The sports team of West Joggin College have earned another day of high-fives as their volleyball playing bear has helped them take first place with a win yesterday. The bear, named Kooly Richards, was first discovered by the school's dean, who would feed the bear garbage everyday by the playground.
"I fell in love with him right away," says dean Jack Greene Jr., "the first thing I fed him was a pair of sunglasses, so I named him Kooly."
Kooly is a common breed of bear known as the Garbage-Bear, generally known for their hunger and potential for being a sports fan. Dean Greene first brought Kooly to a match to cheer as the school's official mascot. But then one day, at one of the volleyball games, tragedy struck. The ball took an odd bounce and sailed towards Kooly, and while many expected him to just eat the ball as if it were garbage, Kooly proceded to slam the ball at one particular child on the opposing team.
"I've never seen anything like it," says Greene, "he kept spiking the ball at that boy, over and over. He showed amazing talent."
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In an astonishing display of skills and academics, the lion community has surpassed the bald eagle of America at this year's Xtreme Bravery Sportz Jam. The eagle, which will lose its title as Country's Best Hero for the first time in decades, was disqualified in the "Proudy Test" category for failing to give the peace sign to an elderly gentlemen during a morning shower.
Xtreme Bravery Sportz Jam is a month long event held each year in Radbury Mansion. Originating in 1927, Joseph J. Radbury began this event in the forest next to Washinton D.C, where he challenged the animal population to build a mansion for he and his family. Each breed was given 4 sacks of rope, 2 items of gold, and a pile of water with sticks in it. Having experience in gold crafting, the eagles were quick to finish and charmed the hearts of the Radbury family and all of America.
The lions have been trying for years to win America's love, but their dumb faces have prevented them from winning the "Sunglasses Test" for the past 35 years. Many believe the aging Radbury couldn't properly see the eagles wearing their 21st century sunglasses, costing them much needed points. One eagle even came to the winning ceremony wearing a pair of the lion's sunglasses, with a sign that read, "Dumb Glasses".
God applauded yesterday when Throne the dog made the choice of a lifetime at Murmie’s bar pubbery. Throne was the first in the world to even dare to think about ordering “Food on the Rocks”, a mixed drink consisting of ice, vodka, and aged snacks. He thought about it for all of fifteen seconds before the peer pressure and physical violence from his buddies transcended him. “Order it you fucking pussy!” was heard throughout the bar with much enthusiasm.
“Food on the Rocks” had been avoided by even the most audacious of drinkers since its conception in 1432. Measuring in at three gallons of ninety proof ‘death water’ (not including the mandatory re-fill) and a conscious selection of ‘fooders’ and ‘foodies’, this legendary horse of a drink is anything but a joke.
“I was so fucked up I couldn’t remember shit. I do remember Throne the dog ordering 'Food on the Rocks' though. That was amazing,” explained Murmie’s bartender. Throne not only downed “Food on the rocks” at magnificent speeds, he also chewed through the glass and vomited blood for six straight minutes. “If he didn’t die we would’ve loved to have seen him do it again. I don’t know if he’ll be able to do much now,” teased Throne’s good friend, Clarissa.
Will Throne’s death encourage kids to “be fun” and “have trashed”? It’s very likely. At the writing of this article, I can tell kids have become more “dareful” just by the way they are getting tattoos of Throne ordering “Food on the Rocks.”
-Falcon G.
Farmer Habertick had police rescue his dog Joey from the magical forest that lies within the borders of Peru this weekend. Habertick realized his dog was missing when he did not return from his morning shoe collecting job.
"My dog goes around the neighborhood collecting people's shoes so that I can steal them," says the farmer, "I realized he'd gone missing when I had no shoes to put in my milk for lunch. But I noticed a trail of wood glue on the ground, and I knew exactly where he could be."
Habertick is known around town for having an large collection of bronze statues that he makes delicious sandwiches from. He disposes of the excess statue parts in the forest in his backyard, where, years ago, wood- glue was invented by birds and sunshine. The forest was given the title Woodglue Woods, but some locals had trouble pronouncing it so it became better known as Magical Forest.
"It's unclear what life-forms have evolved in the Magical Foest, but we do know that excess amounts of woodglue and bronze do not mix," says therapist Howard Froll, "Joey has seen some very traumatic images in that forest. He is currently in the critical condition known as death, and I can't help him unless he answers some more questions about the forest."
-Hal Cronweld
History was made this afternoon when Dogatello's "worst painting ever" went up for auction exclusively to the wives of the members of the Marine Golf Classic Committee. Of the six women involved across the nation, three declined the opportunity due to being retired and being old. Starting bids began as low as five paper clips to an eventual high and winning bid of seven pieces of hope, brought forth by Margaret Cape, America's favorite wife of a member of the Marine Golf Classic Committee.
"I know a real Dogatello when i can see one, and this one takes the clothes off a cake. Dogatello is novicely masterful; a true blind visionary and a good father to his kidnapped children. His paintings could bring Ronald Reagan back to life, cure his alzheimers, and then turn him into a child," Margaret promised. "My husband was a marine. Once a marine, always a marine."
Margaret choked on these words, dying instantly, and more importantly - putting Dogatello's painting back on the market. A combination funeral/auction will be held at Victoria Tent's annual garage sale next December with all proceeds going to Alaska.
Posts
Probably, yeah. The sheer absurdity of every picture is just so fantastic, now I am going to stare at this more instead of eating today.
The sports team of West Joggin College have earned another day of high-fives as their volleyball playing bear has helped them take first place with a win yesterday. The bear, named Kooly Richards, was first discovered by the school's dean, who would feed the bear garbage everyday by the playground.
"I fell in love with him right away," says dean Jack Greene Jr., "the first thing I fed him was a pair of sunglasses, so I named him Kooly."
Kooly is a common breed of bear known as the Garbage-Bear, generally known for their hunger and potential for being a sports fan. Dean Greene first brought Kooly to a match to cheer as the school's official mascot. But then one day, at one of the volleyball games, tragedy struck. The ball took an odd bounce and sailed towards Kooly, and while many expected him to just eat the ball as if it were garbage, Kooly proceded to slam the ball at one particular child on the opposing team.
"I've never seen anything like it," says Greene, "he kept spiking the ball at that boy, over and over. He showed amazing talent."
Free True Soda
I think this one is my favorite.
Boy Scout Leader Ties Forbidden Knot
I don't
aaahh
AAAAAHHHH
In an astonishing display of skills and academics, the lion community has surpassed the bald eagle of America at this year's Xtreme Bravery Sportz Jam. The eagle, which will lose its title as Country's Best Hero for the first time in decades, was disqualified in the "Proudy Test" category for failing to give the peace sign to an elderly gentlemen during a morning shower.
Xtreme Bravery Sportz Jam is a month long event held each year in Radbury Mansion. Originating in 1927, Joseph J. Radbury began this event in the forest next to Washinton D.C, where he challenged the animal population to build a mansion for he and his family. Each breed was given 4 sacks of rope, 2 items of gold, and a pile of water with sticks in it. Having experience in gold crafting, the eagles were quick to finish and charmed the hearts of the Radbury family and all of America.
The lions have been trying for years to win America's love, but their dumb faces have prevented them from winning the "Sunglasses Test" for the past 35 years. Many believe the aging Radbury couldn't properly see the eagles wearing their 21st century sunglasses, costing them much needed points. One eagle even came to the winning ceremony wearing a pair of the lion's sunglasses, with a sign that read, "Dumb Glasses".
it's like, he hates wonderful.
Justin Bieber eagle
Is that scorpion dressed as Jonbenet Ramsey?
God applauded yesterday when Throne the dog made the choice of a lifetime at Murmie’s bar pubbery. Throne was the first in the world to even dare to think about ordering “Food on the Rocks”, a mixed drink consisting of ice, vodka, and aged snacks. He thought about it for all of fifteen seconds before the peer pressure and physical violence from his buddies transcended him. “Order it you fucking pussy!” was heard throughout the bar with much enthusiasm.
“Food on the Rocks” had been avoided by even the most audacious of drinkers since its conception in 1432. Measuring in at three gallons of ninety proof ‘death water’ (not including the mandatory re-fill) and a conscious selection of ‘fooders’ and ‘foodies’, this legendary horse of a drink is anything but a joke.
“I was so fucked up I couldn’t remember shit. I do remember Throne the dog ordering 'Food on the Rocks' though. That was amazing,” explained Murmie’s bartender. Throne not only downed “Food on the rocks” at magnificent speeds, he also chewed through the glass and vomited blood for six straight minutes. “If he didn’t die we would’ve loved to have seen him do it again. I don’t know if he’ll be able to do much now,” teased Throne’s good friend, Clarissa.
Will Throne’s death encourage kids to “be fun” and “have trashed”? It’s very likely. At the writing of this article, I can tell kids have become more “dareful” just by the way they are getting tattoos of Throne ordering “Food on the Rocks.”
-Falcon G.
CAN'T
STOP
LAUGHING
Farmer Habertick had police rescue his dog Joey from the magical forest that lies within the borders of Peru this weekend. Habertick realized his dog was missing when he did not return from his morning shoe collecting job.
"My dog goes around the neighborhood collecting people's shoes so that I can steal them," says the farmer, "I realized he'd gone missing when I had no shoes to put in my milk for lunch. But I noticed a trail of wood glue on the ground, and I knew exactly where he could be."
Habertick is known around town for having an large collection of bronze statues that he makes delicious sandwiches from. He disposes of the excess statue parts in the forest in his backyard, where, years ago, wood- glue was invented by birds and sunshine. The forest was given the title Woodglue Woods, but some locals had trouble pronouncing it so it became better known as Magical Forest.
"It's unclear what life-forms have evolved in the Magical Foest, but we do know that excess amounts of woodglue and bronze do not mix," says therapist Howard Froll, "Joey has seen some very traumatic images in that forest. He is currently in the critical condition known as death, and I can't help him unless he answers some more questions about the forest."
-Hal Cronweld
History was made this afternoon when Dogatello's "worst painting ever" went up for auction exclusively to the wives of the members of the Marine Golf Classic Committee. Of the six women involved across the nation, three declined the opportunity due to being retired and being old. Starting bids began as low as five paper clips to an eventual high and winning bid of seven pieces of hope, brought forth by Margaret Cape, America's favorite wife of a member of the Marine Golf Classic Committee.
"I know a real Dogatello when i can see one, and this one takes the clothes off a cake. Dogatello is novicely masterful; a true blind visionary and a good father to his kidnapped children. His paintings could bring Ronald Reagan back to life, cure his alzheimers, and then turn him into a child," Margaret promised. "My husband was a marine. Once a marine, always a marine."
Margaret choked on these words, dying instantly, and more importantly - putting Dogatello's painting back on the market. A combination funeral/auction will be held at Victoria Tent's annual garage sale next December with all proceeds going to Alaska.
what is this
I
LOVE
this dog/picture
Does this one have a headline?
Because oh my God, My Dad's Car 2 3D.
Eagle Uses Sailboat to Show Latest Will Smith Movies to Sea Creatures