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Am I too critical of things?
Fizban140
Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
Pretty much all of my friends describe me as "A huge critic of everything" which kind of bothers me. They all call me a critic and they laugh at me for my opinions and they think I am crazy. The main things they give me crap about is for saying the movie Fargo is better than Boondock Saints, my nickname is now Fargo for thinking it is better than what they think is one of the greatest movies ever made.
Another thing that they still give me shit about is actually the most ridiculous. They were talking about zombies and what you would do to survive an attack. Since they were talking about 28 days later style zombies I said I would go out to sea and wait for them to starve to death. They laughed at me and said that zombies do not starve to death they are already dead. So I asked them to detail the zombies and they laughed and started getting mad at me for nitpicking. All they would say is that they are normal zombies.
It is the same with everything music, food, alcohol, TV shows, clothes. They ask me if I like Nickleback and I tell them that they suck and they just laugh at me. "Then why do they make so much money?" or with clothes they think I am crazy for thinking that the cheap counterfit crap (purses, jeans) they make here is indeed crap. I told them it was a ripoff to pay $50 for a fake Chanel purse and they told me the real ones cost way more so it is a good deal.
Even Avatar I thought was a pretty good movie but then they knew I was holding my tongue on something and they wanted to know what I thought was wrong with the film so I told them. The main antagonists were too evil and too one dimensional and they thought I was being stupid.
Basically what I am getting at is should I tell people what I think of their favorite music and movies or should I hold my tongue? Also am I too critical of things? Should I just accept that Olive Garden is the best Italian food in the world and that Boondock Saints and Ace Ventura are the pinnacle of excellence in films?
Another thing that they still give me shit about is actually the most ridiculous. They were talking about zombies and what you would do to survive an attack. Since they were talking about 28 days later style zombies I said I would go out to sea and wait for them to starve to death. They laughed at me and said that zombies do not starve to death they are already dead. So I asked them to detail the zombies and they laughed and started getting mad at me for nitpicking. All they would say is that they are normal zombies.
It is the same with everything music, food, alcohol, TV shows, clothes. They ask me if I like Nickleback and I tell them that they suck and they just laugh at me. "Then why do they make so much money?" or with clothes they think I am crazy for thinking that the cheap counterfit crap (purses, jeans) they make here is indeed crap. I told them it was a ripoff to pay $50 for a fake Chanel purse and they told me the real ones cost way more so it is a good deal.
Even Avatar I thought was a pretty good movie but then they knew I was holding my tongue on something and they wanted to know what I thought was wrong with the film so I told them. The main antagonists were too evil and too one dimensional and they thought I was being stupid.
Basically what I am getting at is should I tell people what I think of their favorite music and movies or should I hold my tongue? Also am I too critical of things? Should I just accept that Olive Garden is the best Italian food in the world and that Boondock Saints and Ace Ventura are the pinnacle of excellence in films?
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edit: that said, being a good social animal is all about knowing how to act and talk in any given dynamic. if you still like their company anyway and they're giving you endless shit for being too critical, bite your tongue and save the scathing critiques for a uni class or whatever
Anyway, I think the problem is two-fold. One, you're hanging out with people who don't share your tastes, and that's causing friction. Two, you seem to be frustrated because your friends don't respect your opinions.
The only real solution is to find new friends whom you can speak to freely and without fear of dismissal. This doesn't necessarily mean giving up your old friends, of course. It just means that you aren't getting something you need from them, mainly validation, and that you owe it to yourself to find it elsewhere. If they're good for you in other ways, then by all means remain friends with them. Even if they don't ever come to respect your opinions, and they probably won't, they might still be easier to deal with once you've found other friends who are more eager to criticize popular things.
And by the way, 28 Days Later's ending features a shot of a starving zombie while 28 Weeks Later confirms that all the zombies starved to death after a while. So, for what it's worth, your response to the inane question of how to survive a zombie apocalypse was as reasonable as you can expect that sort of thing to be.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
I mean, there's nothing wrong with cheap jeans.
They are sort of dumb for the 28 days later thing though, since even the soldier character in the movie mentions starving them to death.
And you're wrong about Fargo.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
That's essentially what his friends are doing to him. As for whether or not he's guilty of this himself, it's hard to say when we only have his account of things, but as far as I can tell his critical opinion is generally solicited.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Also, Boondock Saints? Shitty movie. Terrible, shitty, shitty movie.
well, his friends arrived at the idea that he was always critical of things somehow. When you're always telling people that things they like suck, they're going to develop defense mechanisms like this (especially if it's an individual being critical vs. a larger group.)
In the OP's examples I also here a certain amount of class difference coming through, which exacerbates issues like this.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Having to sit on your opinions among close friends is bullshit, its not a job interview you shouldn't have to tip-toe around what you feel. I mean there's scenarios where you don't want to say something, but the types of things you talked about are just friend-chatter type of conversions.
Its tough breaking patterns with friends, and sometimes people go into that place where they have one friend everyone sort of rags one for one thing or another. Could be in good fun but you sound a little tired of it. Maybe its just the way you broach your opinions, perhaps a bit more humour or less negativity.
There's a lot in between the lines here, like its one thing if you were just chatting it up and you said your idea then your friends turned on your zombie idea like a bunch of jackals, or if they were just joking around and you hit them with the deadpan "Well I'd just go out to sea, and all the zombies would die THE END",conversion killer in an eeyore voice.
Your opinions aren't wrong. Being different is what makes friendships sometimes.
On the flip side connecting with your friends is important, if you are watching a movie with a bunch of guys who really enjoy it but you don't really, try to really understand why they like it. That's part of friendships too.
It is part of being in the military. Talking shit about anything and everything is what soldiers do.
As long as you don't seriously evaluate people based on their tastes, then you're not being overly critical. It really just sounds like both you and your friends just need thicker skins and to stop taking things personally.
It's hard to tell from a one-sided, text-only, very short presentation, but my guess is that either your friends have thin skins, you're overreacting to their reactions, or you don't get how to share opinions without coming off like an asshole. It's possible to express contrary opinions and have (some) people react by nodding and saying, "I understand, but I like it because..." but it takes finesse. You may lack that or your friends may just be insecure about their own opinions.
THEY ARE RAGGING ON YOU.
RAG ON THEM BACK.
IF THEY CAN'T TAKE IT, FIND NEW FRIENDS THAT DON'T USE YOU AS A ONE WAY PUNCHING BAG.
and really, you don't need to agree with someone or have similar opinions in order to be friends with them.
None of us can witness your social dynamics first-hand and tell you objectively, so who knows. I would say at the very least in future try to be away of how often you find yourself criticizing something, or even how often you find yourself saying you like something for that matter. You might find that you do indeed complain a lot, or you complain a lot versus how much you have positive reactions, or maybe you'll find your friends are indeed ridiculous asses.
I think one of my bigger problems is that I don't know how to criticize things without coming off like an asshole. I usually am pretty blunt about what I say, but I do try and be polite about it most of the time. If I don't like a band I will just say that they are not my thing or that they are alright. Unless it is something terrible than Nickleback then I let them know.
I understand that some of it is just shit talking and when it comes down to just that I do not mind but sometimes they like to debate.
How do I let them know my opinions without just being a negative nancy?
Your friends like Nickleback. Find new friends.
sometimes people just don't get stuff. I remember when the Twilight trailer was on tv at a restaurant and my friend said it looked cool- he didn't know anything about the series and no amount of me pointing out the obvious worked because "It's modern vampires and that werewolf looked cool"
Then his ditzy girlfriend dragged him to the movie and he said it gave him a headache.
I've also had people tell me I'm a loser for pointing out the gaping goatse sized plot holes in Sixth Sense. Apparently the best way to watch a movie is just enjoy it and get on with your life.
These are all people I get along with in other contexts. We still bond over Call of Duty and basketball and beer or even just the basic camaraderie of 2 people in the same place who know each other.
Adjusting my expectations makes the frustration goes away because I know how exasperating it can be to try and explain what real Italian food is, or any number of things that a lot of people just don't know.
I also try to keep in mind that they probably know a lot of stuff that I'm ignorant/don't give a shit about too.
People just aren't exposed to the same things, and some just aren't intellectually curious.
he definitely needs to widen his social circle but making friends based on your taste in stuff isn't necessarily the best way to find good people. I've been friends with people that had really similar taste in music and shared my cynical outlook on life who turned out to be douchebags.
just saw this part
in your case all i can say is when in rome...
Advice from Esh should be taken with enough salt to make a Japanese person grimace.
Some of my closest friends shop at Hot Topic and bought the latest Metallica CD. Some people I cannot stand do the same. The world view that underlies taste is far more important to compatibility than taste itself.
but yeah even with music it's possible to find common ground...it's hard to find people who don't like Radiohead's In Rainbows.
well yeah
99% of stuff in the world sucks.
Ergo, if you don't want to bore your friends, lie or shut up.
It sucks, but what are you going to do? Not complain about it, that's for sure.
the fact is you likely have a greater basis of intellect to bounce ideas off of
don't get snooty about it, infact, you are going to be held at the mercy of the stupidity of those around you for your whole life
just find what little solace you can
Lets see if we can break this down a little because what you've got here is actually two issues. First you find yourself differing with many people over matters of, essentially, taste. You like Coke while many others in your circle like Pepsi. This is perfectly normal. No one expects you to like everything that they do.
The second issue is that you feel that your friends laugh at you and ridicule you for your opinions. This is a huge topic because it deals with both your internalized feelings and your group dynamic. In the interest of brevity, let me outline some considerations:
Attitude and attention counts for alot - consider that if someone just got done telling you that, "Omg, I LOVE Nickelback, I've got a tattoo of the lead singer on my back" then the best thing to tell that person would not be - "Nickelback is just about as gay as the last time I had sex with another man".
This does not mean compromising your own value - it simply means you dont have to slap someone else in the face with it. You can even be honest, and admit "I'm not really a fan, but I do like: <insert somehow related band name>".
The general idea is that: You have to give people enough room to have their own opinions for them to let you have yours.
my post very much takes your side, but he is ultimately right
it is very likely that you attack others over their opinions, it doesnt matter how stupid they seem, you shouldn't
But hell, it's not as though my taste is always super refined. I am capable of enjoying smooth jazz and god damn do I love me some Olive Garden.
My advice is to continue to express your opinions, but really think hard about whether you're expressing them in an assholish way. And if you are actually judging your friends because they have shitty taste, you're in serious trouble.
You mess with the dolphin, you get the nose.
It's true. I'm a misanthrope and an elitist. Come to the dark side.
But really, while it may take longer to find friends (and there will be fewer) I enjoy them that much more. We're not all identical by any means, but damn if none of them listen to Nickleback.
One of my best friends very slowly turned in to the kind of guy who couldn't let anything slide, and, well, we're not friends anymore. In high school he was told, straight up, that he needed to chill the fuck out and stop arguing/criticising everything. I defended him at the time, but 5 years later he'd just got worse, and, well, we're not friends anymore.
I caught up with him about 6 months back when I was visiting interstate. We were drinking with a bunch of people and I brought up these ludicrous videos on youtube about Oprah being the Antichrist. I was made to feel the fool for wanting to make fun of these stupid videos (which cut together Oprah saying stuff from her shows with pre-taped questions from a fundamentalist christian talk-show host to form the most blatantly constructed 'interview' ever), because he proceeded to lecture on the evils of Oprah. It turned a really fun night into something awkward and dull.
Although I will take some responsibility for bringing Oprah up in the first place :P
Hopefully you're not the kind of guy I was friends with, but if your friends aren't interested in what you have to say, it might just be a question of compatibility. Find new people.
Being critical of people is lame. Which is why you're so frustrated with your friends. You criticize movies or music for being base and shallow, and in return your friends criticize you. They don't counter with why they disagree -- they just call your taste dumb. No wonder you're frustrated.
In my case, as someone who also has standards and will not subject myself to bad movies or music if I can help it, that's where that "critical eye" comes into play -- for the stuff you like. It's also far better to exaggerate why things are terrible than pussyfoot around why they're bad. I've got friends who hate nickelback and are great at pointing out how horrible they are -- they mention that youtube or whatever thing where the dude put the two songs together and they're identical, and they also do a great job of mocking the [overwrought, lame] voice of the lead singer. But you can't just leave it at that if you're talking to fans -- you have to counter with what YOU like, and why you like it. I like jazzier music in general and don't like lyrics, with my obvious excuse being that I play double bass (and like hearing it in music) and I find most lyrics to be pretty shallow and samey.
It is kind of boring to always be critical, which is why it's good to have a stable of things you like that you can talk up. It's more interesting in a conversation to be excited about something, even if other people aren't the biggest fans. If you're talking up No Country for Old Men, and someone saw it and thought it was lame, your conversation shouldn't peter out or be reduced to "well you're dumb, no u r." You should instead say "Well, I know it's not for everyone, but I really liked the tension, the cinematography, and the idea that there is evil in the world that doesn't make sense -- because it's evil. The good guys don't always win and a lot of time shit just happens. That's why I liked the film." That's much more interesting -- and more likely to get a positive response from someone else -- than just saying "Your taste in movies sucks. You need to see a good film, like Fargo." And leave it at that, not explaining WHY you think the film is superior.
In your case that would probably help you with talking to people about things dealing with your taste in music, movies, and other similar things. Your friends that you're talking about specifically might be a lost cause for anything involving movies or music, though ;D I definitely have friends where certain subjects are essentially off-limits, only because our tastes are so divergent that there's little point in talking about them.