A couple HOURS a night for XBox / CoH / Heroes?? Are you fucking kidding me?! Holy crap... I would kill for the capacity to have "a couple hours a night" to goof off.
Why don't you?
I work until 4:30 or 5. I get home around 5 or 5:30. I clean the kitchen and cook dinner, then eat dinner with my family, until about seven. I hang with my son for a bit, give him his medicine, then brush his teeth with him, read him a story, talk to him while he's in bed for a bit, and come back out around 8. I clean the kitchen again to make up for dinner until about 8:30. I take my daughter (9 months old) so my wife can have a break to check her mail, maybe have a shower. I feed her, and usually get her down to sleep around 9:30 or 10. I watch Robot Chicken for about ten minutes, then go put her in her crib, and usually stay with her for a few so she stays asleep. By now it's 10:30, and I have only watched TV while feeding my daughter, and haven't even looked at a computer. Since I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning, and I have to drug myself to get to sleep in under an hour, I usually go to bed around 10:30, or talk with my wife for a while.
What do you do all day?
EDIT: Son doesn't nap, daughter rarely naps.
What the hell is your wife doing that she can't clean the kitchen and make dinner?
I mean, I'm not being misogynistic, here; I'd be saying the same thing if your roles were switched (i.e. she was the breadwinner and you were the homemaker). She's home all day. She doesn't have a job. Why do you have to work all day, then come home and clean/cook?
I'd be saying the same thing if your roles were switched (i.e. she was the breadwinner and you were the homemaker).
So what you are really saying is you are a woman hater than?
All kidding aside I share that same belief, if she's home all day she could at least help with the cooking and cleaning. Kids are hard, they ain't that hard.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
So what you are really saying is you are a woman hater than?
All kidding aside I share that same belief, if she's home all day she could at least help with the cooking and cleaning. Kids are hard, they ain't that hard.
Largely I'm a better cook, and she cleans the rest of the house (the kitchen is my domain). Still, it's messy throughout the day.
Is this still on-topic if the OP is talking about it?
You've been posting for quite a while here today. How did that fit into your schedule?
A 9-month-old that rarely naps is a medical oddity that probably needs immediate attention (in other words, she naps, someone is exagerrating her lack of naps).
What does your wife do? You work, make dinner, clean the kitchen, and feed the kids...
And, finally, it sounds like you have sleep issues. But My life isn't so different from yours, except 10:30 is when the fun begins. I got to bed around 12:30 - 2:30 and get up when you do. That was what I learned to do for myself.
You've been posting for quite a while here today. How did that fit into your schedule?
A 9-month-old that rarely naps is a medical oddity that probably needs immediate attention (in other words, she naps, someone is exagerrating her lack of naps).
What does your wife do? You work, make dinner, clean the kitchen, and feed the kids...
And, finally, it sounds like you have sleep issues. But My life isn't so different from yours, except 10:30 is when the fun begins. I got to bed around 12:30 - 2:30 and get up when you do. That was what I learned to do for myself.
It's a pretty slacker day at the office today, and I'm posting while working.
She has a genetic heart problem, I am well aware of her lack of napping. Three to four ten- to twenty-minute naps throughout the day, sometimes up to an hour. She sleeps all night, though, which, coincidentally, is not when we like to be productive.
She spends time with our children, plays with them, reads with them, and in general acts like a good mother.
Yeah, I have sleep issues. All my life. If I go to bed around 12:30 or 2:30, and wake up at 6:30, I have seizures (epilepsy).
Yeah, the homemaker should be the one cooking and cleaning, IMO.
Well, it's a shared responsibility when both parents are home, but still... it seems as if she does nothing.
She cleans the rest of the house, apparently. Though if he's cooking (which, if he's a better cook, isn't entirely unreasonable at least a few nights a week) she should be cleaning up. That's how my wife and I do it.
@Yar: Good lord, I don't even have kids and I already find myself doing the "trade sleep for video games" thing...though school is a large part of that, too.
Lastly, I suddenly feel like playing a game of Stars!. God, that game was great.
Regardless, from the porn to everything else, what I hear is a burning need for counseling. If nothing else, it might be a way to end the marriage in a more controlled and amicable fashion, rather than the train wreck it sounds like it's heading towards now. But honestly, it doesn't sounds like you have issues that can't be worked through with the help of a neutral third party.
Just tell her you'll quit looking at porn, then be sure to cover your tracks. Compromise on the issue seems unlikely, and it's a pretty silly thing to break up a marriage. I'd suggest otherwise if your relationship wasn't in trouble, but at this point another layer on the shit cake won't matter that much.
In broader terms, counseling is in order here. It's not healthy to have that much resentment flying around the house.
Lastly, I suddenly feel like playing a game of Stars!. God, that game was great.
Word. I'd offer to play a game with you, since if it's just you and me, I don't have to obey a 24-hour turn-gen schedule...
And as for the counselling, I just think we need to somehow find the time to sit and talk about everything. Right now, we don't even have time to talk (except in bed late at night, and then I just want sleep). This summer, we're taking ten days off and driving through the Koots, and I'm hoping it will help.
Just tell her you'll quit looking at porn, then be sure to cover your tracks. Compromise on the issue seems unlikely, and it's a pretty silly thing to break up a marriage. I'd suggest otherwise if your relationship wasn't in trouble, but at this point another layer on the shit cake won't matter that much.
In broader terms, counseling is in order here. It's not healthy to have that much resentment flying around the house.
It's not healthy to be using an interent forum as a de facto source of this counselling. Particularly this internet subforum.
Listen up, kids, 'cause Unc'a Jeffe is gonna tell y'all a story.
Once 'pon a time was a guy an' a gal who loved each other a whole lot. These kids were young, an' they was kinda dumb, but they had love, and that would be enough. So they got 'emselves hitched, and they moved in together.
Well, sure 'nuff, things started goin' south purty much straight away. See, the gal had some things that the guy weren't none too fond'a, and the guy acted in ways the gal wished he di'n't on occasion. An' so eventually it came to a head, an' the gal demanded that the guy be someone diff'ernt. An' he agreed, because he loved that gal. An' the gal weren't a bad sort, but she was just really bothered by these things, on account o' her not bein' used to compromise. An' so the guy made his demands, and the gal made her demands, an' everyone tried to play nice by t'other one's rules.
Well, I ain't gotta tell ya that this 'rangement di'n't please nobody, no how. The guy an' the gal were both purty unhappy 'bout things, and soon 'nuff they up an' separated, all because neither of those poor dumb kids knew how to compromise like a-dults.
These kids got lucky, tho', cuz they was smart 'nuff to stay in touch. Hard not to, see, cuz they loved each'n'other so derned much, and 'ven-choo-lee they figgered out that they'd been stupid. They learned to deal with the little idiosyncracies and habits of t'other, because it was a small price to pay to see'm happy.
'Twas goin' on five years now that those kids got back together, an' they's just happy as pigs in shit. Got'em a cute little'un, too. Darlin' li'l girl with blonde hair an' big, round brown eyes. I hear tell that sometimes the guy even posts round these here parts - maybe he'd be willin' to go into detail if he were asked real nice-like.
Hope'n you see the point o' all this jibber-jabber - sometimes a guy just gotta be a guy, an' a gal just gotta be a gal, an' one an' the other just gotta let 'em be. Ain't no harm in it, an' tain't no happiness in a guy what be given up all he holds dear jus' for the love of a gal.
ElJeffe on
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
I can't tell if I want to hug you, or kick you in the face right now.... that's the sign of good writing, I guess! Through truth be told, I've been doing nothing but compromising here, so you's might wanna make a'changing to your story there, fella.
I can't tell if I want to hug you, or kick you in the face right now.... that's the sign of good writing, I guess! Through truth be told, I've been doing nothing but compromising here, so you's might wanna make a'changing to your story there, fella.
The point was that she should be compromising, as well. Sometimes it's okay to change who you are or what you like, but other times the other person needs to learn to deal with it.
ElJeffe on
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
The point was that she should be compromising, as well. Sometimes it's okay to change who you are or what you like, but other times the other person needs to learn to deal with it.
Ah. See, it's hard to read that because of the accent... dang Southerners.
I hear tell that sometimes the guy even posts round these here parts - maybe he'd be willin' to go into detail if he were asked real nice-like.
Mostly, people ask me nice-like to stop going into details...
*sigh* My life is complex, and I don't feel I have to justify it to you *cough*Yar*cough*, and I started this thread in a bitchy, defensive fit of pique. I'm over it, and I appreciate about 1/3 of the thoughts that have been expressed here. I do thank everyone who honestly tried to help. I'll let you know how it goes in a few months, when we're either happy again, or I've exploded. NOTE: THE PREVIOUS FEW WORDS WERE MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS! PLEASE DO NOT SEND THE AUTHOR ANGRY LETTERS!!
It's customary to give a shit what your partner thinks...
It's not quite as customary to stop doing something you enjoy because one's SO has an irrational hatred of something that doesn't affect her in the slightest.
I could insist that she stop knitting, and it would make about as much sense.
It does affect her, from what I have been reading. Knitting doesn't affect you. And please don't bring up a reason along the lines of "Oh the socks she knit were itchy as fuck", because the pornography you look at makes her feel insecure about herself. This is why what you said there doesn't make much sense, it isn't applicable.
She doesn't want me to quit eating meat, even though it disgusts her (she's a vegetarian), but she does want me to quit looking at women with bigger boobs (she's sort of flat), even though it disgusts her. Both things I do have no effect on her life whatsoever (I cook our meals at the same time, and I look at pictures when she's not around), and both things make me happy (I feel good after a pork chop, and I feel pleasantly satisfied after looking at those pictures, but not the sort of satisfaction that comes from me having sex with the woman I love, which I also do as often as possible).
Just because she thinks they're both disgusting doesn't automatically make them of equal importance. That's absurd. In many peoples minds, vegetarianism and sexual awareness/well-being (whatever) are completely separate. You masturbating to porn prods at her insecurities, because it obviously shows what you want is what she doesn't have (big boobs, in your words). You eating meat is just a choice concerning many things (I don't know whether she's a vegetarian because of love for vegetables, doesn't like hurting animals, etc) that aren't nearly as important to her well being. Eating meat and masturbating to porn are completely different things to her, they just both disgust her. This comparison doesn't fit, it just feels like an excuse on your behalf.
Actually, that was HER argument. She said that if I made her stop, I'd be unhappy and resentful... then she said she wanted me to stop. *sigh*
So, if you've given up trying to compromise, what are you still doing in the relationship? Either compromise or quit. You have to stop dancing around it, and work out a solution.
...I am just clarifying... she's done loads of stuff that made me exceedingly uncomfortable, and I never said a word about it, because I knew she liked it.
Well, why didn't you speak up? My previous girlfriend was wonderful at the time, but if she ever did something I found, well, unacceptable/outside my lines of comfortability, I would just let her now. She didn't take it like a big attack on her, either. We coped and compromised and we were cool. I'm sure there are still many things your wife doesn't call you on that she wishes you'd stop doing, everyone of us has those little things that bother us about our SO's.
I love her, whereas I am merely attracted to the women in the pictures because, for some reason, I find really (REALLY) big boobs sexy. It's a niche interest, and one that she (and, really, almost any woman) can't really help me wish (sic). But that's just me. Maybe I'm being unreasonable.
"Baby, i've got you for the love and whatnot, but I get my sexual pleasure from all of these women on the internet! What? You don't like this? BUT I PAY THE BILLLLLLLLLS" This is what i'm getting from the majority of your posts.
I don't do it specifically because she's flat-chested, that's entirely incidental. If she had DD's, I'd still be doing it. She's taking offense ostensibly because she's flat-chested.
do you not understand how people work at all
Okay. I'm under the impression that no matter what porn you looked at, she would still be offended, hurt, insecure. Why? Because one of the main reasons people enter into a relationship (other than emotional) is sexual. She's your woman, you're her man. Even if she doesn't do it (and i'm not saying whether or not she does or does not) I am under the assumption that she believes one of her purposes in the relationship is to, in fact, satisfy you sexually. When she sees that you're not being sexually satisfied by her, but by dime-a-dozen big breasted chicks off of the internet, she more than likely feels useless in this regard. And this is a pretty big regard in a relationship. She would more than likely still feel this way even if you were looking at naked pictures of her twin sister, or gay porn, or hentai, whatever.
My ex-girlfriend kept me around for the "love" but used another dude for the "sex". In the end, ironically, I was the one who got fucked. Figuratively, of course. I didn't like this very much. Swap "another dude" for "porn", and... omg!
We are just talking porn here, though. Right? Masturbation is still OK?
Actually, yeah. She doesn't mind that at all.
waitaminute.
I'm so confused about everything going on in this thread.
If you masturbate, she's cool, but you looking at porn makes her feel uncomfortable? Couldn't you just imagine big hooters?
Marblehead Johnson wrote:
I'm not looking for more arguments I can use, or for people to be 'on my side'.
Marblehead Johnson wrote:
...why aren't you defending me?
Was sarcastic rhetoric. I was not actually asking why he wasn't defending me, I was asking where the lines of the double-standard were.
You masturbating to porn prods at her insecurities, because it obviously shows what you want is what she doesn't have (big boobs, in your words).
Again:
1.) I don't masturbate to it
2.) It doesn't show what I want, exclusive to all other things. I love her boobs.
"Baby, i've got you for the love and whatnot, but I get my sexual pleasure from all of these women on the internet! What? You don't like this? BUT I PAY THE BILLLLLLLLLS" This is what i'm getting from the majority of your posts.
I like how you phrase it so I sound like a whiny 70's greaser. I was not saying it like that, but rather asking "What exactly do I have to do in order to get certain freedoms"?
If you masturbate, she's cool, but you looking at porn makes her feel uncomfortable? Couldn't you just imagine big hooters?
Why watch TV? You could imagine betters shows... (see how rhetoric works now?)
You masturbating to porn prods at her insecurities, because it obviously shows what you want is what she doesn't have (big boobs, in your words).
2.) It doesn't show what I want, exclusive to all other things. I love her boobs.
Tell her this, and if she isn't accepting it immediately-- which I likely wouldn't either-- ease off on the porn. Look, you need to stop thinking everything revolves around your perceptions. I would wager there is something in that porn you want she can't provide even though you deny its importance, and she most certainly perceives there's something there.
If you masturbate, she's cool, but you looking at porn makes her feel uncomfortable? Couldn't you just imagine big hooters?
Why watch TV? You could imagine betters shows... (see how rhetoric works now?)
People could imagine 'better' shows, but TV offers something they don't get by imagining on their own. Just the same, pornography is offering you something you can't get otherwise-- own up to what it is, talk to her about that specific fact, and compromise.
Either way, I think you definitely could benefit from relationship counseling.
You can't imagine a show better then 24 you damned hippie communist!
Anyways, I think the most confusing thing to me is that you don't spank it to the porn, I mean if you have porn up, what's the point if you aren't playing with ole one eye?
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Because some people can enjoy attractive women on a level that doesn't immediately lead to needing Kleenex and a smoke.
And thank you, Oboro, that is the point I was making... why watch TV, when you can imagine betters shows? Because there is something about seeing or hearing something that is outside of your imagination, that actually exists, somewhere.
And, also, to re-iterate, I AM GIVING UP THE FUCKING PORN. Read the posts, people.
You looking at porn prods at her insecurities, because it obviously shows what you want is what she doesn't have (big boobs, in your words).
Again:
1.) I don't masturbate to it
2.) It doesn't show what I want, exclusive to all other things. I love her boobs.
Alright, fixed. I didn't make that mistake anywhere else in the post, so let's focus on two. You love her boobs, and that's cool. But you're still looking at porn to satisfy yourself, whether or not you're satisfied with her boobs or not. I don't believe she's feeling wanted here.
I like how you phrase it so I sound like a whiny 70's greaser. I was not saying it like that, but rather asking "What exactly do I have to do in order to get certain freedoms"?
Like I said, that's what I am gathering from your posts. In your words, a whiny 70's greaser. Why didn't you just ask "What exactly do I have to do in order to get certain freedoms" in the first place?
Why watch TV? You could imagine betters shows... (see how rhetoric works now?)
(OH SO THAT'S HOW RHETORIC WORKS)
I guess it's you who didn't get my little bit of facetiousness at the end of my post. I just don't see why you can't compromise with your wife to save your marriage.
I mean, christ. Amor vincit omnia, pal. Give up the porn or something. Fuck it.
edit: Oh so he gave up the porn. This was a pretty good H/A thread, wasn't it?
edit: look at the edit I made right above this one.
Men that enjoy women without wanking to them are called gay men... Honestly naked woman on screen, hand on penis. Am I the only guy who does that? I mean whos the freak here me or marble?
And so you give up something else yet she doesn't compromise anything per what you say? So what do you get out of it?
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
I guess it's you who didn't get my little bit of facetiousness at the end of my post. I just don't see why you can't compromise with your wife to save your marriage.
I mean, christ. Amor vincit omnia, pal. Give up the porn or something. Fuck it.
*fucking headsmack*
I've said it twice. Let's go for three.
I'M. GIVING. UP. THE. PORN.
And so you give up something else yet she doesn't compromise anything per what you say? So what do you get out of it?
Working the issue out would probably be a better idea. Because if there's one thing I've found, giving up the porn is damn near impossible. Sure, you can go a while. Even a long while. But just when you think you're out...it sucks you back in, Godfather style.
So yeah, I think all you're doing is postponing the problem until later. Which may or may not be worth it. Though obviously I hope I'm wrong.
EDIT: And I can honestly enjoy the naked-lady action without having to jerk off right then. Granted, it's getting deposited into the spank-bank for later...but sometimes just looking for the sake of looking is kinda nice.
Marblehead I am naturally skeptical of the validity of the facts and the bias you are naturally attaching but even giving you the benefit of the doubt,
you guys really need relationship counseling, or a lot of long talks. Don't just give up porn. Well, give it up I mean, but don't let the surrendering of it fester and become a source for passive-aggressiveness.
You need to communicate. Sit down and talk this through because otherwise, even if you did what seems like 'the solution,' she may just think you are trying to please her or vice-versa and still harboring whatever it was that made her uncomfortable.
look just go get relationship counseling you guys communicate like a sack of doorknobs
Yeah he might get hit with a pornado (thank you shitty plot devices from CSI Miami) or have a porn lapse where he just od's on Large titty porn. That's a hilarious image all by itself.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
[It does affect her, from what I have been reading. Knitting doesn't affect you. And please don't bring up a reason along the lines of "Oh the socks she knit were itchy as fuck", because the pornography you look at makes her feel insecure about herself. This is why what you said there doesn't make much sense, it isn't applicable.
Fucking knitting, dude. Takes up all of Frankie's time. She won't even play video games with me anymore because she needs her hands to knit.
Fucking knitting.
Serendipitously there's that female Sex in the City impression blog in SMH talking about exactly this sort of thing.
So, to derail from the H/A'ness, I've come up with this statement:
I do not want to treat my girlfriend like porn. Porn is a fantasy which cannot be real. It would suck if it lasted more then the 30 minutes it did and was my life because it would be shallow and vapid. This does not mean it is not somewhere I enjoy visiting from time to time, for reasons wholly different to why I have a girlfriend. So it is not a fucking rhetorical question when you say "if you have a girlfriend why do you need to look at porn?" - because women are people too you colossal retards.
[It does affect her, from what I have been reading. Knitting doesn't affect you. And please don't bring up a reason along the lines of "Oh the socks she knit were itchy as fuck", because the pornography you look at makes her feel insecure about herself. This is why what you said there doesn't make much sense, it isn't applicable.
Fucking knitting, dude. Takes up all of Frankie's time. She won't even play video games with me anymore because she needs her hands to knit.
Fucking knitting.
Forget knitting. My girl's all "having friends" and "going out with them". And some of them are, like, male. That makes me insecure, so obviously I'm well within my rights to demand she never go out with friends.
Or, you know, attempting to irrationally demand control over others as a means of not dealing with your own emotional issues might be a bad idea, I don't know.
Also, regarding the girlfriends who get mad when they "find" hidden porn. Do they automatically go for the "It's not the fact that you look, but the fact that you hide it" garbage that I've had to hear before?
Wow. Word for word.
I know I'm late on this. Sorry.
Yeah, there is some really valid "discussion" that I have to give here based on that, but it's not pretty.
Good for you on giving up the porn. Expect a new issue to arise soon.
Just stop by a garage sale and pick up copies of "Alvin and the Chipmunks" and "Scooby Doo" on VHS and use the case to hide your porn in it. Or just Alvin and Rooby-roo as porn.
Just stop by a garage sale and pick up copies of "Alvin and the Chipmunks" and "Scooby Doo" on VHS and use the case to hide your porn in it. Or just Alvin and Rooby-roo as porn.
Brilliant. I know if I had kids, the first place I'd hide my porn is in a place they'd more than likely be sure to look at at some point.
From the sound of things, If I were in your position I would say tough shit, you're a crazy person, I have compromised on a zillion and one things so far but this is just one you'll need to deal with. At most I will give up some particular bits of porn you find patricularly abhorrent but I'll be damned if I cut it completely.
Porn people's hearts are linked through quantum entanglement. Therefore no matter no matter the distance the individual particles that composed are distanced from one another they are never "broken". Interestingly, quantum entanglement doesn't provide for faster than light communication. So while porn stars give us so much through their work, it can only go so far (read: our porn daunloads can't go any fasters) (read: why do people use (read: )?)
Posts
I mean, I'm not being misogynistic, here; I'd be saying the same thing if your roles were switched (i.e. she was the breadwinner and you were the homemaker). She's home all day. She doesn't have a job. Why do you have to work all day, then come home and clean/cook?
I'd be saying the same thing if your roles were switched (i.e. she was the breadwinner and you were the homemaker).
All kidding aside I share that same belief, if she's home all day she could at least help with the cooking and cleaning. Kids are hard, they ain't that hard.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Is this still on-topic if the OP is talking about it?
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
You've been posting for quite a while here today. How did that fit into your schedule?
A 9-month-old that rarely naps is a medical oddity that probably needs immediate attention (in other words, she naps, someone is exagerrating her lack of naps).
What does your wife do? You work, make dinner, clean the kitchen, and feed the kids...
And, finally, it sounds like you have sleep issues. But My life isn't so different from yours, except 10:30 is when the fun begins. I got to bed around 12:30 - 2:30 and get up when you do. That was what I learned to do for myself.
It's a pretty slacker day at the office today, and I'm posting while working.
She has a genetic heart problem, I am well aware of her lack of napping. Three to four ten- to twenty-minute naps throughout the day, sometimes up to an hour. She sleeps all night, though, which, coincidentally, is not when we like to be productive.
She spends time with our children, plays with them, reads with them, and in general acts like a good mother.
Yeah, I have sleep issues. All my life. If I go to bed around 12:30 or 2:30, and wake up at 6:30, I have seizures (epilepsy).
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
Most homemakers cook and clean the whole house while they are doing that.
That just all sucks. You'll have to find a different solution than I did.
@Yar: Good lord, I don't even have kids and I already find myself doing the "trade sleep for video games" thing...though school is a large part of that, too.
Lastly, I suddenly feel like playing a game of Stars!. God, that game was great.
Regardless, from the porn to everything else, what I hear is a burning need for counseling. If nothing else, it might be a way to end the marriage in a more controlled and amicable fashion, rather than the train wreck it sounds like it's heading towards now. But honestly, it doesn't sounds like you have issues that can't be worked through with the help of a neutral third party.
In broader terms, counseling is in order here. It's not healthy to have that much resentment flying around the house.
Word. I'd offer to play a game with you, since if it's just you and me, I don't have to obey a 24-hour turn-gen schedule...
And as for the counselling, I just think we need to somehow find the time to sit and talk about everything. Right now, we don't even have time to talk (except in bed late at night, and then I just want sleep). This summer, we're taking ten days off and driving through the Koots, and I'm hoping it will help.
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
Once 'pon a time was a guy an' a gal who loved each other a whole lot. These kids were young, an' they was kinda dumb, but they had love, and that would be enough. So they got 'emselves hitched, and they moved in together.
Well, sure 'nuff, things started goin' south purty much straight away. See, the gal had some things that the guy weren't none too fond'a, and the guy acted in ways the gal wished he di'n't on occasion. An' so eventually it came to a head, an' the gal demanded that the guy be someone diff'ernt. An' he agreed, because he loved that gal. An' the gal weren't a bad sort, but she was just really bothered by these things, on account o' her not bein' used to compromise. An' so the guy made his demands, and the gal made her demands, an' everyone tried to play nice by t'other one's rules.
Well, I ain't gotta tell ya that this 'rangement di'n't please nobody, no how. The guy an' the gal were both purty unhappy 'bout things, and soon 'nuff they up an' separated, all because neither of those poor dumb kids knew how to compromise like a-dults.
These kids got lucky, tho', cuz they was smart 'nuff to stay in touch. Hard not to, see, cuz they loved each'n'other so derned much, and 'ven-choo-lee they figgered out that they'd been stupid. They learned to deal with the little idiosyncracies and habits of t'other, because it was a small price to pay to see'm happy.
'Twas goin' on five years now that those kids got back together, an' they's just happy as pigs in shit. Got'em a cute little'un, too. Darlin' li'l girl with blonde hair an' big, round brown eyes. I hear tell that sometimes the guy even posts round these here parts - maybe he'd be willin' to go into detail if he were asked real nice-like.
Hope'n you see the point o' all this jibber-jabber - sometimes a guy just gotta be a guy, an' a gal just gotta be a gal, an' one an' the other just gotta let 'em be. Ain't no harm in it, an' tain't no happiness in a guy what be given up all he holds dear jus' for the love of a gal.
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
The point was that she should be compromising, as well. Sometimes it's okay to change who you are or what you like, but other times the other person needs to learn to deal with it.
*sigh* My life is complex, and I don't feel I have to justify it to you *cough*Yar*cough*, and I started this thread in a bitchy, defensive fit of pique. I'm over it, and I appreciate about 1/3 of the thoughts that have been expressed here. I do thank everyone who honestly tried to help. I'll let you know how it goes in a few months, when we're either happy again, or I've exploded. NOTE: THE PREVIOUS FEW WORDS WERE MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS! PLEASE DO NOT SEND THE AUTHOR ANGRY LETTERS!!
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
It does affect her, from what I have been reading. Knitting doesn't affect you. And please don't bring up a reason along the lines of "Oh the socks she knit were itchy as fuck", because the pornography you look at makes her feel insecure about herself. This is why what you said there doesn't make much sense, it isn't applicable.
:?
Just because she thinks they're both disgusting doesn't automatically make them of equal importance. That's absurd. In many peoples minds, vegetarianism and sexual awareness/well-being (whatever) are completely separate. You masturbating to porn prods at her insecurities, because it obviously shows what you want is what she doesn't have (big boobs, in your words). You eating meat is just a choice concerning many things (I don't know whether she's a vegetarian because of love for vegetables, doesn't like hurting animals, etc) that aren't nearly as important to her well being. Eating meat and masturbating to porn are completely different things to her, they just both disgust her. This comparison doesn't fit, it just feels like an excuse on your behalf.
So, if you've given up trying to compromise, what are you still doing in the relationship? Either compromise or quit. You have to stop dancing around it, and work out a solution.
Well, why didn't you speak up? My previous girlfriend was wonderful at the time, but if she ever did something I found, well, unacceptable/outside my lines of comfortability, I would just let her now. She didn't take it like a big attack on her, either. We coped and compromised and we were cool. I'm sure there are still many things your wife doesn't call you on that she wishes you'd stop doing, everyone of us has those little things that bother us about our SO's.
"Baby, i've got you for the love and whatnot, but I get my sexual pleasure from all of these women on the internet! What? You don't like this? BUT I PAY THE BILLLLLLLLLS" This is what i'm getting from the majority of your posts.
Still porn, man.
do you not understand how people work at all
Okay. I'm under the impression that no matter what porn you looked at, she would still be offended, hurt, insecure. Why? Because one of the main reasons people enter into a relationship (other than emotional) is sexual. She's your woman, you're her man. Even if she doesn't do it (and i'm not saying whether or not she does or does not) I am under the assumption that she believes one of her purposes in the relationship is to, in fact, satisfy you sexually. When she sees that you're not being sexually satisfied by her, but by dime-a-dozen big breasted chicks off of the internet, she more than likely feels useless in this regard. And this is a pretty big regard in a relationship. She would more than likely still feel this way even if you were looking at naked pictures of her twin sister, or gay porn, or hentai, whatever.
My ex-girlfriend kept me around for the "love" but used another dude for the "sex". In the end, ironically, I was the one who got fucked. Figuratively, of course. I didn't like this very much. Swap "another dude" for "porn", and... omg!
waitaminute.
I'm so confused about everything going on in this thread.
If you masturbate, she's cool, but you looking at porn makes her feel uncomfortable? Couldn't you just imagine big hooters?
Was sarcastic rhetoric. I was not actually asking why he wasn't defending me, I was asking where the lines of the double-standard were.
Again:
1.) I don't masturbate to it
2.) It doesn't show what I want, exclusive to all other things. I love her boobs.
I like how you phrase it so I sound like a whiny 70's greaser. I was not saying it like that, but rather asking "What exactly do I have to do in order to get certain freedoms"?
Why watch TV? You could imagine betters shows... (see how rhetoric works now?)
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
Tell her this, and if she isn't accepting it immediately-- which I likely wouldn't either-- ease off on the porn. Look, you need to stop thinking everything revolves around your perceptions. I would wager there is something in that porn you want she can't provide even though you deny its importance, and she most certainly perceives there's something there.
Talk, compromise.
People could imagine 'better' shows, but TV offers something they don't get by imagining on their own. Just the same, pornography is offering you something you can't get otherwise-- own up to what it is, talk to her about that specific fact, and compromise.
Either way, I think you definitely could benefit from relationship counseling.
Anyways, I think the most confusing thing to me is that you don't spank it to the porn, I mean if you have porn up, what's the point if you aren't playing with ole one eye?
pleasepaypreacher.net
And thank you, Oboro, that is the point I was making... why watch TV, when you can imagine betters shows? Because there is something about seeing or hearing something that is outside of your imagination, that actually exists, somewhere.
And, also, to re-iterate, I AM GIVING UP THE FUCKING PORN. Read the posts, people.
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
Alright, fixed. I didn't make that mistake anywhere else in the post, so let's focus on two. You love her boobs, and that's cool. But you're still looking at porn to satisfy yourself, whether or not you're satisfied with her boobs or not. I don't believe she's feeling wanted here.
Like I said, that's what I am gathering from your posts. In your words, a whiny 70's greaser. Why didn't you just ask "What exactly do I have to do in order to get certain freedoms" in the first place?
(OH SO THAT'S HOW RHETORIC WORKS)
I guess it's you who didn't get my little bit of facetiousness at the end of my post. I just don't see why you can't compromise with your wife to save your marriage.
I mean, christ. Amor vincit omnia, pal. Give up the porn or something. Fuck it.
edit: Oh so he gave up the porn. This was a pretty good H/A thread, wasn't it?
edit: look at the edit I made right above this one.
And so you give up something else yet she doesn't compromise anything per what you say? So what do you get out of it?
pleasepaypreacher.net
I've said it twice. Let's go for three.
I'M. GIVING. UP. THE. PORN.
Smart, healthy children?
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
So yeah, I think all you're doing is postponing the problem until later. Which may or may not be worth it. Though obviously I hope I'm wrong.
EDIT: And I can honestly enjoy the naked-lady action without having to jerk off right then. Granted, it's getting deposited into the spank-bank for later...but sometimes just looking for the sake of looking is kinda nice.
you guys really need relationship counseling, or a lot of long talks. Don't just give up porn. Well, give it up I mean, but don't let the surrendering of it fester and become a source for passive-aggressiveness.
You need to communicate. Sit down and talk this through because otherwise, even if you did what seems like 'the solution,' she may just think you are trying to please her or vice-versa and still harboring whatever it was that made her uncomfortable.
look just go get relationship counseling you guys communicate like a sack of doorknobs
pleasepaypreacher.net
Fucking knitting.
So, to derail from the H/A'ness, I've come up with this statement:
I do not want to treat my girlfriend like porn. Porn is a fantasy which cannot be real. It would suck if it lasted more then the 30 minutes it did and was my life because it would be shallow and vapid. This does not mean it is not somewhere I enjoy visiting from time to time, for reasons wholly different to why I have a girlfriend. So it is not a fucking rhetorical question when you say "if you have a girlfriend why do you need to look at porn?" - because women are people too you colossal retards.
Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
Or, you know, attempting to irrationally demand control over others as a means of not dealing with your own emotional issues might be a bad idea, I don't know.
Yeah, there is some really valid "discussion" that I have to give here based on that, but it's not pretty.
Good for you on giving up the porn. Expect a new issue to arise soon.
Brilliant. I know if I had kids, the first place I'd hide my porn is in a place they'd more than likely be sure to look at at some point.
From the sound of things, If I were in your position I would say tough shit, you're a crazy person, I have compromised on a zillion and one things so far but this is just one you'll need to deal with. At most I will give up some particular bits of porn you find patricularly abhorrent but I'll be damned if I cut it completely.
But I'm a dick, get marriage counselling.
LoL: failboattootoot
Are you cheating on the porn people by dating people in person?
Or, wait... if you look at more than one naked woman...
Man.
So many broken i s
Of course, being in a long-distance relationship might have something to do with that.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
Depends on the woman.
Women tend to get upset when they don't find any porn on my comp.