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Am I being lead on?

Toxin01Toxin01 Registered User regular
edited October 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
This isn't really a major issue, but I've been trying to go do something with this girl for 3 weeks now, the first time we were supposed to go see a movie, and she texted me the day before and said she couldn't make it, thats cool, she said she still wanted to go and we rescheduled for this past friday at the 5:00 showing.


At about 3:30, she texts me and asks if we can go to the 7:00 showing, thats fine, I say. At 6:00, she says something came up and she can't go.

This morning I text and ask if she wants to go get lunch with me on my break, she says she has errands she has to run.


I'm pretty sure I'm being lead on, but when I talk to her she acts like she's interested in doing all of these things... just wanting input from others. Thanks.

Aiden Baail: Level 1 Swordmage: 19 AC 14 Fort 15 Ref 13 Will (Curse Of The Black Pearls)
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
Toxin01 on

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    1/2 man 1/2 bear 1/2 pig1/2 man 1/2 bear 1/2 pig Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    If she was interested I think she would have made sure to make the time to see you.

    1/2 man 1/2 bear 1/2 pig on
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    saltinesssaltiness Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Not worth it even if she is interested.

    saltiness on
    XBL: heavenkils
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    NotYouNotYou Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    haha, I think a lot of us have been in those situations where we just don't know if we're unlucky with timing, or if she just doesn't care. I always just continue asking until it's made clear. It's not like you have anything to lose.

    NotYou on
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    Toxin01Toxin01 Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    NotYou wrote: »
    haha, I think a lot of us have been in those situations where we just don't know if we're unlucky with timing, or if she just doesn't care. I always just continue asking until it's made clear. It's not like you have anything to lose.

    I just don't want to come off like I'm really desperate or something, I suppose. It's a pride thing.

    Toxin01 on
    Aiden Baail: Level 1 Swordmage: 19 AC 14 Fort 15 Ref 13 Will (Curse Of The Black Pearls)
    GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
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    MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Don't ask her anymore. Let her come to you with a date proposal. If she's interested, she'll ask.

    MagicToaster on
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    ZombiemamboZombiemambo Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Unless you really like her, I'd move on. Things probably won't get any better, even if she does genuinely like you.

    Zombiemambo on
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    UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Or you could just not be a wuss and ask her if she'd rather be friends?

    Usagi on
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    Toxin01Toxin01 Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Usagi wrote: »
    Or you could just not be a wuss and ask her if she'd rather be friends?

    I actually asked her if she was just putting me off or if she actually had something to do, and she swore things just keep happening at her house, I just don't know if I believe her.. so.


    EDIT: But I'll probably just go with the advice given and see if she initiates anything, I figure 3 times is enough.

    Toxin01 on
    Aiden Baail: Level 1 Swordmage: 19 AC 14 Fort 15 Ref 13 Will (Curse Of The Black Pearls)
    GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
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    UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Well good on ya for being direct

    Usagi on
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    WalterWalter Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Definitely wait for her to approach you at this point. As everyone says, if she wants to make time with you she will. Don't be disheartened though. I started dating a girl once and it happened to coincide with some REALLY serious family shit. I wanted to hang out with her but had to cancel like three times. Sometimes people get busy.

    Walter on
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    VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Don't ask her anymore. Let her come to you with a date proposal. If she's interested, she'll ask.

    Yea, if you keep asking you will look desperate.

    VisionOfClarity on
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    EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    What is her living situation? "stuff happening at her house" makes me think she's not completely responsible for her time. I know dating became MUCH easier when I finally moved out of my parents' house -- both for me making plans, and for meeting people (who had also moved out of their parents' house). In fact, it became so obvious to me how much of a difference there was, in many regards, that I vowed to never date a girl who was still living at home.

    Of course I met my wife while she was still living at her parents' house, but she was old enough and independent enough that it didn't present any issues at all, for either of us. We did do the lionshare of our activities with my apartment as the base of operations, as I was downtown and her parents were in the suburbs.

    EggyToast on
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    Toxin01Toxin01 Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    EggyToast wrote: »
    What is her living situation? "stuff happening at her house" makes me think she's not completely responsible for her time. I know dating became MUCH easier when I finally moved out of my parents' house -- both for me making plans, and for meeting people (who had also moved out of their parents' house). In fact, it became so obvious to me how much of a difference there was, in many regards, that I vowed to never date a girl who was still living at home.

    Of course I met my wife while she was still living at her parents' house, but she was old enough and independent enough that it didn't present any issues at all, for either of us. We did do the lionshare of our activities with my apartment as the base of operations, as I was downtown and her parents were in the suburbs.

    She lives with a brother, both parents. I think her home-life is a bit messed up, to be honest I met her in my Creative writing class, and I've only talked to her for 2-3 weeks, so I don't know to well.

    Toxin01 on
    Aiden Baail: Level 1 Swordmage: 19 AC 14 Fort 15 Ref 13 Will (Curse Of The Black Pearls)
    GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    She may have this inherrent inability to tell anyone no, and so settles for not saying yes. Or she may legitimately be busy -- that's feasible, too. Rather than decide the answer is yes or no, I'd suggest to you that the answer ought to be "who cares?" Whether she's blowing you off or is just super busy right now, that doesn't actually impact your life or who you are as a person. And frankly you also shouldn't be concerned about coming off as desperate in her eyes or anyone else's -- the only important question is whether or not you are desperate. If you have a mature, informed outlook and realize, yes, it'd be nice to go out with this girl but it's not the end of the world or even the end of a good day if it never happens, then to hell with anyone who disagrees.

    So, yeah, as long as you're not worried that you want irrational things (or want rational things to an irrational degree), you should just do what you want. If you feel comfortable with where you're at mentally and emotionally, and you feel like making another attempt at asking her out, by all means. If you don't feel like trying again, that's fine, too.

    SammyF on
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    KivutarKivutar Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Toxin01 wrote: »
    NotYou wrote: »
    haha, I think a lot of us have been in those situations where we just don't know if we're unlucky with timing, or if she just doesn't care. I always just continue asking until it's made clear. It's not like you have anything to lose.

    I just don't want to come off like I'm really desperate or something, I suppose. It's a pride thing.
    It is for me too.

    Anyway, if I were in your shoes, I'd leave it up to her at this point - you've made the effort a few times, and if it's really just poor timing and she is in fact interested, then she ought to be able to make some effort towards it.

    Kivutar on
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    Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Just assume that she's blowing you off. If she's not then she'll (eventually) figure out a way to tell you about it, and if she is, to hell with her anyway.

    Eat it You Nasty Pig. on
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    GreasyKidsStuffGreasyKidsStuff MOMMM! ROAST BEEF WANTS TO KISS GIRLS ON THE TITTIES!Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Yeah, I had the same thing where I had lunch with a girl, it was awesome, and I asked her after if she'd wanna go do something again. I think I kinda freaked her out cuz she sheepishly said yes. But when I tried to plan something for another weekend I just got the shaft. I backed off, she never made a move, I left it. Best not to agonize over it, if she's interested she'll come to you.

    GreasyKidsStuff on
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    UnderdogUnderdog Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Don't ask her anymore. Let her come to you with a date proposal. If she's interested, she'll ask.

    Pretty much. It might be as SammyF suggests, that she just finds it hard to say no and so settles for something non-committal. But if she's truly just busy and wants to see you, she'll find you again.

    Underdog on
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    John MatrixJohn Matrix Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    As difficult as it may be, I think you're better off starting this relationship with a complete, field-leveling honesty. Not to be too blunt, but I'd ask (in person) if she has any feelings or if she's having second thoughts. I know that it would be an extremely awkward situation, but you could diffuse it by acting like a calm, rational person. Something along the lines of "I know our schedules haven't worked out well in the past few days, but I'm wondering if it's a coincidence, or more second thoughts on your part." This should be delivered with an open, honest, and friendly approach, not one of hurt feelings and anxiety.

    If she's wanting to pursue a relationship, this very open and honest communication will set you up well for the rest of the relationship. Otherwise, if she gives you an honest answer then you know where you stand and won't waste more time being stood up or barking up the wrong tree.

    John Matrix on
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    ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I'd leave it with a "let me know when you're schedule settles down so we can figure something out", thus firmly putting the ball in her court.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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    SliderSlider Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Like others have said, if she's interested she'll approach you. Don't waste any more of your time. Just be friendly.

    Slider on
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    TicaldfjamTicaldfjam Snoqualmie, WARegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    She's not interested and quite frankly, trying to play fucking games with you. Any reasonable adult would have had the stones, guts, or better yet common decency, to let someone know if they cannot make said event or just up and say "I'm, sorry, but this is'nt going to work out between us." instead of the beating around the bush shit like this cunt is pulling.

    So in conclusion, your time as a decent human in this world is better vested into someone who gives a damn and respects other people. Avoid this woman like the plauge.

    Ticaldfjam on
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    ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Ticaldfjam wrote: »
    She's not interested and quite frankly, trying to play fucking games with you. Any reasonable adult would have had the stones, guts, or better yet common decency, to let someone know if they cannot make said event or just up and say "I'm, sorry, but this is'nt going to work out between us." instead of the beating around the bush shit like this cunt is pulling.

    So in conclusion, your time as a decent human in this world is better vested into someone who gives a damn and respects other people. Avoid this woman like the plauge.

    Its not entirely outside the realm of reason that something is actually coming up on short notice and/or she sucks at planning.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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    NotYouNotYou Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Slider wrote: »
    Like others have said, if she's interested she'll approach you. Don't waste any more of your time. Just be friendly.

    Maybe he's just not high on her priority list and she has a busy social life. Maybe she'll like him a lot if they go on a date but doesn't really care enough about him to actually ask him out atm.

    NotYou on
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    widowsonwidowson Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Toxin01 wrote: »
    This isn't really a major issue, but I've been trying to go do something with this girl for 3 weeks now, the first time we were supposed to go see a movie, and she texted me the day before and said she couldn't make it, thats cool, she said she still wanted to go and we rescheduled for this past friday at the 5:00 showing.


    At about 3:30, she texts me and asks if we can go to the 7:00 showing, thats fine, I say. At 6:00, she says something came up and she can't go.

    This morning I text and ask if she wants to go get lunch with me on my break, she says she has errands she has to run.


    I'm pretty sure I'm being lead on, but when I talk to her she acts like she's interested in doing all of these things... just wanting input from others. Thanks.


    Once I can believe.

    Twice looks suspicious.

    Three times, look elsewhere IMHO.

    She might be too "nice" to just say no. Reguardless, I think you're wasting your time if you keep pursuing this.

    widowson on
    -I owe nothing to Women's Lib.

    Margaret Thatcher
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    TicaldfjamTicaldfjam Snoqualmie, WARegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Ticaldfjam wrote: »
    She's not interested and quite frankly, trying to play fucking games with you. Any reasonable adult would have had the stones, guts, or better yet common decency, to let someone know if they cannot make said event or just up and say "I'm, sorry, but this is'nt going to work out between us." instead of the beating around the bush shit like this cunt is pulling.

    So in conclusion, your time as a decent human in this world is better vested into someone who gives a damn and respects other people. Avoid this woman like the plauge.

    Its not entirely outside the realm of reason that something is actually coming up on short notice and/or she sucks at planning.

    While I agree with that, people who are in situations like that fall in the minority when the majority of the people in the world are just plain old decitful on purpose and would'nt hesitate at a moments notice to get up over on good people. It would'nt put it past me if the woman the OP is refering to is a lying piece of crap based on my experience when trying to plan something with other so-called adults and them giving excuses.

    The OP gave this person three opportunites to just state "Look, I'm sorry for being rude, but I just don't like you." instead of giving him the runaround with lame excuses.

    Ticaldfjam on
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    GirlPantsGirlPants Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Ya man, I usually ask a girl 3 or 4 times to do something and if I get pink slips then I assume she isn't interested.

    GirlPants on
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    histronichistronic Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Don't ask her anymore. Let her come to you with a date proposal. If she's interested, she'll ask.

    This. A hundred times this. I've been in the situation before and if she really is interested she'll let you know, and if not, don't worry about it, there are plenty of other girls out there.

    histronic on
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    HalfmexHalfmex I mock your value system You also appear foolish in the eyes of othersRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    widowson wrote: »
    Once I can believe.

    Twice looks suspicious.

    Three times, look elsewhere IMHO.

    She might be too "nice" to just say no.
    Pretty much this.

    Personally I'd just stop contacting her altogether. If she's truly interested, let her set something up. Leave the ball in her court and go on about your life.

    Halfmex on
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    rfaliasrfalias Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Another for the just don't ask anymore.
    In my experience if a girl is interested, she will make time for you.

    Yes situations arise where people get distracted, but "stuff around the house" is a crappy excuse, as well as being blown off 3 times.

    rfalias on
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    ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    You've made efforts to get things going, she bailed on you. The onus is now on her to set up a time and stick with it.

    But even if she can manage that, 1 in 4 odds of plans actually happening isn't a good ratio. Would you really want to be dating someone so unreliable?

    Forar on
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