I have an insane fear of the ocean, because of the fucked up shit that lives in it. I've always told my friends that the fish with the lightbulb on its head is going to kill me. They insist the fish can never come to the surface because of water pressure and stuff, and I always counter that I dont want to be THE GUY. You know - THE GUY who on CNN they go "Hey, scientists are BAFFLED as to how this fish got to the surface to EAT THIS GUY. We didn't think it could, but it did!"
But this fear has led to me being really into aquariums and having salt water tanks. I feel like if I befriend enough of the sea creatures they will let me live if I enter thier home to swim. Anyways - when I started my saltwater tank I was scared shitless to look at it at night because some fucked up stuff comes out. Rocks that you have held in your hands suddenly have worms with stingers coming out of them wriggling around. Anyways, a co-worker, who remembered me talking about how fucking SCARED I was of my tank when I first noticed the worms (that are a bitch if you keep corals, but fine otherwise. You can buy crabs that kill them, but they usually clean up food and stuff so having some is a good thing) sent me this today.
That sea worm thing looks like something out of Dune.
I too have an almost paralyzing fear of the deep ocean. I'll swim off the beach but there is no way in hell you could convince me to do any distance swimming out there, and if I went scuba diving I would have to think about that shit long and hard, at least if the water was more than 20 or so feet deep. Even then the visibility would have to be perfect.
The olm, or proteus (Proteus anguinus), is a blind amphibian endemic to the subterranean waters of caves of the Dinaric karst of southern Europe.
The olm is resistant to long-term starvation, an adaptation to its underground habitat. It can consume large amounts of food at once, and store nutrients as large deposits of lipids and glycogen in the liver. When food is scarce, it reduces its activity and metabolic rate, and can also reabsorb its own tissues in severe cases. Controlled experiments have shown that an olm can survive up to 10 years without food.[24]
Longevity is estimated at up to 58 years. [26] Individual specimens have been kept under semi-natural conditions in concrete basins for up to 70 years [27]
That sea worm thing looks like something out of Dune.
I too have an almost paralyzing fear of the deep ocean. I'll swim off the beach but there is no way in hell you could convince me to do any distance swimming out there, and if I went scuba diving I would have to think about that shit long and hard, at least if the water was more than 20 or so feet deep. Even then the visibility would have to be perfect.
I mean for fuck's sake. Look at this shit.
You know what that means? It means you're fucked.
There are no walls in the ocean to shield you
and you are always
always
a slower swimmer then whatever is swimming behind you
I have a little bit of a phobia of the deep ocean and the gigantic shit that lives in it, but that also makes the deep ocean one of my favorite things ever. I would give my soul for a one-on-one encounter with a colossal squid. Protected by a thick-as-hell submarine window. I love swimming in the ocean too, even if occasionally I get paranoid about Jaws lurking silently behind me.
a slower swimmer then whatever is swimming behind you
trying to kill you
The worst part is the idea that something can come up from beneath you, silent as death and bigger than the mouth of hell.
You remember that commercial a few years ago for Mountain dew, where the guy in the kayak starts to drink it and the whale sees him, and comes rushing up from the depths and just envelops him?
Laugh if you want to, but that commercial scared the living fuck out of me.
I have a little bit of a phobia of the deep ocean and the gigantic shit that lives in it, but that also makes the deep ocean one of my favorite things ever. I would give my soul for a one-on-one encounter with a colossal squid. Protected by a thick-as-hell submarine window.
Like this. I know it isn't the ocean, but this is the shit I'm talking about. I guarantee you I would not be able to handle this situation, but seeing this just makes me want to dive into the mekong and get the sanity scared out of me by an irresponsibly large fish.
Like this. I know it isn't the ocean, but this is the shit I'm talking about. I guarantee you I would not be able to handle this situation, but seeing this just makes me want to dive into the mekong and get the sanity scared out of me by an irresponsibly large fish.
I know what you mean. I've always been really fascinated by this stuff, even though it scares me (probably because it scares me). But even when I just think about the open ocean, all that blue water and it just goes down and down and down and we don't even have the slightest idea, really, what's down there - they're discovering some insane new species like every week or so - I have to admit it freaks me out a little bit. It's almost like contemplating another universe or something, and in a way I suppose it is.
I have a little bit of a phobia of the deep ocean and the gigantic shit that lives in it, but that also makes the deep ocean one of my favorite things ever. I would give my soul for a one-on-one encounter with a colossal squid. Protected by a thick-as-hell submarine window. I love swimming in the ocean too, even if occasionally I get paranoid about Jaws lurking silently behind me.
I love that even with all the gigantic shit dissappeared from land, the stuff in water just kept on growing. The Blue Whale is the largest animal that has ever existed. It's a gigantic middle finger to land. While land decided to make small hairless apes with really good brains, oceans just spent all that time perfecting it's murderous alien killing machines. Some it didn't even have to perfect, like sharks. Motherfuckers have been existing pretty much the same for 100 million years, and their ancestors were older then the dinosaurs, older then most of the goddamn plantlife we have.
It's like land was all "holy crap, look at me, I made an animal that can't fucking survive again, guess I need to develop it with fingers and shit. Why can't I ever get this right?". Humans are pretty much it's most successful creation, and it still neglected to give us any sort of natural defense mechanisms so we need to build crude spears and crap before we can tangle up with anything that isn't smaller then us.
Meanwhile, ocean was all "hmmm, I guess there's nothing more that I can do with my living blood-seeking missiles with super senses and mouth full of sharp teeth, guess I can go and make a crustacean with perfect eyesight and claw that can create goddamn shockwaves that are as powerful as bullets"
And air was fucking over both of them by creating sick, disgusting insects who do things that make even oceans turn on the lights to check if there isn't a fucking Emerald Jewel Wasp under their bed.
Like this. I know it isn't the ocean, but this is the shit I'm talking about. I guarantee you I would not be able to handle this situation, but seeing this just makes me want to dive into the mekong and get the sanity scared out of me by an irresponsibly large fish.
I know what you mean. I've always been really fascinated by this stuff, even though it scares me (probably because it scares me). But even when I just think about the open ocean, all that blue water and it just goes down and down and down and we don't even have the slightest idea, really, what's down there - they're discovering some insane new species like every week or so - I have to admit it freaks me out a little bit. It's almost like contemplating another universe or something, and in a way I suppose it is.
EDIT: Fear candy
Honestly, I've always found that the single most scary thing. Not like "oh shit!" jump-back scary, but it's the thing I dream about when I'm afraid. Floating around being unable to see what's around you, and knowing that what is around you is just completely alien uuurgh it's awful. It may come from the fact that my grandparents have a cottage near a lake that due to pollution has vastly overgrown weeds everywhere that touch you and are slick and eeee and bad. Also has fucking giant pike because some crazy bastard thought "Hey. Hey, let's toss giant pike in this lake dudes. It's gonna make it more interesting!"
Honestly, I've always found that the single most scary thing. Not like "oh shit!" jump-back scary, but it's the thing I dream about when I'm afraid. Floating around being unable to see what's around you, and knowing that what is around you is just completely alien uuurgh it's awful.
Precisely. I can just imagine floating in this blue abyss, and you turn around and there's some gigantic fucking wall of flesh gliding past you without a sound, and you see this big eye as large as your face regarding you with total indifference. Then it passes off into the murk, and you know it's there, but your stupid human eyesight can't penetrate the water. I know whales are more or less harmless, but that shit is scary, and awesome.
I think it's the silence that makes it the worst. It drives home to me "your senses are useless in this world and you're at the bottom of the food chain". Can't see, can't hear, can't breathe, can't smell, can't even move very well unless you're an accomplished swimmer, and even then you're a joke compared to even an ungainly fish like a flounder.
Although if the terrifying creatures of the deep made audible, inhuman screeching noises, roars, or even bird songs I think they would still be scary as hell.
It's just an entirely alien world. The whole ocean, it's full of god damned aliens. It's not for us.
The ocean may be full of weird wonderful and scary animals but remember it's a huge place. I wouldn't want anyone to be discouraged from swimming in the ocean, I recently went snorkeling in Hawaii in both shallow and deep water (80+feet) and I encountered spinner dolphins, colorful fish, sea turtles and one very small shark. Don't miss out on a wonderful experience.
Like this. I know it isn't the ocean, but this is the shit I'm talking about. I guarantee you I would not be able to handle this situation, but seeing this just makes me want to dive into the mekong and get the sanity scared out of me by an irresponsibly large fish.
EDIT: Fear candy
The Basking Shark is pretty harmless though. It's a filter feeder. Unless there's stories of those guys getting all.....evil.
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
edited April 2009
The Aye-aye's face is also rodent-like, the shape of a raccoon's, and mouses bright, beady, luminous eyes. Its incisors are very large, and grow continuously throughout its lifespan. These features contrast its monkey-like body, and are the likely cause of why scientists originally deemed it to be a rodent.
The Aye-aye's hands are arguably its most unusual feature. Much like other primates, it possesses opposable thumbs, but both the hallux and the fingers are long and slender, and appear to be in a curved position somewhat similar to that of a fairy-tale witch when the muscles are relaxed. The middle finger can be up to three times longer than the others.
...
The Aye-aye is often viewed as a harbinger of evil and killed on sight. Others believe that should one point its long middle finger at you, you were condemned to death.
The thing about the ocean is that it's basically like land, except it's way easier to jump and float around.
You know that if everything on land could easily just kick up and float around for a while in air then we'd have plenty of fucked up shit scaring us to death all around us, besides birds and insects.
The scariest parts of the ocean for me aren't even the things with lots of teeth. It's the fucking cnidarians. These ancient creatures who were like the first animals to evolve, and the only reason they're still around is because they have ridiculously poisonous stinging cells that can kill you in minutes. They're not even bilaterially symetical. And most of them are kind of invisible.
The Aye-aye's face is also rodent-like, the shape of a raccoon's, and mouses bright, beady, luminous eyes. Its incisors are very large, and grow continuously throughout its lifespan. These features contrast its monkey-like body, and are the likely cause of why scientists originally deemed it to be a rodent.
The Aye-aye's hands are arguably its most unusual feature. Much like other primates, it possesses opposable thumbs, but both the hallux and the fingers are long and slender, and appear to be in a curved position somewhat similar to that of a fairy-tale witch when the muscles are relaxed. The middle finger can be up to three times longer than the others.
...
The Aye-aye is often viewed as a harbinger of evil and killed on sight. Others believe that should one point its long middle finger at you, you were condemned to death.
"My precious..."
They have fingers like that to root out grubs from bark. Sadly, people tend to kill these animals because of the superstitions attached to them.
Someone mention olms before:
Small and harmless, these blind salamanders feed on insects and crustaceans. Their slow metabolism is an adaptation for cave life. In early times people thought they were dragon young.
Some it didn't even have to perfect, like sharks. Motherfuckers have been existing pretty much the same for 100 million years, and their ancestors were older then the dinosaurs, older then most of the goddamn plantlife we have.
Evolution made a giant mouth that swims and eats things, patted its hands together and said, "Welp, that's done."
Like this. I know it isn't the ocean, but this is the shit I'm talking about. I guarantee you I would not be able to handle this situation, but seeing this just makes me want to dive into the mekong and get the sanity scared out of me by an irresponsibly large fish.
See, to me this fish isn't that sanity-threateningly scary because of the massive sadface it looks like it's pulling, but I understand what you mean.
I've always kind of wandered what would happen if you accidentally got caught in a basking shark's huge mouth and then it closed it, ever since I first saw a picture - it only eats tiny things, so would it spit you out? Or would you just be trapped in there?
The thing about the ocean is that it's basically like land, except it's way easier to jump and float around.
You know that if everything on land could easily just kick up and float around for a while in air then we'd have plenty of fucked up shit scaring us to death all around us, besides birds and insects.
The scariest parts of the ocean for me aren't even the things with lots of teeth. It's the fucking cnidarians. These ancient creatures who were like the first animals to evolve, and the only reason they're still around is because they have ridiculously poisonous stinging cells that can kill you in minutes. They're not even bilaterially symetical. And most of them are kind of invisible.
Y'know Box Jellyfish are pretty much the most lethal animals on the planet.
See, to me this fish isn't that sanity-threateningly scary because of the massive sadface it looks like it's pulling, but I understand what you mean.
I've always kind of wandered what would happen if you accidentally got caught in a basking shark's huge mouth and then it closed it, ever since I first saw a picture - it only eats tiny things, so would it spit you out? Or would you just be trapped in there?
I guess it would choke, if worst came to worst.
And yeah, I actually didn't think the catfish was scary, partially because the water it lives in is fresh and shallow. Plus it's just a catfish, and as big as it is it doesn't even really look like it's got teeth or even jaws to speak of. It would be kind of wild to see one, especially if it was right there, but if you knew what it was it would be "OH SHIT LOOK AT THAT!", while if I ran into a hundred-foot whale or whatever, I would just feel like "OH SHIT".
And yeah, I know whales don't hurt people but they freak me out. Sorry.
The thing about the ocean is that it's basically like land, except it's way easier to jump and float around.
You know that if everything on land could easily just kick up and float around for a while in air then we'd have plenty of fucked up shit scaring us to death all around us, besides birds and insects.
The scariest parts of the ocean for me aren't even the things with lots of teeth. It's the fucking cnidarians. These ancient creatures who were like the first animals to evolve, and the only reason they're still around is because they have ridiculously poisonous stinging cells that can kill you in minutes. They're not even bilaterially symetical. And most of them are kind of invisible.
Y'know Box Jellyfish are pretty much the most lethal animals on the planet.
And they hunt. They can see you...
So, I have to occasionally write children's books for my job. One of the books was about invertebrates. Each spread was supposed to have a "fun fact" about whatever animal it was about.
The fun fact for the jellyfish spread was "Fun fact: the sea wasp has the most poisonous sting of all animals. It can kill a human being in minutes!"
you do what he says, because if you don't, well. it's a gorilla.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
you do what he says, because if you don't, well. it's a gorilla.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
you do what he says, because if you don't, well. it's a gorilla.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
The gorilla.
I dunno, I mean I'm sure the gorilla would still be a lot stronger, but a human who's been well trained in something like judo might be able to negate that. I guess he'd have to know how to adapt to the different physiology of a gorilla, though.
you do what he says, because if you don't, well. it's a gorilla.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
The gorilla.
Undoubtedly. I think this should be a section in any sort of encyclopedia of animals, whether or not you could take one in a fight.
The issue is shit like judo is designed to be used against humans. If you grabbed the arm of a gorilla in order to do some judo shit, it would just throw you down. They don't really charge and punch like people do, they grab and crush.
you do what he says, because if you don't, well. it's a gorilla.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
The gorilla.
I dunno, I mean I'm sure the gorilla would still be a lot stronger, but a human who's been well trained in something like judo might be able to negate that. I guess he'd have to know how to adapt to the different physiology of a gorilla, though.
How are you able to hurt a six feet, five hundred pound gorilla who is about twenty times as strong as an average human with judo? It would just bash your face in and be done with it. Or rip your arms off.
you do what he says, because if you don't, well. it's a gorilla.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
The gorilla.
I dunno, I mean I'm sure the gorilla would still be a lot stronger, but a human who's been well trained in something like judo might be able to negate that. I guess he'd have to know how to adapt to the different physiology of a gorilla, though.
How are you able to hurt a six feet, five hundred pound gorilla who is about twenty times as strong as an average human with judo? It would just bash your face in and be done with it. Or rip your arms off.
Well the estimates I read were more like 5'5", 400 pounds, and maybe 5 times as strong as a really strong human. And my (limited) understanding of judo and other soft martial arts is that they're designed to use someone's strength against him, so they can certainly defeat a much stronger human. But, like BloodySloth mentioned, maybe the body of a Gorilla is different enough that it wouldn't work at all, or maybe they're just so much stronger that it can't be overcome.
Yeah, I think the way they handle their bodies is such that you couldn't really use their attacks to their own disadvantage. I'm sure you could still just kick it in the head if you were fast, but I'm not exactly confident at a human's abilities to K.O. a silverback. I think your legs would get tired before it got into any serious trouble. Plus, if it managed to grab your leg, you'd just be done.
Why are you so interested anyhow? Did you lose a bet or something and are now panickedly trying to find out if it is in fact possible to win in a fight with a gorilla?
You must have been really confident to make a wager like that.
Posts
I too have an almost paralyzing fear of the deep ocean. I'll swim off the beach but there is no way in hell you could convince me to do any distance swimming out there, and if I went scuba diving I would have to think about that shit long and hard, at least if the water was more than 20 or so feet deep. Even then the visibility would have to be perfect.
I mean for fuck's sake. Look at this shit.
You know what that means? It means you're fucked.
There are no walls in the ocean to shield you
and you are always
always
a slower swimmer then whatever is swimming behind you
trying to kill you
You remember that commercial a few years ago for Mountain dew, where the guy in the kayak starts to drink it and the whale sees him, and comes rushing up from the depths and just envelops him?
Laugh if you want to, but that commercial scared the living fuck out of me.
I'd demand a spear gun.
http://www.animalpicturesarchive.com/ArchOLD-2/1108997819.jpg
The hooded seal, one of the funniest looking animals.
Like this. I know it isn't the ocean, but this is the shit I'm talking about. I guarantee you I would not be able to handle this situation, but seeing this just makes me want to dive into the mekong and get the sanity scared out of me by an irresponsibly large fish.
Not only are manta rays not from this planet, I don't even think they're from this plane. Some kind of weird spelljammer shit going on.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4f/Yellow-eyed_Penguin_MC.jpg
The yellow eyed penguin looks like it would kill you if it could.
It's still got that whole pudgy cuteness thing going on.
EDIT: Fear candy
I love that even with all the gigantic shit dissappeared from land, the stuff in water just kept on growing. The Blue Whale is the largest animal that has ever existed. It's a gigantic middle finger to land. While land decided to make small hairless apes with really good brains, oceans just spent all that time perfecting it's murderous alien killing machines. Some it didn't even have to perfect, like sharks. Motherfuckers have been existing pretty much the same for 100 million years, and their ancestors were older then the dinosaurs, older then most of the goddamn plantlife we have.
It's like land was all "holy crap, look at me, I made an animal that can't fucking survive again, guess I need to develop it with fingers and shit. Why can't I ever get this right?". Humans are pretty much it's most successful creation, and it still neglected to give us any sort of natural defense mechanisms so we need to build crude spears and crap before we can tangle up with anything that isn't smaller then us.
Meanwhile, ocean was all "hmmm, I guess there's nothing more that I can do with my living blood-seeking missiles with super senses and mouth full of sharp teeth, guess I can go and make a crustacean with perfect eyesight and claw that can create goddamn shockwaves that are as powerful as bullets"
And air was fucking over both of them by creating sick, disgusting insects who do things that make even oceans turn on the lights to check if there isn't a fucking Emerald Jewel Wasp under their bed.
Honestly, I've always found that the single most scary thing. Not like "oh shit!" jump-back scary, but it's the thing I dream about when I'm afraid. Floating around being unable to see what's around you, and knowing that what is around you is just completely alien uuurgh it's awful. It may come from the fact that my grandparents have a cottage near a lake that due to pollution has vastly overgrown weeds everywhere that touch you and are slick and eeee and bad. Also has fucking giant pike because some crazy bastard thought "Hey. Hey, let's toss giant pike in this lake dudes. It's gonna make it more interesting!"
Precisely. I can just imagine floating in this blue abyss, and you turn around and there's some gigantic fucking wall of flesh gliding past you without a sound, and you see this big eye as large as your face regarding you with total indifference. Then it passes off into the murk, and you know it's there, but your stupid human eyesight can't penetrate the water. I know whales are more or less harmless, but that shit is scary, and awesome.
Although if the terrifying creatures of the deep made audible, inhuman screeching noises, roars, or even bird songs I think they would still be scary as hell.
EDIT: Whale song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo2bVbDtiX8
The Numbat (Myrmecobius fasciatus), also known as the Walpurti, is a small marsupial endemic to Western Australia.
The ocean may be full of weird wonderful and scary animals but remember it's a huge place. I wouldn't want anyone to be discouraged from swimming in the ocean, I recently went snorkeling in Hawaii in both shallow and deep water (80+feet) and I encountered spinner dolphins, colorful fish, sea turtles and one very small shark. Don't miss out on a wonderful experience.
(some colourful fish)
http://www.gingerjo.me.uk/daytrips/images/fish-01.jpg
The Basking Shark is pretty harmless though. It's a filter feeder. Unless there's stories of those guys getting all.....evil.
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It just keeps going forever and ever.
You really couldn't pay me to go in the ocean. I don't even like swimming in lakes. Can I see the bottom? No? Fuck this shit.
You know that if everything on land could easily just kick up and float around for a while in air then we'd have plenty of fucked up shit scaring us to death all around us, besides birds and insects.
The scariest parts of the ocean for me aren't even the things with lots of teeth. It's the fucking cnidarians. These ancient creatures who were like the first animals to evolve, and the only reason they're still around is because they have ridiculously poisonous stinging cells that can kill you in minutes. They're not even bilaterially symetical. And most of them are kind of invisible.
"My precious..."
They have fingers like that to root out grubs from bark. Sadly, people tend to kill these animals because of the superstitions attached to them.
Someone mention olms before:
Small and harmless, these blind salamanders feed on insects and crustaceans. Their slow metabolism is an adaptation for cave life. In early times people thought they were dragon young.
Evolution made a giant mouth that swims and eats things, patted its hands together and said, "Welp, that's done."
See, to me this fish isn't that sanity-threateningly scary because of the massive sadface it looks like it's pulling, but I understand what you mean.
I've always kind of wandered what would happen if you accidentally got caught in a basking shark's huge mouth and then it closed it, ever since I first saw a picture - it only eats tiny things, so would it spit you out? Or would you just be trapped in there?
Y'know Box Jellyfish are pretty much the most lethal animals on the planet.
And they hunt. They can see you...
And yeah, I actually didn't think the catfish was scary, partially because the water it lives in is fresh and shallow. Plus it's just a catfish, and as big as it is it doesn't even really look like it's got teeth or even jaws to speak of. It would be kind of wild to see one, especially if it was right there, but if you knew what it was it would be "OH SHIT LOOK AT THAT!", while if I ran into a hundred-foot whale or whatever, I would just feel like "OH SHIT".
And yeah, I know whales don't hurt people but they freak me out. Sorry.
The fun fact for the jellyfish spread was "Fun fact: the sea wasp has the most poisonous sting of all animals. It can kill a human being in minutes!"
My goal at work is to terrify children.
So I was reading this, and i thought of a really stupid question. What if you put a really big, strong, human who is also an expert in martial arts, into the cage with an average gorilla. Who would win?
I dunno, I mean I'm sure the gorilla would still be a lot stronger, but a human who's been well trained in something like judo might be able to negate that. I guess he'd have to know how to adapt to the different physiology of a gorilla, though.
Undoubtedly. I think this should be a section in any sort of encyclopedia of animals, whether or not you could take one in a fight.
How are you able to hurt a six feet, five hundred pound gorilla who is about twenty times as strong as an average human with judo? It would just bash your face in and be done with it. Or rip your arms off.
You must have been really confident to make a wager like that.
It did not end well at all.