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Porn = Infidelity?

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Posts

  • DeathmongerDeathmonger Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Where do you find these women and do they come spayed?

    Deathmonger on
  • Der Waffle MousDer Waffle Mous Blame this on the misfortune of your birth. New Yark, New Yark.Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    In my dorm days, one of my roomate's girlfriends pretty much insisted that we put girly pictures on the walls. As well, I seem to remember her buying him porn.


    She also burned a CD full of stuff for me.


    She was pretty awesome, even discounting the porn-related stuff.

    Der Waffle Mous on
    Steam PSN: DerWaffleMous Origin: DerWaffleMous Bnet: DerWaffle#1682
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar Audio Game Developer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Where do you find these women and do they come spayed?

    I pretty much have to import them from Asian countries.

    Also, they are very frustrating when they are not currently trying to rape you.

    Incenjucar on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Incenjucar wrote:
    Where do you find these women and do they come spayed?

    I pretty much have to import them from Asian countries.

    Also, they are very frustrating when they are not currently trying to rape you.

    So it's something have to do with them being Asian?

    'Cause my girlfriend is.

    DarkPrimus on
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    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • SheriSheri Resident Fluffer My Living RoomRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Watching porn together, now that is the best thing.

    Sheri on
  • DeathmongerDeathmonger Registered User
    edited February 2007
    If your cock is rotting off and you can't use it maybe.

    Deathmonger on
  • WerdnaWerdna Registered User
    edited February 2007
    celery77 wrote:
    ElJeffe wrote:
    It's not the same as cheating on your spouse. It may or may not be something that you shouldn't be doing, depending on your spouse's views on the matter. If your wife thinks porn is horrible and would feel betrayed if you were looking at it, then it's wrong for you to be looking at it.
    I'll go ahead and say that while I agree couples need to work out between them what behavior each other finds acceptable, I think it's completely unreasonable for a spouse to say the other shouldn't view porn. Some stuff is maybe in poor taste and I could see it causing problems (I have a pretty funny story about some enema porn just randomly being dropped off at my video store's return box), but if a wife really has no good reason to get mad at a husband simply viewing the majority of porn (or vice versa). If you're at the strip club every Friday, okay, that's one thing, but if you're just at a bachelor party? The wife has no right to complain (or vice versa, this can go both ways, but I mean...).

    General agreement here, however I feel that having live strippers or attending a strip joint weighs much more than say checking out some porn clip. Watching a video does not permit any interactivity which can allay concerns of committing real physical acts of infidelity.

    One cannot totally write off that it is totally normal for one partner to feel initially inept or undesirable because the other watches porn or goes to strip clubs. I personally think that young American males are enculturated to watch porn and want to go watch strippers with their buddies. For the most part, it seems that middle america expects us men to have a healthy heterosexual appetite for hot young females yet to seek a single woman to tie us down.

    The way I see it on this topic...very few of us would agree that porn is cheating. Doing so, in part, breaks our male code...in which case they're considered gay or a fundamentalist

    Werdna on
  • Akilae729Akilae729 Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Incenjucar wrote:
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    My girl doesn't care if I watch porn. Nor do I care if she watches porn.

    Of course, being in a long-distance relationship might have something to do with that.

    Depends on the woman.

    Women tend to get upset when they don't find any porn on my comp.

    Im in a long distance relationship and it is also a don't really care situation

    it would be very hard to deal without it

    Akilae729 on
    signaturebighe7.jpg
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar Audio Game Developer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    Incenjucar wrote:
    Where do you find these women and do they come spayed?

    I pretty much have to import them from Asian countries.

    Also, they are very frustrating when they are not currently trying to rape you.

    So it's something have to do with them being Asian?

    'Cause my girlfriend is.

    Dunno.

    One of them is only half Asian, and the other is Quebecio, but grew up in Japan.

    But oh my god. <3

    But one of them once suggested we write erotic fiction to each other, and wanted to find porn on my TV, and the other one has a taste for hentai and that one famous bondage pinup girl.

    Either way, there are porn-loving women out there.

    They are the fun ones.

    They may destroy you, but you will love them for it.

    Incenjucar on
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited February 2007
    Werdna wrote:
    The way I see it on this topic...very few of us would agree that porn is cheating. Doing so, in part, breaks our male code...in which case they're considered gay or a fundamentalist

    No. Admitting that porn is cheating breaks our sense of logic, in which case they're considered to have a very poor understanding of what the word "cheating" means.

    It isn't like we're all sitting here secretly agreeing that porn = cheating and just afraid to admit it because of peer pressure.

    ElJeffe on
    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Agreed. "Cheating" is when you and another person are consciously stimulating one another for sexual gratification. This could be at a distance (web cam, cybering, phone sex) or more commonly, in person. At a distance is pretty tame, and while it's a violation of the trust within the relationship, I wouldn't put it on par with actually dicking / being dicked by another person.

    Porn is one sided (in the vast majority of cases, live interactive webcam shows aside), it's self indulgent and based purely on your pleasure without any consideration for the subject. And why should there be? Books don't have feelings, and movies/files don't care about being pleased.

    Anyone who says they're truly equal has a loose grasp of relationships, and should really ponder if looking at a naughty website is truly equal in all ways to nailing a stripper / friend / co-worker in a seedy hotel. THAT (assuming it's not an 'open' relationship) is cheating.

    There are many grey areas in human sexuality, I don't really feel this is one of them. Clearly, the OP's wife has an issue with the matter, but as we've discussed at length, this is an issue in need of professional help, and not the norm.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2007
    Sheri wrote:
    Making porn together, now that is the best thing.

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    At times I think modern males and our access to porn at such unprecadented levels have lead to a very I don't want to say dangerous but maybe unfulfilling situation. With the internet blown up as it is now, at any instant you have access to a million different images, video, audio, erotic fictions. At a young age males are almost innoculated with all this instant sexual imagery. People on this board relate tales of masturbating 6 or 8 times a day.

    Is this healthy for males relationship wise? I mean why have normal sex with your girl when you can watch fantasy sex masturbate and move on? I have heard this line from more then a couple guys I know and I wonder, is too much of a good thing becoming a bad thing now? Are we becoming dependent on this stream of porn for our sexual satisfaction?

    I don't have any answers, but the way that men seem to think that going without porn is impossible makes me worried, hell I don't think I can go without porn for too long and I have to wonder what that says about me.

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    Http:// pleasepaypreacher.net
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited February 2007
    Preacher wrote:
    I mean why have normal sex with your girl when you can watch fantasy sex masturbate and move on?

    Because the only thing normal sex has in common with wanking it to porn is that they both involve orgasms. Sex >>>>>> masturbation.

    ElJeffe on
    Maddie: "I named my feet. The left one is flip and the right one is flop. Oh, and also I named my flip-flops."

    I make tweet.
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2007
    Preacher wrote:
    Is this healthy for males relationship wise? I mean why have normal sex with your girl when you can watch fantasy sex masturbate and move on?
    Because simply having an orgasm isn't a very good basis for the entirety of a relationship in the first place?

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited February 2007
    I don't think you mean "innoculated"... if they were innoculated, there wouldn't be a problem. "Inundated", perhaps? This is a good point... the wonders of Yahoo and mIRC made figuring out what I liked pretty damn easy at an early age... I don't agree with a lot of what you said (just in my own personal case).

    I don't see it as "being forced to go without porn being impossible", but rather an aspect of yourself you can't explore in real life, but don't feel you should be deprived of the ability to do the exploring.

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • s3rial ones3rial one Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Preacher wrote:
    I mean why have normal sex with your girl when you can watch fantasy sex masturbate and move on?
    Because the real thing is far, far better than watching someone else do it.

    s3rial one on
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Watching porn together, now that is the best thing.

    Gather round kids.

    Porn is like Tennis.

    Most exciting with a partner...
    We've all seen those kids practicing down at the nets on one of those walls with the line painted across, batting the ball back at themselves (this works on many different levels). But the game is most enjoyable playing with another.

    Hell, some people like playing doubles... Not my thing, but who am I to judge? They seem to be enjoying themselves.

    Fallingman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Fallingman wrote:
    Hell, some people like playing doubles... Not my thing, but who am I to judge? They seem to be enjoying themselves.

    I've always wondered... where do you put your elbows?

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I've always wondered... where do you put your elbows?

    I'd think elbows would be the least of my worries...

    Fallingman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Fallingman wrote:
    I'd think elbows would be the least of my worries...
    You won't say that when the cops arrest you for killing a woman with your doodle, because you couldn't balance...

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I agree sex with someone else is better then masturbation, but it takes more time for gratification (well if done properly) and everyone seems to say "I just don't have the time for blah blah blah" so wouldn't that mean that they don't fuck their SO as often as they would like because it's just too much time and easier to masturbate at times or is this situation just overblown? And normal sex lives are the same as they have always been. Perhaps I am just crazy.

    I just wonder if there has been a study since the I'd say the mid 90s that looks into adult males and sexual relationships. I'd really be interested.

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    Http:// pleasepaypreacher.net
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    but it takes more time for gratification (well if done properly) and everyone seems to say "I just don't have the time for blah blah blah"

    I dunno man. If part of your thinking is "how does this impact my schedule?" perhaps you're just not in the right frame of mind for it anyway?

    ...I'd rather be late.

    Fallingman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited February 2007
    Fallingman wrote:
    I dunno man. If part of your thinking is "how does this impact my schedule?" perhaps you're just not in the right frame of mind for it anyway?

    ...I'd rather be late.

    Reminds me of that John Wing bit...

    "You know you're old when your wife looks at you and says 'Would you rather watch Law and Order, or do you want to go have sex?'

    You think about it and say, 'Well.... it's a new one...'"

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User
    edited February 2007
    i wouldn't like my wife watching gay porn

    and yes, I'm a hippocrate

    p.s. I do NOT watch gay porn

    Hazzelhoff on
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Man, I think porn isn't cheating per se but it has the potential to be pretty dickish. Early on in our relationship I didn't want my boyfriend to be watching porn, because I am pretty insecure and it was something I thought we'd be better off without for a little while. Now it's okay, I don't really have a problem with it.

    (As a side note, if he told me to stop hanging out with my male friends I'd tell him to fuck right off, unless these male friends were giving me videos of them banging chicks or were naked all the time)

    If he went ahead and ignored what I asked, without talking to me or whatever, that would be kind of cheating in that we laid down terms for the relationship and he ignored them. It wouldn't be nearly the same as him porking another chick, but there'd still be some of the same sentiments involved in that he willingly ignored what I said to go gratify himself and broke my trust.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    i wouldn't like my wife watching gay porn

    and yes, I'm a hippocrate

    p.s. I do NOT watch gay porn

    You took the doctor's oath?

    DarkPrimus on
    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • Marblehead JohnsonMarblehead Johnson Registered User
    edited February 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote:
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    and yes, I'm a hippocrate

    You took the doctor's oath?

    Now he's off to eat hickory-smoked horse buttholes... from a cup!

    Marblehead Johnson on
    Magus` wrote: »
    It's human nature to derive meaning from that something that actually lacks it in order to suit your goals.

    Dismayed By Humanity Since 1992.
  • LRGLRG Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Pray tell, why the fuck did your wife join a singles group after you were married?


    That seems way closer to cheating than looking at some titty pics.

    LRG on
  • MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Fuck, pornography does not constitute cheating. Cheating is intimate physical contact with someone other than your significant other. Kissing, fooling around, fucking, that's it. Lets stop all this fucking bullshit in defining cheating as 'fantasizing about other people' or looking at a good skin mag.

    I can understand not looking at porno as often if your girlfriend doesn't like it - I've significantly reduced my porno related past times when requested by my girlfriend of two years.

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
  • CrimsonKingCrimsonKing Registered User
    edited February 2007
    I could see how porn could be cheating. However if you and your SO's relationship is structured in such a way that at certain times you don't see each other for a while, buisness trips etc, then there should be no problem with porn. As other people said though it is about compromise. If she/he doesn't like it, of course try to talk to them about it and try to work something out. This argument can be applied to every single relationship problem because a relationship is about compromise. Communication is key and both of your wants and needs have to be taken into account.

    Now, when I get home from work or class alot of the time I like to have a little time to myself to shower or nap or to just sit and clear my head and do nothing. A lot of times my current girlfriend would get home earlier and want to do something, go out or do a project or watch a movie, cook dinner together, whatev. Mind you we didn't live together so I would have to drive. She usally called when I was driving home so I would say, if I needed some privacy, I'll be there in an hour.

    She didn't like this, and eventually it blossomed into a lovely little argument wherein I was accused of loving myself more than her, all because I liked to have twenty minutes to myself some times. Apparently she wanted me to be at her beck and call, in her words, during this argument. We tried to work it out but it was too late and a week later she was dating some hipster kid who worked at the apple store.

    My point is, one of you is having a problem, call it early and work on it, don't save it bottled up for late in the game. And if its an on-going problem one of you has been silent about, or keeps getting brought up just sit down and talk.

    CrimsonKing on
    This sig was too tall - Elki.
  • ÆthelredÆthelred Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Just noticed there's an article in the Telegraph about this today: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/portal/main.jhtml?view=DETAILS&grid=A1YourView&xml=/portal/2007/01/23/ftlife23.xml
    Roughly 75 per cent of the men who wrote to me think that porn is a perfectly normal aspect of male sexuality that gives comfort and entertainment to you and redresses the serious sexual imbalance between male and female desire. Of that 75 per cent, you are mostly married or in long-term relationships and you love the women you are with and mostly find them sexually desirable, but they just don't want sex as often as you do. Many of you know from experience that they simply don't understand what you like about internet porn and get very overheated about it, so it's best not to tell them. It's become a secret pleasure.

    The less happy 25 per cent of you who write to me are not satisfied in your marriages. You feel excluded by your wives, who often lost interest in sex a long time ago, even though you still think about sex on the hour and can't help looking at attractive women, no matter what age you are. You may be sexually frustrated and depressed and the quite amazing, 24/7 world of internet sex, with its seemingly available women, is your refuge. Some of you have found that it is an instant and easy way to access prostitutes. For some, it has become an addiction that isolates you still further from the people around you.

    For women, the figures are quite the other way around. Perhaps two-thirds are shocked, insulted, unhappy and angry with the men who turn to the internet for pornography. They don't understand their partner's need and feel deeply excluded, not just from his body and his sexual fantasies but from his heart and mind. To them, a porn habit feels like adultery.

    They resent the time their men spend away from them and the family, huddled in isolation before a computer screen. They fear the effects on children who might discover the material and who are missing out on parental time. They are not remotely comforted by the male cry that porn is not about them, that it's possible to compartmentalise, that the other women aren't real (because, after all, they are and one thing can lead to another, especially in chat rooms). The result of this mutual incomprehension is further isolation and exclusion from each other. This can result in breakdown and divorce or it can become a separate beds, separate lives marriage that finds its comforts in what's left of family life.

    The happy women – the other third – are either naturally tolerant, good-humoured, sexually relaxed and understanding towards their menfolk and choose to view an internet porn habit as no worse than golf or football, or they form a small minority who enjoy porn along with their husbands. Some, and Katerina can take comfort from this, start out shocked and hurt but are jolted into communicating with their husbands and come through it to better understanding, better communication and better sex.


    To be honest the women who responded in that article don't understand it at all.

    “We have had a happy marriage, there have been no affairs but I simply cannot cope with his use of pornography. I see it as some kind of betrayal. We have worked at it since. Just as I don’t blame him for my lack of libido, I have had to learn not to blame him for needing the sexual gratification he found in internet porn. This is not something I could talk about with anyone I know.”

    But sometimes, of course, the women are right: the pornography isn’t harmless, as one reader found. “It was quite hard to read Katerina’s letter as my own marriage broke up for similar reasons. My husband’s attitude was, 'It’s a bit of healthy ''tits and bum”,’ and he accused me of hysteria. “Recently, nearly three years after our estrangement, I stumbled across some files in my ex-husband’s computer that involved sex with children – boys and girls – including rape and anal sex. It was a tremendous vindication for me. At the same time it was a terrible glimpse at the anguish of a person living without dignity, without self-esteem and estranged from real warmth and relationships.”

    “I had to write, if only to reassure your correspondent that she is not alone,” writes a woman whose marriage is about to end. “My husband’s regular use of porn magazines and videos led to us going to counselling together and a very painful two years followed but our sex life resumed and we were happy. Then, two years ago, I found him surfing the net for porn and accessing adult channels on the television, and that was the last straw. He refused further counselling. I now cannot bear him to touch me. He is in all other ways a very kind person, gentle, generous and a well-respected professional man, but this summer when our last child leaves home I am leaving him to start a new life on my own.”


    Top marks to the priest though!
    he wrote:
    Internet porn is virtual sex.

    Æthelred on
    pokes: 1505 8032 8399
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS
    edited February 2007
    Obviously if porn becomes an addiction, it will be a problem. An addiction to porn is no more healthy for a relationship than an addiction to crack. The thing is that most people can look at porn pretty regularly without developing a compulsion. The letter that lady wrote reminds me that the problem that often comes up in media-discourse of the subject is that they only want to talk about the extreme cases, on both sides of the relationship. "Yeah, my husband watches porn and whacks off sometimes, but I am confident that he prefers for me to have my way with him" just isn't as exciting as "zomg my husband loved me forever until the internet had porn and now he's stealing stereos and pawning them off to buy subscriptions to adult websites and won't even look at me!"

    ViolentChemistry on
    DAMM
    Drunks Against Mad Mothers
  • PodlyPodly you unzipped me! it's all coming back! i don't like it!Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    i wouldn't like my wife watching gay porn

    and yes, I'm a hippocrate

    p.s. I do NOT watch gay porn


    hahaha

    I thought that was a link

    that would have been awesome

    Podly on
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    9pr1GIh.jpg?1
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar Audio Game Developer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    i wouldn't like my wife watching gay porn

    and yes, I'm a hippocrate

    p.s. I do NOT watch gay porn

    You do realize that watching straight porn is more "gay" than watching gay porn directed at your opposite gender, right?

    Just saying.

    Incenjucar on
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Nobody like that much manass though

    nexuscrawler on
  • electricitylikesmeelectricitylikesme Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    To be honest the women who responded in that article don't understand it at all.
    I totally agree, and ranted about this earlier. The things that get said about it show that a lot of people - generally - really don't understand what's going on at all, and this includes men as well.

    electricitylikesme on
  • DockenDocken Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Its not cheating, but from my personal perspective I know that if I am really into my girl I don't even want to watch porn, because for some reason it somehow feels wrong. Keep in mind, all the ex's I have had were more than happy with me watching porn- some even enjoyed the thought of it!- but when I am in a relationship it just doesn't do it for me...

    However, girls that get 'offended' by it are just fucking retarded. The reason for this is simple- its shows that they don't trust their man, that they think he is somehow going to leave them for these internet girls. More importantly, if their man is turning to porn, then maybe they need to think about why this is happening. Its all very well and good to cry foul when your man is viewing porn, but if you are not having sex with him (or are barely having sex), then really you can't expect him not to get aroused.

    I am not trying to 'push blame' or anything like that, but if you don't understand the reason why guys watch porn, then you are just asking for trouble.

    Its pretty simple- if you don't like the fact that this is happening, be proactive and attempt to change things! maybe spice up the love life, perhaps sit down and talk about, but most of all, have an OPEN mind about things. I think the main reasons why relationship suffer troubles is because people are so close-minded about what they think should be the norm, and how people should act. Then they get stuck in that mindset and are unwilling to change...

    Docken on
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