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How to get thicker skin (girlzes)

13

Posts

  • HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Obs wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    SkyGheNe wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    I may have missed this and I don't want to slog through the history but you are, at the very least, sleeping with her, right? I mean, it's not a chaste relationship, is it?

    They bang, but for the love of god I hope they don't procreate.

    I really just wanted to make sure he was getting something out of the relationship, because the original post doesn't make sense to me as there is nothing that he apparently gets out of the relationship: they don't share interests and she makes him feel self-conscious and, usually, shitty. So, I can only imagine (and hope!) that he was getting some kind of physical something or other from the relationship.

    Woefully irrelevant.

    Not really irrelevant, but backwards. The sex makes the problem worse. But I'm not going there.
    I will. The sex is just making it worse because without it, he would (probably [hopefully]) realize there's no reason for him to be in a relationship with this chick, and kick her ass to the curb; it's clouding his judgement.

    Hacksaw on
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Obs wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    SkyGheNe wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    I may have missed this and I don't want to slog through the history but you are, at the very least, sleeping with her, right? I mean, it's not a chaste relationship, is it?

    They bang, but for the love of god I hope they don't procreate.

    I really just wanted to make sure he was getting something out of the relationship, because the original post doesn't make sense to me as there is nothing that he apparently gets out of the relationship: they don't share interests and she makes him feel self-conscious and, usually, shitty. So, I can only imagine (and hope!) that he was getting some kind of physical something or other from the relationship.

    Woefully irrelevant.

    Not really irrelevant, but backwards. The sex makes the problem worse. But I'm not going there.

    I think that most likely IS the problem. Nobody wants to give up surefire sex. The OP is just having trouble emotionally locking the girl down, so to speak, and the threat of losing her, and the sex, is what's causing him to spiral on and on and avoid everyone's advice to give up on her.

    If it was also a sexless relationship, I doubt very much we'd have any threads on this relationship, because it's not much of a relationship, at least not how it sounds to me.

    Drez on
    Switch: SW-7690-2320-9238Steam/PSN/Xbox: Drezdar
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Yeah agreed the sex is the problem. The one positive thing he's mentioned about this girl is her ability to give him oral and in general fuck like rabbits. So when he mentions being alone his problem is "Sigh back to masturbating".

    Others have said it, but he's basically dating a prostitute.

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    Drez wrote: »
    Obs wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    SkyGheNe wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    I may have missed this and I don't want to slog through the history but you are, at the very least, sleeping with her, right? I mean, it's not a chaste relationship, is it?

    They bang, but for the love of god I hope they don't procreate.

    I really just wanted to make sure he was getting something out of the relationship, because the original post doesn't make sense to me as there is nothing that he apparently gets out of the relationship: they don't share interests and she makes him feel self-conscious and, usually, shitty. So, I can only imagine (and hope!) that he was getting some kind of physical something or other from the relationship.

    Woefully irrelevant.

    Not really irrelevant, but backwards. The sex makes the problem worse. But I'm not going there.

    I think that most likely IS the problem. Nobody wants to give up surefire sex. The OP is just having trouble emotionally locking the girl down, so to speak, and the threat of losing her, and the sex, is what's causing him to spiral on and on and avoid everyone's advice to give up on her.

    If it was also a sexless relationship, I doubt very much we'd have any threads on this relationship, because it's not much of a relationship, at least not how it sounds to me.

    More importantly, the frequent sex is likely being interpreted as "further proof" that she really loves him.

    ViolentChemistry on
  • RazielRaziel Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    To answer the original question of this thread:

    Do you want to know how to develop a "thicker skin?"

    Here it comes...

    Experience.

    Do you normally hang out with any girls? I mean, go to movies and have coffee and do platonic, friend stuff? I'm starting to doubt that you do.

    Because if you did, you'd realize that girls are, first and foremost, human beings. The only difference between dudes and chicks is plumbing. This means that they are creatures of motivation - your girl wants SOMETHING, just as you want SOMETHING, and you see each other as means to an end.

    Which, I think, is the crux of your worries. She depends on you to facilitate her lifestyle, and you depend on her for emotional validation in the form of physical gratification.

    So, if you want to develop a thicker skin, learn to recognize her motivations.

    And most of all, take a step back from your situation and think about it objectively. Take emotion out of the picture and weigh the pros and cons.

    I feel for you, dude. I really do. You're woefully unlucky to have to deal with shenanigans of this magnitude, and I really want to see you pull yourself out of this hole.

    Raziel on
    Read the mad blog-rantings of a manic hack writer here.

    Thank you, Rubacava!
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Emotional dependency is not healthy, especially when they just use it to exploit you.

    Fencingsax on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Zek wrote: »
    OP is a two-dimensional doormat


    Hope you don't mind that I shortened it down for you.


    OP, you aren't the knight in shining armor you perciever her interpretation of you to be. In her mind, you are merely the guy who pays the bills and allows to be stomped on.


    You aren't even a meaningful person to her.


    You don't exist in her eyes.

    Godfather on
  • ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    When she looks at you all she sees is $$$$$$$

    Obs on
  • TaximesTaximes Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    As hard as it is to deal with, it's true, and you're going to be better off in the long run if you end it.

    I speak with experience, because it was much the same in my first relationship. We were both one another's first "serious" significant other, and although things were great at first, they eventually deteriorated as it became apparent that we weren't a good match. The unfortunate part is that we didn't realize it.

    We broke up and got back together twice, purely because we were used to being with each other. It was easy to stay with her. Why take the risk of finding someone else? Maybe we could just work on it, you know?

    Finally, though, I gathered up the balls to break up with her for good. And yes, it sucked at first. I was lonely, and that was enhanced by the fact that I suddenly had a lot more spare time. And yes, getting back together still ran through my mind, because I was a fucking idiot. However, I filled that spare time with friends and hobbies, and soon things were a lot better.

    I started dating someone else, and the relationship is indescribably better. I swear to you that I thought I was in love the first time - I thought we were just having normal couple troubles. I couldn't have been more wrong. Now that I'm in a real relationship with someone I actually do love, it's obvious how oblivious I was.

    Trust me. If you break up with her, you will eventually feel the same as the rest of us do.

    Taximes on
  • KingMooKingMoo Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I would normally insist on a good manly beat-down to that dude that is trying to steal your woman. But I feel more sorry for him. You have the chance to leave what may be a dwindling relationship. He, on the other hand, has no idea what the hell he's getting himself into.

    KingMoo on
    ![▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓]!
    !!!!▓▓▓▓▓Gravy?▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!
    !!!!!!▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!!!!
    of doom
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Look, the advice is unanimous. Your relationship is not healthy. Unless it changes drastically, which seems unlikely, it will continue to be, and probably get more unhealthy. The only way to find a healthy relationship is to start with someone else.

    Fencingsax on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    KingMoo wrote: »
    I would normally insist on a good manly beat-down to that dude that is trying to steal your woman. But I feel more sorry for him. You have the chance to leave what may be a dwindling relationship. He, on the other hand, has no idea what the hell he's getting himself into.
    Have her stuff packed and ready to go when he shows up. "Here, she's your problem, now. Enjoy!"

    Thanatos on
  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    If there's one thing you need to learn from all this, it's that it came about from your complete lack of self-confidence. I don't mean this as an insult and you shouldn't take it as one - the last thing you need to be doing right now is feeling sorry for yourself. Just realize that it's true and start thinking about what to do about it. The reason you're putting up with all her shit is because you're afraid of being alone, and you're afraid of being alone because you've been using her affection as a crutch to feel better about yourself, which is why you associate being alone with depression. I suspect that's the reason you hooked up with her over WoW in the first place. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if she has the same problem. There's a very important difference between love and emotional dependancy though, and the latter rarely results in a healthy relationship.

    Anyway, if you want advice on how to go about doing that then you should start a new thread. But not until you dump her.

    Zek on
  • ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    And just for future reference

    WoW IS NOT A DATING SERVICE.

    Obs on
  • tuscloud311tuscloud311 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Couple of things to touch up on...

    1. we have a lot of similar interests. We do everything together, and not by dragging each person to do it. IE. if i want to go hang out with my brother, i drag her along....she voluntarily comes with.

    2. She told him to cancel the ticket because she knew i was uncomfortable with it. She doesnt like to see me uncomfortable...so im not sure if that clicked with you guys the first time. maybe i worded it differently before i dunno..

    as for number 2: in a previous post, i said that she told me "hes coming down here for my birthday even if he has to sleep outside"...this is something that HE said....she told me later "i never told him its ok to come down here for my birthday, hes waiting for you to say ok"

    basically...she is saying "yeah sure, it would be cool if he came down here, but i dont understand why you are uncomfortable with it" to which i reply "cause its fucking weird" and proceed to go on to what i list as reasons why its fucking weird.

    again, I told him the times to come down for her birthday, because i didnt want to seem like the dick...its my nature. even in a situation like this, where NOTHING good can come out of this dude coming down here to be with MY girl. But eh, i said "ok" anyway. SHE noticed that i was uncomfortable, and SHE told him "no".

    so before you go on to say that she really wants this and that she is trying to cheat on me...i dont buy it.

    btw, going home now...no further replies from me until tomorrow morning at work.

    tuscloud311 on
  • DynagripDynagrip Break me a million hearts HoustonRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2007
    Couple of things to touch up on...

    1. we have a lot of similar interests. We do everything together, and not by dragging each person to do it. IE. if i want to go hang out with my brother, i drag her along....she voluntarily comes with.

    2. She told him to cancel the ticket because she knew i was uncomfortable with it. She doesnt like to see me uncomfortable...so im not sure if that clicked with you guys the first time. maybe i worded it differently before i dunno..

    as for number 2: in a previous post, i said that she told me "hes coming down here for my birthday even if he has to sleep outside"...this is something that HE said....she told me later "i never told him its ok to come down here for my birthday, hes waiting for you to say ok"

    basically...she is saying "yeah sure, it would be cool if he came down here, but i dont understand why you are uncomfortable with it" to which i reply "cause its fucking weird" and proceed to go on to what i list as reasons why its fucking weird.

    again, I told him the times to come down for her birthday, because i didnt want to seem like the dick...its my nature. even in a situation like this, where NOTHING good can come out of this dude coming down here to be with MY girl. But eh, i said "ok" anyway. SHE noticed that i was uncomfortable, and SHE told him "no".

    so before you go on to say that she really wants this and that she is trying to cheat on me...i dont buy it.

    You are going to find out that being cheated on is not fun at all. Better to be the one to break up and not be cuckolded by a halfling rogue or whatever the fuck.

    Dynagrip on
  • IrohIroh Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    ...so im not sure if that clicked with you guys the first time...

    No sir, I do believe it hasn't clicked with you the last 4 times. And that's not counting each individual post telling you to cut and run.

    This isn't going to get any better for you until you approach this forum with an open mind. Asking for advice and then telling people they are wrong and you don't care what they say is bad form, and gets you nowhere.

    Iroh on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • DiscGraceDiscGrace Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Couple of things to touch up on...

    1. we have a lot of similar interests. We do everything together, and not by dragging each person to do it. IE. if i want to go hang out with my brother, i drag her along....she voluntarily comes with.

    2. She told him to cancel the ticket because she knew i was uncomfortable with it. She doesnt like to see me uncomfortable...so im not sure if that clicked with you guys the first time. maybe i worded it differently before i dunno..

    as for number 2: in a previous post, i said that she told me "hes coming down here for my birthday even if he has to sleep outside"...this is something that HE said....she told me later "i never told him its ok to come down here for my birthday, hes waiting for you to say ok"

    basically...she is saying "yeah sure, it would be cool if he came down here, but i dont understand why you are uncomfortable with it" to which i reply "cause its fucking weird" and proceed to go on to what i list as reasons why its fucking weird.

    again, I told him the times to come down for her birthday, because i didnt want to seem like the dick...its my nature. even in a situation like this, where NOTHING good can come out of this dude coming down here to be with MY girl. But eh, i said "ok" anyway. SHE noticed that i was uncomfortable, and SHE told him "no".

    so before you go on to say that she really wants this and that she is trying to cheat on me...i dont buy it.

    btw, going home now...no further replies from me until tomorrow morning at work.

    1.) Hanging out with your brother is not an "interest". Also, developing some things you do apart, in your spare time (you being at work during the day does not count) would be a healthy idea if you insist on sticking this out (which I still do not suggest). Her having other hobbies than having guys flirt with her in WoW is probably not a bad idea either.

    2.) "yeah sure, it would be cool if he came down here, but i dont understand why you are uncomfortable with it" Puh-leeze. This guy has the hots for her and wants to steal her away and/or fuck her senseless and she can't wrap her brain around why you might not want him in your apartment? So either she is functionally retarded or she's lying to you. I wonder which??

    DiscGrace on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2007
    IE. if i want to go hang out with my brother, i drag her along....she voluntarily comes with

    Worst example.... ever?

    Obs on
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Since you apparently can't get it through your head, I'll repeat what the most sensible advice is. DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA.

    Edit: DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA DTMFA!

    Fencingsax on
  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Couple of things to touch up on...

    1. we have a lot of similar interests. We do everything together, and not by dragging each person to do it. IE. if i want to go hang out with my brother, i drag her along....she voluntarily comes with.

    2. She told him to cancel the ticket because she knew i was uncomfortable with it. She doesnt like to see me uncomfortable...so im not sure if that clicked with you guys the first time. maybe i worded it differently before i dunno..

    as for number 2: in a previous post, i said that she told me "hes coming down here for my birthday even if he has to sleep outside"...this is something that HE said....she told me later "i never told him its ok to come down here for my birthday, hes waiting for you to say ok"

    basically...she is saying "yeah sure, it would be cool if he came down here, but i dont understand why you are uncomfortable with it" to which i reply "cause its fucking weird" and proceed to go on to what i list as reasons why its fucking weird.

    again, I told him the times to come down for her birthday, because i didnt want to seem like the dick...its my nature. even in a situation like this, where NOTHING good can come out of this dude coming down here to be with MY girl. But eh, i said "ok" anyway. SHE noticed that i was uncomfortable, and SHE told him "no".

    so before you go on to say that she really wants this and that she is trying to cheat on me...i dont buy it.

    btw, going home now...no further replies from me until tomorrow morning at work.
    Listen, dude, what are you doing? You make these threads because you're obviously dissatisfied with your relationship, and then halfway through you have second thoughts and try to convince everyone that it's going fine. Obviously it isn't if this shit keeps coming up so often. Frankly I think you got cold feet and are lying to yourself, just like in the last two threads.

    Re: #2... This guy wants your girlfriend. Period, end of story. There is no other reason he would be coming down at such great personal expense. I have a very hard time indeed believing that she doesn't realize this, whatever she's thinking.

    Zek on
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Didn't she not originally tell you he was coming out? Yeah sounds like they were going to have a little fuck session and you caught wind of it.

    Preacher on
    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    You have what's called, in the vernacular, "White Knight Syndrome." It's sort of the opposite of co-dependency, where you need someone to be co-dependent upon you.

    It's not healthy. The best thing you can do is move on, and learn to be happy single.

    Thanatos on
  • HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    again, I told him the times to come down for her birthday, because i didnt want to seem like the dick
    It's not dickish to not want your girlfriend to hang out with a guy who may be trying to split you two up in hopes of snatching her away from you. Not that it'd be a total loss, but still.

    Hacksaw on
  • MarathonMarathon Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    These threads seem more and more like him venting and looking for people to sympathise with him for whatever he is going through. Because he sure as heck has never taken any of the advice given to him.

    Marathon on
  • XenoXeno Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Dude, you obviously like her. Let's not be so rash to say "break up with her" because frankly, we don't know the whole situation. Sure, you tell us snippets, but I'm sure the positives outweigh the negatives. She makes you feel good and from what I read, it looks like she likes you.


    Here is what I think you should do.

    -Let the guy come over. Just don't argue with her about it anymore. Just agree.

    -Don't distance yourself away from her or something if the guy does come over. Just treat her like you usually do.

    -That's it.

    Honestly, absolute WORST case scenario: She falls for the guy and dumps you like yesterdays garbage.

    But is that any worse then breaking up with her? Atleast you'll have the satisfaction of knowing what her true intentions were. There's probably a good chance that NOTHING will happen and you'll realize that you blew this thing way out of proportion and you'll feel stronger about the relationship when it's over.

    Is the guy coming over to try and seduce her? 99% chance that yes, he is. But it's better to know now whether she'll be faithful to you rather then finding out later she was part of a free ride.

    Just saying, don't be quick to jump the gun. Just be prepared that you might lose her and be ready to face her if you do find out she is in love with the guy or something.

    Xeno on
  • ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2007
    Well, If any thread goes on long enough you will find that the beginning posts always start to contradict the ending posts.

    Obs on
  • robotbeboprobotbebop Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Sweet christ; I don't know dick about relationships, but I really feel the need to agree for the 100000000000000000000th with everybody else here.


    Also,
    Xeno wrote:
    Dude, you obviously like her. Let's not be so rash to say "break up with her" because frankly, we don't know the whole situation. Sure, you tell us snippets, but I'm sure the positives outweigh the negatives. She makes you feel good and from what I read, it looks like she likes you.


    Here is what I think you should do.

    -Let the guy come over. Just don't argue with her about it anymore. Just agree.

    -Don't distance yourself away from her or something if the guy does come over. Just treat her like you usually do.

    -That's it.

    Honestly, absolute WORST case scenario: She falls for the guy and dumps you like yesterdays garbage.

    But is that any worse then breaking up with her? Atleast you'll have the satisfaction of knowing what her true intentions were. There's probably a good chance that NOTHING will happen and you'll realize that you blew this thing way out of proportion and you'll feel stronger about the relationship when it's over.

    Is the guy coming over to try and seduce her? 99% chance that yes, he is. But it's better to know now whether she'll be faithful to you rather then finding out later she was part of a free ride.

    Just saying, don't be quick to jump the gun. Just be prepared that you might lose her and be ready to face her if you do find out she is in love with the guy or something.

    He is giving us snippets. Snippets that have gone through his filter of delusion. The fact that she LIED about this guy flying up here pretty much screams what she's doing, she may not love the guy but damnit- she probably wants to fuck him.

    I mean, it's such a strong probably that he should break up with her now, and not be cuckolded like Dynagrip said.

    EDIT: Also, the fact that he's had something on the order of 3 or 4 previous threads posted on major issues with this relationship should be a big flashing red flag.

    robotbebop on
    Do not feel trapped by the need to achieve anything, this way you achieve everything.

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  • Atlus ParkerAtlus Parker Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    He should just let this guy come out so we can hope that he does break them up, forcing the OP to finally take the advice everyone's been trying to beat into his head every single time he makes a thread like this.

    Atlus Parker on
  • robotbeboprobotbebop Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    He should just let this guy come out so we can hope that he does break them up, forcing the OP to finally take the advice everyone's been trying to beat into his head every single time he makes a thread like this.

    This might be the resolution, although not on any of our advice.

    robotbebop on
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  • DynagripDynagrip Break me a million hearts HoustonRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2007
    Thanatos wrote: »
    You have what's called, in the vernacular, "White Knight Syndrome." It's sort of the opposite of co-dependency, where you need someone to be co-dependent upon you.

    It's not healthy. The best thing you can do is move on, and learn to be happy single.
    Seriously, it fucking sucks. I'm working on tarnishing my armor.

    Dynagrip on
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Dynagrip wrote: »
    Thanatos wrote: »
    You have what's called, in the vernacular, "White Knight Syndrome." It's sort of the opposite of co-dependency, where you need someone to be co-dependent upon you.

    It's not healthy. The best thing you can do is move on, and learn to be happy single.
    Seriously, it fucking sucks. I'm working on tarnishing my armor.

    I'm working on not going first and moving in L-shaped patterns. I'm also working on not being Lewis Carrol.

    Fencingsax on
  • durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Speaking as yet another former White Knight, and a guy who had to wait till he was around 20 for a girlfriend: stop. Now. Yes, sex is super, and knowing a girl likes you and needs you is a huge high. Now take a break from that, go back to being a pimply loser, and work on actually becoming someone you that you can actually respect, instead of an addict who's willing to become a doormat for any needy girl that comes along.

    You're not ugly enough, dumb enough, or mean enough that you won't be able to find another very nice girl to go down on you every night. It happened to me!

    And before you open you fool mouth again, no we are not just being big meanies, you're not Romeo and Juliet, you're a guy with self-esteem issues who's dating a prostitute because he's afraid to go to clubs. Suck it up and ditch her.

    durandal4532 on
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  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    OK, enough beating on the guy. Yelling at him about how messed up the relationship is isn't going to cause him to change his mind. He's going to cherry-pick advice anyway.

    tuscloud: i understand that to you there aren't lots of red flags. That the only real issue is that she seems to not care or really understand what's going on. I think some people here are extrapolating that to mean that she's scheming, but I don't. I think she's just stupid.

    Stupid isn't always bad; some people just aren't all that observant or realize what they're doing to other people. Look at it this way:

    She was dating a guy who she was having problems with. She was flirty with guys on WoW, and ran into you. You effectively "stole her" from him, and he was quite angry and far more physically abusive about it. She moved out with you, but here's the kicker -- she's still being flirty on WoW. It's how she ran into you, and it's how she met this latest guy. 2 threads ago, she was being flirty online with her old ex boyfriend.

    Why is she being flirty with other guys? That's why so many people are saying that the girl is trouble. I don't think she's scheming about it. In other words, you can't be a good schemer if you're a bad planner, and you don't get tickets for $800, get your license suspended, and let your boyfriends find out about how you're technically cheating on them if you're actually good at scheming.

    She just doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that if you love someone, you don't flirt with people. Why did it even get to the point where a guy would offer to fly down to meet her if she wasn't flirting with him? If she wasn't talking about problems you guys were having.

    Listen, I think most of the people in this thread want you to be happy with the outcome of their advice. But I think you would be naive if she isn't talking to people about the relationship. What is she telling them that would cause them to buy plane tickets to meet someone they've never met? Or to insist that they come home?

    The real problem, though, is that what you need to do in order to change how she sees the world, and how she sees your relationship, is going to royally piss her off. You basically have to ask her to honestly tell you what she's telling guys on WoW. And what she was really talking about with her ex boyfriend that would cause him to "hang out with her all the time when she was back home." And you'll have to tell her that adults are mature people who don't sneak around behind each other's backs talking to people online and setting up meets.

    'Course, adults would spend a free day actually working, or developing hobbies, or actually out looking for a job, rather than playing video games all day. You'll likely have to tell her that, as well.


    But most people don't like to be told that they need to change. And they lash out, and end up hurting two people (the person trying to help, and themselves). Look at it from her perspective -- right now, she sits at home when you're at work, and when you come home you have sex. She probably likes the sex, too, but how is that a relationship? How is that at all fulfilling for her?

    More importantly, what kind of person is actually happy in that sort of relationship? She may be a little dumb when it comes to relationships, but do you really think she's happy sitting home all day, with you paying all the bills, and her "job" is pretty much just sex?

    There are plenty of weird people and weird relationships out there so who knows, maybe she's really submissive and gets off on the idea of staying at home as a sex slave. It doesn't sound like it, though. You seriously need to confront her about this.

    What you need to do is tell her what you told us in the first thread. You want to know why she's doing this. Why aren't you asking her? YOU two are the ones in the relationship, and you should be at a level of trust where you can have these kinds of conversations. If you can't tell her what's wrong, what kind of relationship is that?

    EggyToast on
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  • LRGLRG Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Speaking as yet another former White Knight, and a guy who had to wait till he was around 20 for a girlfriend: stop. Now. Yes, sex is super, and knowing a girl likes you and needs you is a huge high. Now take a break from that, go back to being a pimply loser, and work on actually becoming someone you that you can actually respect, instead of an addict who's willing to become a doormat for any needy girl that comes along.

    You're not ugly enough, dumb enough, or mean enough that you won't be able to find another very nice girl to go down on you every night. It happened to me!

    And before you open you fool mouth again, no we are not just being big meanies, you're not Romeo and Juliet, you're a guy with self-esteem issues who's dating a prostitute because he's afraid to go to clubs. Suck it up and ditch her.

    Or to the library, or the mall, or on the bus, or the corner store, or the billion other places that women are. Good women who won't treat you like shit if you respect yourself.


    tuscloud311, don't you think you deserve someone better?

    LRG on
  • thisisthepotthisisthepot Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I'll throw in my two cents as well.

    If she really didn't care about this guy coming, she should have taken your dissatisfaction into account and simply told the guy not to show up. The fact that she is reminding you of his possible arrival probably means that she wants it to happen. She probably also realizes that you will let it happen because you don't want to "be a dick." I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but it sounds like it. I have to go with the break up advice too.

    From my experience, I have found that relationship problems such as this never really go away. They often change their masks or go into hiding for a while but they always resurface, usually more problematic than before.

    If you are not planning to break up with her then I would advise sticking to your guns. Let her know beyond a doubt that you are uncomfortable with this and it should not happen. If she keeps pressing the issue something is definitely up.

    Also, do not stay with this girl simply because you are afraid of being alone. That line of reasoning is selfish and unfounded at best and only leads to more strife down the road. Be with someone who makes you happy all the time, and who you can compromise with. I won't lie, it will hurt like hell to break up, but if there are serious problems it is worth it in the end. Don't let emotions overcome logic, it has been proven throughout time that things go to shit when logic goes out the window.

    thisisthepot on
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  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    EggyToast wrote: »
    She just doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that if you love someone, you don't flirt with people. Why did it even get to the point where a guy would offer to fly down to meet her if she wasn't flirting with him? If she wasn't talking about problems you guys were having.

    Winnar.

    When someone says "You wish I'd stalk you" (It was probably "u wish id stlk u" but that's another story) there are two correct responses.

    Response 1)

    (for those not paying attention response one was not saying shit and ignoring it)

    Response 2) Don't say that.

    She may not be flirting with him, but she isn't stopping it either, she is passivly encouraging it. She needs to knuckle down on these WoWers who crave womanly contact and not give them what they want.

    Also more importantly you need to tell her this that the following actions make you uncomftable and you would appreciating if you would not encourage their actions by either using response A) or B).

    Blake T on
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Dynagrip wrote: »
    Thanatos wrote: »
    You have what's called, in the vernacular, "White Knight Syndrome." It's sort of the opposite of co-dependency, where you need someone to be co-dependent upon you.

    It's not healthy. The best thing you can do is move on, and learn to be happy single.
    Seriously, it fucking sucks. I'm working on tarnishing my armor.

    Use the blood of your enemies. Seriously.

    And to the OP, I repeat, get the hell out of dodge.

    Corvus on
    :so_raven:
  • meatflowermeatflower Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Everything that can be said, has been said. If not in this thread than in your last three threads.

    This is a repeat from the second page, in case it didn't get through your head. I'll put it in all caps, bold, and lime so perhaps it will make more sense.

    THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN FUCKING HISTORY THAT THERE HAS BEEN THIS MUCH UNIVERSAL AGREEMENT IN A THREAD ON THE INTERWEBS!

    And not just this thread, ALL OF YOUR THREADS.

    If that doesn't say something to you than just stop posting this shit because you clearly don't want anyone's help and/or advice.

    I'm sorry mods if you want to give me an infraction for this, I don't know what else to say.

    meatflower on
    archer_sig-2.jpg
  • kingmetalkingmetal Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    OH FUCKING CHRIST IS THIS THE GIRL WITH THE FUCKING SPEEDING TICKET?

    dear god man, what the fuck is wrong with you? listen to these people

    kingmetal on
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