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Strange & Embarassing Moments: The Finer Points of Cunnilingus on a Chalkboard

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Posts

  • WillethWilleth Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Man I would never get a tattoo in a language I didn't understand, especially if you're not at a reputable tattoo artists'. How many people have got 'I am a wanker' branded on their body for all to see because of that?

    Willeth on
    @vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming!
    @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Willeth wrote: »
    Man I would never get a tattoo in a language I didn't understand, especially if you're not at a reputable tattoo artists'. How many people have got 'I am a wanker' branded on their body for all to see because of that?

    I imagine there's quite a few Chinese-charactered tramp stamps that say "Insert Here" or the equivalent.

    PeregrineFalcon on
    Looking for a DX:HR OnLive code for my kid brother.
    Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
  • halkunhalkun Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Mr Ray wrote: »
    I would have loved to watch him try to explain to his Japanese wife how Chinese and Japanese are "all the same".

    He assumed that the characters "matched" phonetically. Kind of like how Spanish and English use the same letters.

    As a side note, I remember when I was first learning Kanji (Chinese characters in Japanese). I decided to take a sheet of paper, and copy all the Japanese names from the ending credits of my anime and match them to the names in the subs.

    I explicitly remember saying. "I can do this, it's not like there are thousands of these letters!"

    Wow, not only was I wrong, I was also trying to match the letters to the English alphabet. I had on my sheet of paper the following.

    A=
    a=

    B=
    b=

    C=
    c=

    This was before I learned that:

    1) Japanese take specific consonant-vowel pairs
    2) The vowels are A, I, U, E, O, and N (?!)
    3) The names were backwards, with the last name first, and was put the "right way" in the subs.
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters, with two phonetic alphabets, each with 50 letters.
    5) Each character has at least two readings, sometimes more.
    6) Names didn't follow those rules and sometimes used non-traditional characters and readings.

    I wonder how on earth I even picked up the language. I was an obsessed little nerd.

    halkun on
  • ArgusArgus Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    Argus on
    pasigsizedu5.jpg
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Argus wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    It's an asshole. Chinese is worse, in my opinion.

    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • halkunhalkun Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Argus wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    There are actually just a touch over 5000 (Toyo Kanji), but in 1965, Japan had a language reform and cut it down to 1,945 that you must know to be literate (Joyo Kanji). They also tossed a few redundant phonetic letters to. (Yi and Ye, but strangely is still used in the Japanese Beer "Yebisu". It's that name rule again.) You can "get by" with about 800. It doesn't really matter because as you are learning Japanese the characters get attached to your vocabulary anyway. The hard part was the grammar, where you have to deal with verbs at the end of sentences and the lack of a future tense or plurals.

    halkun on
  • WulfWulf Disciple of Tzeentch The Void... (New Jersey)Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    bowen wrote: »
    Argus wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    It's an asshole. Chinese is worse, in my opinion.

    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    Or for maintaing a slipping hold on what you learned in college :P

    Wulf on
    Everyone needs a little Chaos!
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Wulf wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    Argus wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    It's an asshole. Chinese is worse, in my opinion.

    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    Or for maintaing a slipping hold on what you learned in college :P

    I've found learning languages in college and high school to be completely pointless. Every teacher I've gotten insists the best way to learn is to speak the language completely in the class. Like teaching a bunch of kindergarten kids how to talk.

    Except they'd start using phrases like "What's this mean?" without previously having told us what the phrase meant. It was ridiculously hard for my class to pick up Spanish because the introductory teacher taught like this.

    I hated her.

    Someone put a stink bomb in her desk though. It made it worth it. I am still not sure how I passed that for 5 years(!) in high school. I can't speak it anymore, except for a few funny phrases like "Do you like ass-sex?" or stuff like that, which is probably very useful when traveling abroad.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • ArgusArgus Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    bowen wrote: »
    Wulf wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    Argus wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    It's an asshole. Chinese is worse, in my opinion.

    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    Or for maintaing a slipping hold on what you learned in college :P

    I've found learning languages in college and high school to be completely pointless. Every teacher I've gotten insists the best way to learn is to speak the language completely in the class. Like teaching a bunch of kindergarten kids how to talk.

    Except they'd start using phrases like "What's this mean?" without previously having told us what the phrase meant. It was ridiculously hard for my class to pick up Spanish because the introductory teacher taught like this.

    I hated her.

    Someone put a stink bomb in her desk though. It made it worth it. I am still not sure how I passed that for 5 years(!) in high school. I can't speak it anymore, except for a few funny phrases like "Do you like ass-sex?" or stuff like that, which is probably very useful when traveling abroad.

    Bowen is ultimately prepared in case he needs a homosexual encounter with a Spanish man.

    Argus on
    pasigsizedu5.jpg
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Argus wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    Wulf wrote: »
    bowen wrote: »
    Argus wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    4) There are, in fact 1,945 characters

    You're just crushing any delusions I might have of someday learning Japanese here :|

    It's an asshole. Chinese is worse, in my opinion.

    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    Or for maintaing a slipping hold on what you learned in college :P

    I've found learning languages in college and high school to be completely pointless. Every teacher I've gotten insists the best way to learn is to speak the language completely in the class. Like teaching a bunch of kindergarten kids how to talk.

    Except they'd start using phrases like "What's this mean?" without previously having told us what the phrase meant. It was ridiculously hard for my class to pick up Spanish because the introductory teacher taught like this.

    I hated her.

    Someone put a stink bomb in her desk though. It made it worth it. I am still not sure how I passed that for 5 years(!) in high school. I can't speak it anymore, except for a few funny phrases like "Do you like ass-sex?" or stuff like that, which is probably very useful when traveling abroad.

    Bowen is ultimately prepared in case he needs a homosexual encounter with a Spanish man.

    Olé

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    bowen wrote: »
    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    More and more down OffTopic Road, but is this "speaking from experience?"

    I've heard mixed things, some people say that it's utter shit and others that it's great.

    Maybe it depends on the language in question that you're trying to learn.

    PeregrineFalcon on
    Looking for a DX:HR OnLive code for my kid brother.
    Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    bowen wrote: »
    As much as they're peddled, the Rosetta Stone software is actually really fucking good if you want to learn a foreign language.

    More and more down OffTopic Road, but is this "speaking from experience?"

    I've heard mixed things, some people say that it's utter shit and others that it's great.

    Maybe it depends on the language in question that you're trying to learn.

    I've used them and it's far easier to pick up unless you're paying someone who's fluent in both to teach you. Rosetta gets pretty close to that, treats you like you have no idea what the fuck you're doing, and doesn't try to trick you with tricky things off the bat.

    Someone who's a master of languages will likely find Rosetta to be mind numbingly boring and hideous though.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Willeth wrote: »
    Man I would never get a tattoo in a language I didn't understand, especially if you're not at a reputable tattoo artists'. How many people have got 'I am a wanker' branded on their body for all to see because of that?

    I imagine there's quite a few Chinese-charactered tramp stamps that say "Insert Here" or the equivalent.
    My wife had a good laugh when we went to Six Flags a few years ago. There were temporary tatoo places and some of them had Chinese characters that they said meant sexy.
    We asked her what they really meant, and she said sexy kind of works, but there is no English translation because it was very idiomatic. The closest she could give was something like "The last 27 generations of your mothers were whores."

    Tofystedeth on
    steam_sig.png
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Willeth wrote: »
    Man I would never get a tattoo in a language I didn't understand, especially if you're not at a reputable tattoo artists'. How many people have got 'I am a wanker' branded on their body for all to see because of that?

    I imagine there's quite a few Chinese-charactered tramp stamps that say "Insert Here" or the equivalent.
    My wife had a good laugh when we went to Six Flags a few years ago. There were temporary tatoo places and some of them had Chinese characters that they said meant sexy.
    We asked her what they really meant, and she said sexy kind of works, but there is no English translation because it was very idiomatic. The closest she could give was something like "The last 27 generations of your mothers were whores."

    Goddamnit if that's not sexy I don't know what is.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • HellbunnyHellbunny Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    So things start to pick up for the end of the day when all the IT guys shit down there machines and we need to shut the kids machine first and tend to our own machines.

    I don't know if anyone else pointed that out, but it confused me briefly. Nice typo!

    Hellbunny on
    Zombie-a-Day! I'm open for suggestions!
  • halkunhalkun Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Here's an otaku fave....

    412PQYrFr0L._SL500_AA280_.jpg

    This shirt is often advertised as saying "Looking for a Japanese Girlfriend", which is technically correct, but it's not exactly what it says... I will elaborate.

    The shirt says this

    日本人 = Japanese person

    彼女 = girl (girlfriend)

    募集 = recruit

    中 = In the middle of...

    The term "募集中", means "Now recruiting", not "Looking for". Many times when a Japanese store is looking for hire someone, they will put "募集中" in the window. It can also mean "Help wanted" or "Now hiring" (You can see the context of the word here.

    So basically, wearing this shirt it telling Japanese girls that you are looking to hire them as your girlfriend, or that you are accepting applications for such. It's really not a shirt you should be wearing to impress anyone, and you are actually looking like an ass.

    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    halkun on
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    halkun wrote: »
    So basically, wearing this shirt it telling Japanese girls that you are looking to hire them as your girlfriend, or that you are accepting applications for such. It's really not a shirt you should be wearing to impress anyone, and you are actually looking like an ass.

    Honestly? Even if it said exactly what it claims it says it's pretty goddamn sad.
    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    Awesome.

    admanb on
  • DeciusDecius I'm old! I'm fat! I'M BLUE!Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    halkun wrote: »
    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    You should have pulled out $115 USD, walked up to her, and said "You've got a deal."

    Decius on
    camo_sig2.png
    I never finish anyth
  • AydrAydr Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    admanb wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    So basically, wearing this shirt it telling Japanese girls that you are looking to hire them as your girlfriend, or that you are accepting applications for such. It's really not a shirt you should be wearing to impress anyone, and you are actually looking like an ass.

    Honestly? Even if it said exactly what it claims it says it's pretty goddamn sad.
    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    Awesome.

    I kinda hope she knew what that said. What would someone think that says?

    Aydr on
  • AydrAydr Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Decius wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    You should have pulled out $115 USD, walked up to her, and said "You've got a deal."

    For some girl from Wisconsin? Talk about overpriced.

    Aydr on
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Aydr wrote: »
    Decius wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    You should have pulled out $115 USD, walked up to her, and said "You've got a deal."

    For some girl from Wisconsin? Talk about overpriced.

    You've never been to a Wisconsin cattle farm then.
    HEYYYOOOOO

    Rent on
  • DeciusDecius I'm old! I'm fat! I'M BLUE!Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Alberta, where the men are men, the oil flows freely, and the cows cost more then the whores.
    In a blind taste test, the average Albertan picked the cow over the whore 4 of 5 times

    Decius on
    camo_sig2.png
    I never finish anyth
  • ArgusArgus Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Rent wrote: »
    Aydr wrote: »
    Decius wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    I one saw an American girl here in Wisconsin with a shirt that said "一夜、一〇〇〇〇円" (One night, 10,000 yen). I nearly doubled over laughing.

    You should have pulled out $115 USD, walked up to her, and said "You've got a deal."

    For some girl from Wisconsin? Talk about overpriced.

    You've never been to a Wisconsin cattle farm then.
    HEYYYOOOOO

    love-actually-7.jpg

    Argus on
    pasigsizedu5.jpg
  • devoirdevoir Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Why is Elisha Cuthbert with the guy from My Family? I am confused.

    devoir on
  • clsCorwinclsCorwin Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Watch Love Actually.

    clsCorwin on
  • SliverSliver Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    My mom used to do this dog breeding thing. She makes a phone call to the vet several years ago. She got an answering machine and left a message talking about how she had a bitch in heat, needed a semen sample from the stud, wondering about frozen/chilled semen. (among other things.)

    She gets a call back a few hours later from a very confused woman who said," Hi. You called about something you wanted to have done... to one of your dogs? I just wanted to let you know that you got the wrong number."

    Sliver on
  • electricitylikesmeelectricitylikesme Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    clsCorwin wrote: »
    Watch Love Actually.
    The real mystery is why he goes with that one girl over the others, but also sucks to not get Denise Richards.

    electricitylikesme on
  • FalxFalx Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Sliver wrote: »
    My mom used to do this dog breeding thing. She makes a phone call to the vet several years ago. She got an answering machine and left a message talking about how she had a bitch in heat, needed a semen sample from the stud, wondering about frozen/chilled semen. (among other things.)

    She gets a call back a few hours later from a very confused woman who said," Hi. You called about something you wanted to have done... to one of your dogs? I just wanted to let you know that you got the wrong number."

    I imagined that part being read in this half-scared tone of voice. To win a million internets your mom should have immediately replied, "Ooh... yes, dogs. Totally dogs. Right."

    Falx on
  • ruzkinruzkin Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    admanb wrote: »
    halkun wrote: »
    So basically, wearing this shirt it telling Japanese girls that you are looking to hire them as your girlfriend, or that you are accepting applications for such. It's really not a shirt you should be wearing to impress anyone, and you are actually looking like an ass.

    Honestly? Even if it said exactly what it claims it says it's pretty goddamn sad.

    I own one of those shirts. Haven't worn it since I walked past an elderly Japanese gentleman who read it and immediately shat himself laughing.

    ruzkin on
    g4OlSIF.jpg
  • MrMisterMrMister Jesus dying on the cross in pain? Morally better than us. One has to go "all in".Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I thought about getting one of those Seme: It's lonely at the top, or Uke: root for the underdog shirts, but then I came to my goddamn senses.

    Edit: for clarification, Seme and Uke are the terms in gay anime for the guy on top and the guy on bottom, respectively. Talk about something that would send the elderly japanese man walking by into fits.

    MrMister on
  • sotirissotiris Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    MrMister wrote: »
    I thought about getting one of those Seme: It's lonely at the top, or Uke: root for the underdog shirts, but then I came to my goddamn senses.

    Edit: for clarification, Seme and Uke are the terms in gay anime for the guy on top and the guy on bottom, respectively. Talk about something that would send the elderly japanese man walking by into fits.

    "uke" actually means receiver, and "seme" being "attacker" or something like that (I speak Japanese fluently but I have a hard time translating it)

    yeah, "receiver."

    :winky:

    sotiris on
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    MrMister wrote: »
    I thought about getting one of those Seme: It's lonely at the top, or Uke: root for the underdog shirts, but then I came to my goddamn senses.

    Edit: for clarification, Seme and Uke are the terms in gay anime for the guy on top and the guy on bottom, respectively. Talk about something that would send the elderly japanese man walking by into fits.

    Why the fuck would you ever consider those shirts

    why would you ever....

    The Black Hunter on
  • MrMisterMrMister Jesus dying on the cross in pain? Morally better than us. One has to go "all in".Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I was in high school and I thought they were hilarious. Also, that no one would ever understand them, so total in-joke with the friends, right?

    As I said, and then I came to my goddamn senses.

    MrMister on
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    So close, teetering on the edge of oblivion.

    You live another day MrMister

    The Black Hunter on
  • halkunhalkun Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    There is a guy who "corrects" poorly written Chinese and Japanese tattoos online. (Of course, after the fact)

    http://www.hanzismatter.com/

    halkun on
  • PeenPeen Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    That site is fantastic. I've always wanted to know what those asian character tattoos mean, because I don't trust the tattoo parlors or dumbass people who get them to actually know, and now I can. Thanks man.

    Peen on
  • Double DeuceDouble Deuce Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    The girl I'm dating has a tattoo in Chinese/Japanese (I forget which) that she says reads something like "live in the moment"... she says it reminds her not to overthink things...

    I wonder now what it actually says.

    Double Deuce on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    The girl I'm dating has a tattoo in Chinese/Japanese (I forget which) that she says reads something like "live in the moment"... she says it reminds her not to overthink things...

    I wonder now what it actually says.

    "Live with a penis in your ass that's on fire."

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    halkun wrote: »
    Here's an otaku fave....

    412PQYrFr0L._SL500_AA280_.jpg
    i know someone who owns this shirt
    he wears it at school where we have japanese exchange students

    i love this moment so much
    i have phone calls to make

    Local H Jay on
  • kedinikkedinik Captain of Industry Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    halkun wrote: »
    Here's an otaku fave....

    412PQYrFr0L._SL500_AA280_.jpg
    i know someone who owns this shirt
    he wears it at school where we have japanese exchange students

    i love this moment so much
    i have phone calls to make

    I don't see the big deal.

    You look like an asshole with either translation.

    kedinik on
    I made a game! Hotline Maui. Requires mouse and keyboard.
This discussion has been closed.