if you're biggest issue is that you're lonely, it might be more prudent to focus on just meeting people and attempting to befriend them. Stuff like meetup will bring together groups of similar interests. No guarantee you'll like anyone there, but it's a step in the right directly
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I, at least for now, give up. 3 rejections in a week suck. And my luck wasn't so great to begin with. I know, I know relationships arent the end-all/be-all in life but when you take a job in a new city, its so, so lonely. Getting regularly written off just destroys your self esteem, but guys have to 'try' and ask girls out and such and exude confidence. Its a horrible, horrible catch 22
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Giggles_FunsworthBlight on DiscourseBay Area SprawlRegistered Userregular
If you stop giving a shit about finding a girlfriend and just hang out with people of the opposite gender you will just accidentally acquire a girlfriend organically.
Thanks guys to all those replied, but I give up on dating for awhile, I'm sick of just getting rejected. I guess I'm not that enviable of a guy to have.
She actually contacted me two days ago, we discussed our respective weeks, texted her the next day 'good morning, how did your camping trip go.' Replied, kept texting, asked her to do something next Thurs/Fri. Gotta 'no, I'm sorry, I met someone else' Ok cool but why were you texting me? But I just left it at thanks for telling me.
In the meantime the past week (After many, many emails and a 5-10% response rate) I got to know and set up a date with another girl. It went very well, we had talked for hours before the date, and the dinner conversation flowed well, and I could make her laugh. We shared a hug and a kiss after that. Texted her that I had a great time, and she replied instantly. Called her this morning, got rejected for anything else.
I guess its worth noting that I asked a girl out at a grocery store who after bumping into each other and openly flirting with me (she called me cute) I asked for her number and she raised up her hand and showed she was engaged. ouch.
I, at least for now, give up. 3 rejections in a week suck. And my luck wasn't so great to begin with. I know, I know relationships arent the end-all/be-all in life but when you take a job in a new city, its so, so lonely. Getting regularly written off just destroys your self esteem, but guys have to 'try' and ask girls out and such and exude confidence. Its a horrible, horrible catch 22
Someone showing you their engagement ring is not a rejection.
I'm going to join the chorus of folks telling you you need to chill out. Don't have a cow, man.
I guess its worth noting that I asked a girl out at a grocery store who after bumping into each other and openly flirting with me (she called me cute) I asked for her number and she raised up her hand and showed she was engaged. ouch.
What was the subject you two were discussing? Flirting is by no means the only reason a woman would say someone's cute.
I guess its worth noting that I asked a girl out at a grocery store who after bumping into each other and openly flirting with me (she called me cute) I asked for her number and she raised up her hand and showed she was engaged. ouch.
What was the subject you two were discussing? Flirting is by no means the only reason a woman would say someone's cute.
It doesn't rate the same as the other two - it's not much of a meaningful rejection. I mean, if the OP is going to quit dating even in part because a married woman he met in a grocery store didn't want to go out with him then the "you need to relax" comments are absolutely on point.
I guess its worth noting that I asked a girl out at a grocery store who after bumping into each other and openly flirting with me (she called me cute) I asked for her number and she raised up her hand and showed she was engaged. ouch.
What was the subject you two were discussing? Flirting is by no means the only reason a woman would say someone's cute.
She looked at my ID because I was buying beer, and since it was from out of state said 'All the cute guys get to Atlanta' and we exchanged a little playful banter. Then it was 'oh yeah, oops, I'm engaged sorry I forgot' it was sort of a kick in the nuts.
But everyone saying chill out, relax. I'm not freaking out about this, just sort of sucks since I don't have much luck being here in a new place. I never obsessed over her, and have since just let it go very peacefully. I would hope its natural to feel a little bummed when you give a give a girl a kiss on her parent's doorstep after a third date and you subsequently never get to see her again. Its like a 'takes money to make money thing' if you don't have a ton of friends its hard to meet people, especially dateable women. It is a totally valid point to start (trying) to do more things, which I do put a foot forward to do. But the realistic part of that is 'get back to us in 5 years and maybe you'll have a social circle by then, until then that's the rocks dude'. A part of this I was talking to my dad about, is even though you may live in a 'hip' part of the city, no one takes me seriously. I'm 23. Even though 50 year olds call my neighborhood young, its mostly people in their late 20s early 30s, many of which are married. I've be 'talked down to' numerous times at bars or events by 26/27 year olds who think of me as a spring chicken. My dad felt bad about it, he met my mom when they were both 22 and couldn't offer much specific advice.
I actually tried online stuff. My sub ended a few weeks ago actually. It was terrible. You get about a 5-10% response rate, and even then only a fraction will give you their numbers. I think my official stats were in my 60 day sub, 119 messages (I did try to make them meaningful, not 'Ay yo wassup') 13 replies, 7 of those went to a second reply, 2 dates/numbers. One ghosted me after a seemingly good first date, one actually went 3 dates but then never heard from her again. Yeah its gonna be ahwile before I do that again.
Dating isn't the end all be all of life absolutely, but when you're lonely you'd like to find someone Its just not working out much to my chagrin
johnbob987 on
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EncA Fool with CompassionPronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered Userregular
I'm going to chime in and join the crowd saying "stop looking for a girlfriend" and instead "start making friends." While dating sites and such can be a big help, most long term relationships grow out of general friendships and being within the same social circles. If you have a group you do something with on a regular basis, and that group is large enough and diverse enough to have both genders and a range of relationship statuses, most likely you will find someone interested in you or, at worst, have a nice support network.
This is why colleges and such are one of the primary places married couples meet. You have an environment where every 4 months you meet 25-30 people of various ages and relationship statuses with similar interests per course taken. While going to college specifically to get married or find a relationship is sorta bonkers, if you were considering getting a degree or credential anyhow it could be a great way to network while getting other things taken care of.
Else, just make yourself be in places where you can meet people and for platonic attachments and relationships for now. Trick is finding a large enough group you can jump into and just to enjoy yourself with no pressure. If you feel pressured to find a date, the person you are speaking with will know and sense that pressure (and typically that's a huge turn off). If you are just out to have a good time with no expectations, they will likely do the same and who knows where things will end up.
Rejections of "will you date me" or asking for phone numbers shouldn't be what your aim is. Instead find some way to get into a social circle when you get these sorts of conversations like with the married lady. Instead of "whats your number" ask "know of any parties coming up?" or "know any good bars/cafes/clubs/etc" or something similar. That way its a low stress, low rejection means of getting in touch with people. If she likes you and wants you as a friend, or thinks you would be interesting to know more of, she will tell you of something coming up without feeling beholden, and if you meet again at those places and she initiates the conversation, awesome! Things are going well. But if she just ins't in to you she will probably still give some neat advice about places you might want to look into and everyone can remain friendly and pleasant in the conversation.
But really, all that can be boiled down to "Be relaxed, fun, and low stress" and the rest will come along in time.
I actually tried online stuff. My sub ended a few weeks ago actually. It was terrible. You get about a 5-10% response rate, and even then only a fraction will give you their numbers. I think my official stats were in my 60 day sub, 119 messages (I did try to make them meaningful, not 'Ay yo wassup') 13 replies, 7 of those went to a second reply, 2 dates/numbers. One ghosted me after a seemingly good first date, one actually went 3 dates but then never heard from her again. Yeah its gonna be ahwile before I do that again.
You need to understand a little bit about what women go through in online dating. It's a completely different world, their experience is nothing like what it is for a guy, and it's a lot more creepy. It simply shouldn't be shocking that every girl you message doesn't get in line for their turn to go out with you.
Every time in my life that I've started dating someone, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. Go out and do some things you like. You'll bump into people who are doing those things. At worst, you might make some good friends or just have a good time.
Cog on
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I think I am going to close this because it's getting really boring and repetitive. Understand that we see a lot of these, and they just become a venue for the OP to mope or say that meeting people won't help them meet people or for fuck's sake complain that an engaged person was friendly. The gall she had, paying you a compliment while being unavailable; doesn't she know that if she isn't explicitly interested in dating you then opening her mouth to speak to you is just being a tease?
You can insist all you like that this isn't what you're saying, but that is how you come off, and you should maybe think about that. Trying to talk people who think this way out of it is a chore and usually a waste of words. We've heard it all before and while I appreciate that you're less combative than the past few "nice guys" to blame others for not wanting to date them, after the comments about the engaged woman I'm not sure you're that different.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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Someone showing you their engagement ring is not a rejection.
I'm going to join the chorus of folks telling you you need to chill out. Don't have a cow, man.
When it's used as a response to asking for their number, it is.
What was the subject you two were discussing? Flirting is by no means the only reason a woman would say someone's cute.
It doesn't rate the same as the other two - it's not much of a meaningful rejection. I mean, if the OP is going to quit dating even in part because a married woman he met in a grocery store didn't want to go out with him then the "you need to relax" comments are absolutely on point.
She looked at my ID because I was buying beer, and since it was from out of state said 'All the cute guys get to Atlanta' and we exchanged a little playful banter. Then it was 'oh yeah, oops, I'm engaged sorry I forgot' it was sort of a kick in the nuts.
But everyone saying chill out, relax. I'm not freaking out about this, just sort of sucks since I don't have much luck being here in a new place. I never obsessed over her, and have since just let it go very peacefully. I would hope its natural to feel a little bummed when you give a give a girl a kiss on her parent's doorstep after a third date and you subsequently never get to see her again. Its like a 'takes money to make money thing' if you don't have a ton of friends its hard to meet people, especially dateable women. It is a totally valid point to start (trying) to do more things, which I do put a foot forward to do. But the realistic part of that is 'get back to us in 5 years and maybe you'll have a social circle by then, until then that's the rocks dude'. A part of this I was talking to my dad about, is even though you may live in a 'hip' part of the city, no one takes me seriously. I'm 23. Even though 50 year olds call my neighborhood young, its mostly people in their late 20s early 30s, many of which are married. I've be 'talked down to' numerous times at bars or events by 26/27 year olds who think of me as a spring chicken. My dad felt bad about it, he met my mom when they were both 22 and couldn't offer much specific advice.
I actually tried online stuff. My sub ended a few weeks ago actually. It was terrible. You get about a 5-10% response rate, and even then only a fraction will give you their numbers. I think my official stats were in my 60 day sub, 119 messages (I did try to make them meaningful, not 'Ay yo wassup') 13 replies, 7 of those went to a second reply, 2 dates/numbers. One ghosted me after a seemingly good first date, one actually went 3 dates but then never heard from her again. Yeah its gonna be ahwile before I do that again.
Dating isn't the end all be all of life absolutely, but when you're lonely you'd like to find someone Its just not working out much to my chagrin
This is why colleges and such are one of the primary places married couples meet. You have an environment where every 4 months you meet 25-30 people of various ages and relationship statuses with similar interests per course taken. While going to college specifically to get married or find a relationship is sorta bonkers, if you were considering getting a degree or credential anyhow it could be a great way to network while getting other things taken care of.
Else, just make yourself be in places where you can meet people and for platonic attachments and relationships for now. Trick is finding a large enough group you can jump into and just to enjoy yourself with no pressure. If you feel pressured to find a date, the person you are speaking with will know and sense that pressure (and typically that's a huge turn off). If you are just out to have a good time with no expectations, they will likely do the same and who knows where things will end up.
Rejections of "will you date me" or asking for phone numbers shouldn't be what your aim is. Instead find some way to get into a social circle when you get these sorts of conversations like with the married lady. Instead of "whats your number" ask "know of any parties coming up?" or "know any good bars/cafes/clubs/etc" or something similar. That way its a low stress, low rejection means of getting in touch with people. If she likes you and wants you as a friend, or thinks you would be interesting to know more of, she will tell you of something coming up without feeling beholden, and if you meet again at those places and she initiates the conversation, awesome! Things are going well. But if she just ins't in to you she will probably still give some neat advice about places you might want to look into and everyone can remain friendly and pleasant in the conversation.
But really, all that can be boiled down to "Be relaxed, fun, and low stress" and the rest will come along in time.
You need to understand a little bit about what women go through in online dating. It's a completely different world, their experience is nothing like what it is for a guy, and it's a lot more creepy. It simply shouldn't be shocking that every girl you message doesn't get in line for their turn to go out with you.
Every time in my life that I've started dating someone, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. Go out and do some things you like. You'll bump into people who are doing those things. At worst, you might make some good friends or just have a good time.
You can insist all you like that this isn't what you're saying, but that is how you come off, and you should maybe think about that. Trying to talk people who think this way out of it is a chore and usually a waste of words. We've heard it all before and while I appreciate that you're less combative than the past few "nice guys" to blame others for not wanting to date them, after the comments about the engaged woman I'm not sure you're that different.