The girl I'm dating has a tattoo in Chinese/Japanese (I forget which) that she says reads something like "live in the moment"... she says it reminds her not to overthink things...
I wonder now what it actually says.
"Live with a penis in your ass that's on fire."
I'm not going to set my penis on fire, no matter how good of a strange and embarrassing moment it would create.
My gf and I have a new apartment close to my base.
The other night we got a tad amourous which led to crazy porno grade sex.
After an hour or so we collapse and from down below we hear "if you are just being noisy thats ok, but if you are being raped yell out and we will call the cops"
I don't post a lot here... but anyways. Spoilered maybe NSFW
I was helping a friend with his movie, and I got in front of the camera as an extra. It was a party scene full of Conservative Christian youth doing their best to imitate 'wild college parties.' I only know my friend, and everybody else is just weird. There's one girl who catches my eye, Lisa. I'm really only talking with her because she seemed generally awesome.
Two hours into the shooting, everybody is supposed to be 'passed out'. There were some balloons (really? balloons? these people have it backwards), so I stuffed one of the longer ones in the pants, put my hands in my pants, and pretended to pass out. I was pretty tired so I just kept my eyes closed, not paying attention to 'cut' or 'wrap' or anything. I feel a tap on my shoulders, and this girl Lisa is looking at me very very concerned. 'I don't want you to feel embarrassed, but you're kind of in an awkward position.'
I laughed, assuming she realized it was a joke. 'Wanna touch it?' I asked.
I was slapped so hard.
As I looked up everybody has their eyes on my with a large bulge in my pants and my hand deep inside.
I don't post a lot here... but anyways. Spoilered maybe NSFW
I was helping a friend with his movie, and I got in front of the camera as an extra. It was a party scene full of Conservative Christian youth doing their best to imitate 'wild college parties.' I only know my friend, and everybody else is just weird. There's one girl who catches my eye, Lisa. I'm really only talking with her because she seemed generally awesome.
Two hours into the shooting, everybody is supposed to be 'passed out'. There were some balloons (really? balloons? these people have it backwards), so I stuffed one of the longer ones in the pants, put my hands in my pants, and pretended to pass out. I was pretty tired so I just kept my eyes closed, not paying attention to 'cut' or 'wrap' or anything. I feel a tap on my shoulders, and this girl Lisa is looking at me very very concerned. 'I don't want you to feel embarrassed, but you're kind of in an awkward position.'
I laughed, assuming she realized it was a joke. 'Wanna touch it?' I asked.
I was slapped so hard.
As I looked up everybody has their eyes on my with a large bulge in my pants and my hand deep inside.
:winky:
The correct end for this story is for the balloon to then fly out of your pants and around the room, making a humorous whistly-farting noise.
I don't post a lot here... but anyways. Spoilered maybe NSFW
I was helping a friend with his movie, and I got in front of the camera as an extra. It was a party scene full of Conservative Christian youth doing their best to imitate 'wild college parties.' I only know my friend, and everybody else is just weird. There's one girl who catches my eye, Lisa. I'm really only talking with her because she seemed generally awesome.
Two hours into the shooting, everybody is supposed to be 'passed out'. There were some balloons (really? balloons? these people have it backwards), so I stuffed one of the longer ones in the pants, put my hands in my pants, and pretended to pass out. I was pretty tired so I just kept my eyes closed, not paying attention to 'cut' or 'wrap' or anything. I feel a tap on my shoulders, and this girl Lisa is looking at me very very concerned. 'I don't want you to feel embarrassed, but you're kind of in an awkward position.'
I laughed, assuming she realized it was a joke. 'Wanna touch it?' I asked.
I was slapped so hard.
As I looked up everybody has their eyes on my with a large bulge in my pants and my hand deep inside.
:winky:
The correct end for this story is for the balloon to then fly out of your pants and around the room, making a humorous whistly-farting noise.
My gf and I have a new apartment close to my base.
The other night we got a tad amourous which led to crazy porno grade sex.
After an hour or so we collapse and from down below we hear "if you are just being noisy thats ok, but if you are being raped yell out and we will call the cops"
This is the best way of dealing with loud sex from above I have ever heard.
My gf and I have a new apartment close to my base.
The other night we got a tad amourous which led to crazy porno grade sex.
After an hour or so we collapse and from down below we hear "if you are just being noisy thats ok, but if you are being raped yell out and we will call the cops"
I just wanted to pop in and pass on a story a friend of mine passed on. He's from Eastern Europe but his family moved to the UK.
A few years ago in high school (probably age 15 or so) he had to write an essay for English or History or something. He chose to do it on racism on the 1960s. He wanted a dramatic picture for it, for some reason. English is not his first language.
He wanted a picture of a black man being hung from a noose, so he GISd "hung black man"
And the rest is obvious.
...not all that funny when I come to type it actually, but oh well.
I just wanted to pop in and pass on a story a friend of mine passed on. He's from Eastern Europe but his family moved to the UK.
A few years ago in high school (probably age 15 or so) he had to write an essay for English or History or something. He chose to do it on racism on the 1960s. He wanted a dramatic picture for it, for some reason. English is not his first language.
He wanted a picture of a black man being hung from a noose, so he GISd "hung black man"
And the rest is obvious.
...not all that funny when I come to type it actually, but oh well.
Ah, now I know why my English teacher always corrected when I referred to it, and kept changing it to hanged and I thought it was retarded sounded and extremely pedantic and continued using hung in place.
She was trying to prevent me from looking up "hung people". I see now, it's as clear as day.
Edit: beated, kinda.
bowen on
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
I just wanted to pop in and pass on a story a friend of mine passed on. He's from Eastern Europe but his family moved to the UK.
A few years ago in high school (probably age 15 or so) he had to write an essay for English or History or something. He chose to do it on racism on the 1960s. He wanted a dramatic picture for it, for some reason. English is not his first language.
He wanted a picture of a black man being hung from a noose, so he GISd "hung black man"
And the rest is obvious.
...not all that funny when I come to type it actually, but oh well.
Well there's your problem.
It's "hanged".
It was more that he didn't know that "hung" meant what the search brought up, he said, but that's a fair point too.
I don't know if this counts or not, but when I studied abroad in Japan, I was eating some ramen with friends. One of them asked what the meat slice was (Japanese ramen typically has green onions, bean sprouts, and a thin slice of pork in it). I told him it was from a special genetically engineered bird called the "Ramen Bird" that the Japanese made to make it easier to cook ramen, since it's so popular.
After I ranted a little bit about it, he kinda looked down thinking (my other friend had to physically turn away from us so his shakes of laughter wouldn't be too obvious). Then, I hear "So... this ramen bird. Do they, like, mate? Or how do they reproduce?"
I carried it on for a bit longer until we changed subjects, and never told him I was lying. I still wonder if he really believed me or not...
I don't know if this counts or not, but when I studied abroad in Japan, I was eating some ramen with friends. One of them asked what the meat slice was (Japanese ramen typically has green onions, bean sprouts, and a thin slice of pork in it). I told him it was from a special genetically engineered bird called the "Ramen Bird" that the Japanese made to make it easier to cook ramen, since it's so popular.
After I ranted a little bit about it, he kinda looked down thinking (my other friend had to physically turn away from us so his shakes of laughter wouldn't be too obvious). Then, I hear "So... this ramen bird. Do they, like, mate? Or how do they reproduce?"
I carried it on for a bit longer until we changed subjects, and never told him I was lying. I still wonder if he really believed me or not...
Haha these are the best as long as you can keep dead-panning the explanations, then change topics in a nonchalant fashion.
When I was over in the UK having beers with a couple I knew and some of their friends, we were talking about small cultural differences between there and Australia. One of the big ones I noticed early on was the "Page 3 girl" in virtually every newspaper available.
Me: I can't believe you have things like that in newspapers hey, our media would get crucified for that!
Some slapper: So you don't have newspapers in Australia??
Me: No we don't hey. Our foresting industry was unregulated for most of the 19th Century so we started to run low on decent quality forest land to create paper from.
SS: Oh?
Me: Yeah our wood-chipping markets have been really lucrative the past few decades because of our unquie hard-wood trees are ideal for coking. So that's where almost all of the paper business went.
SS: Well, that's really strange! No wonder you're surprised to see them everywhere [the newspapers].
Me: *goes off on another tangent while everyone else at the table barely contains laugher*
I've convinced several people from Port Hope, Ontario (mostly gullible girls...actually pretty much only gullible girls) that I own the deed to the town because my ancestor founded it. That part is actually true, so it kinda throws them off enough that I can go with it.
I was on a conference call with my entire district earlier and after letting my boss know I was on the call, I put my phone on mute. Then about halfway through the call my boss asked me a question and there was about 5 minutes of my boss asking for me, me saying variations of "Yes?" and then me realizing my phone was on mute and trying to get off, which I was unable to do.
I sent my boss a quick email letting him know what was up and responded to his question, but he decided to let 30 some people, along with a bigwig that was on the call I couldn't operate a phone.
I don't know if this counts or not, but when I studied abroad in Japan, I was eating some ramen with friends. One of them asked what the meat slice was (Japanese ramen typically has green onions, bean sprouts, and a thin slice of pork in it). I told him it was from a special genetically engineered bird called the "Ramen Bird" that the Japanese made to make it easier to cook ramen, since it's so popular.
After I ranted a little bit about it, he kinda looked down thinking (my other friend had to physically turn away from us so his shakes of laughter wouldn't be too obvious). Then, I hear "So... this ramen bird. Do they, like, mate? Or how do they reproduce?"
I carried it on for a bit longer until we changed subjects, and never told him I was lying. I still wonder if he really believed me or not...
Haha these are the best as long as you can keep dead-panning the explanations, then change topics in a nonchalant fashion.
When I was over in the UK having beers with a couple I knew and some of their friends, we were talking about small cultural differences between there and Australia. One of the big ones I noticed early on was the "Page 3 girl" in virtually every newspaper available.
Me: I can't believe you have things like that in newspapers hey, our media would get crucified for that!
Some slapper: So you don't have newspapers in Australia??
Me: No we don't hey. Our foresting industry was unregulated for most of the 19th Century so we started to run low on decent quality forest land to create paper from.
SS: Oh?
Me: Yeah our wood-chipping markets have been really lucrative the past few decades because of our unquie hard-wood trees are ideal for coking. So that's where almost all of the paper business went.
SS: Well, that's really strange! No wonder you're surprised to see them everywhere [the newspapers].
Me: *goes off on another tangent while everyone else at the table barely contains laugher*
Just enough truth in it to sell the idea
A girl I used to know a few years ago, was part of a large group that I went with to Chicago in 2002. We were all attending a leadership conference given by a large group of influential people that I have completely forgotten... one of them worked for Yahoo I think.
Anyway, during the break, we were having lunch in the cafeteria, and I overhear this damn girl somehow... I wish I knew how... managing to convince this otherwise rational looking woman and her husband from Chicago that she had never seen chocolate before in her life. And that the most popular sweet snack in South Africa consisted of two coconuts smashed together, or something.
I was too stunned to laugh, really, but I piss myself now whenever I think about it.
I convinced some guy that in Canada polar bears are a common occurrence and that there are polar bear ranches.
Sometimes you'll see a polar bear wrangler walking down the street with one, but you shouldn't go near them. They're still wild, after all.
It's actually moose, right?
Your moose comment reminds me of a thing that happened with the Ontario Provincial Police where an officer hit some drunk guy and then claimed he thought it was a moose or something, and then someone else released an OPP Silhouette guidelines, which had everything but a moose look like a moose... Made me laugh pretty hard when I saw it, but I can't find it...
I'm at work, and a co-worker who is conducting an interview comes by my station to show off our product. I knew about it ahead of time, so I'm all prepared. The co-worker and the interviewee come by and we do the normal introductions. As I'm saying hi, I offer my hand for a handshake. I'm big on handshakes, and I think I come across as pretty forceful/aggressive because of it. The interviewee had his hands in his pockets, but when I shot out my hand, he offered his in return, and we shook.
Imagine this happening in slow motion: I looked him in the eye; I never looked down, but I knew something was different somehow. Mid-shake, it hits me: His right hand is...small. I don't know the right term for it, but it's as if he had the right hand of a 5-year-old. There is no way he missed the flash of shock in my eyes.
I proceeded as normal and demoed the product.
He's probably used to it, but damn if it wasn't kinda embarrassing.
Yesterday, I was in a bit of a bad mood due to something crappy, and was talking to a co-worker (who is semi-attractive and crush-worthy). She asked what was wrong, and I said "you can basically chalk it up to: You can't always get what you want."
"Well you can't- you're married," she said with a wicked grin.
I managed to stammer out "what's that supposed to mean?" just before she started giggling.
The post in the Horrible thread about how you cheated on your wife.
And in the sex thread about how awesome it was.
And then, of course, the H/A forums on divorce procedures.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
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Element BrianPeanut Butter ShillRegistered Userregular
I convinced some guy that in Canada polar bears are a common occurrence and that there are polar bear ranches.
Sometimes you'll see a polar bear wrangler walking down the street with one, but you shouldn't go near them. They're still wild, after all.
I actually saw a guy walking a bobcat on a chain leash in Olympia once. Everytime I tell this story, people dont believe me and they're like, "really Brian? A bobcat? are you sure it wasn't just a normal cat?" Yes I'm sure because generally cats are not larger than dogs and dont come up to their owners waste while they walk them on a freaking chainlink leash.
I don't know if this counts or not, but when I studied abroad in Japan, I was eating some ramen with friends. One of them asked what the meat slice was (Japanese ramen typically has green onions, bean sprouts, and a thin slice of pork in it). I told him it was from a special genetically engineered bird called the "Ramen Bird" that the Japanese made to make it easier to cook ramen, since it's so popular.
After I ranted a little bit about it, he kinda looked down thinking (my other friend had to physically turn away from us so his shakes of laughter wouldn't be too obvious). Then, I hear "So... this ramen bird. Do they, like, mate? Or how do they reproduce?"
I carried it on for a bit longer until we changed subjects, and never told him I was lying. I still wonder if he really believed me or not...
Haha these are the best as long as you can keep dead-panning the explanations, then change topics in a nonchalant fashion.
When I was over in the UK having beers with a couple I knew and some of their friends, we were talking about small cultural differences between there and Australia. One of the big ones I noticed early on was the "Page 3 girl" in virtually every newspaper available.
Me: I can't believe you have things like that in newspapers hey, our media would get crucified for that!
Some slapper: So you don't have newspapers in Australia??
Me: No we don't hey. Our foresting industry was unregulated for most of the 19th Century so we started to run low on decent quality forest land to create paper from.
SS: Oh?
Me: Yeah our wood-chipping markets have been really lucrative the past few decades because of our unquie hard-wood trees are ideal for coking. So that's where almost all of the paper business went.
SS: Well, that's really strange! No wonder you're surprised to see them everywhere [the newspapers].
Me: *goes off on another tangent while everyone else at the table barely contains laugher*
Just enough truth in it to sell the idea
You sir, are a tribute to everything Australia is about. Which is of course, lies and falsehoods about our countries economy, hobbies, wildlife, major industries and modes of transport.
I convinced some guy that in Canada polar bears are a common occurrence and that there are polar bear ranches.
Sometimes you'll see a polar bear wrangler walking down the street with one, but you shouldn't go near them. They're still wild, after all.
I actually saw a guy walking a bobcat on a chain leash in Olympia once. Everytime I tell this story, people dont believe me and they're like, "really Brian? A bobcat? are you sure it wasn't just a normal cat?" Yes I'm sure because generally cats are not larger than dogs and dont come up to their owners waste while they walk them on a freaking chainlink leash.
Unless you're talking about a small dog and a five-year-old owner, that wasn't a bobcat.
I convinced some guy that in Canada polar bears are a common occurrence and that there are polar bear ranches.
Sometimes you'll see a polar bear wrangler walking down the street with one, but you shouldn't go near them. They're still wild, after all.
I actually saw a guy walking a bobcat on a chain leash in Olympia once. Everytime I tell this story, people dont believe me and they're like, "really Brian? A bobcat? are you sure it wasn't just a normal cat?" Yes I'm sure because generally cats are not larger than dogs and dont come up to their owners waste while they walk them on a freaking chainlink leash.
Unless you're talking about a small dog and a five-year-old owner, that wasn't a bobcat.
Posts
I'm not going to set my penis on fire, no matter how good of a strange and embarrassing moment it would create.
My gf and I have a new apartment close to my base.
The other night we got a tad amourous which led to crazy porno grade sex.
After an hour or so we collapse and from down below we hear "if you are just being noisy thats ok, but if you are being raped yell out and we will call the cops"
Two hours into the shooting, everybody is supposed to be 'passed out'. There were some balloons (really? balloons? these people have it backwards), so I stuffed one of the longer ones in the pants, put my hands in my pants, and pretended to pass out. I was pretty tired so I just kept my eyes closed, not paying attention to 'cut' or 'wrap' or anything. I feel a tap on my shoulders, and this girl Lisa is looking at me very very concerned. 'I don't want you to feel embarrassed, but you're kind of in an awkward position.'
I laughed, assuming she realized it was a joke. 'Wanna touch it?' I asked.
I was slapped so hard.
As I looked up everybody has their eyes on my with a large bulge in my pants and my hand deep inside.
:winky:
Also good :winky:
The correct end for this story is for the balloon to then fly out of your pants and around the room, making a humorous whistly-farting noise.
Out of curiosity, is this the actual meaning of the shirt?
Close.
It says "beware of this pervert"
Woops, that's what I originally meant to say.
It's wholly unflattering, especially coming from my parents, but I thought it was hilarious.
And then to scream either:
"YESSSSS!!!"
or
"OH GOD, IT CAME OFF!"
Japan makes a lot of engrish-y shirts with embarrassing and nonsensical phrases. We're just letting them see things from our point of view.
http://www.engrish.com/category/clothing/
here's a good one: http://www.engrish.com/2008/09/i-love-everybody-except-you/
A few years ago in high school (probably age 15 or so) he had to write an essay for English or History or something. He chose to do it on racism on the 1960s. He wanted a dramatic picture for it, for some reason. English is not his first language.
He wanted a picture of a black man being hung from a noose, so he GISd "hung black man"
And the rest is obvious.
...not all that funny when I come to type it actually, but oh well.
Well there's your problem.
It's "hanged".
She was trying to prevent me from looking up "hung people". I see now, it's as clear as day.
Edit: beated, kinda.
It was more that he didn't know that "hung" meant what the search brought up, he said, but that's a fair point too.
I don't know if this counts or not, but when I studied abroad in Japan, I was eating some ramen with friends. One of them asked what the meat slice was (Japanese ramen typically has green onions, bean sprouts, and a thin slice of pork in it). I told him it was from a special genetically engineered bird called the "Ramen Bird" that the Japanese made to make it easier to cook ramen, since it's so popular.
After I ranted a little bit about it, he kinda looked down thinking (my other friend had to physically turn away from us so his shakes of laughter wouldn't be too obvious). Then, I hear "So... this ramen bird. Do they, like, mate? Or how do they reproduce?"
I carried it on for a bit longer until we changed subjects, and never told him I was lying. I still wonder if he really believed me or not...
Haha these are the best as long as you can keep dead-panning the explanations, then change topics in a nonchalant fashion.
When I was over in the UK having beers with a couple I knew and some of their friends, we were talking about small cultural differences between there and Australia. One of the big ones I noticed early on was the "Page 3 girl" in virtually every newspaper available.
Me: I can't believe you have things like that in newspapers hey, our media would get crucified for that!
Some slapper: So you don't have newspapers in Australia??
Me: No we don't hey. Our foresting industry was unregulated for most of the 19th Century so we started to run low on decent quality forest land to create paper from.
SS: Oh?
Me: Yeah our wood-chipping markets have been really lucrative the past few decades because of our unquie hard-wood trees are ideal for coking. So that's where almost all of the paper business went.
SS: Well, that's really strange! No wonder you're surprised to see them everywhere [the newspapers].
Me: *goes off on another tangent while everyone else at the table barely contains laugher*
Just enough truth in it to sell the idea
I sent my boss a quick email letting him know what was up and responded to his question, but he decided to let 30 some people, along with a bigwig that was on the call I couldn't operate a phone.
A girl I used to know a few years ago, was part of a large group that I went with to Chicago in 2002. We were all attending a leadership conference given by a large group of influential people that I have completely forgotten... one of them worked for Yahoo I think.
Anyway, during the break, we were having lunch in the cafeteria, and I overhear this damn girl somehow... I wish I knew how... managing to convince this otherwise rational looking woman and her husband from Chicago that she had never seen chocolate before in her life. And that the most popular sweet snack in South Africa consisted of two coconuts smashed together, or something.
I was too stunned to laugh, really, but I piss myself now whenever I think about it.
STEAM
Sometimes you'll see a polar bear wrangler walking down the street with one, but you shouldn't go near them. They're still wild, after all.
It's actually moose, right?
Your moose comment reminds me of a thing that happened with the Ontario Provincial Police where an officer hit some drunk guy and then claimed he thought it was a moose or something, and then someone else released an OPP Silhouette guidelines, which had everything but a moose look like a moose... Made me laugh pretty hard when I saw it, but I can't find it...
Movie Collection
Foody Things
Holy shit! Sony's new techno toy!
Wii Friend code: 1445 3205 3057 5295
I'm at work, and a co-worker who is conducting an interview comes by my station to show off our product. I knew about it ahead of time, so I'm all prepared. The co-worker and the interviewee come by and we do the normal introductions. As I'm saying hi, I offer my hand for a handshake. I'm big on handshakes, and I think I come across as pretty forceful/aggressive because of it. The interviewee had his hands in his pockets, but when I shot out my hand, he offered his in return, and we shook.
Imagine this happening in slow motion: I looked him in the eye; I never looked down, but I knew something was different somehow. Mid-shake, it hits me: His right hand is...small. I don't know the right term for it, but it's as if he had the right hand of a 5-year-old. There is no way he missed the flash of shock in my eyes.
I proceeded as normal and demoed the product.
He's probably used to it, but damn if it wasn't kinda embarrassing.
"Well you can't- you're married," she said with a wicked grin.
I managed to stammer out "what's that supposed to mean?" just before she started giggling.
Yeah...
Then post in the Horrible thread about how you cheated on your wife.
Yes, this
And in the sex thread about how awesome it was.
And then, of course, the H/A forums on divorce procedures.
I actually saw a guy walking a bobcat on a chain leash in Olympia once. Everytime I tell this story, people dont believe me and they're like, "really Brian? A bobcat? are you sure it wasn't just a normal cat?" Yes I'm sure because generally cats are not larger than dogs and dont come up to their owners waste while they walk them on a freaking chainlink leash.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
PA Forums, the source of, and solution to, life's little problems.
STEAM
I think he must be looking for "cougar".