Handjobs. (sex-ish)

Strain 121

So my first serious girlfriend is a newbie at this whole thing, just as much as I am. When we're fooling around (just hands at the moment) I like to think myself as doing a pretty decent job... she certainly sounds like she enjoys it at least...

Anyways, the problem lies in that what she does to me just hurts more than anything. I kind of feel bad because I am pretty sure she's noticing that I don't really seem to enjoy it as much as she would think. She's told me before that I need to tell her what I want, but... how am I supposed to know really? What she's doing would be fantastic if there was any sort of lubrication but there really just isn't at all so there's a bunch of friction which makes my wang pretty sore the day after. I'm not sure how to correct this.

So... what do I tell her? Oh and if you guys have any tips on improving my own skills then go for it. I'm not sure but I think I found her clit. And kinda deep in there (in the actual canal) there was this like thing that.. I dunno how to describe it but it felt like it was like hanging in there or something? It was somewhat small, like the size of a grape or something. But she seemed to like that. Does anyone know what that would be?

Blake T

Congratualtions son it sounds like you found the G spot.

Anyway, most women aren't terribly good and hand jobs, giving head is hit and miss also.

You need to tell her what to do. She's not going to learn if someone doesn't tell her what to do. Also I'd wager each guy is different also so they need to adjust and be told how to adjust.

Raslin

Just on the whole lube thing... I've been wanking it without lube since I started, years ago. I don't see what the problem is, unless you're retarded about it. I could go into more detail, but... I don't think anyone wants to hear it, lol.

Ninto

Well the thing is, wanking without lube is fine if you're doing it yourself because you have the feedback right there - you can feel if it's not right.

For women giving you handjobs, though - lube all the way, and tell her what feels good and what doesn't - she'll learn and you'll learn to love it. That is, until she learns how to do it just as a tease and can keep you on the edge without cumming for as long as she wants to, the evil bitch.

ahem

I mean, yeah, just lube it up and tell her what feels good - try directing her yourself, as in literally holding her hand...

romanqwerty

Umm do you want to ejaculate? Because i prefer not too via hands and hence i recomend something simple like a light touch/stroke, almost a tickle. That should keep you erect and feel good without any messyness.

If you want to go further you will have to give her the details, most girls are awful at it. For example, tell her to use the palm of her hand instead of fingers.

Fallingman

Your thinking about it all wrong. You dont have to be an expert, and tell exactly how... Why not just relax - tell her you're new to this too and just enjoy finding out together. Try something, if its no good, try something else...

If you drop the whole idea that you are supposed to know exactly what you're doing and make it all about finding out together you'll be more relaxed, have more fun, and feel like you're learning together.

Veevee

When my wife first started giving me handjobs, she was horrible at it. To teach her how to do it right for me, I just took her hand and guided her through it, essentially using her hand like I would a fake vagina. And I also used lube, lots of it.

But I am with romanqwerty here, the mess just isn't worth it in the long run, but since this is as far as your going for now it will have to do.

Suds

You'll absolutely need lube. Like everyone else has said, she has no idea how much friction is too much friction.

whuppins

Blaket wrote: »

Congratualtions son it sounds like you found the G spot.

Actually, it sounds more like he found the cervix. But whatever.

Listen OP, you have, uh, given yourself handjobs on occasion, yes? Then you really should be able to figure out what she's doing that you don't, or vice versa. Don't be afraid to tell her and explain why. "See, the head of my wang is a lot like your clit, and you wouldn't go to town on it when it's dry, would you? Hold onto this other part and you can do whatever you want."

By comparing what you do to what she does, it should become pretty obvious what she needs to do. I suspect that maybe the actual problem is that you're afraid to actually tell her. Well, that's easy; get over it. If she's anywhere near well-adjusted, she'll appreciate the tips as much as I'm sure you appreciate hers.

Fantasma

Ask her to be gentle and hold the penis in the base, her hand or hands shouldn't apply too much force when holding the instrument, up and down, up and down movements, not too fast darling, there you go.

There is a Nina Hartley movie out there that teaches the basics, but I can't remember the title.

Sonos

i have nothing to contribute except to say the internet is so fucking weird sometimes.

As7

Strain 121 wrote: »

So... what do I tell her? Oh and if you guys have any tips on improving my own skills then go for it. I'm not sure but I think I found her clit.

Wow, ok, you guys really are inexperienced. The clit isn't really all that hard to find.

Look I think the only answer to this is more communication. It sounds like maybe you are having trouble figuring out what to say to her...just be blunt. Tell her what motions feel good and ask her to do the same.

And don't be afraid to tell her when something hurts.

Oh and the best way for both of you to learn is let the other person use your hand and take control...put your hand on hers and guide her, have her do the same. Actually, start out the other way around, with you masturbating and her hand on top...maybe even just watching.

AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. These are not things that have to be done in the pitch dark of a bed room. Turn on a damn light and have her point things out to you.

I think this is all the advice that needs to be given.

supabeast

Buy lube. You can get it at Target, not like when I was a kid and we had to get a fake ID to buy lube at the porno store...

Sonos

supabeast wrote: »

Buy lube. You can get it at Target, not like when I was a kid and we had to get a fake ID to buy lube at the porno store...

olol ive used a fake id for a lot but not that one. lotion wouldnt have saved you the embarrassment?

wtf am i doing in here?

Shogun

Explain to her that handjobs don't really feel that good to begin with. If that's what you wanted you could've done it yourself. Go for some head and who knows she might be amazing at it.

Tarzan

Don't use lube. Use hand lotion. It's much less conspicuous if someone finds it and much more pleasant from her. Tell her to slow it down and take it easy. Have her play with it and tell her what feels good and what doesn't for you. It's all about communication.

Sonos

Shogun wrote: »

Explain to her that handjobs don't really feel that good to begin with. If that's what you wanted you could've done it yourself. Go for some head and who knows she might be amazing at it.

the girls you've been with have no talents. know that you have solely been dealing with inferior women and that it is likely due to a personal failure on your part.

i am being sincere.

Raqie

I'm not sure but I think I found her clit. And kinda deep in there (in the actual canal) there was this like thing that.. I dunno how to describe it but it felt like it was like hanging in there or something?

Okay, first of all that is NOT the clit. The clit is not inside. You may want to try looking up some info on how a woman's vagina works. Here's something to start with. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris

As for your problem, have your girl bring over hand lotion next time.

whuppins

Yeah, stop hating on handjobs people

Seriously, they rock

@Raqie: He wasn't saying that what he was describing was the clit (note the "And"; it was two separate thoughts)... though I'm still not sure how you can "think" you found it; it is pretty obvious, if tiny. I still think he found her cervix, which isn't like finding a pot of gold or anything.

misbehavin

You can't "think" you found the clit... It's very obvious. It's the only thing that looks and feels like a tiny penis near the vulva. Wiki has a pic if you need a reference...

As for my advice, just talk her through it. You know what you like... Explain it! Don't be ashamed of your body or sexuality... Most peoples problems with sex and sex-related acts come from embarrassment and an inability to discuss their bodies... Loosen up and have some fun!

KalTorak

It's understandable that you got the clit confused w/ the g-spot - early on, a lot of guys think that they're the same thing.

As far as her handjobs go, maybe think about how you jerk it by yourself, and how you'd describe it? Then work her through it. Also, I don't know if this is a problem for her but she might get a better grip and better endurance if she's working from behind you - reacharound-style.

Raqie

@whuppins: Yup, you're right. Guess I read it wrong. Either way he should be looking up some info for her sake. And I agree it's probably the cervix which...yeah not exactly what he should be going for.

Also, OP, please do not pressure this girl for head. Just help her figure out what you like. You both are inexperienced and (I assume) young. Go at whatever rate you both are comfortable with.

If you want any other advice from a girl's perspective feel free to PM me.

Fallout

Women sometimes seem to think that penises are just hunks of meat that they can clumsily beat off in any which way and they'll automatically do a good job... Best bet is to just do some, uh, introspective jerking, and figure out exactly what it is that you do to yourself that you like and sort of walk her through it, explaining to her why this and that feel this way to you. Lube is good.

supabeast

Tarzan wrote: »

Don't use lube. Use hand lotion. It's much less conspicuous if someone finds it and much more pleasant from her. Tell her to slow it down and take it easy. Have her play with it and tell her what feels good and what doesn't for you. It's all about communication.

More pleasant for her? Are degrees of pleasantness when handling a slimy throbbing erection? And as for conspicuousness, how many teenage guys use hand lotion for anything but wanking?

EggyToast

Women don't have penises so most don't know much about them. They're either too gentle (as they know getting hit in the testicles hurts a great deal, they think that carries over to the penis) or they're too rough. But WE don't know what you like, dude. What you do is you open that mouth of yours when she's being friendly and you tell her what she should and shouldn't do. Don't sit there quietly. Talk. Speak. Say what you think. Does it feel good? do you want her to change? Tell her while it's happening and she will both get better and you'll enjoy it more.

Tell her beforehand that you're goign to be more talkative and that she shouldn't think that you're trying to demand something, but that way you both get to enjoy what you're doing all the time.

SkyGheNe

hand jobs are essentially sandpaper with a smile. Show her how you like it - it's the only way to teach.

buckarf

On the whole pleasing her skills:

I suggest you NOT go for it dry. Christ that's uncomfortable. Also, guys have this way of sometimes being a bit TOO aggressive. Just b/c you insert fingers does NOT mean it feels good for us. Try maybe some "dry humping" at first. Clit stimulation is great....but you can't just jump in. Girls get "erections" too. You'll notice the clit getting a bit stiff as it is stimulated..i*refer to first two sentences*. If she's not naturally lubricated, then I suggest you buy some for the BOTH of you.

If she makes noises and stuff --encourage her to tell you exactly WHAT it is you did that made her moan. That way, you know what to do next time.

You guys can also try masturbating in front of each other. It's a huge turn on AND you get to learn some stuff. Just make sure you pay attention and ask questions *you might wanna save the ?'s till she finishes...or maybe not...depends on how comfortable you two are as far as communication is concerned* In any which case, I'm sure she can learn from watching you as well.

whuppins

SkyGheNe wrote: »

hand jobs are essentially sandpaper with a smile.

Oh, come on! Don't give the OP the impression that all handjobs are, as a rule, mediocre. They're like one of life's greatest simple pleasures! A handjob is like a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Anyone can learn how to make one, they're really hard to screw up, they don't require a lot of mental and emotional investment, and you can have one almost any time and enjoy it.

Dammit, I was in a good mood today until I saw all the shit that people are giving to handjobs.

Dammit

That's it, I'm changing my sig.

As7

Turning down a handjob is like turning down free food.

Even if it's mediocre and you could have made it somewhat better yourself with little effort, it's free.

Unless it's REALLY bad and then it becomes more of a free punch to the crotch.

Al_wat

If i was in your position I would probably try to get head (spit works well). You could try asking, but I wouldn't recommend pressuring.

MuddBudd

Alright I need to clear this up.

Not everyone needs lube when masturbating or getting a handjob. I don't, for sure. The reason being I am circumcised but still have a great deal of foreskin left. Many guys are the same. If I hold the foreskin back tight, then I would need lube, but I would be very sensitive and it wouldn't feel as good.

Other guys have much less foreskin, some almost none at all. So when erect there is no loose skin and they need lube.


Now, on the topic of technique, just show her the way you normally masturbate, and have her mimic that. Also, since I give the occasional handjob, being gay, I find that if I sit/stand behind my partner and reach around them to do it, they enjoy it a lot more. Hence the term... well... reach-around.

Cryogen

This is true MuddBudd and a good point. I'm uncircumsized and i dont need lube at all. My advice for the OP is just to tell her what feels good, give her some guidance (put your hand over hers, or vice versa so she can feel what you do) and just let her know what feels good.

It might even be the case that you dont really like getting handjobs. That is normal, everyone has likes and dislikes, and this is no different. But if you do like 'em, then it is possible to get great handjobs. I like them a lot, and it can be fantastic, similar to masturbating but at the same time completely different. Especially when you come, someone else doing the stimulation just feels totally different at that point. But i guess this would be offset by the pain of having your knob rubbed raw

Just keep in mind that your both new, take your time, and teach each other.