medical tricorder tweedle “Well shit, son, looks like you’ve got a fatal case of Promelian Famous Dad Syndrome. Usual prognosis is full exsanguination by some kinda ritually-significant edged weapon, usually before the patient’s 34th birthday.”
“C-can you do anything?”
“Wanna get really, and I mean way more than ever before in your life, really drunk?”
“In that case, nothing I can do, no.”
Stabbed by a knife eh? That's bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha!