Just launched new comic

AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
edited March 2009 in Artist's Corner
I've been wanting to start a strip for at least the last year, maybe more, but the usual issues with self confidence (and lack of time) kept me from making it reality. So, against the advise of guys like Scott Kurtz and the other Halfpixel guys, I decided to just start posting the strip as it's being created. I'm not the kind of guy that could stockpile strips for months and not show them to anyone until I have "enough" to start a site. For me, the motivation is in knowing the site is live and people are looking, so I'd better keep drawing!

Here are the first two strips. Comments and critiques welcome. Thanks!

JesusBook
2009-03-15-jesusbook.jpg

First-Person Cursing
2009-03-22-first-person-cursing.jpg

AtlantaJones on

Posts

  • KendeathwalkerKendeathwalker Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Is jesus wearing a flesh colored glove? Look at the hand on the mouse.

    Kendeathwalker on
  • PeterAndCompanyPeterAndCompany Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Maybe he handled some shrimp.
    He's allergic to shrimp.



    Soooo... is this a gaming comic, or just a whatever-topic-happens-to-enter-your-head comic?

    PeterAndCompany on
  • KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    First comic without the third panel is funny.

    Second comic is trying to put curse words into three panels to make it funny.

    Try to stick with the first.

    Klyka on
    SC2 EU ID Klyka.110
    lTDyp.jpg
  • CheerfulBearCheerfulBear Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Remove all of the text.

    CheerfulBear on
  • CheerfulBearCheerfulBear Registered User
    edited March 2009
    whatwhatwhat2.jpg

    CheerfulBear on
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Yup that works much better.

    Mustang on
  • AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Wow, you know that had never occurred to me!

    I wonder, though, if it had the same impact/meaning. The idea behind the strip was that I really *did* see this sign, and being a geek/web developer, my mind immediately went to Facebook. But I do think it would have worked well that way.

    AtlantaJones on
  • AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Klyka wrote: »
    Second comic is trying to put curse words into three panels to make it funny.

    I don't think I was trying to just be funny with cursing, especially since I'd even kind of censored them. I've shown this comic to a lot of gamers and many said they liked it because it was so much like their own experiences.

    AtlantaJones on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Wow, you know that had never occurred to me!

    I wonder, though, if it had the same impact/meaning. The idea behind the strip was that I really *did* see this sign, and being a geek/web developer, my mind immediately went to Facebook. But I do think it would have worked well that way.

    but see this is information that is not needed to get the message across
    no one cares that you actually saw the sign, it's irrelevant to the story

    give people some credit that they can draw those conclusions or not on their own and still get the main message.

    beavotron on
  • AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
    edited March 2009
    beavotron wrote: »
    but see this is information that is not needed to get the message across
    no one cares that you actually saw the sign, it's irrelevant to the story

    give people some credit that they can draw those conclusions or not on their own and still get the main message.
    All good advice. I guess these judgment calls will come more easily over time. Thanks for the comments so far!

    AtlantaJones on
  • spellchromespellchrome Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Remove all of the text.

    I couldn't put my finger what was bothering me, but CheerfulBear nailed it. The "I" or "I've" part really doesn't fit, even if it is efficient. Save the "I" for a blog post / commentary as needed.

    As for the art, I think your colours are good, and over all the comics have a professional look, layout wise.

    spellchrome on
  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Just a minor nitpick, but it's be funny if Jesus had hundreds of common friends with you - presumably everyone you know that's a Christian.

    KalTorak on
  • DeeLockDeeLock Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I read your name and said to myself, "Wow, Andrew Jones has really taken the piss."

    DeeLock on
  • AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Sorry, but I'm not *that* Andrew Jones.

    AtlantaJones on
  • DeeLockDeeLock Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Clearly.

    DeeLock on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    DeeLock wrote: »
    I read your name and said to myself, "Wow, Andrew Jones has really taken the piss."

    kinda rude and unnecessary comment
    as was "clearly."

    beavotron on
  • winter_combat_knightwinter_combat_knight Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    the second comics name is quite clever.

    oh, and i agree with the getting rid of the text on the first.

    winter_combat_knight on
  • NappuccinoNappuccino Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I found the "has 0 friends in common" bit to be hilarious.

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
  • AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
    edited March 2009
    That was kind of what I was going for :) I thought it would be funnier if the idea was that Jesus couldn't get anyone to "friend" him.

    AtlantaJones on
  • permadeadpermadead Registered User
    edited March 2009
    I personally don't like the narration boxes but I think overall they're a good start.

    permadead on
  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    just popping my head in to back up the "these would be a lot better without the narration boxes" notion

    mully on
  • AtlantaJonesAtlantaJones Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Thanks for all the feedback. And I totally hear you on the extra text. I'll be sure to be conscious of how much exposition I use as I go forward.

    AtlantaJones on
  • Farmer BrownFarmer Brown Registered User
    edited March 2009
    I generally agree with what the above posters have to say about the excessive text. You can still keep the commentary, though. Just mention what's going on with the creation/inspiration process in your accompanying post.

    I'm diggin the art, and dialogue bubbles and composition look pretty clean and unobtrusive. As an aside, the second panel in the second comic *really* looks like that guy's tweaking his nipples to me.

    Farmer Brown on
    Transition - A Webcomic with Sunshine and Monochrome Rainbows
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