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Am I a horrible sociopath?

joshua1joshua1 Registered User regular
edited December 2006 in Help / Advice Forum
Well, a bit of history, etc, while making the post. Oh wait, a general introduction...

joshua1, horrible lurker by circumstance, i.e. last 4 times trying to join resulted in no response, I *may* know how it goes down on these forums. If I make any horrible faux pau (once again, I *know* the words, but due to a mostly constant inner monologue, I don't know how these words roam in the wilderness of the intar-webs, or the basic english language) please, chastise me promptly, so I may one day be a exemplary pillar of the forum community. Also, 19, male, attending Uni in Australia.

Thats out of the way. Now, to the problem.

Its about a girl. (yes, yes, *groan* i know, but please read on a little further) Or, well, TWO girls.

At the moment, I have the affections of 2 very nice ladies, and, I may have perhaps slept with both of them on many occasions, and while that is bad enough, it seems I may be the ONE to both of them.

Lady #1; 19yr old, my student when I was teaching english in Budapest, smoking hot, very, um, wild... but, yeah, seems that im the only one to tame her. Been having a long distance relationship for about a year. Seems that even my dulcet tones in ASCII format is enough to make her fall more and more in love with me.
- I plan to see her in the next year or so, when I return to europe, to rock it once again to the core.

Lady #2; 19yr old, at the same college (read: dorm) as me at Uni, and have noticed her paying attention to me on the many social outings the college provides (read:WOOOO BOOZE) and then after a few subsequent hook-ups, we started sleeping together, and yeah, she is nice, extremely smart (what, smart chicks are HAWT) and well, a bit broken... but when she is with me, not so. She too, is digging me to the 'nth degree.
- I plan on seeing her in 2 days, and probably sleep with her.

(not included here is Lady#1.5, a 23yr old freaking smart grad student from the states, who I had a several month, almost relationship with (...again, I slept with her too)... and she too is very into me, and wishes to come back to aust to see me........)

So thats it...... I guess this is a cry for advice, and a request for some critiquing on my person. I feel for all of these wonderful ladies, all at the same time... and even think I **love** them all. I know what infatuation feels like, and, this feels like more, and I think they change me in a good way too... as if they complete my somewhat peicemeal personality, etc.

H/A, am I a horrible horrible sociopath? Or am a new specimen of the burgeoning new 'Poly-Amorous' caste? Not once have I actively pursued one of these wonderful women, but acted as my reactive self, and followed the social cues in the junctures of conversation/lust. When I was growing up, I mostly had female friends, and had some sort of... uh, a form of intercourse with 95% of them, and then an other 1% got fairly emotionally hung up on me, but im still friends with them......

Am I some sort of huge bastard? Is my personality flawed? I only act in ways that I feel makes people comfortable, is that wrong?

What should I do?

Pass Judgement, oh mighty H/A, and deliver me unto evil.

Edit: I = fail at the spellzoring

Edit 2: sorry, I type as I think, bit annoying for some.

joshua1 on


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    MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    No, you're not a sociopath. Sounds to me like you're young and enjoying life. The real test is when those 2.5 ladies all meet a the same time and exclaim, 'Joshua1. Must. Die.' It'll make for a delightful if vapid ~89 minute experience.

    Malkor on
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    blue powderblue powder Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Try to be a bit more articulate, there's no need for the constant use of "um", "so yeah" and especially not the "so, um, yeah".

    Please fix up the post so we don't need to read a sentence three times for it to make sense.

    Also, yes, you're being a dick. Be mature and honest, you'll only hurt their feelings.

    blue powder on
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    MarathonMarathon Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I would not say that he is being a dick so quickly. He did'nt start seeing any of these women with the idea in mind to string them along while he sleeps with other women.

    The guy is in college, he is sleeping with a nice young lady but at the same time there is another girl half the world away that likes him too. It's not that harsh of a situation.

    He is in the situation where he does not really need to worry about either girl showing up unannounced while he is with the other so no need to fret there. My suggestion would be to try and figure out for yourself who you enjoy spending time with more, and not in a sexual way. Which of these women makes you the happiest to be around and which of them you could see yourself with in a long term and committed relationship. If that is the sort of thing you are looking for.

    Marathon on
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    LanthisLanthis Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I'm not sure if this post is more about him bragging that he bags every female friend he has, or him asking whether or not hes an ass for doing it.

    What should you do?

    Pick 1 if you want a relationship, or let any that want a relationship know that they're one of many who won't be having a relationship with you in the near future.

    Lanthis on
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    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I guess I'm left with 2 questions. First off, you seem to think that you're the one for 2 of them. Do you see either of them as the one for you or are you simply not looking for that? Personally, I think if that's not in your cards within the next few years, you need to be pretty honest with them about it.

    Second of all, what is it about the first one that you are attracted to aside from her smoking hotness? It sounds like you are attracted to the second on a more personal level, but the first one maybe just has the exotic wildness thing going on, which is great for awhile, but really not for the long term.

    Lindsay Lohan on
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    joshua1joshua1 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    First off, sorry if I came off a bit cocky with the OP, entirely didn't mean it in that way.

    So it seems that I am a bit of a douche for doing what I have been doing. Lady #1 means alot to me, and i guess she is a pretty big emotional crutch and i can't really imagine a time without her, after a year in almost constant contact. Lady #2 on the other hand is here.... and well, in the flesh. I can get emotional support from #1 but never a hug, and while #2 is obtainable, she is emotionally distant.

    Gah, well, it seems im just trying to justify having both... thus confirming my 'dickness'.

    So, to be a 'good guy' I must say goodbye to one?

    Seems more and more so that Monks have got it easy. Besides all that molestering.

    joshua1 on
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    VirumVirum Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Unless these girls you are fucking know that you are seeing the other women and sleeping with them then you are being a huge dick.

    Perhaps I'm old school, but I think that if you are with in a sexual relationship with somebody that unless it's been explicitely stated that you are seeing (and fucking) other people, it needs to be monogamous.

    Virum on
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    FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    joshua1 wrote:
    So, to be a 'good guy' I must say goodbye to one?

    No, to be a good guy you just have to be honest with yourself and with everybody else about what you're doing.

    What are you doing, anyway? I think that's the important question here. Where do you see yourself in five years, and with whom - if anybody?

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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    joshua1joshua1 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Well, lady#1 said it was okay for me to see, and be with other women, but to leave it at sex, not get involved. Seems im involved. So you folks are right. I am a dick.

    Guess my question has been solvered.


    joshua1 on
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    matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    This is basically an "it's ok as long as no one gets hurt" situation. If any of the three are expecting you to be exclusive, and you're telling them you're exclusive, yet sleeping with one or both of the other two, then yes you're a dog.

    However, if you're with all 3, and either there is no expectation of exclusivity from any of them, or they know about each other and are OK sharing, there's nothing wrong with it. As long as you're not leading one or more of them on so you can get laid, you're not doing anything wrong. But once you either tell one you're committed to just her, or one asks you to be exclusive and you agree, you have to stick by it.

    You're playing the field, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone does it. You just have to decide whether one of them is worth it to stop playing, or whether when they ask for exclusivity you're going to tell them you're not ready, and give them up.

    But it appears you've made your decision, so I guess all this post does is tell you that you've done nothing wrong, especially now that one's asked for something and you're deciding to do the right thing.

    matt has a problem on
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    JohnnyCacheJohnnyCache Starting Defense Place at the tableRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    If you're going to fuck them all, fuck them all and don't rationalize it. Decide if the sex is worth the price you're going to pay later when they all go pyscho on you, and if you decide yes, don't bitch about it when it happens.

    I have an aquaintance who used to routinely fuck two or three girls at the same time, then have the gall to bitch about women when they found out about each other and got mad.

    Don't be that guy.

    if you were a sociopath, you'd be fucking them all and not worrying about it. And setting pets on fire.

    JohnnyCache on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    As someone once told me, upon my making a very similar H/A thread (likewise my first forum thread), you don't have a girl have a bragging problem. (Thanks, Bone Daddy.)

    You know what? Welcome to adulthood. Most of us have been, are, or will be in your situation at some point. Many of us repeatedly. It is simply a wonderful part of the human condition.

    Do you have a problem with your behavior? Doesn't sound like don't sweat it. My only advice is to try not to be a hypocrite. If you would mind Lady #1 getting with other people, then don't get with other people yourself. I say this not because I consider monogamy or the "golden rule" some sort of moral imperatives, but simply because--whether or not we choose to acknowledge it--our happiness is usually paramount. And if you establish a pattern of hypocrisy, it will confound your happiness; no one likes a hypocrite, and it's hard to be happy if no one likes you.

    It's pretty simple math, really.

    naporeon on
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    Sara LynnSara Lynn I can handle myself. Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    As a girl, I naturally frown at this situation but it seems like you're pretty aware. Other than having a bragging problem like previously stated.. as long as both girls are absolutely 100% sure of what they're getting into (or not getting into), there's nothing all that wrong with it.

    It's when you start lying and sneaking, you know there's a problem. Us girls have attatchment problems, so if you don't want that, be very aware of how they're reacting to you. The instant either starts acting jealous, you know you're in over your head.

    There are lots of promiscuous girls in the world, and even more hopeless romantics disguised as the previous.

    Sara Lynn on
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    WiseguyWiseguy __BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2006
    Sara Lynn wrote:
    There are lots of promiscuous girls in the world, and even more hopeless romantics disguised as the previous.

    That quote is full of class. :^:

    Wiseguy on
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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Congratulations - you're an average student.

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
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