D&D and RPG "Haters" - How do you stay the bigger person?

BensRPGPile

Hi All,

I absolutely get that gamers are an easy target in today's society. And there will always be a steady stream of stereotypical silliness that is simply an innocent byproduct of never having dropped a pair of Gary's dice.

My encounter was with a group whose actions & words basically boiled down to a "Time Bandits" clump of pure evil and hatefulness. So much so that it absolutely made my stomach turn and blood boil. So...my question is how do you tolerate and shake off those "haters" without losing your composure?

Do you ignore the ignorance & exit the convo, laugh it off, quickly change the subject, engage in a debate or maybe simply lose your cool a bit? Definitely not looking for rude and crude here. More so, I'm sure others have similar experiences and have handled this scenario with class. That's the route I want to take

But honestly though...how is what we do just not seen as pure fun? How I say?



Thanks in advance for helping me stay in the cool zone (and be the better man).

Side Note: I accidentally posted this in the wrong spot early so pardon the 2nd post - the forum admin kindly showed me the error of my ways.

3cl1ps3

My thoughts on it are this: if someone so vehemently hates it that they are going out of their way to tell you how much they hate it, then they are not worth your time. An example:

My girlfriend and I both play D&D a fair amount, and love it (along with other various tabletop games; she plays Vampire, I play WH:40K, etc). Some of our friends play with us. Others do not. The ones that do not light-heartedly make fun of us ("you guys are such dorks," etc) and don't join us, but they don't tell us not to do it, nor are they actually mean about it.

They're our friends, and even if they themselves don't like it, they understand that it's something that we enjoy doing, and so as our friends make an effort to understand that that is part of who we are as people.

Anyone who really hates it (with or without good reason) and is not willing to understand that even though they don't like it, others do, is someone who is not willing to try to understand you or your point of view. Therefore, they are not your friend and are making no effort to become your friend, and so they are not worth your time. Don't argue, don't get mad, don't make any comments, just walk away.

BensRPGPile

Thanks 3clipse...that is actually what I had to do. We were in a business meeting (have to have a real job). So to keep my cool, I put my head down and avoided eye contact. I pretty much just disengaged. Still, I'm having a lousy time shaking it off...I went to the gym and rode the elliptical but honestly, I could have ridden that to Mexico if it wasn't bolted down.

By the way...I read your last line, "They are not worth your time. Walk away." but then immediately read your forum signature ..."I'm a highly paid assassin, not some nut with a gun." Those two things when read together are darn funny.

3cl1ps3

Don't get mad, get paid to kill them!

admanb

Gaming is mainstream. Quite a bit moreso than a lot of people (including gamers) like to pretend. So, that kind of ridiculous invective usually just gets an eyeroll out of me. However, things are probably more hostile in your part of the country than mine.

I am curious about the content of their comments. Was it aimed at gamers in general or RPGers more specifically?

KrataLightblade

I generally ask them why it's any worse to roleplay than it is to play video games, watch movies, read books, or go to the theater. At least I have some part in my entertainment rather than being a completely passive observer totally shackled to the whims of the creator's will. (railroading DMs notwithstanding)

BensRPGPile

admanb wrote: »

I am curious about the content of their comments. Was it aimed at gamers in general or RPGers more specifically?

Admanb: shot ya a direct message so that nothing would get misinterpreted. Quick answer: It was pretty much aimed at RPGers (and me & my game pals personally). Oh and the best part...I agreed to cover his carpool buddy so two of them could leave early. Awesome, right?

SuperRuper

I usually don't come across people that outright hate it. I usually get the people that think a person that plays D&D is a total nerd. I just say "Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it. You'd be surprised how fun it is." and then switch the subject. I've come to embrace my nerdiness anyway. If they're being belligerent about it they usually don't have a valid reason, or at least not one I've ever come across.

I've had people make fun of me and then I told them to come to one session and play with us ("I'll even make your character with you, it's easy.") and now they're really into it, it's happened on multiple occasions. Me and my friends that play actually joke on my other friends for not having the balls to come play at least once.

INeedNoSalt

I have never actually gotten hated on for being a nerd and playing roleplaying games.

And I went to a pretty bad highschool that would be, by all rights, considered pretty ghetto.

I share my house here at school with a bunch of dudes who eat energy bars and drink protein shakes and work out every night and when I mentioned D&D to them, the response I got was "I'm in".

So... it seems like this is a mythical problem to me!

Utsanomiko

I avoid interracting with people outright hostile to my interests. I don't think it'd really come up unless I know they play other games or they're also there for some other reason when I'm playing them. I don't have time for people not willing or socially able to accept an activity as essentially simple as 'board game + improv acting'.

As for people who're ok with RPGs but are like 'tee-hee, nerd game', it's usually just their ideas of stereotypical D&Ders, so you've just got to clarify and explain how it's not necessarily that way.

You don't have to wear a cape and wizard's hat, you don't need to shout out your spells, you don't cut yourself to track damage, you don't need to act out your character's lines nor do you don't even need to talk in the first person, the DM doesn't have to make you roll to avoid needing to poop, the rules are a lot better these days and there are non-fantasy RPGs out there and other games besides D&Dto play, Elminster does not have to show up and bail the group out, you don't need to play in the steam tunnels, there's more to do than talk endlessly about how many bonuses to hit your weapon has, you can have adventures about doing cool stuff, and there's more to playing than just make-believing doing whatever, that's why there's rules.

After some reassurance they'll usually get that you're free to have your own definition of fun and compelling interraction in a roleplaying game.

Unless of course you're one of those kinds of nerds and you do play that way. In that case they would have a point.

Jubeh

I used to be a "hater" but it turns out I was just going along with the crowd. I've grown up a lot since then, but it seems like most people can't.

Alot of it stemmed from the fact that I believed it took a certain kind of person to play those games. Then I met a friend who was like the most badass dude with a sweet bitchin beard who was like totally normal most of the time. But one day I found out he played dnd, and I didn't know how to feel. And now I can see how ridiculous my early beliefs were.

So I think that as long as you're a chill cool dude, there really is no reason for anybody to bash on your hobbies.

Rhesus Positive

People clock that I'm a) a nerd and/or b) a twat within an hour of meeting me, so normally the revelation that I play roleplaying games isn't much of a big surprise; if they've got that far in conversation with me, It's usually met with curiosity rather than antipathy.

With the few people who've expressed scorn at my hobbies, my response has usually been, "yeah, it's nerdy, but what're you gonna do?" The same goes with my other hobby, tiddlywinks, and even my degree choice, so I'm used to bewilderment and hostility when I explain what I have done with my life. Fuck it: I'm not going to stop having fun because somebody thinks I'm wasting my time.

I've found that if I don't treat it like a big thing, nobody else does. I focus on the stuff I have in common with my friends and coworkers, rather than the differences.

KrataLightblade

INeedNoSalt wrote: »

Krata hates me and everything I stand for out of spite and jealousy and wants to stab me in the babymaker.

BensRPGPile

Hi All,

Great posts, you guys. It was awesome to read all the comments and hear how everyone has dealt with that kinda junk in the past.

Good news: I took the high road and invited them to our table at the Half Moon Inn for some ale:



...of course after I had bought them enough rounds and decreased their attack roll, I had the rest of the party ambush them on their way out. Sadly, the monsters were never heard from again.