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Intentionally Bad - The Game
emnmnme
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I figure when all games are on paper, they are awesome. Perfect plot, great storyboards and a viable engine to run it on. From Miyamoto's masterpieces to the worst Spongebob horrors, all games start out with good intentions on paper until reality tampers with the final product. But if all games are perfect on paper, what will happen when you intentionally sabotage it?
I saw the Producers (the one with Gene Wilder) last night and I was inspired. You have an unlimited budget but the goal is to make the worst game possible. The final product has to be playable, i.e. it has to be possible to complete it from title screen to credits. Any gremlins you unleash into your project's planning phase should alter theme, voice talent, art direction, controls - everything right down to the box art. You're the Ed Wood of game directors and you're trying to make the worst game possible without making it unplayable.
I'd start with a 3D game. Not just any 3D game - my imperfect game would use two 3D engines to power itself. One 3D engine will be competent and render complicated and impossibly detailed levels at 60 frames pers second. When you beat a level, the second engine will kick in, allowing for not only long load times but a great prank. The second engine will chug and sputter rendering purposely flat and bare levels at fifteen frames and the two engines would alternate, confusing the hell out of the players.
The theme would be a Tomb Raider ripoff set in the deep jungles. Dark green and brown are the colors of choice for everything in the environment. The main character will not be a Lara Croft knockoff, though - I'd replace it with a shirtless brawny man in tight shorts. This will effectively make the teenage heterosexual male gamer squirm in discomfort. Since it's set in the jungle, my two engines idea becomes very effective. The impossibly detailed levels will have so much detail in foliage that the player cannot see where they are going. No clipping means they'll likely run through the dense brush and vines and hopefully run off cliffs without looking. A soundtrack of birdcalls will loop over and over every 30 seconds.
The Mayan temples will have simple english alphabet puzzles carved in the stone. Pulling context and not making sense is what bad games do best. Temple guards will have the worst AI imaginable and spend more time stuck in corners than attacking the player but the player must defeat all guards to progress. I'd say giving the player Tomb Raider-style pistols would work well provided they were set to max sensitivity and there is no way to adjust that in the game menu. After plagiarizing every scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark, the game would end with an FMV of a Euro-inspired techno music video with the main dude you controlled dancing with with poorly animated chicks in bikinis within superimposed in-game cutaways. For boxart, I'd have a detailed drawing of a snake striking and clamping down on a closeup of a man's leg while he's walking in the jungle...ensuring no one with a fear of snakes will touch this game.
I saw the Producers (the one with Gene Wilder) last night and I was inspired. You have an unlimited budget but the goal is to make the worst game possible. The final product has to be playable, i.e. it has to be possible to complete it from title screen to credits. Any gremlins you unleash into your project's planning phase should alter theme, voice talent, art direction, controls - everything right down to the box art. You're the Ed Wood of game directors and you're trying to make the worst game possible without making it unplayable.
I'd start with a 3D game. Not just any 3D game - my imperfect game would use two 3D engines to power itself. One 3D engine will be competent and render complicated and impossibly detailed levels at 60 frames pers second. When you beat a level, the second engine will kick in, allowing for not only long load times but a great prank. The second engine will chug and sputter rendering purposely flat and bare levels at fifteen frames and the two engines would alternate, confusing the hell out of the players.
The theme would be a Tomb Raider ripoff set in the deep jungles. Dark green and brown are the colors of choice for everything in the environment. The main character will not be a Lara Croft knockoff, though - I'd replace it with a shirtless brawny man in tight shorts. This will effectively make the teenage heterosexual male gamer squirm in discomfort. Since it's set in the jungle, my two engines idea becomes very effective. The impossibly detailed levels will have so much detail in foliage that the player cannot see where they are going. No clipping means they'll likely run through the dense brush and vines and hopefully run off cliffs without looking. A soundtrack of birdcalls will loop over and over every 30 seconds.
The Mayan temples will have simple english alphabet puzzles carved in the stone. Pulling context and not making sense is what bad games do best. Temple guards will have the worst AI imaginable and spend more time stuck in corners than attacking the player but the player must defeat all guards to progress. I'd say giving the player Tomb Raider-style pistols would work well provided they were set to max sensitivity and there is no way to adjust that in the game menu. After plagiarizing every scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark, the game would end with an FMV of a Euro-inspired techno music video with the main dude you controlled dancing with with poorly animated chicks in bikinis within superimposed in-game cutaways. For boxart, I'd have a detailed drawing of a snake striking and clamping down on a closeup of a man's leg while he's walking in the jungle...ensuring no one with a fear of snakes will touch this game.
emnmnme on
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Derek Smart
But I see where you're going with that. I, too, would probably make a game along those lines where micromanagement was the name of the game and you spent more time managing the fine details of a massive space cruiser down to the upkeep of well mopped floors than you did battling vicious alien races. A single shot from even your smallest ship weapon would require a half an hour of tweaking energy output settings before it was charged properly for another shot. Meanwhile your enemies pound on your ship's shields which require constant attention to energy levels in order to keep them up.
Everything about this game, right down to communicating with other decks of the ship is a huge hassle, needlessly detailed and no fun at all to play.
For good measure, if there is indeed jumping involved, make sure that the player cannot manually jump (a la Zelda) but make sure that the character jumps impossibly high, off screen, but lands perfectly across the chasm of choice, but no shadow helpers will be present. This will result in the player trying to change the jump, and failing miserably.
But really?
Start here, only with puzzles requiring pixel perfect accuracy.
In the end, a game with the highest points would be one that generated the most hype and excitement, and then could move the furthest away from the vision but would still be defended by the largest amount of gamers as being good or at least "not that bad".
TADA!
*struck by lightning*
Switch: SW-7603-3284-4227
My ACNH Wishlists | My ACNH Catalog
>WEST
you are in a blank wilderness. you can go north, east, south, or west.
Holy fuck! I can't get passed the first level - Genius!
>get ye flask
I'd buy it
You are eaten by a grue.
you cannot get ye flask
Maybe something like..
"uuuuuuuuuAAAAAAAAAACKURKKUYEEEEEERRRRRRCH!!!! aHHH My CHILDREN! tELL THEM i LOVE THEM!!!!!! *wails until death*"
Go right, it's a metroid-esque.
or just "tell my wife, 'Hello'"
You see a bear.
/attack bear
you do not have a weapon
/i
ye flask
axe body spray
SNAKE? SNAKE? SNAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Also this game idea need more meaningless grinding. Force the player to grind but use leveled random encounters making grinding hopelessly difficult and annoying.
what the fuck is this
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
Oh, and the AI goes from embarrassingly stupid in level 1 to psychic sharpshooter in level 2. The other levels are spent on various combinations of the two: enemies who have a narrow line of sight that goes on forever even through walls and will kill you instantly if you walk in front of them but won't see you otherwise, enemies who shoot the wrong way but the level map is an infinite loop so the bullet hits you in the back of the head, that sort of thing.
Is it possible to get past the first screen? I can get to the left side, but the sign (?!) kills me.
Spyware that detects other spyware(Also installed by the game) as spyware, and refuses to run the game if that spyware isn't removed. Also, the game itself cannot run without said spyware being installed.
Guys, F key makes it fart. 0.0
Gotta jump towards the wall and then away real quick.
and to the right is just Pedobear. He kills me too.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
it installs Starforce.
Twice
Also, that Takeshi game.
I still can't do it, but I can kill Pedobear pretty quickly now. Although the room to the right of that kills me instantly.
A game where the only monsters are Cliff Racers
This will spoil the game for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNNIzXE8zbE
You will become a multi-millionaire in SECONDS.