Well, my wife just left to go home as I start law school on Monday. It's a 5 1/2 - 6 hour drive from where she lives to where I'm going to school.
Obviously for thanksgiving, christmas, spring break, and summer break I'll be home, but I need some advice on this.
We've done it before for shorter periods, during college she studied in D.C. over the summer and in law school she spent a summer in Oxford. This has a feeling of being somewhat more permanent even though we have school-year breaks and probably a monthly visit planned.
I think it's somewhat important that we're already married (almost 4 years) so it's not like a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Not that your relationship isn't as serious as ours, it's just that marriage puts a slightly different tint on things.
So, any sage advice from those who have been/are currently going through this?
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My wife and I lived apart for about a year because I got a job 4 hours away that couldn't pay enough for me to get a place of my own down there. So she stayed with her folks.
It's really, really tough, and it will put a strain on things. You're both going to have to be 10 times as patient with each other than usual. Make the most of the time that you have when you get to have it. I don't know how you feel about kids and this may seem like it's coming out of left field but now is the worst time to think about having one, accidentally or intentionally, in my opinion.
We tried to call each other every day at least once. It makes things a bit easier.
Good luck man. You can come through this unscathed, it's definitely possible.
My wife and I spent like 7 months or so while she finished her degree in CA while i had a job in PA. it sucks but if it needs to be done, it needs to be done.
You kind of get used to it, but like josh, we talked everyday on the phone and webchatted plus gchat etc.
6hrs by car is reasonable, that is 3 day weekend visiting there. try and arrange your schedule to give yourself long weekends etc. and be glad its not a 6hr flight
I find sending small packages every once in a while is a nice surprise to send. I usually filled mine up with small things, like a game, a short book, little trinkets, small food items, etc.
The daily communication will help you feel closer together, and help prevent the 'is it worth it' as well as help with trust because you'll be able to find out what each other has been doing everyday.
Daily communication, regardless of the type, is essential. Even if it's just a simple e-mail to say you are still alive, it shows that you care about the other person. I don't know how many times I would come back to the boat after a long night of hard drinking in a port to drunkenly send my wife an e-mail. It just tells them that even though you are having tons of fun, that you are still thinking about them at all times.
this is the greatest advice, I'm dead serious
If you ever have the time, its fun to do things "together" online
Such as watching the same movie or TV show and syncing up the times, playing an online game, discussing a book the two of you have been reading, things like that.
It made it feel like my boyfriend and I were actually together
Sending each other little gifts, cards, or letters is very fun and it feels amazing to get an unexpected package of chocolate (or whatever else). Nothing expensive
Don't be afraid to text each other about pointless stuff either! Keep the lines of communication as open as possible
Any suggestions for a basic webcam/microphone? Is Skype still free? Assuming that's what most people use, I haven't used it in years.
My boyfriend and I do Skype for an hour or so about every other day, and he also calls me every morning just to say hi for about 20 minutes while he's walking to work. But I really love Skype because I'm slightly hard of hearing, and it's hard for me to follow a conversation without the visual cues. Besides the other benefits of video. Oh, and Skype is free if the other person you are calling is also online.
Honestly, I was wary as well, but after popping for a $15 webcam on Newegg just to see what it was like I am absolutely hooked. It's pretty awesome to be able to have the how-was-your-day conversation face to face!
Edit: just thought of another thing, DM'ing over Twitter (or if you both have iPhones, Ping Chat) is a free alternative to texting
Our main form of communication used to be AOL IM and the occasional Skype/webcam call, but then she got into games like Left 4 Dead and Steam became our main form of communication, oddly enough. We use Skype for in-game communication.
When she first made the decision to move, it was difficult for me because I'd always heard the "long distance relationships don't work" thing from a lot of people. And technically, we're not that long distance since it's within driving distance. But we're both really happy with how things have turned out.
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I'm going to second this. For some reason it takes the edge off of things, try to set up a regular schedule.
My parents used it to call international because they felt the quality was much higher. I'm personally a big fan of skype even if does have a bad habit of fucking with you
This is the basis of all modern relationships as far as I can tell.
is that a bad thing?
Not always. My last girlfriend was like a damn twitter feed though. I don't need to know what music you're listening to every 30 minutes!
I know what you mean, man
Textin' me you're hungry doesn't put food in your stomach, I don't have that power.
(Still in a long distance scenario probably a good idea to get loads of face time as much as possible and text when you can)