man i bumped this up from the bottom of page 2, but i have to share this absolutely ridiculous e-mail that my mother sent me
WOW is this not the TRUTH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack
has my address and telephone number and knows
that I bought a t.v. cable
from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal
Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the
income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health
insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that
ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister.
I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you
an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my
house, then you ask me formy fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a
gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there! Look at my damn picture.
Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig upYasser Arafat, for shit sakes.
I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not
want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get
another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too
damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off,
then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture
you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776
when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served
in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances
up the yingyang. I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province
for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,
someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST CHINA !!!
to which i responded with:
this person just sounds ignorant
they ask for that stuff for security reasons to protect you from identity theft
if they sent you the passport form in the mail with all of your personal information filled out and someone managed to get a hold of that (not too hard) then it's pretty much a free fake passport
the ending was especially ignorant. someone who was raised in communist china.
they ask for someone who is in a high position in society to sign off on those because if it is found that they signed off on a fraudulent passport form, they are held responsible. not too many people who paid for 10+ years of schooling for medicine or law are willing to give that up so joe blow can get a fake passport.
people are so fucking stupid it's maddening.
and of course, it was typed in comic sans 14 point font.
font of choice for the blue collared e-mailer.
my dad just sends me videos of dogs going down waterslides, or pictures of mining camps where he used to work, or gigantic dump trucks, or cranes climbing larger cranes
So she applies for a passport but is upset they ask for her birthdate?
Also she mentions the census - no, those are anonymous. Unless she's talking about some Canadian census, in which case who gives a fuck. Canada sucks.
The US Census is also mandatory. I don't know what the penalty is for not returning it, maybe not much, but it is required.
Also:
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
Nobody emails me a thing because I have informed them in a stately manner that they know nothing.
Weaver on
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MrMonroepassed outon the floor nowRegistered Userregular
edited December 2008
My uncle forwards the dreck he gets from Michael Moore's mailing list to me, and ccs pretty much the whole family.
So not only do I have to read it, I have to then reply all and make sure everyone knows how retarded it is. I don't want my sister picking up on it through osmosis or some shit.
FandyienBut Otto, what about us? Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
Other then michael moore being a fat jerk, what exactly are your problems with his politics
or are you just dumb
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
The only family I have email addresses for are my parents. I just call or text if I need to talk to my sister. My wife used to send me stuff but she finally realized that I already share a hive mind with the internet, functioning as a sort of savant, a living reference engine of sorts.
Beavotron has some harsh words for all you blue-collared email-writers out there. What are you doing writing your ignorant emails in that stupid font in the first place? You should probably be in a factory or a prison somewhere.
Back when the intertron was a new thing for most people (ie 1998-99) I used to get all kinds of stupid spam shit from my family but even they have wised up by now.
Otoh, my grandfather lived to be almost 97 and used email regularly right up until he died. His favorite thing to do was send you an email and then call you on the phone 5 minutes later to ask "did you get my email"? The awesomenes of this was enhanced by the fact that he lived on the east coast and would call us here on the west coast at 5 am..... HIS time. I'll let you do the math on that one.
so when I lived at home my mom would pop into my room, talk to me, leave, pop back in, be like "oh i forgot that..." and say something else, maybe doing this three or four times. it was annoying, but whatever, she's scatter-brained, it's fine.
when I started leaving the house to hang out with my friends or living with my dad or whatever the fuck, she started doing the same thing with calls. she would call me, we'd talk for ten minutes, she would call me back and be like "OH I FORGOT THAT..." It only took twenty or twenty-five times of her doing this for me to get pretty annoyed, and now if she calls back within ten minutes of us hanging up, whatever, she can leave a message, she just has information for me anyway.
now that I'm at college she e-mails me big long e-mails, then e-mails me three minutes later with the tagline "One more thing...", even doing this two or three times. Sometimes she e-mails me something that ends with "I'm going to look up bus prices and times" and e-mails back five minutes later saying "ok so the bus leaves now and now and costs this much." This doesn't happen once in a while. This happens ALWAYS.
This is THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING THING to me. I come home to five or six e-mails. This isn't like leaving the room and realizing you forgot to bring something up - it's fucking TEXT, sent over the internet. You can consolidate your thoughts before you send me an e-mail. If once in a while you go "oh I left something out" that's fine, but I feel like my mom e-mails me every time she thinks of something instead of going "hey maybe I'll just e-mail him tonight with everything I think of between now and then" or "hey I need to remind my son of something why don't I write a reminder or start a list or something"
I accidentally emailed my aunt from my regular email address. So now she has it saved, and I get ALL of her forwards. She's new to the internet and thus thinks they're all hilarious and also that I need to know about all these Virus alerts.
Thank god for gmail labels.
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FandyienBut Otto, what about us? Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
My parents never ever go into my room. It's almost like having an apartment, only I can get yelled at for a lot more stuff.
Your mom needs to send you more anti-laser refractive armor, WaM.
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FandyienBut Otto, what about us? Registered Userregular
edited December 2008
My parents and I have this weird don't ask don't tell relationship where we just don't talk about my incredible menagerie of vices and faults. They also never send me e-mails except for once in a blue moon where my dad finds something from like four years ago on the internet and thinks it's hilarious.
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World as Mytha breezy way to annoy serious peopleRegistered Userregular
Other then michael moore being a fat jerk, what exactly are your problems with his politics
or are you just dumb
Lately it's just been rants about how the Big Three need saving justified with nothing but broken window fallacy and "well, Wall Street got one."
Basically I agree with him about gun control and healthcare and that's about it. (Though I wish he would be less of a fat jerk about those issues, because that makes me a fat jerk by association. I work for my svelte figure, thank you)
so when I lived at home my mom would pop into my room, talk to me, leave, pop back in, be like "oh i forgot that..." and say something else, maybe doing this three or four times. it was annoying, but whatever, she's scatter-brained, it's fine.
when I started leaving the house to hang out with my friends or living with my dad or whatever the fuck, she started doing the same thing with calls. she would call me, we'd talk for ten minutes, she would call me back and be like "OH I FORGOT THAT..." It only took twenty or twenty-five times of her doing this for me to get pretty annoyed, and now if she calls back within ten minutes of us hanging up, whatever, she can leave a message, she just has information for me anyway.
now that I'm at college she e-mails me big long e-mails, then e-mails me three minutes later with the tagline "One more thing...", even doing this two or three times. Sometimes she e-mails me something that ends with "I'm going to look up bus prices and times" and e-mails back five minutes later saying "ok so the bus leaves now and now and costs this much." This doesn't happen once in a while. This happens ALWAYS.
This is THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING THING to me. I come home to five or six e-mails. This isn't like leaving the room and realizing you forgot to bring something up - it's fucking TEXT, sent over the internet. You can consolidate your thoughts before you send me an e-mail. If once in a while you go "oh I left something out" that's fine, but I feel like my mom e-mails me every time she thinks of something instead of going "hey maybe I'll just e-mail him tonight with everything I think of between now and then" or "hey I need to remind my son of something why don't I write a reminder or start a list or something"
Posts
That's how God wants it to go down.
Point is, he's not white. Enough.
Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack
has my address and telephone number and knows
that I bought a t.v. cable
from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal
Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the
income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health
insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that
ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister.
I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you
an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my
house, then you ask me formy fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a
gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there! Look at my damn picture.
Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig upYasser Arafat, for shit sakes.
I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not
want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get
another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too
damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us
running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off,
then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture
you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776
when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served
in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances
up the yingyang. I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province
for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know,
someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST CHINA !!!
to which i responded with:
they ask for that stuff for security reasons to protect you from identity theft
if they sent you the passport form in the mail with all of your personal information filled out and someone managed to get a hold of that (not too hard) then it's pretty much a free fake passport
the ending was especially ignorant. someone who was raised in communist china.
they ask for someone who is in a high position in society to sign off on those because if it is found that they signed off on a fraudulent passport form, they are held responsible. not too many people who paid for 10+ years of schooling for medicine or law are willing to give that up so joe blow can get a fake passport.
people are so fucking stupid it's maddening.
and of course, it was typed in comic sans 14 point font.
font of choice for the blue collared e-mailer.
ahhaah there was a little link at the bottom to get custom animations for your emails.
retarded.
my dad is awesome
The fools.
Also she mentions the census - no, those are anonymous. Unless she's talking about some Canadian census, in which case who gives a fuck. Canada sucks.
He's got a good sense of humor that is apparently quite similar to my own!
though if you don't respond you can get a fine/go to jail
Wait a minute.
How the fuck?
At the end of the census there's a secret word.
They go around asking people what the secret word is, and if you can't answer you're thrown in jail.
I'm not really sure how that works. vsove's solution is as good as any.
"Man I don't remember, fuck you in your ass."
Wait, so you saw last year's census?
I can't think of anything witty to say to that. Touché.
Also:
So not only do I have to read it, I have to then reply all and make sure everyone knows how retarded it is. I don't want my sister picking up on it through osmosis or some shit.
or are you just dumb
I just got one of those "for every time you forward this, microsoft will send you $430" emails
from a guy I met once THREE FUCKING YEARS AGO and haven't heard from since
hey, fuck you right in your retarded fucking ass, guy
but today I got this email from her (she never, ever, ever forwards me emails, but I guess there's a first time for everything)
thanks mom
Otoh, my grandfather lived to be almost 97 and used email regularly right up until he died. His favorite thing to do was send you an email and then call you on the phone 5 minutes later to ask "did you get my email"? The awesomenes of this was enhanced by the fact that he lived on the east coast and would call us here on the west coast at 5 am..... HIS time. I'll let you do the math on that one.
when I started leaving the house to hang out with my friends or living with my dad or whatever the fuck, she started doing the same thing with calls. she would call me, we'd talk for ten minutes, she would call me back and be like "OH I FORGOT THAT..." It only took twenty or twenty-five times of her doing this for me to get pretty annoyed, and now if she calls back within ten minutes of us hanging up, whatever, she can leave a message, she just has information for me anyway.
now that I'm at college she e-mails me big long e-mails, then e-mails me three minutes later with the tagline "One more thing...", even doing this two or three times. Sometimes she e-mails me something that ends with "I'm going to look up bus prices and times" and e-mails back five minutes later saying "ok so the bus leaves now and now and costs this much." This doesn't happen once in a while. This happens ALWAYS.
This is THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING THING to me. I come home to five or six e-mails. This isn't like leaving the room and realizing you forgot to bring something up - it's fucking TEXT, sent over the internet. You can consolidate your thoughts before you send me an e-mail. If once in a while you go "oh I left something out" that's fine, but I feel like my mom e-mails me every time she thinks of something instead of going "hey maybe I'll just e-mail him tonight with everything I think of between now and then" or "hey I need to remind my son of something why don't I write a reminder or start a list or something"
I dunno. It bugs me.
Thank god for gmail labels.
wait I mean no
Lately it's just been rants about how the Big Three need saving justified with nothing but broken window fallacy and "well, Wall Street got one."
Basically I agree with him about gun control and healthcare and that's about it. (Though I wish he would be less of a fat jerk about those issues, because that makes me a fat jerk by association. I work for my svelte figure, thank you)
However I stopped e-mailing my mother for a while after she said some silly things.