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FB: Scrumtrulescent vs Butler
Larlar
consecutive normal brunchesModerator, ClubPA mod
consecutive normal brunchesModerator, ClubPA mod
Scrumtrulescent
Butler:
For my battle I have chosen the oft-neglected medium of Phoenix Wright fanfic epic poetry.
Round One: Scrumtrulescent-Jacks-Off-To-Pictures-Of-Baklava Turnabout
In a courtroom, three were present
Butler, Judge and Scrumtrulescent
There to find the victor true
Of battle six of thirty two
Said Judge: “Each man shall plead his case
Right here, right now, and face to face
And when both sides have said and done
It falls to me to choose who’s won!â€
So: Scrumtrulescent argued first
Or rather, bitched till fit to burst
He called brave Butler “Thief!†and “Whore!â€
“A pederast!†and “Manticore!â€*
He ranted, pointed, screamed and bellowed –
The wallpaper peeled, curled and yellowed!
The scope of this invective bender?
Think half Dynagrip, half Defender
So stunned was Judge by all this blue
He broke his oath from stanza two
“The victory’s clearly Scrum’s,†he said
And raised the gavel ‘bove his head
But lo! From Butler’s mouth did fire
(In a voice that would inspire
In the straightest man, erection)
A single word – it was…
“OBJEGGTION!â€
He smote his fist upon the table,
Cried out, “Judge! You are not able
To grant victory to this sucker –
He’s nothing but a pastry fucker!â€
Scrum’s face turned white, his eyes grew large
He squeaked, “You cannot prove this charge!â€
Nodding, Judge agreed with him
“You must give proof of crimes so grim.â€
Butler reached into his jacket
And from it, drew a slender packet
With his teeth, he tore it open
And pulled out next month’s “Pastry Pokin’â€
“This magazine is Scrum’s subscription;
Suffice that not for his conviction,
Let this strip doubt’s last particle…
HE WROTE THE FEATURE ARTICLE!†**
Judge only gaped while Scrummy shook
He’d never wriggle off this hook
His innocent façade eroded,
He let a scream:
“Nnn…
“Nnnnnn…
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTSSSSS!!!!!
“SNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRB!!!!!!!!!!!!
“BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPAAAAAAPAAAAAAPAAPAAAPAPAPAPAPPAPAPAPA!!!
… and then exploded.
And so wise Butler’d won the battle,
In spite of Scrummy’s vicious prattle
With typical good grace and nous,
He swept to Judge a single bow
But, just as Butler turned to leave,
He felt a tug upon his sleeve
He turned, and Judge was standing there
Buck-naked save for facial hair
Said Judge, “My work’s done for the day,
But now it’s time for Judge to play!
So, to my chambers! shake a leg!
And bring with you that hard boiled egg!â€
THE END…?
* I don’t know why Scrumtrulescent thought this was an insult. Perhaps his parents never loved him enough to teach him classical mythology.
** “Choux vs. Filo – which is the smoother ride? We took both for a road test at a Motel 6 in Detroit – and you won’t believe the results!â€
Butler:
For my battle I have chosen the oft-neglected medium of Phoenix Wright fanfic epic poetry.
Round One: Scrumtrulescent-Jacks-Off-To-Pictures-Of-Baklava Turnabout
In a courtroom, three were present
Butler, Judge and Scrumtrulescent
There to find the victor true
Of battle six of thirty two
Said Judge: “Each man shall plead his case
Right here, right now, and face to face
And when both sides have said and done
It falls to me to choose who’s won!â€
So: Scrumtrulescent argued first
Or rather, bitched till fit to burst
He called brave Butler “Thief!†and “Whore!â€
“A pederast!†and “Manticore!â€*
He ranted, pointed, screamed and bellowed –
The wallpaper peeled, curled and yellowed!
The scope of this invective bender?
Think half Dynagrip, half Defender
So stunned was Judge by all this blue
He broke his oath from stanza two
“The victory’s clearly Scrum’s,†he said
And raised the gavel ‘bove his head
But lo! From Butler’s mouth did fire
(In a voice that would inspire
In the straightest man, erection)
A single word – it was…
“OBJEGGTION!â€
He smote his fist upon the table,
Cried out, “Judge! You are not able
To grant victory to this sucker –
He’s nothing but a pastry fucker!â€
Scrum’s face turned white, his eyes grew large
He squeaked, “You cannot prove this charge!â€
Nodding, Judge agreed with him
“You must give proof of crimes so grim.â€
Butler reached into his jacket
And from it, drew a slender packet
With his teeth, he tore it open
And pulled out next month’s “Pastry Pokin’â€
“This magazine is Scrum’s subscription;
Suffice that not for his conviction,
Let this strip doubt’s last particle…
HE WROTE THE FEATURE ARTICLE!†**
Judge only gaped while Scrummy shook
He’d never wriggle off this hook
His innocent façade eroded,
He let a scream:
“Nnn…
“Nnnnnn…
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTSSSSS!!!!!
“SNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRB!!!!!!!!!!!!
“BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPAAAAAAPAAAAAAPAAPAAAPAPAPAPAPPAPAPAPA!!!
… and then exploded.
And so wise Butler’d won the battle,
In spite of Scrummy’s vicious prattle
With typical good grace and nous,
He swept to Judge a single bow
But, just as Butler turned to leave,
He felt a tug upon his sleeve
He turned, and Judge was standing there
Buck-naked save for facial hair
Said Judge, “My work’s done for the day,
But now it’s time for Judge to play!
So, to my chambers! shake a leg!
And bring with you that hard boiled egg!â€
THE END…?
* I don’t know why Scrumtrulescent thought this was an insult. Perhaps his parents never loved him enough to teach him classical mythology.
** “Choux vs. Filo – which is the smoother ride? We took both for a road test at a Motel 6 in Detroit – and you won’t believe the results!â€
Larlar on
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also Butler gets my vote for the "snuuurb"
good show
it just looks better
Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
That was great.
Secret Satan
Vote for my film! (watching it is also an option)
wii friend code: 7623 9955 2119 1775
Very well done, Butler.
scrum, you ave dissapointed
and then i saw the other one
and reading was not necessary to determine a winner
If he just does it again it'll be anticlimactic
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Jordan of Elienor, Human Shaman
This is like when in street fighter tournaments
one dude throws a super,
and it's blocked,
and then the other dude pulls out some crazy-ass combo for massive damage.
and the crowd totally shits themselves, it's so awesome.
Seriously, butler, that was totally like flawless victoly right there, man.
But damn did it earn that vote
Pretty damn rad.
can i have sloppy seconds?
STEAM!
That's all I needed to hear. Butler all the way.
PK: Have you played Phoenix Wright? It's kind of a parody of that. Like, when you're cross-examing someone, and you finally trap them into admitting their guilt, they give these incredibly over-the-top dragonball-z screams where you think they're going to vomit blood and die right there on the stand. That's kind of what was going on in the eleventh stanza with all that SNUUUURB stuff.
FOOT SWEATERS
Bravo.
i hate it almost as much as the "hahaha you had steak for dinner now your farts smell like super concentrate death" bug
Guess who I'm on about?!
It's true.