I went in for an Oral Exam in Spanish once, and was asked as part of the exam what I did this last weekend.
<perfect spanish> "I visted my older sister in Cleveland, we visited the museum of Rock and Roll, and also hung out at lake Erie. Etc."</perfect spanish>
The next prompt, was: What is your favorite memory from a family reuinion?
<ps> "When we went to my grandfather's farm out in PA, my great-uncle Shamus came out and told us about stories during his time working for the NRA. Also, my cousin Mark broke his arm, so we packed up the picnic and took the whole party to the hospital.</ps>
I don't have an older sister.
I've never been to Cleveland.
By extension, I've never been to the museum of Rock and Roll.
My grandfathers are dead.
They don't own a farm out in Pennsylvania.
I don't have a great-uncle Shamus.
I don't have a cousin Mark.
I went in for an Oral Exam in Spanish once, and was asked as part of the exam what I did this last weekend.
<perfect spanish> "I visted my older sister in Cleveland, we visited the museum of Rock and Roll, and also hung out at lake Erie. Etc."</perfect spanish>
The next prompt, was: What is your favorite memory from a family reuinion?
<ps> "When we went to my grandfather's farm out in PA, my great-uncle Shamus came out and told us about stories during his time working for the NRA. Also, my cousin Mark broke his arm, so we packed up the picnic and took the whole party to the hospital.</ps>
I don't have an older sister.
I've never been to Cleveland.
By extension, I've never been to the museum of Rock and Roll.
My grandfathers are dead.
They don't own a farm out in Pennsylvania.
I don't have a great-uncle Shamus.
I don't have a cousin Mark.
I heard once of a question that was something along the lines of 'Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?'
Of course its some open ended question so you can speak about heat and energy and stuff in physics.
But some guy basically wrote 3 lines which went along the lines of 'my girlfriend wont fuck me until hell freezes over, so hell must be exothermic at the moment but will soon be endothermic when i rape her tonight'
or something. i cant remember, i wish I could it was glorious.
Shit thinking about it I dont think it mentioned rape, it was more complex, but thats the jist.
I heard once of a question that was something along the lines of 'Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?'
Of course its some open ended question so you can speak about heat and energy and stuff in physics.
But some guy basically wrote 3 lines which went along the lines of 'my girlfriend wont fuck me until hell freezes over, so hell must be exothermic at the moment but will soon be endothermic when i rape her tonight'
or something. i cant remember, i wish I could it was glorious.
Shit thinking about it I dont think it mentioned rape, it was more complex, but thats the jist.
Urban legend, I believe, but a great story nonetheless.
Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."
um... (a-a)=0 and you can't divide by 0 so from the red line on, everything else is just silly
I know. You can prove anything when you divide by 0.
That's one of those proofs you give to like....third graders to figure out what's wrong with 'em.
Edit:
Thats not even kind of close to being correct.
Technically speaking, every step taken is a legal mathematic step, the only problem is that the division of by sides by a-a is a division by 0. There's nothing else wrong with that sequence at all.
THIRD graders? You don't know anything about the state of the US public school system, do you?
I got really lucky with my first elementary school before we moved. Most everyone was able to multiply and divide easily by third grade. Dealing with algebra would have admittedly been a bit much for most people. Eh. We'll say sixth grade then.
Well, I was hoping that things weren't this bad all over, I can only speak for the US. I've got a 6th grader, and I know that in 4th grade they were just learning multiplication tables. By the end of this year, she might be able to handle this type of problem, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Time to bump this thread with the most awesome thing I have seen in my short academic life.
You see in my high school there is a government project which simulates a government election. Each government class (or just AP now IIRC) is divided into three parties (2 political parties which tries to get a candidate elected and a group representing the media). Long description of this project short: an election which is very similar to a student body election takes place except more effort is required (campaign ad, platform document, etc).
One of the political parties to become an uber conservative party based on the Colbert Report. The result was The Conservative Nation led by the candidate who we will call Bob Cadin. The election posters stated "Bob Cadin: It's who
(Jesus/Abe Lincoln/Steven Colbert) would vote for." Their campaign ad was posted on youtube and contained only evidence which "proved" their competitor was the anti-christ. But the best part of their campaign was the platform document which they passed to all potential voters. So now I think I will post it.
The Conservative Nation is a political party devoted to conservative values and Christian ideals. We battle hippies in a raging culture war and attempt to establish some sort of order to America as it combats gays, liberals, treehuggers, pacifists, and other enemies of Jesus that modern republicans have grown soft on. Below we have our platform of ideas that represent our party's ideals Please take the time to read them and agree.
GAY MARRIAGE God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve
The Conservative Nation holds a strong belief in this particular issue as it is one of the most important issues facing America. Our nation is facing a homosexual epidemic. Studies show that by the year 2012 35% of high-school students will be homosexual. Merely being exposed to this type of society is enough to convert our perfectly heterosexual children from turning from their straight, Christian backgrounds into the promiscuous, flamboyant society of deviant atheistic hedonists. Our plan is to pass a national amendment that will deal with several factors in the rampant homosexual epidemic. The amendment will include a ban on homosexual marriage, sodomy, gay television networks, flag burning (a well-known activity for young gay couples). We at the Conservative Nation are tired of seeing gay programming, literature, media and of course theatre.
ABORTION/CAPITAL PUNISHMENT We kill convicts, not babies
Obviously we can't talk about abortion without talking about capital punishment. These issues are one in the same. Theses pregnant women need to be stopped in the beginning. First its killing fetuses, what next infants? Then larger children and soon they'll be killing full-grown adults. We must prevent these women's desire to kill in the early stages. If we can get them through pregnancy, we can turn them into healthy soccer moms and channel their murderous instincts into healthy activities like cooking and PTA meetings. Many may say that these promiscuous women are a burden to society, but we believe with proper influence these women have it in them to be great mothers as well as obedient wives. Capital punishment is the glue that holds our society from falling into utter chaos. If we didn't have capital punishment, the rate of homicides in America would skyrocket. If people knew that they could murder someone and live in a comfortable room paid for by the US government for the rest of their lives they would do it everyday. Giving someone a life sentence in a federal penitentiary is like sending them to sleep-away camp. Not to mention it's a burden on taxpayers. Plus if we don't kill them we run the risk of experiencing complete embarrassment if later they are proven innocent through new evidence like DNA samples. Again proving a burden to taxpayers who have to pay for the lawsuits against the US government for wrongful conviction. If the federal government would simply mandate expedient capital punishment for all felonies we would never have to deal with this again.
PRESCRIPTION DRUG BENEFITS FOR THE ELDERLY When people get old they die; the Conservative Nation isn't as pompous as to fight Mother Nature
Prolonging the inevitable is a game played by liberals who don't want to see Granny Alzheimers bit the dust. She doesn't remember your name anyways, Cheech, let her go, because if Jesus wants her, by God he's taken her. Thou shall not defiath the lord of though shall burneth in hell. That's in the bible. Plus socialized medicine is for goofy Speedo-wearing European communists who don't mind wasting money. Americans either pay for their own drugs or they die with dignity.
WAR IN IRAQ Leave it alone; We're fighting terrorism
The press has made a mess in Iraq. That rhymes so you know it's true. The press besides literally standing in the way of our troops sent by an honest, though too soft, president, have weakened our troops morale with their presentation of "facts", a recognized means of evil-doers. Their devotion to "facts" has led their betrayal of the American people. We need to escalate the number of troops in Iraq and get this job done right. And to all the cynics of the government set up in Iraq remember Thomas Paine's words, "That Government is best, that governs least." Looks like signs of progress to the Conservative Nation.
IMMIGRATION REFORM America was built by immigrants. Key word: "built", past tense. Jobs done so get out
Illegal immigration is the second largest threat to the American way of life, behind rampant homosexuality. America has learned all it needs to know from foreign nations and cultures. America was once young and lacking in substance and culture, but that's over. America has an identity now, and that identity is the Conservative Nation. The melting pot is done cookin' and it's ready to be served to the American people. All immigrants are doing now is taking American jobs. We're building a wall, a moat, and a massive force of specialized soldiers trained to protect our borders; all paid for by cuts in welfare programs.
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION Apology made, Racism over
The Conservative Nation is colorblind. America under this party's leadership will see no race or ethnicity, but instead only see American and Non-American. The Conservative Nation will not be a party of ignorant racists, but instead a party of men and women ignorant of race, because the best way to fight ignorance is with ignorance. Therefore no one will be given special benefits because they feel discriminated against, because it will be impossible for the government to tell what race people are.
SOCIAL SECURITY REFORM The only security Americans need is security from hippies like FDR.
Conservative Nation calls it like they see it, and what they see here is deceit. The program might as well be called Socialist Security, a program of which our founding fathers would surely have nothing to do. Maybe this program worked in the thirties when America was young, but now it's time to correct our mistakes and eliminate all forms of social security, no longer prolonging the weight felt by Americans. The hippies are not only trying to beat this dead horse, they're trying to ride it, which is a most disturbing image to be sure, but definitely effective.
IRAN/KOREA'S NUCLEAR WEAPONS PROGRAM
Atom Bomb Copyright 1945. Hands off Ahkmed and Ling-Ling
Nuclear weapons originated in America and it is going to stay that way. We don't try to pick rice so stop overstepping your bounds. But in all honesty, They Conservative Nation is not concerned; there hasn't been a functional Korean product with the exception of a Happy Meal toy since... Well, actually, there has never been a functional Korean Product besides the Happy Meal toy. And Iran can attempt to construct a nuclear weapon all they want. So long as they know that as soon as they do they will receive a first person look at the proper construction of a nuclear weapon, courtesy of President Coain. The Conservative Nation is not shy about its pursuit of Iran's rich oil deposits and will readily make use of any opportunities to exploit that country's natural resources.
Oh god. When I was younger, me and my friends wanted to burn the Harry Potter books.
Then I moved to Georgia.
0
WulfDisciple of TzeentchThe Void... (New Jersey)Registered Userregular
edited February 2007
The saddest part about that is I bet most of the random students who see that will base their opinions about Conservatives around that being a complete and balanced truth... Though I find it friggin hilarious
The saddest part about that is I bet most of the random students who see that will base their opinions about Conservatives around that being a complete and balanced truth... Though I find it friggin hilarious
Well, the saddest part is that those kids would have a pretty accurate idea of American conservatives.
1 = 1
a = a
a^2 = a^2
a^2 - a^2 = a^2 - a^2
a(a-a) = (a+a)(a-a) a = a+a
a = 2a
1=2
Math is fun.
um... (a-a)=0 and you can't divide by 0 so from the red line on, everything else is just silly
I'm still stuck on the part where a=1.
Are we going off on the fact that 1 = 1 and a = a? In that case 5 = 5 and a = a therfore 5 = 10.
Well, you can define a to be 1 if you want, that's not a problem. However, it would probably be better to insert a line "Let a=1" between the 1=1 and a=a lines to make that clearer. But really, defining a=1 is tangential to the whole "proof" anyway. If it worked, it would work for any value of a.
And 1=2 implies 5=10 so you're really saying the same thing. It also implies 10=20, 18=36, and an infinite number of other things.
The saddest part about that is I bet most of the random students who see that will base their opinions about Conservatives around that being a complete and balanced truth... Though I find it friggin hilarious
Considering the fact that I go to a Christian private school in Georgia makes me doubt that.
Was the female student invited to the script meeting you had? See, I understand it's frustrating to have team members who don't pull their weight (though, by your own admission, your other team members were slacking themselves), but your method of revenge was disproportionate and dangerous. You're a bunch of male students seemingly ostracizing the lone girl, making her the sole brunt of a slew of public sexual jokes. I'm not an alarmist, but this does skirt sexual harassment territory.
Anyhow - the kind of gold in this thread never happens to me. The closest I ever had was a History of Music class that was a complete joke. There were just five tests with five multiple-choice questions each, plus a short midterm and final with questions like "here is a sound sample; was that an a) harp, b) bassoon, c) flute, or d) snare drum?". Thing was, I really wanted to learn more about the subject.
I had a Japanese class, though, where this one student could do anything he wanted. He'd interrupt and start talking over anyone for any reason, getting angry if anyone else responded to in-class questions. In one cultural lesson where karaoke was mentioned, he actually started singing a love ballad impromptu to showcase his voice. The professor (an attractive woman in her late 20s) would never shut him up; one time, instead, she went into this weirdly fawning rant about how he was the smartest guy on campus and his parents were very proud of him and he got top grades in all the top classes. And he was smart, yes, but he was completely out of control and a total attention whore during discussions.
Anyhow, for our final, we were supposed to give an in-depth presentation on one aspect of the culture. One person chose the tea service; I chose onomatopoeia. The guy I mentioned just summarized the plots of a couple his favorite anime TV serials and said whether or not there was sexual harassment. It was extremely well-received by the prof and her TA, and he didn't have to take any questions.
I really did this back when I was in High School. I hated every moment of high school.
English Class, we read a fiction about colonizing the moon.
2. How do you feel about colonizing the moon? How do you feel about the challenges the astronauts face?
My answer : "I feel nothing towards this story or its characters. It doesn't interest me. This is an assignment. I'm doing it. The astronauts can burn for all I care."
1 = 1
a = a
a^2 = a^2
a^2 - a^2 = a^2 - a^2
a(a-a) = (a+a)(a-a) a = a+a
a = 2a
1=2
Math is fun.
um... (a-a)=0 and you can't divide by 0 so from the red line on, everything else is just silly
I'm still stuck on the part where a=1.
Are we going off on the fact that 1 = 1 and a = a? In that case 5 = 5 and a = a therfore 5 = 10.
No idea what I was thinking when I first commented.
So basically he added an extra step by making a=1 instead of just doing it with 1 to show the formula.
Me so dumb.
This is from like 5 pages back, but it needs to be quoted. Just something about taking the integral of Batman from 0 to bat and getting Bruce Wayne makes me laugh till I can't breathe.
The saddest part about that is I bet most of the random students who see that will base their opinions about Conservatives around that being a complete and balanced truth... Though I find it friggin hilarious
Well, the saddest part is that those kids would have a pretty accurate idea of American conservatives.
The saddest part is that some of them probably completely agree with it.
This was my power point presentation for a final grade in some shitty IT class. It's somewhat juvenile, but that's how my mind thinks 4 hours before a project is due. Either way I felt pretty ballsy standing there giving my speech with this projected onto a 10 square foot area:
I had a Biology class in high school where we had to turn in a report about a science-related article every week. I started to suspect that the teacher wasn't even reading the, so decided to test that theory.
One week, I turned ina report on an article I made up that explained why children eat dirt. I said that kids were found to have a part of their brains that could detect mineral deficiency, and that when they were compelled to eat dirt it mean that they were lacking certain minerals in their diets. That passed.
Then I reported that scientists had banded together to eliminate mankind's greatest enemy once and for all - the sun. The world's top scientists shrunk the two smallest great lakes down to pill-size and launched them into the sun. They only succeeded in destroying 1/3 of the star, however, so plans were now underway to shrink teh remaining lakes to finish the job. This paper was supposed to be more thorough and include quotations, so Stephen Hawking was kind enough to state his opinion, which I transcribed: "It's a good idea, but it just won't work!"
I got a "check plus" (highest grade for theses assignments, which went from incomplete to check minus to check to check plus. Ah, high school...
Posts
<perfect spanish> "I visted my older sister in Cleveland, we visited the museum of Rock and Roll, and also hung out at lake Erie. Etc."</perfect spanish>
The next prompt, was: What is your favorite memory from a family reuinion?
<ps> "When we went to my grandfather's farm out in PA, my great-uncle Shamus came out and told us about stories during his time working for the NRA. Also, my cousin Mark broke his arm, so we packed up the picnic and took the whole party to the hospital.</ps>
I don't have an older sister.
I've never been to Cleveland.
By extension, I've never been to the museum of Rock and Roll.
My grandfathers are dead.
They don't own a farm out in Pennsylvania.
I don't have a great-uncle Shamus.
I don't have a cousin Mark.
I got an A+.
That's not actually cheating.
Of course its some open ended question so you can speak about heat and energy and stuff in physics.
But some guy basically wrote 3 lines which went along the lines of 'my girlfriend wont fuck me until hell freezes over, so hell must be exothermic at the moment but will soon be endothermic when i rape her tonight'
or something. i cant remember, i wish I could it was glorious.
Shit thinking about it I dont think it mentioned rape, it was more complex, but thats the jist.
Urban legend, I believe, but a great story nonetheless.
x^2+6x+9 = (x+3)^2
(x+3)^2 = x+3
x+3 = (x+3)/(x+3) = 1, unless x+3 = 0. Which is the bit I missed earlier.
So either x=-3 or x+3 = 1, in which case x= -2.
Maths is fun.
I would just like you to know... you scare me.
1 = 1
a = a
a^2 = a^2
a^2 - a^2 = a^2 - a^2
a(a-a) = (a+a)(a-a)
a = a+a
a = 2a
1=2
Math is fun.
um... (a-a)=0 and you can't divide by 0 so from the red line on, everything else is just silly
Thats not even kind of close to being correct.
I know. You can prove anything when you divide by 0.
That's one of those proofs you give to like....third graders to figure out what's wrong with 'em.
Edit:
Technically speaking, every step taken is a legal mathematic step, the only problem is that the division of by sides by a-a is a division by 0. There's nothing else wrong with that sequence at all.
THIRD graders? You don't know anything about the state of the US public school system, do you?
Thanks man. That is great.
Fix'd for you.
I got really lucky with my first elementary school before we moved. Most everyone was able to multiply and divide easily by third grade. Dealing with algebra would have admittedly been a bit much for most people. Eh. We'll say sixth grade then.
Well, I was hoping that things weren't this bad all over, I can only speak for the US. I've got a 6th grader, and I know that in 4th grade they were just learning multiplication tables. By the end of this year, she might be able to handle this type of problem, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
You see in my high school there is a government project which simulates a government election. Each government class (or just AP now IIRC) is divided into three parties (2 political parties which tries to get a candidate elected and a group representing the media). Long description of this project short: an election which is very similar to a student body election takes place except more effort is required (campaign ad, platform document, etc).
One of the political parties to become an uber conservative party based on the Colbert Report. The result was The Conservative Nation led by the candidate who we will call Bob Cadin. The election posters stated "Bob Cadin: It's who
(Jesus/Abe Lincoln/Steven Colbert) would vote for." Their campaign ad was posted on youtube and contained only evidence which "proved" their competitor was the anti-christ. But the best part of their campaign was the platform document which they passed to all potential voters. So now I think I will post it.
I'm still stuck on the part where a=1.
Are we going off on the fact that 1 = 1 and a = a? In that case 5 = 5 and a = a therfore 5 = 10.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/Cykstfc
Well, you can define a to be 1 if you want, that's not a problem. However, it would probably be better to insert a line "Let a=1" between the 1=1 and a=a lines to make that clearer. But really, defining a=1 is tangential to the whole "proof" anyway. If it worked, it would work for any value of a.
And 1=2 implies 5=10 so you're really saying the same thing. It also implies 10=20, 18=36, and an infinite number of other things.
Considering the fact that I go to a Christian private school in Georgia makes me doubt that.
Was the female student invited to the script meeting you had? See, I understand it's frustrating to have team members who don't pull their weight (though, by your own admission, your other team members were slacking themselves), but your method of revenge was disproportionate and dangerous. You're a bunch of male students seemingly ostracizing the lone girl, making her the sole brunt of a slew of public sexual jokes. I'm not an alarmist, but this does skirt sexual harassment territory.
Anyhow - the kind of gold in this thread never happens to me. The closest I ever had was a History of Music class that was a complete joke. There were just five tests with five multiple-choice questions each, plus a short midterm and final with questions like "here is a sound sample; was that an a) harp, b) bassoon, c) flute, or d) snare drum?". Thing was, I really wanted to learn more about the subject.
I had a Japanese class, though, where this one student could do anything he wanted. He'd interrupt and start talking over anyone for any reason, getting angry if anyone else responded to in-class questions. In one cultural lesson where karaoke was mentioned, he actually started singing a love ballad impromptu to showcase his voice. The professor (an attractive woman in her late 20s) would never shut him up; one time, instead, she went into this weirdly fawning rant about how he was the smartest guy on campus and his parents were very proud of him and he got top grades in all the top classes. And he was smart, yes, but he was completely out of control and a total attention whore during discussions.
Anyhow, for our final, we were supposed to give an in-depth presentation on one aspect of the culture. One person chose the tea service; I chose onomatopoeia. The guy I mentioned just summarized the plots of a couple his favorite anime TV serials and said whether or not there was sexual harassment. It was extremely well-received by the prof and her TA, and he didn't have to take any questions.
English Class, we read a fiction about colonizing the moon.
2. How do you feel about colonizing the moon? How do you feel about the challenges the astronauts face?
My answer : "I feel nothing towards this story or its characters. It doesn't interest me. This is an assignment. I'm doing it. The astronauts can burn for all I care."
The teacher wrote over it "GROW UP!"
So basically he added an extra step by making a=1 instead of just doing it with 1 to show the formula.
Me so dumb.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/Cykstfc
This is from like 5 pages back, but it needs to be quoted. Just something about taking the integral of Batman from 0 to bat and getting Bruce Wayne makes me laugh till I can't breathe.
Good show
I realized I completely forgot to do it until a couple hours before it was due.
I had four news articles, and one of them was from the onion.
I still got a 5/5.
I passed with better marks than most.
One week, I turned ina report on an article I made up that explained why children eat dirt. I said that kids were found to have a part of their brains that could detect mineral deficiency, and that when they were compelled to eat dirt it mean that they were lacking certain minerals in their diets. That passed.
Then I reported that scientists had banded together to eliminate mankind's greatest enemy once and for all - the sun. The world's top scientists shrunk the two smallest great lakes down to pill-size and launched them into the sun. They only succeeded in destroying 1/3 of the star, however, so plans were now underway to shrink teh remaining lakes to finish the job. This paper was supposed to be more thorough and include quotations, so Stephen Hawking was kind enough to state his opinion, which I transcribed: "It's a good idea, but it just won't work!"
I got a "check plus" (highest grade for theses assignments, which went from incomplete to check minus to check to check plus. Ah, high school...