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Broadening my horizons (yes, girl thread)
Nocren
Lt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered User regular
Lt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered User regular
Ok, so here's the deal.
Recently I broke up with my girlfriend of about a year because she came to the realization that we have nothing in common. Except for a few minor things, the majority of which I introduced to her (Rock Band and the like). Truth be told, I have more in common with her daughter than with her (daughter is 16, big gamer girl, anime fan, etc). Now, I really cared and loved this girl and both her kids.
Long story short; over the holidays she realized that we really don't have a lot in common and she started falling for a guy that she goes to AA with (she's been sober for 8 years). She waited until after the holidays and we talked about things over the phone. After a couple of weeks, we finally had a sit down and I forced myself to cry. I had to get it out of my system. Then she started to cry and I felt a little better. Now except for the occasional pang of anger/regret whenever I see the other guy's picture on her profile (which she never did with me) we're pretty much still on good terms.
Now that the (more than likely unneeded, but something I REALLY needed to get off my chest) backstory is out of the way here's the situation:
I'm trying to get back into the dating game and I have a problem. I can't seem to pursue multiple girls. I can only seem to focus on just one girl at a time. Like I can't just casually go out with one girl one day/week and than another the next day/week. To further compound this problem, if a girl is already seeing someone, even casually, I write them off. Oh sure, I can still be friends with them and talk to them, but it's not going to be anything past that really.
Case in point: Just the other day I started talking to this girl and we're IM each other. She tells me that she's also seeing someone that she literally met just last week. She says that it's not serious and it's not something that I should worry about, but already in my mind I feel that it's over.
So H/A, is there something wrong with me? How can I fix this if there's a problem?
And if anymore backstory is needed, I'll be glad to type it out.
tl;dr - How can I date multiple girls at once (without sex)?
Recently I broke up with my girlfriend of about a year because she came to the realization that we have nothing in common. Except for a few minor things, the majority of which I introduced to her (Rock Band and the like). Truth be told, I have more in common with her daughter than with her (daughter is 16, big gamer girl, anime fan, etc). Now, I really cared and loved this girl and both her kids.
Long story short; over the holidays she realized that we really don't have a lot in common and she started falling for a guy that she goes to AA with (she's been sober for 8 years). She waited until after the holidays and we talked about things over the phone. After a couple of weeks, we finally had a sit down and I forced myself to cry. I had to get it out of my system. Then she started to cry and I felt a little better. Now except for the occasional pang of anger/regret whenever I see the other guy's picture on her profile (which she never did with me) we're pretty much still on good terms.
Now that the (more than likely unneeded, but something I REALLY needed to get off my chest) backstory is out of the way here's the situation:
I'm trying to get back into the dating game and I have a problem. I can't seem to pursue multiple girls. I can only seem to focus on just one girl at a time. Like I can't just casually go out with one girl one day/week and than another the next day/week. To further compound this problem, if a girl is already seeing someone, even casually, I write them off. Oh sure, I can still be friends with them and talk to them, but it's not going to be anything past that really.
Case in point: Just the other day I started talking to this girl and we're IM each other. She tells me that she's also seeing someone that she literally met just last week. She says that it's not serious and it's not something that I should worry about, but already in my mind I feel that it's over.
So H/A, is there something wrong with me? How can I fix this if there's a problem?
And if anymore backstory is needed, I'll be glad to type it out.
tl;dr - How can I date multiple girls at once (without sex)?
Nocren on
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Why is it a problem? Focus on one girl at a time?
I don't think it's a problem. Not everyone is a fan of casual dating
What about the other part though? The part in my "case study".
I mean, she told me that it's nothing, but I already feel that I shouldn't even bother.
By your description you're looking for a long-term and serious relationship. By having reservations about one's commitment you prove that you're looking for something more mature than "dating" standards usually bring about. While you may be trying to "date like everyone else" that doesn't sound like what you actually want. Coming out of a mature relationship you want to be able to transfer your experiences to any other dating situation.
I'm the same way, and I get it. When I consider "dating" the idea is generally unappealing to me. Going out to bars and clubs and meeting lots of different women and having small, generally uncommitted relationships just doesn't fulfill any sort of deeper need, for me. If I'm going to date a girl I need for it to be more than just "dating."
Really, what I'd suggest is to attack the situation from the perspective of broadening (as your title suggests.) There's nothing wrong with wanting to pursue a single woman at a time. Toss out the whole moniker of "dating" and just get to know people. You're looking for more than a few casual hookups and fun, you're looking for something more long term. If you want to get to know more women as potential partners, you have to go out there and meet them.
It may be worthwhile to re-evaluate what you're looking for and to sort out a plan from there. I know that the most fulfilling and long-term relationships I have had were begun not by setting out to "date" but by actually getting to know the women and having a solid foundation upon which to place a relationship.
It bothers you because it isn't what you're looking for. I'll put money on the fact that your next fulfilling relationship will sneak up on you. I'll repeat. Just meet people, if you find compatibility it will happen, if not nyou're just trying to fit into a box that you already know isn't your home.