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Mr & Mrs Strangelove, or How I learned to stop worrying... and eloped!
Fallingman
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
H/A
So, I came here for some good old fashioned anonymous advice when I proposed to my fiance. (Paris for those interested... Actually - seen GI Joe? You know when the Eiffel tower fell? We'd have been screwed!)
So, we're happy. Like, stupid happy. We've moved countries, found jobs, house by the beach, 2 kittens - we're set. I mention this only because we're actually talking about scary stuff like kids now. After a while, we realised that we're putting off the marriage and subsequently our lives because of considerations for other people and their attendance of our wedding.
So the other day, this happens:
Her: I wish I could marry you sooner. I dont care about the perfect wedding any more.
Me: If I thought that you really meant that, I'd book a ticket, fly us to a pacific island and we'd be married by next week.
Her: ... OK.
So, the conversation continued to the idea of us bringing forward the wedding to early next year, and taking a small group of people to somewhere like Fiji or Rarotonga etc and getting married.
Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?
[Also, part of this exploratory exercise is me making sure that this is really what she wants... Just in case anyone's concerned]
So, I came here for some good old fashioned anonymous advice when I proposed to my fiance. (Paris for those interested... Actually - seen GI Joe? You know when the Eiffel tower fell? We'd have been screwed!)
So, we're happy. Like, stupid happy. We've moved countries, found jobs, house by the beach, 2 kittens - we're set. I mention this only because we're actually talking about scary stuff like kids now. After a while, we realised that we're putting off the marriage and subsequently our lives because of considerations for other people and their attendance of our wedding.
So the other day, this happens:
Her: I wish I could marry you sooner. I dont care about the perfect wedding any more.
Me: If I thought that you really meant that, I'd book a ticket, fly us to a pacific island and we'd be married by next week.
Her: ... OK.
So, the conversation continued to the idea of us bringing forward the wedding to early next year, and taking a small group of people to somewhere like Fiji or Rarotonga etc and getting married.
Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?
[Also, part of this exploratory exercise is me making sure that this is really what she wants... Just in case anyone's concerned]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Fallingman on
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This place in brazil looked amazing (and expensive)
http://www.coolhunting.com/archives/2009/05/ponta_dos_ganch.php
This place in Indonesia looks cool (not sure of price though)
http://www.theelysian.com/image-gallery/index.html
<forgetting sarah marshall>Oh, wedding in Hawaii! Real original!</>
seriously though... having just gone there for a wedding, a quiet ceremony at the beach at sunset surrounded by tikki torches is fucking amazing
I think that Brazil might be too far away unfortunately, and I'm trying to avoid places too "resorty".
You know the type... Walled in places, all you can eat buffets, that awful "entertainment" in the evenings... Ugh.
Hmmm. I might look into Hawaii.
Sure, parents, other family, and friends aren't too happy. But it was a hell of a lot easier on us, and that's what matters. We're throwing an after wedding party so we can still see everyone, but the pressure is pretty much off.
It's super chill, there's usually only around 20 guests on the island, they treat you like a vip but it's not a 5 star resort or anything, very laid back fiji style. I highly recommend it, or similar. There was an even mix of new zealanders, australians and americans there, everyone was nice and relaxed.
i always thought this would be much less of a problem for an international wedding. being in the position of possibly needing to get married on neutral turf between our respective homelands, my girlfriend and i generally figured we'd need to invite heaps of people just to get a modest number of attendees - if only because a slim percentage would be able to manage it
Um.
You're in NEW ZEALAND.
One of the most beautiful countries on earth.
And you're telling me you can't find somewhere there to get married?
My wife and I lived there for over just 4.5 years and had our wedding north of Auckland at Wenderholm regional park - just us, the celebrant and about 20 guests total.
Seriously - there are so many amazing places you could take advantage of... without having to worry about the civil unrest or other issues in Fiji etc.
I like this idea.
They may not be able to afford to go, but at the very least give them the option (and the time to plan ahead) to accompany you.
Satans..... hints.....
This.
Also, don't worry about everyone being there. Just pick the spot, pick the date, and send out the invites. If you're talking about early next year, that's plenty of time to plan an international trip, and most of the guests who care to go will make sure they can make it. Not everyone, but that's the case with most weddings and it's just something that you need to accept. You'll have a bunch of people there, and you can celebrate with the people who couldn't make it at some later date.
You could have the ceremony on the seashore, or at the foot of one of those bigass mountains you've got over there, or at a winery, or a plain undecorated church. The reception can be a picnic, a cookout with burgers and beers, in your own back yard, or just a table at a restaurant if you've got a small group. It can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it, and since you've gone from big perfect wedding to considering eloping, it sounds like you've got the whole spectrum to choose from. As long as you're married at the end of the day, the wedding was a success. (Additional measurements for success may include having some number of people you love there with you, and everyone getting drunk.)
I know what you mean.
Our plan was actually to get married on the beach in NZ.
The decision to get away from NZ is more to do with making the day ours, as opposed to "Hey, wouldn't Rarotonga (wherever) be nicer?"
Well, you've kind of hit the nail on the head here - though perhaps not in the way you intended.
We're from different cultures, one being particularly disapproving of the whole situation. Even going to far as to say "Oh well, you wont be able to have a proper wedding". On top of that, it's actually quite important for us not to have a "proper" wedding (as they mean it), because our relationship is all about the two of us coming from different places but finding each other anyway. We're not about to favour one culture over the other.
Now, I can swallow my pride for the sake of making the day hers - that's my job - but the problem is that she started freaking out about the smallest detail and how people will disapprove and say "I told you so". Family members, it should be noted, that have a long proud history of not being there for her or her mother when they needed them in the past.
When we spoke about it, we realised that its making the whole thing quite unenjoyable. It's our day and we're taking it back. We're "eloping" in a fairly loose sense of the word, we're still having 15-20 of our nearest and dearest there - and we'd much rather spend the money on helping these people have a holiday than on, say, flower arrangements and limos.
Anyone that wants to help celebrate the day is more than welcome. Those people that would turn up a) because they felt like they had to, or b) to be able to disapprove - well they can either fuck off, or who knows, maybe have a nice holiday and enjoy themselves.
Ahhhhh - gotcha.
Makes perfect sense in that regard then.
I wouldn't throw the "getting married on the beach in NZ" idea away though - that's still pretty epic.
Of course, I'm biased given that's basically what my wedding was
Fly to Queenstown. Take a helicopter up to the Remarkables. Get married.
Don't like heights? Get married next to a waterfall in the Milford Sound. Or how about Nelson - the Marlborough Sounds are beautiful.
Don't like the South Island (ARE YOU CRAZY?!) then head to the Bay of Islands.
Edit - Never mind I suppose - just saw the response! But still man... God I wish I was down there right now. So far away!
I appreciate the NZ love.
I've just come back from six years living in London...
I understand...
I understand.
Still, it just seems lazy to elope somewhere a few hours drive away ;-)
That excuse is NOT valid for use by residents of New Zealand.
Please try another.
Tell your family you want to, and are going to have an ultra-simplified wedding. This means XXX and no YYY then tell them the wedding date location and guest list.
Remember here the problem is that you feel you have lost control of your wedding the main thing here is to take control of it.
Satans..... hints.....
Get a travel agent to help you out..
I read that as snowboard wedding.
A vicar all sliding down while reading the vows.
That sounds terribly cold...
So far as ideas go - Norfolk Island could be neat. Or it could be really dull. Perhaps worth an investigation anyway.
Or perhaps Tahiti? A frenchified Pacific Island no less! I don't see that being a bad bet, aside from it being apparently rather costly
If this is the case I would say that you can do whatever you want/can afford to do.
I would recommend that you stay within the country, especially given that you live in such a beautiful country. I'd be planning a Lord of the Rings themed wedding but that's just me.
There are many advantages to having a wedding if not local then within the country.
-Guests will not have to spend a lot of money/effort to wish you well. Nor will they feel bad about not going or be mad at you for making it so that they aren't able to attend.
-Guests will be more likely to bring gifts. I know this is a horrible thing to say but to be honest this kind of stuff REALLY helps when you're getting established.
-It'll cost you less.
-The further from home you are the harder things might get if something goes wrong.
-I found it difficult to handle getting to and from DisneyWorld with my wife's newly changed name and that's within the US. I would be really saddened if some bureaucratic situation led to trouble getting in and out of a country.
Also, don't write off the 'disapproving family' my parents didn't approve of my wife when we started seeing eachother, even up to when I proposed to her. Granted we're from the same culture.
Either way, congrats.
I suggest this. If your going international and not going to a place you could go any other weekend. Go here. Its safe its less resorty (because you don't have to feel trapped at the resort) and everyone speaks English just about everywhere (though not your English). I don't think there is a tropic island type place anywhere near as open to people as Hawaii. Cept maybe NZ.
I've done this (eloped, too) and highly recommend it.
PSN: Broichan