, except more political and serious
    Like The West Wing to Dallas

    D&D can take a joke sometimes.

    Banatos and Wheezer run it like Soviet Cuba.
    I love you all.

    New H/A Thread: How to make the mods stop banning me

    Rent on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I know I'm on the "forumers to watch" list in the admin forum.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • LineNoizLineNoiz Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Scalfin wrote: »
    I'm going to call this strange and embarrassing because I'm actually posting this. It's meta S&E.

    I live in a dorm, so the bathrooms use public-style toilets w/ the U-shaped seats and the bar-type (damn, what's the word, it's the switch that makes the toilet flush) lever. These specific ones are designed in such a way that when the seat is up, the bar is behind it (I'm pretty sure that's typical, but I wanted to make it clear). Now, lately I've noticed something that I find really odd: almost daily, I come across a toilet that is both flushed and has its seat up, so that a person would have had to put the seat down, flushed, and put the seat back up, and I'm just wondering if that's standard practice in men's rooms w/o urinals, somebody just does that for some reason, there's a toilet fairy on my floor going around putting up toilet seats, or I'm just so manly that the toilets move their seats into the male-use position when they hear me coming.
    When I was living in a house with three other dudes, we had a very strict "put the seat UP" rule. Reason being, we pee like fitty times a day but only crap once (usually). Nine times out of ten, when someone walked into the bathroom, they were going to take a leak, and it's a goddamned pain in the ass to have to lift the seat every time.

    Then one of my roomies went and got himself a girlfriend and she kept putting the seat down. We broke her, eventually. She is, as far as I'm aware, the only girl on the planet to put the seat up after finishing.

    LineNoiz on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    You probably would've been able to teach her how to pee standing up much faster and with less effort.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • CycloneRangerCycloneRanger Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    LineNoiz wrote: »
    Scalfin wrote: »
    I'm going to call this strange and embarrassing because I'm actually posting this. It's meta S&E.

    I live in a dorm, so the bathrooms use public-style toilets w/ the U-shaped seats and the bar-type (damn, what's the word, it's the switch that makes the toilet flush) lever. These specific ones are designed in such a way that when the seat is up, the bar is behind it (I'm pretty sure that's typical, but I wanted to make it clear). Now, lately I've noticed something that I find really odd: almost daily, I come across a toilet that is both flushed and has its seat up, so that a person would have had to put the seat down, flushed, and put the seat back up, and I'm just wondering if that's standard practice in men's rooms w/o urinals, somebody just does that for some reason, there's a toilet fairy on my floor going around putting up toilet seats, or I'm just so manly that the toilets move their seats into the male-use position when they hear me coming.
    When I was living in a house with three other dudes, we had a very strict "put the seat UP" rule. Reason being, we pee like fitty times a day but only crap once (usually). Nine times out of ten, when someone walked into the bathroom, they were going to take a leak, and it's a goddamned pain in the ass to have to lift the seat every time.

    Then one of my roomies went and got himself a girlfriend and she kept putting the seat down. We broke her, eventually. She is, as far as I'm aware, the only girl on the planet to put the seat up after finishing.
    It may also be that the janitors leave the seat up after cleaning under it--if you're lucky enough to have janitors that actually do clean under the seats.

    CycloneRanger on
  • meekermeeker Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My sister in law refuses to touch the toilet seat at all. She makes her husband come put it down or open the lid if it is ever in the state of not being a seat.

    My wife thought this was a great idea and suggested she would try to do it with me. I told her I too would refuse to touch the seat and would pee on the seat every time.

    Suffice to say she saw my reasoning and the seat becomes lid down now.

    meeker on
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Maybe they, I dunno, reach around? I know the setup you're talking about, and it's not like it's a terribly difficult wrist contortion to get some fingers behind the seat and flush. Or do one of those move it forward just enough to flush then let it fall back into place things.

    Tofystedeth on
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  • joshua1joshua1 Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    you are also talking about seats that are U-shaped, with no front part right? I always had assumed (note, i have not actually encountered such a toilet, only observed them in the wild) that the absence of seat in the front portion was to reduce the chance of a man pissing on the seat, since there is actually no seat (in that precise area) to be pissed on. So if this is the same deal.....why bother putting up the seat?

    joshua1 on
  • Nakatomi2010Nakatomi2010 Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Men don't just piss on the seat... There's a splash effect as well, where pissing directly into the bowl will often cause a splash back effect that sprinkles the seat itself...

    Nakatomi2010 on
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  • LineNoizLineNoiz Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    joshua1 wrote: »
    you are also talking about seats that are U-shaped, with no front part right? I always had assumed (note, i have not actually encountered such a toilet, only observed them in the wild) that the absence of seat in the front portion was to reduce the chance of a man pissing on the seat, since there is actually no seat (in that precise area) to be pissed on. So if this is the same deal.....why bother putting up the seat?
    I always figured the gap was there to provide extra room to tuck your junk in the case of a full deposit.

    LineNoiz on
  • MrOlettaMrOletta Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Speaking of U-shaped toilets with no front part...sigh.

    I suppose I should preface the story by mentioning how cold it is in the laboratory where I work. The temperature usually hovers around 62 degrees F, and today felt particularly cold.

    So I go to the bathroom later on in the morning, and put the toilet seat down to unload a few pounds. Well, you remember that Seinfeld episode where the girl walks in on Castanza after he's in the pool?
    Elaine: It shrinks?
    Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!

    So I'm sitting there not paying attention..sitting a bit forward on the seat because of how cold I am, and get to work.

    I am then rudely interrupted by what sounds like liquid hitting cloth. In particular, my pants.

    So there I am, sitting on the toilet, with piss on the floor, and piss on my pants. Fuck.

    I clean up as best as I can, and try rubbing it over with IPA, but then I just end up smelling like IPA and piss. Thankfully the work is pretty lax, so I was able to head home soon after with no one noticing.

    MrOletta on
  • TachTach Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    S&E moments here at work today:

    Hearing the conversations in the men's room about the new "waterless" urinals. Some are confused, some amused. Some, like myself, are casually afraid.

    Waterless urinals.

    Tach on
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Oh shit. I think we have one of those. The drain is attached to the drain of the actual urinal next to it.
    I've never used it, because it like, doesn't really get rinsed so there's always a patina of dried urine on it.

    Tofystedeth on
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  • Smug DucklingSmug Duckling Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Ninto wrote: »
    You really should say something. You can't let this girl think you hate her or something, because she obviously cares enough to be upset about it. You could apologize for being "distracted" or "oblivious" and that it's nothing wrong with her.

    You don't really care, so no skin off your back right?

    I have her email because of the group project, do you think it would be better to email her or just try to catch her after class or the group meeting. I know emails are usually a no no on conversing touchy subjects with people, but I feel like I could communicate better that way, as well I have a feeling that if I try to talk to her after class 1. she will just try to walk away or something and 2. Psycho friend will freak out at me for trying to talk to her again when she explicitly told me not to (because I've been some horribly rude person all semester apparently).

    Well, first, don't worry about making good with Psycho Friend. She is psycho.

    She doesn't sound that psycho to me. She's just trying to protect her friend. If anyone's psycho it's Taisha.

    Smug Duckling on
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  • joshua1joshua1 Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Hey waterless urinals are a good thing. Australia has taken to them in a big way, mostly due to our late found obsession with water conservation. The use a special urinal block microbes that prevent the build up of bacteria responsible for the smell of a unclean toilet. So I guess what i am saying is that not only is the urinal waterless, its crawling with bacteria! (which is no different to every single surface in the world except maybe surgical theatres)

    www.desert.com.au (the more you know!)

    joshua1 on
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    joshua1 wrote: »
    its crawling with bacteria! (which is no different to every single surface in the world except maybe surgical theatres)
    And cores at drug plants. I think they're held to a standard thats like, 2 orders of magnitude (in terms of bug-parts per million) stricter than operating rooms.

    Tofystedeth on
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  • yalborapyalborap Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    joshua1 wrote: »
    its crawling with bacteria! (which is no different to every single surface in the world except maybe surgical theatres)
    And cores at drug plants. I think they're held to a standard thats like, 2 orders of magnitude (in terms of bug-parts per million) stricter than operating rooms.

    And production plants for things like processors, though they're more about keeping dust and debris out than bacteria.

    yalborap on
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    bowen wrote: »
    You probably would've been able to teach her how to pee standing up much faster and with less effort.

    are there not devices that help facilitate such for the fairer of the species?

    Buttcleft on
  • ArgusArgus Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Should be strange & embarrassing, I think:

    I was sitting in the dormroom of the two guys next to my dormroom in a chair next to one of the guy's computer desks. There were like 6 people in the room at the time, all of whom had been talking with this other guy who's being charged with threatening his dormmate and what he's going to do about it. After he decides on a course of action and we're all just sitting around, I open up drawers on the dorm guy's computer desk.
    In the top drawer:

    a flask, still filled with rum in it.
    two switchblades
    other stuff

    in the middle drawer:
    notebook folders, paper, and other stuff

    in the bottom drawer:
    Fuck Me Volume 16
    Astroglide
    latex gloves

    Two of the people in the room are a guy and his girlfriend who I'm pretty sure has never looked at porn before, so I just say, "Volume 16, <name of owner>?" and he's like, "Yeah, I don't have all of them, I only have like 5, but I'm pretty sure I gave <name of guy in dorm on the other side of me> one or two of them."

    I had also pulled out the flask earlier, and all he said was to the effect of, "You shouldn't drink that, it's really old."

    All of this he talked about really non-chalantly, only saying, "Put that back" a little bit faster than normal when I found the astroglide.

    Argus on
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  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited December 2008
    My friends found my porn collection at my 17th

    They said it was really great and a good selection and that I had good taste and that was the end of that

    The Black Hunter on
  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Not too horribly embarassing, but the stories about finding things in rooms reminded me of this.

    Basically some of my friends got me a "Sex for Dummies" book as a gag gift sometime around my 8th/9th grade year. It was pretty funny, except that I put it somewhere in my room and forgot about it. Needless to say my mom was cleaning my room and found it.

    The embarassing part isn't that she found it, as this is the mom that around the same time was giving me condoms, but that she showed it to my siblings who would not stop giving me shit for it.

    Nocturne on
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    MrOletta wrote: »
    Speaking of U-shaped toilets with no front part...sigh.

    I suppose I should preface the story by mentioning how cold it is in the laboratory where I work. The temperature usually hovers around 62 degrees F, and today felt particularly cold.

    So I go to the bathroom later on in the morning, and put the toilet seat down to unload a few pounds. Well, you remember that Seinfeld episode where the girl walks in on Castanza after he's in the pool?
    Elaine: It shrinks?
    Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!

    So I'm sitting there not paying attention..sitting a bit forward on the seat because of how cold I am, and get to work.

    I am then rudely interrupted by what sounds like liquid hitting cloth. In particular, my pants.

    So there I am, sitting on the toilet, with piss on the floor, and piss on my pants. Fuck.

    I clean up as best as I can, and try rubbing it over with IPA, but then I just end up smelling like IPA and piss. Thankfully the work is pretty lax, so I was able to head home soon after with no one noticing.

    This post is even funnier if you read IPA as the type of beer rather than rubbing alcohol.

    Rhesus Positive on
    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • LavaKnightLavaKnight Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    MrOletta wrote: »
    Speaking of U-shaped toilets with no front part...sigh.

    I suppose I should preface the story by mentioning how cold it is in the laboratory where I work. The temperature usually hovers around 62 degrees F, and today felt particularly cold.

    So I go to the bathroom later on in the morning, and put the toilet seat down to unload a few pounds. Well, you remember that Seinfeld episode where the girl walks in on Castanza after he's in the pool?
    Elaine: It shrinks?
    Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!

    So I'm sitting there not paying attention..sitting a bit forward on the seat because of how cold I am, and get to work.

    I am then rudely interrupted by what sounds like liquid hitting cloth. In particular, my pants.

    So there I am, sitting on the toilet, with piss on the floor, and piss on my pants. Fuck.

    I clean up as best as I can, and try rubbing it over with IPA, but then I just end up smelling like IPA and piss. Thankfully the work is pretty lax, so I was able to head home soon after with no one noticing.

    This post is even funnier if you read IPA as the type of beer rather than rubbing alcohol.

    I read that and felt jealous that we don't get to store IPA's in our lab.

    LavaKnight on
  • GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Embarrassing, not strange:

    While at University I worked as an assistant/caregiver for an almost fully paralyzed sclerosis patient during the weekends and some evenings. Basically I was just there to make sure he’d get food and water, and to flick on the tv when he wanted to watch something. This took place in a Protected Housing kind of place, basically one part of a nursing home but for patients who either had their own help, or who needed fairly little help. There was a roaming staff who came in to take care of business in the morning, etc.

    This guy was, in addition to being more or less fully paralyzed, also going a bit deaf (and blind on one eye, but that’s not relevant here). He was constantly listening to the radio, and we kept the volume really loud so he could hear it.

    So, one Saturday at noon I ask him if he’s hungry, and what he might like to eat. Eggs and bacon is the answer, which I wasn’t expecting, but okay. I start up the ventilation thingamabob over the stove, and get to work on his food.

    There I am, cooking bacon with my back to everything, when suddenly someone behind me says, “What the hell is going on here?”

    I turn around, and there are 5 people standing behind me, staff from various parts of the nursing home. I reply, “…bacon?”

    I hadn’t heard them come in, and I hadn’t heard the reason for them coming in: I had set off the fire alarm. Apparently the ventilation thingamabob didn’t work, so the fumes from the bacon cooking had set off the fire alarm. But for some fucked up reason, not in the actual room where I’m standing – just everywhere else in the entire nursing home, alarms apparently only go off in the hallways. I didn’t hear that alarm because of the previously mentioned really loud radio.

    I feebly say, “But I turned on the ventilation thingamabob.. ”. I later examined it, and the filter on it was completely covered in dust and providing zero ventilation or suction.

    So I set my bacon aside, and apologize. Then I hear the sirens. Because, obviously, when you set off the fire alarm at a nursing home, a lot of men across town rush to their fire engines. One of the people standing in the doorway look at me as if I’m a dumbass (not entirely fair, I felt, but I can’t blame her) and go, “I assume you’ll talk to the firefighters?”. I nod.

    5 minutes later, cue the lead firefighter entering the room. He just says, “lunch time?” I can see the firetrucks parked outside through the window behind him, and a lot of people milling around. I was, in the spirit of the thread, so very embarrassed.

    Turns out that I wasn’t the first person to do that, and that the fire alarms are very sensitive. Basically, the guy I talked to had already called it before they left since it was right around that time of day.

    I still think it’s rather alarming (harhar) that there’s no sound in the actual apartments. Anyone listening to the radio while they sleep (fairly common there) would be rather fucked since they’d never know it if a real fire started.

    Anyway, no sex or alcohol involved, just me feeling extremely, old-fashioned embarrassed.

    Grislo on
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  • WillethWilleth Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    When I was 16 I had just started being sexually active with my girlfriend. Also because I was 16, I wasn't the tidiest person in the world and my room was a wasteland. Every few months my mum would get utterly fed up of it, even though she never had any cause to be in the room, and would go in and tidy everything away while I was out.

    One day I come back and she's finishing her tidying, and she's got a small box in her hand. She turns around and it's an unopened bumper box of condoms. "What," she says, "is this?"

    It's awkward, is what this is. I decide to shock her with being completely frank, so I go into some thing like "well, they're condoms. I've been dating his girl for a while, do you really expect me not do have these? I know you want be to be responsible when I'm having sex."

    "Oh, no not that. It's just, they're unopened. I thought that after all this time you still weren't getting any."

    Willeth on
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  • yalborapyalborap Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Willeth wrote: »
    When I was 16 I had just started being sexually active with my girlfriend. Also because I was 16, I wasn't the tidiest person in the world and my room was a wasteland. Every few months my mum would get utterly fed up of it, even though she never had any cause to be in the room, and would go in and tidy everything away while I was out.

    One day I come back and she's finishing her tidying, and she's got a small box in her hand. She turns around and it's an unopened bumper box of condoms. "What," she says, "is this?"

    It's awkward, is what this is. I decide to shock her with being completely frank, so I go into some thing like "well, they're condoms. I've been dating his girl for a while, do you really expect me not do have these? I know you want be to be responsible when I'm having sex."

    "Oh, no not that. It's just, they're unopened. I thought that after all this time you still weren't getting any."

    :lol:

    Sounds like something my mom would say.

    yalborap on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    You probably would've been able to teach her how to pee standing up much faster and with less effort.

    are there not devices that help facilitate such for the fairer of the species?

    There are, in fact. NSFW I'd assume.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Rent wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    Rent wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    The infraction would be so worth it to do this in H&A. Pheezer has it out for me though so I'd probably get banned for doing it.

    And you don't know how hard it is to not post it. Like every 5 minutes there's a new girl thread.
    Resist, man
    D and D is like H/A, except more political and serious
    Like The West Wing to Dallas

    D&D can take a joke sometimes.

    Banatos and Wheezer run it like Soviet Cuba.
    I love you all.

    New H/A Thread: How to make the mods stop banning me

    can i get in on this?

    seriously?

    Dunadan019 on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    I don't think it'd help.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • SmurphSmurph Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Grislo wrote: »
    Embarrassing, not strange:

    While at University I worked as an assistant/caregiver for an almost fully paralyzed sclerosis patient during the weekends and some evenings. Basically I was just there to make sure he’d get food and water, and to flick on the tv when he wanted to watch something. This took place in a Protected Housing kind of place, basically one part of a nursing home but for patients who either had their own help, or who needed fairly little help. There was a roaming staff who came in to take care of business in the morning, etc.

    This guy was, in addition to being more or less fully paralyzed, also going a bit deaf (and blind on one eye, but that’s not relevant here). He was constantly listening to the radio, and we kept the volume really loud so he could hear it.

    So, one Saturday at noon I ask him if he’s hungry, and what he might like to eat. Eggs and bacon is the answer, which I wasn’t expecting, but okay. I start up the ventilation thingamabob over the stove, and get to work on his food.

    There I am, cooking bacon with my back to everything, when suddenly someone behind me says, “What the hell is going on here?”

    I turn around, and there are 5 people standing behind me, staff from various parts of the nursing home. I reply, “…bacon?”

    I hadn’t heard them come in, and I hadn’t heard the reason for them coming in: I had set off the fire alarm. Apparently the ventilation thingamabob didn’t work, so the fumes from the bacon cooking had set off the fire alarm. But for some fucked up reason, not in the actual room where I’m standing – just everywhere else in the entire nursing home, alarms apparently only go off in the hallways. I didn’t hear that alarm because of the previously mentioned really loud radio.

    I feebly say, “But I turned on the ventilation thingamabob.. ”. I later examined it, and the filter on it was completely covered in dust and providing zero ventilation or suction.

    So I set my bacon aside, and apologize. Then I hear the sirens. Because, obviously, when you set off the fire alarm at a nursing home, a lot of men across town rush to their fire engines. One of the people standing in the doorway look at me as if I’m a dumbass (not entirely fair, I felt, but I can’t blame her) and go, “I assume you’ll talk to the firefighters?”. I nod.

    5 minutes later, cue the lead firefighter entering the room. He just says, “lunch time?” I can see the firetrucks parked outside through the window behind him, and a lot of people milling around. I was, in the spirit of the thread, so very embarrassed.

    Turns out that I wasn’t the first person to do that, and that the fire alarms are very sensitive. Basically, the guy I talked to had already called it before they left since it was right around that time of day.

    I still think it’s rather alarming (harhar) that there’s no sound in the actual apartments. Anyone listening to the radio while they sleep (fairly common there) would be rather fucked since they’d never know it if a real fire started.

    Anyway, no sex or alcohol involved, just me feeling extremely, old-fashioned embarrassed.

    Did the firefighter tell you that he shall return when the bacon burns again?

    Smurph on
  • RyadicRyadic Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Smurph wrote: »
    Grislo wrote: »
    Embarrassing, not strange:

    While at University I worked as an assistant/caregiver for an almost fully paralyzed sclerosis patient during the weekends and some evenings. Basically I was just there to make sure he’d get food and water, and to flick on the tv when he wanted to watch something. This took place in a Protected Housing kind of place, basically one part of a nursing home but for patients who either had their own help, or who needed fairly little help. There was a roaming staff who came in to take care of business in the morning, etc.

    This guy was, in addition to being more or less fully paralyzed, also going a bit deaf (and blind on one eye, but that’s not relevant here). He was constantly listening to the radio, and we kept the volume really loud so he could hear it.

    So, one Saturday at noon I ask him if he’s hungry, and what he might like to eat. Eggs and bacon is the answer, which I wasn’t expecting, but okay. I start up the ventilation thingamabob over the stove, and get to work on his food.

    There I am, cooking bacon with my back to everything, when suddenly someone behind me says, “What the hell is going on here?”

    I turn around, and there are 5 people standing behind me, staff from various parts of the nursing home. I reply, “…bacon?”

    I hadn’t heard them come in, and I hadn’t heard the reason for them coming in: I had set off the fire alarm. Apparently the ventilation thingamabob didn’t work, so the fumes from the bacon cooking had set off the fire alarm. But for some fucked up reason, not in the actual room where I’m standing – just everywhere else in the entire nursing home, alarms apparently only go off in the hallways. I didn’t hear that alarm because of the previously mentioned really loud radio.

    I feebly say, “But I turned on the ventilation thingamabob.. ”. I later examined it, and the filter on it was completely covered in dust and providing zero ventilation or suction.

    So I set my bacon aside, and apologize. Then I hear the sirens. Because, obviously, when you set off the fire alarm at a nursing home, a lot of men across town rush to their fire engines. One of the people standing in the doorway look at me as if I’m a dumbass (not entirely fair, I felt, but I can’t blame her) and go, “I assume you’ll talk to the firefighters?”. I nod.

    5 minutes later, cue the lead firefighter entering the room. He just says, “lunch time?” I can see the firetrucks parked outside through the window behind him, and a lot of people milling around. I was, in the spirit of the thread, so very embarrassed.

    Turns out that I wasn’t the first person to do that, and that the fire alarms are very sensitive. Basically, the guy I talked to had already called it before they left since it was right around that time of day.

    I still think it’s rather alarming (harhar) that there’s no sound in the actual apartments. Anyone listening to the radio while they sleep (fairly common there) would be rather fucked since they’d never know it if a real fire started.

    Anyway, no sex or alcohol involved, just me feeling extremely, old-fashioned embarrassed.

    Did the firefighter tell you that he shall return when the bacon burns again?

    :lol:

    I think this quote qualifies as embarrassing. :)

    Ryadic on
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  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited December 2008
    Smurph wrote: »
    Grislo wrote: »
    Bacon

    Did the firefighter tell you that he shall return when the bacon burns again?

    Goddamnit! Quit making me laugh at work!

    I have a similar story though.
    I think this was when my family went to Chicago when I was in middle school. We got to the hotel at about midnight because our train was so late (woo Amtrak :| ) and we all wanted to shower, because we'd been on a train for about a day. So I go in to take my shower. The thing is, the hot water heater at my house was never very good, so it didn't generate a lot of hot water. Showers were necessarily sort of short and warm.

    We also didn't have a "fart fan", and most places I went that did, were the kind that turned on when the lights came on. So I was not used to having to turn them on my self, and had never really seen a need for it when taking a shower.

    Well, apparently, at this hotel, there was a need. Because the steam from my shower set off the fire alarms.
    For the whole floor. It was pretty embarrassing standing there in a towel while my dad explained to the hotel staff guy that there was no fire so he could tell the FD not to come. And a bunch of people were groggily standing outside their doors wondering if they needed to get out.

    My sister was pretty cruel about that for a while.

    Tofystedeth on
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