8 comic pages (looking for constructive criticism)

oysterboy · March 2009

Hey everyone!

So here's the first 8 pages to a comic I've been working on. Before I add colour I want to perfect the dialogue and fix any mistakes with the art. So if anyone sees any glaring weak points please point em out to me! I'm posting these here cause I know you folk don't hold back. lol
Keep in mind I don't want to scrap the whole thing and redraw every page either, I just want to make these pages the best they can be before proceeding.
Any feedback at all is much appreciated and I'll be eternally grateful for anything

.

Thanks!

- Adam

Scott Wegener · March 2009

Hey look it's Oysterboy! I haven't seen you since Jinxworld.

I think you have a really solid story here. The only place that it breaks down for me is on pg5 where she swings the flamingo in panel 2. The pose is great but seems more like someone about to stick a shovel in the Earth, rather than someone on the backs-swing of a lethal plastic bird attack. It's also unclear if she hit Mrs. Mellows in that panel or not. The only other thing I was not sure of was the change in her clothing on pg6. She's got the rat on her shoulder then, so maybe it's a visual metaphor, but it is a little odd.

Other than those two little things the visual storytelling is strong. I can follow the story without the words, so that means you done did it right.

Talleyrand · March 2009

The only other thing I was not sure of was the change in her clothing on pg6. She's got the rat on her shoulder then, so maybe it's a visual metaphor, but it is a little odd.

That looks like a different character entirely. I assume it's the ghostly white boy she mentions.

It looks awesome and if I'd have to find anything wrong with it it would probably be needless nitpicking. The only things do I notice is that with so much going on with the panels, especially the second and the last one, I get lost in the confusion a bit. And the fact that her arms are thicker than her waist kinda weirds me out. I understand the style choice but those are some butch biceps for a female cartoon character. Usually they're like brittle twigs.

NibCrom · March 2009

I like the visual flow of things. Grabs your attention with the different locations, but still easy to follow.

I'm having trouble distinguishing panels where there is only a black bar and not a white gutter, especially with the heavy use of ink from panel to panel.

oysterboy · March 2009

Thanks guys!

I've taken your feedback into consideration and did some revisions and will post to show you some more progress soon.. Thanks again!

Buckwolfe · March 2009

Something tells me you're a Nick Cave fan, aren't you?

Crowleston · March 2009

Its sometimes difficult to notice the narration captions when they are on a mostly white piece of art. Maybe you could thicken their borders or invert them when they are on white.

NotASenator · March 2009

I don't know if it's the line widths or if the scenes are just busy, but there are some tangents in how foreground elements meet background elements that bothers me some.

I would also personally lose the slight transparency on the text boxes. When I first noticed it, I thought it was kind of cool, but when put against a complex background, it makes the text just the tiniest bit hard to read.

That's all I've got in the way of critiques. I really like it.

oysterboy · March 2009

Notacrook, Crowleston, Buckwolfe - Thanks alot for the crits. They're very helpful! For the most part the added colours solve some of those issues.

Thanks again you guys are awesome.

oysterboy · March 2009

For anyone interested, here's a few promo images I did for this comic.

I'll be sure to mention where the finished pages can be seen when the time comes. I've made alot of improvements on the pages I posted in here. and I'm very happy with how the colours turned out.

Penny Arcade

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8 comic pages (looking for constructive criticism)

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