I have borderline personality disorder... what now?

Nataneko

Hello H/A!

I have been recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My psy(chologist) recommanded "the BPD survival guide" to me and it made the whole thing more understandable (yay, I am not the only one like me) but more complicated too (What to do now? and if my personality is the trouble, what am I in fact?)

But I wanted to know more, what am I suposed to do now? When I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I read a lot of books that helped me understanding my anxiety and control it. But when I look for more books on BPD, it seems most of them are for people living with someone that had BPD, not someone that has it. I don't want to read how much of a burden I am to people I'm close, I want to get better. Do you have any advice on what I could read/do to help me recover or take control of my mood swing or general advice for a newly diagnosed Bpd??? thanks!

Improvolone

I would talk to the people close to you.

Walter

Kudos to you for wanting to improve your situation. I have lived with someone that has BPD and one of the worst parts was the denial. They only realized it after going to intensive rehab for alcoholism associated with the BPD. Unfortunately, it appears that the same old behaviors are cropping up. She thinks that rehab "cured" her and shes fine now, but I digress. Your best bet is intensive therapy. Look up dialectical behavioral therapy. It was developed specifically for BPD.

Klundtasaur

As a Counseling Psych PhD student, I'd second the DBT suggestion. The fact that you recognize the issue and you want to change indicate a positive prognosis. It's usually not a short process, though--don't get frustrated if you're not immediately who you want to be!

Ringo

I have BPD (and Major Depressive Disorder). I've been in DBT for over two years now, attending one on one once a week and completing the Skills rotation (which is in a group setting) twice. DBT works. If my phone hadn't just eaten my whole post, I'd go on to explain what it does and why it works, but maybe I'll try that again tomorrow. Anyway, it's pretty much the only coherent treatment plan targeted at Borderlines, and you should definitely see about getting started.

If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer here or in PMs

Floowid

My sister has BPD, and we have all had to deal with it. From my limited perspective the only advice I can offer is that of someone who loves a family member with BPD. Please talk to your family and loved ones about it, because if they understand what is happening inside you it goes a long way towards how they feel about you. I know that understanding my sister helps me ignore the truly awful things she sometimes says to me. Also, be aware of the correlation between alcoholism/drug abuse and BPD. Many people suffering with BPD turn to alcohol or drugs as a means of escaping the feelings they are having. My sister became addicted to prescription pain killers and sleep aids, and now she is dealing with 2 difficult life situations.

Nataneko

I know my psy also works with people with BPD at the hospital psychiatrich ward, so I think he is qualified, but I don't think he does DBT (from what I've read there are group session involved in DBT and he is only doing 1 on 1) I'm not really close with my family member but I've told them about it.

The friends that were close to me pretty much ran away from me recently, I'm trying to contact them again to tell them I'm sorry for what I did to them and that I have a diagnosis that explain why, but they must think I'm too much of a burden to them because I'm being ignored. My boyfriend knows all about it, I make him read books and we talk a lot.

Ringo, how did you manage to stay friends with your friends, or how did you make new friends? I've always been really honest about who I was (a pretty emotionally intense person) but everyones seems to hate me because of it. I don't want to hide that fact to people I meet, but it seems strange to tell everyone i'm BPD. I'm pretty ok right now, except when I talk to my friends, because then I start thinking that I shouldn't be the way I am because they'll run away and then I end up in tears trying to hurt myself in various way.

Cognisseur

I think your OP hit on a really important topic in trying to understand this. If you have an anxiety disorder, you can theoretically conceptualize it as something separate from who you are and therefore you can tell people "I've got this thing that makes me do weird stuff, but when it's not active I'm totally me, and after treatment I'll still be totally me, just without that thing."

Personality disorders are... quite different, as you stated. With an anxiety disorder, letting people know "I'm sorry I ran out of the theater, I have social phobia" is a very useful action. Perhaps with BPD, the better statement to friends would just be "I'm sorry I've been really difficult and have put such a strain on our friendship. I can now see how I've been acting, and am getting help to work on those issues".

Working on BPD is a very long process that will be quite challenging and will require a very good therapist. You will likely work on some very core fundamental aspects of how you think, feel, and act. This may mean that as you progress through therapy, you will lose some of what others consider defining features of your personality (willing to say whatevers on your mind, or emotionally volatile, or always ready to take a risk for some fun, etc). So I don't really know how I would explain something like that to my friends, but I feel it would require a more in-depth discussion than just "Eureka! It's BPD that's been making me do this".

Good luck.

Feral

Nataneko wrote: »

I'm pretty ok right now, except when I talk to my friends, because then I start thinking that I shouldn't be the way I am because they'll run away and then I end up in tears trying to hurt myself in various way.

The fear that everybody is going to abandon you is pretty central to BPD. Some people think that abandonment fear is the cause of BPD, other people think that whatever causes BPD also causes intense fears of abandonment.

Learning to accept that fear, self-soothe, and, eventually, allow that fear to lessen is going to be a major arc of your recovery. Everybody fears abandonment. It's natural to fear abandonment and it is okay to have those fears. But keep in mind that your BPD makes that fear seem a lot more intense and immediate.

Unfortunately, you're right. Most books out there are written for the families of people with BPD, not for sufferers themselves. That's unfortunate. Oddly enough, the first book that comes to my mind is "Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies," because it's the only book I've read with a chapter that speaks directly to the BPD sufferer him or herself.

Kakodaimonos

I don't know anything about your history or current issues, but PTSD is frequently a comorbid condition with BPD. Especially C-PTSD. That can be something to consider. If that is an the case, the BPD will not be easily addressed until the PTSD is dealt with first. Also, if there are any substance abuse issues, those can make the BPD worse.

Ringo

I abandoned all my friends and moved to the other side of the country two years before being diagnosed with BPD, so I can't really help you there. As for making new friends, well my depression is my biggest obstacle there. I tend to isolate, and avoid people. However, the key to the few friends I have made in the past few years has been about letting go of my judgemental thoughts (which is part of DBT, naturally).

Whether it's a judgement of the other person (try making friends in therapy without thinking 'this person is too crazy' at least once), or myself (I'm just not stable enough to be a good friend), or any of the other things that end up being excuses to isolate, just letting go and putting myself out there has been a big difference.

Nataneko

Well, thanks again everyone, Cognisseur, you made it very clear how BPD is not like an Anxiety disorder. And well the friend issue was not really an issue, since they dumped me months ago. I feel so lost right now. I'll try to see if the library has the BPD for dummies book or look on amazon