A common figure I've heard is that a chimpanzee is about 5 times stronger than a human, though what this information is based on, I have no idea. Common sense would dictate that an adult gorilla would be able beat the living shit out of a chimpanzee, if we're just judging by apparent brute strength.
This guy didn't get anything ripped off, as far as I know, but he still came out of it a lot worse off.
Here's the Chimp Fight Club story. It's a wall of text, but I feel like it should be told.
A long time ago - I think maybe around 1960 or so - either the circus or the county fair had hit town. Summertime, hot, humid. Obviously there wasn't a lot else to do. I don't know how many of you have lived in really small towns before, but if you have you'll know the sort of scene I'm talking about. Everybody gets extremely drunk, then tries to either get laid or get in a fight. Lots of people drinking liquor straight from the bottles. The fair itself looks like something out of some crazy acid trip - drag races with chopped up cars, demolition derbies, everything motorized and spewing off smoke, while hundreds of crazy drunk people stand on old peeling wooden bleachers and scream at the sky. It's heavy.
As I said, at these events there's a constant current of barely-restrained violence. All these dudes that are fucked up want to beat the shit out of somebody and will look for practically any reason to do it. Pretty much anything can set them off. Given that, it's not surprising that some of the carnies decided to make some money off of this, where guys could bet on who would win given fights. One year, somebody decided to get a little creative with it. Instead of your typical barroom brawl, they decided they'd let people fight one of their circus apes.
Now, this sounds extremely cruel and illegal, and it is. However, you have to keep in mind that this was around fifty years ago, functionally in the middle of nowhere, in an atmosphere where people were beating the shit out of each other on a nightly basis anyway. Most of the carnies were ex-cons or guys on the run from the law with records as long as your arm. Most of the locals thought nothing of keeping a gun in the truck in case they needed to blow somebody's head off. Needless to say, animal rights were unheard of. Of course, it was still very illegal to schedule a fight between a man and a chimp, so by necessity the "arena" would have been hidden.
Eventually somebody took the carnies up on their offer. The guy was huge; big, broad, the kind of dude you imagine hauling around whole engine blocks on each shoulder. Mean. Surely, everybody said, you're not afraid of a little monkey, are you?
It's a crazy scene for me to imagine - dozens, maybe hundreds of guys all crammed in this tight space around the fenced-in cage, trying to watch, every one of them drunk and sweaty and screaming. I'm sure the chimp was vicious and malnourished. Chimps are very intelligent and emotional animals; this one had been raised, maybe from birth, in a caged-in world where people abused it, mistreated it, inflicted pain on it just because they could do it. I can't imagine what a human would turn out like under those circumstances, but I know it wouldn't be pleasant. This chimp was probably the equivalent of somebody with the worst case of PTSD in the world with an extreme violent streak and super strength for good measure.
Nonetheless, the big dude agrees to do it.
They open up the cage and shove him in, and shut the gates back. The guy runs across the cage and drop-kicks the chimp. As stout as chimps are, they aren't very heavy, and this one was probably undernourished anyway. It went flying across the cage and hit the bars on the other end.
The dude's feeling pretty cocky now, so he goes to try to follow up and the chimp jumps on him, screeching and screaming. The crowd goes crazy but the chimp grabs his neck, beating him with its arms and pulls him down to the ground; its strength was apparently unbelievable. Then it starts to get ugly.
As I said, this wasn't the sort of place that took good care of its animals (obviously). The cage was covered in shit, particularly in one corner. The guy is down on the ground now but he can't get the chimp off of him; he's four times more massive than it is and about 1/4 as strong. The chimp starts dragging him across the cage floor by his neck. Toward the pile of shit.
The chimp gets over there, rubbing the guys face in this huge pile of chimp shit. He can't do anything to stop it, it's got him pinned down by his neck and he can't pull himself up. Its grip is like a vice. Eventually, I think a couple of dudes had to rush in and pull him out by his legs; otherwise he might have drowned in chimp shit.
So, whoever thought it might be possible to fight a gorilla... no. It's not. You can't fight a gorilla or a chimp any more than you could fight a rhinocerous or a bengal tiger or a mack truck.
So not to go back to the terrifying Ocean, but that giant worm I posted? Its fucking scary because I have HUNDEREDS of them in my LIVING ROOM.
The weirdest thing about the ocean and fish - and something I've always wondered about PEOPLE - is the fact that shit just kinda stops growing when it has to. Like, they have reccomended tank sizes for animals and stuff, but things like that worm, it will never (oh god I hope) get to 4 feet in my living room. Somehow, it knows it doesn't have the space, so it stays at 3-4 inches. And the fish grow a decent size, but never as big as the wild because I don't have unlimited space. I've always wondered how that works - like if a person was forced to grow up in a small space, would they stop growing?
But anyways yeah. I went home on lunch and shut off my fishtank light, and before I left I took a flashlight to it. And there was a worm on a rock. I am hoping he's using his alien worm brain powers to radio the Ocean.
"He is treating me well. Spare him if he wanders too close to our base..."
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The chimps chewed off most of Davis’ face, tore off his foot and attacked his limbs and genitals. Davis was transported to Loma Linda University Medical Center, where he had surgery late Thursday night.
Don't fuck with chimps.
Edit:
As St. James confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp — also a male, this one older and bigger — bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced. One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James's right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James's nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James's fingers. In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James's face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James's skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James's mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth. St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal's throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn't get it out.
Also, this is the video that made my ocean fear permanant. This is why I don't trust ANYTHING in the ocean. People say "Oh that fish is harmless." SHUT UP. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
This video is PROOF that we know nothing. "Oh hey, we thought this shark was EXTINCT. DEAD FOREVER. And then one day ONE JUST SWAM UP. They're not even supposed to be able to SURVIVE at this depth, but he just swam up, as if to say -- WE ARE NOT DEAD."
I am spoilering the video because the frame it's on is fucking creepy.
Also, this is the video that made my ocean fear permanant. This is why I don't trust ANYTHING in the ocean. People say "Oh that fish is harmless." SHUT UP. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
This video is PROOF that we know nothing. "Oh hey, we thought this shark was EXTINCT. DEAD FOREVER. And then one day ONE JUST SWAM UP. They're not even supposed to be able to SURVIVE at this depth, but he just swam up, as if to say -- WE ARE NOT DEAD."
I am spoilering the video because the frame it's on is fucking creepy.
The media's engaging with some exaggeration there. Frilled sharks are an ancient species that have remained unchanged for a while, but they ain't colecanths.
The Hairy Angler (Caulophryne polynema) is an ocean fish, and was first discovered by a BBC film crew while creating the documentary series The Blue Planet.
The female is about the size of a football and its body is covered in long antennae, which it uses to detect the movements of any prey nearby. The male is a tenth the size; about the size of a ping pong ball.
The Hairy Angler has an expanding stomach so that it is capable of eating other fish bigger than itself — due to the scarcity of passing food.
It lives in the dark zone, over 1000 metres (3,300 feet) below the surface of the ocean, so although its skin is red, this will actually render it invisible, as red light does not exist at this depth.
Very little is known about the Hairy Angler. It is also worth noting that as it lives at such a great depth, its habitat has yet to be explored properly.
The chimps chewed off most of Davis’ face, tore off his foot and attacked his limbs and genitals. Davis was transported to Loma Linda University Medical Center, where he had surgery late Thursday night.
Don't fuck with chimps.
Edit:
As St. James confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp — also a male, this one older and bigger — bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced. One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James's right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James's nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James's fingers. In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James's face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James's skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James's mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth. St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal's throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn't get it out.
I often wonder if deep sea research subs are just going around permanently blinding all these innocent animals by shining giant white spotlights directly at their faces in a place where light generally doesn't even exist in large qualities.
I bought a pack that has Planet Earth and The Blue Planet together for cheap at Amazon - its fucking AMAZING. It blows my mind when theyre like "This is a tuna fish. And we'll go deeper. A deep sea shark! And deeper! This...um, no idea what the fuck this is. The is the first time ANYONE has ever seen this."
There's something in that doc called like a sasquach crab or something that has hairy legs. It's not scary and it's awesome.
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I often wonder if deep sea research subs are just going around permanently blinding all these innocent animals by shining giant white spotlights directly at their faces in a place where light generally doesn't even exist in large qualities.
Do those animals look innocent to you?
Best angler fish:
The unusual jaw mechanism and esca of Thaumatichthys has been described as a "living mouse-trap with bait". The premaxillaries on either side of the upper jaw are able to rotate nearly 180° down to trap prey attracted by the luminescent lure; this closing action is effected by large, extremely well-developed upper jaw muscles. Muscles in the illicium allow the esca to be swung forward and backward, so as to better entice prey inside the mouth. The upper jaw mechanism enables prey to be captured without the lower jaw, which can remain moving for the purposes of respiration. QUOTE]Someone explain this to me in English.
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DomhnallMinty D. Vision!ScotlandRegistered Userregular
edited April 2009
I am never going to go near a monkey ever. Ever.
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I often wonder if deep sea research subs are just going around permanently blinding all these innocent animals by shining giant white spotlights directly at their faces in a place where light generally doesn't even exist in large qualities.
Do those animals look innocent to you?
Best angler fish:
The unusual jaw mechanism and esca of Thaumatichthys has been described as a "living mouse-trap with bait". The premaxillaries on either side of the upper jaw are able to rotate nearly 180° down to trap prey attracted by the luminescent lure; this closing action is effected by large, extremely well-developed upper jaw muscles. Muscles in the illicium allow the esca to be swung forward and backward, so as to better entice prey inside the mouth. The upper jaw mechanism enables prey to be captured without the lower jaw, which can remain moving for the purposes of respiration. QUOTE]Someone explain this to me in English.
Eesh. I think I saw one of those in the movie version of The Wall.
I'd be just swimming along and I dive underneath a few yards and OHHHH FUCK. I know it's a deep sea creature, but when I'm over the ocean on a boat I can't help but think: Something like that is right underneath me.
Cloverfield made my ocean fear 99% worse. Watching that documentary The Deep Sea, it ended and I was floored by the amount we HAVE NEVER SEEN and know NOTHING about. We're all concerned with the moon and mars, yet we haven't even mastered the ocean floor.
If that rock salamander can live 10 years without food, in some deep ocean trench, Cloverfield monster is starting to get a little hungry...
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Their blood is transparent because they have no hemoglobin and/or only defunct erythrocytes. Their metabolism relies only on the oxygen dissolved in the liquid blood, which is believed to be absorbed directly through the skin from the water. This works because water can dissolve the most oxygen when it is coldest.Also, their muscles (except the heart muscle) lack myoglobin. These extraordinary properties seem to be an adaptation to the extreme cold of their habitat. (Note that water temperature can drop below 0 °C (the freezing point of freshwater) in the Antarctic sea, but, on the other hand, stays rather constant.)
Channichthyidae are the only known vertebrates without hemoglobin. While they don't use hemoglobin anymore, remnants of hemoglobin genes can be found in their genome. For a discussion of the discovery, genetic analysis and evolutionary implications of this condition, see the first chapter of Sean B. Carroll's book The Making of the Fittest.[1]
It's a glass catfish, and they rule. I have like 3 in my tank, and the hang together. When you feed them, you can see the food in the stomach - every one of the organs is balled up right there behind the head, so he literally will swallow the food, and it travels about a centemeter and sits in the stomach. They're awesome.
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Another transparent animal - Ghost Shrimp! I bought one of these guys as a feeder for my red claw crabs, but they just left her alone and now she's a permanent feature of the tank.
Thalassinidea is an infraorder of decapod crustaceans that live in burrows in muddy bottoms of the world's oceans. In Australian English, the littoral thalassinidean Trypaea australiensis is referred to as the yabby[1] (a term which also refers to freshwater crayfish of the genus Cherax), frequently used as bait for estuarine fishing; elsewhere, however, they are poorly known, and as such have few vernacular names, "mud lobster" and "ghost shrimp" counting among them.
Orangutans really do look like a pile of old brown laundry.
A pile of laundry that can lift 500 pounds with one hand. This is not an exaggeration. Apparently a female orangutan was seen to do this when angry once, in a zoo.
edit: i don't think any strength tests have been performed with gorillas to any precision, but given that there are gorillas that approach ten feet in height if they were to stand up straight, I'm going to guess that their ability to lift is measured in tons. I am willing to guess that an adult male silverback could easily flip over a car or truck.
Using judo on a gorilla would not work because their arms are too long. Try shoulder throwing something with an arm that's five feet long. Besides this, they weigh four hundred pounds. You can try to lever them over your hip, but all they have to do is lift their arm. Their mass gives them automatic leverage. Martial arts grappling works because it allows humans to use the enemy's body and their own as leverage, giving them superiority. A gorilla's standard leverage based on mass, combined with their strength, makes that completely useless.
That and they could easily bite you to death, or bearhug you or grab your head and crush it exactly as easily as I would crush a bird's.
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Saint JusticeMercenaryMah-vel Baybee!!!Registered Userregular
edited April 2009
Sharks are pretty awesome. Always thought they were badass since they've outlasted the dinosaurs.
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Also, a chimpanzee is 7 times as strong as an adult human. Who the fuck knows how strong a gorilla is.
Edit: though the human could probably beat the gorilla if he had time to prepare.
God created guns for a reason.
He'll call for help from Bat-Ape.
http://superdickery.com/index.php?view=article&catid=29%3Aconfounding-comic-covers-index&id=1021%3Abat-ape&option=com_content&Itemid=24
Here's the Chimp Fight Club story. It's a wall of text, but I feel like it should be told.
As I said, at these events there's a constant current of barely-restrained violence. All these dudes that are fucked up want to beat the shit out of somebody and will look for practically any reason to do it. Pretty much anything can set them off. Given that, it's not surprising that some of the carnies decided to make some money off of this, where guys could bet on who would win given fights. One year, somebody decided to get a little creative with it. Instead of your typical barroom brawl, they decided they'd let people fight one of their circus apes.
Now, this sounds extremely cruel and illegal, and it is. However, you have to keep in mind that this was around fifty years ago, functionally in the middle of nowhere, in an atmosphere where people were beating the shit out of each other on a nightly basis anyway. Most of the carnies were ex-cons or guys on the run from the law with records as long as your arm. Most of the locals thought nothing of keeping a gun in the truck in case they needed to blow somebody's head off. Needless to say, animal rights were unheard of. Of course, it was still very illegal to schedule a fight between a man and a chimp, so by necessity the "arena" would have been hidden.
Eventually somebody took the carnies up on their offer. The guy was huge; big, broad, the kind of dude you imagine hauling around whole engine blocks on each shoulder. Mean. Surely, everybody said, you're not afraid of a little monkey, are you?
It's a crazy scene for me to imagine - dozens, maybe hundreds of guys all crammed in this tight space around the fenced-in cage, trying to watch, every one of them drunk and sweaty and screaming. I'm sure the chimp was vicious and malnourished. Chimps are very intelligent and emotional animals; this one had been raised, maybe from birth, in a caged-in world where people abused it, mistreated it, inflicted pain on it just because they could do it. I can't imagine what a human would turn out like under those circumstances, but I know it wouldn't be pleasant. This chimp was probably the equivalent of somebody with the worst case of PTSD in the world with an extreme violent streak and super strength for good measure.
Nonetheless, the big dude agrees to do it.
They open up the cage and shove him in, and shut the gates back. The guy runs across the cage and drop-kicks the chimp. As stout as chimps are, they aren't very heavy, and this one was probably undernourished anyway. It went flying across the cage and hit the bars on the other end.
The dude's feeling pretty cocky now, so he goes to try to follow up and the chimp jumps on him, screeching and screaming. The crowd goes crazy but the chimp grabs his neck, beating him with its arms and pulls him down to the ground; its strength was apparently unbelievable. Then it starts to get ugly.
As I said, this wasn't the sort of place that took good care of its animals (obviously). The cage was covered in shit, particularly in one corner. The guy is down on the ground now but he can't get the chimp off of him; he's four times more massive than it is and about 1/4 as strong. The chimp starts dragging him across the cage floor by his neck. Toward the pile of shit.
The chimp gets over there, rubbing the guys face in this huge pile of chimp shit. He can't do anything to stop it, it's got him pinned down by his neck and he can't pull himself up. Its grip is like a vice. Eventually, I think a couple of dudes had to rush in and pull him out by his legs; otherwise he might have drowned in chimp shit.
So, whoever thought it might be possible to fight a gorilla... no. It's not. You can't fight a gorilla or a chimp any more than you could fight a rhinocerous or a bengal tiger or a mack truck.
The weirdest thing about the ocean and fish - and something I've always wondered about PEOPLE - is the fact that shit just kinda stops growing when it has to. Like, they have reccomended tank sizes for animals and stuff, but things like that worm, it will never (oh god I hope) get to 4 feet in my living room. Somehow, it knows it doesn't have the space, so it stays at 3-4 inches. And the fish grow a decent size, but never as big as the wild because I don't have unlimited space. I've always wondered how that works - like if a person was forced to grow up in a small space, would they stop growing?
But anyways yeah. I went home on lunch and shut off my fishtank light, and before I left I took a flashlight to it. And there was a worm on a rock. I am hoping he's using his alien worm brain powers to radio the Ocean.
"He is treating me well. Spare him if he wanders too close to our base..."
Edit:
And the above story almost made me throw up.
Also, this is the video that made my ocean fear permanant. This is why I don't trust ANYTHING in the ocean. People say "Oh that fish is harmless." SHUT UP. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
This video is PROOF that we know nothing. "Oh hey, we thought this shark was EXTINCT. DEAD FOREVER. And then one day ONE JUST SWAM UP. They're not even supposed to be able to SURVIVE at this depth, but he just swam up, as if to say -- WE ARE NOT DEAD."
I am spoilering the video because the frame it's on is fucking creepy.
The media's engaging with some exaggeration there. Frilled sharks are an ancient species that have remained unchanged for a while, but they ain't colecanths.
Those are gills.
That's horrifying, but the circumstances that led to that attack are straight-up depressing. It's seriously one of the saddest animal stories I've ever read.
There's something in that doc called like a sasquach crab or something that has hairy legs. It's not scary and it's awesome.
Do those animals look innocent to you?
Best angler fish:
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Also, the whole fear of the ocean thing. The sea monster that would make me shit my pants and make my heart explode would be this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkUQt2QWz7s
I'd be just swimming along and I dive underneath a few yards and OHHHH FUCK. I know it's a deep sea creature, but when I'm over the ocean on a boat I can't help but think: Something like that is right underneath me.
If that rock salamander can live 10 years without food, in some deep ocean trench, Cloverfield monster is starting to get a little hungry...
crocodile icefish:
Other photos of adults:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ovJS1Em-6dg/RioNS9oDKSI/AAAAAAAAG1U/n9-YcjdXVKg/s400/tranaparentFish1.jpg
http://billeder-billedbasen.emu.dk/annotated/9E/9E/10880.jpg
It's a glass catfish, and they rule. I have like 3 in my tank, and the hang together. When you feed them, you can see the food in the stomach - every one of the organs is balled up right there behind the head, so he literally will swallow the food, and it travels about a centemeter and sits in the stomach. They're awesome.
We've discussed chimpanzees and gorillas at length, but I don't think anybody mentioned their cousins, the often neglected and endangered orangutan.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalassinidea
It looks freakier:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cb/Upogebia_deltaura.jpg
A pile of laundry that can lift 500 pounds with one hand. This is not an exaggeration. Apparently a female orangutan was seen to do this when angry once, in a zoo.
edit: i don't think any strength tests have been performed with gorillas to any precision, but given that there are gorillas that approach ten feet in height if they were to stand up straight, I'm going to guess that their ability to lift is measured in tons. I am willing to guess that an adult male silverback could easily flip over a car or truck.
Using judo on a gorilla would not work because their arms are too long. Try shoulder throwing something with an arm that's five feet long. Besides this, they weigh four hundred pounds. You can try to lever them over your hip, but all they have to do is lift their arm. Their mass gives them automatic leverage. Martial arts grappling works because it allows humans to use the enemy's body and their own as leverage, giving them superiority. A gorilla's standard leverage based on mass, combined with their strength, makes that completely useless.
That and they could easily bite you to death, or bearhug you or grab your head and crush it exactly as easily as I would crush a bird's.
That looks fantastic and bizare. Very cool.