True Story

beavotron

So my studio mate, and good pal Mike Holmes (not Holmes on Holmes, he's way cooler than that guy)
is a comic artist
and one of the comics he writes is called "True Story"
Basically, he takes stories that people contribute and makes them into wicked comics

so lately he's been looking around for more stories to make comics about and I thought...well, SE++ers have TONS of stories and I know how much you all love shit being drawn for you

So I'm making this thread for you guys to post your true stories
he'll be reading them, and if he likes them, he'll make a sweet comic which gets published in our local paper and i'll post it here for you on the innernet.

Also it's funny to read awesome stories

Obviously he can't post anything too too obscene or grotesque, but... he made one about a guy having sex with a bench! so... still se++ appropriate haha

you can read a bunch of them here:
http://www.thecoast.ca/halifax/ArticleArchives?category=993365

and here's some samples:

World as Myth

one time I was running through thunder bluff and I fell off of thunder bluff

GameGrrl

TIME FOR SOME STORIES

unintentional

World as Myth wrote: »

one time I was running through thunder bluff and I fell off of thunder bluff

is this the same time that you pooped in an abandoned house

bombardier

Best true story:

beavotron

i have fallen off thunder bluff so many times. You'd think I'd learn... but no. I have not.

pillow

World as Myth wrote: »

one time I was running through thunder bluff and I fell off of thunder bluff

I don't know why but I am still giggling

World as Myth

unintentional wrote: »

World as Myth wrote: »

one time I was running through thunder bluff and I fell off of thunder bluff

is this the same time that you pooped in an abandoned house

that's a pretty good story

Cristoval

Damnit Beavo, I told my girlfriend that you were sharing studio space with Mike Holmes on Holmes!

Now that I'm a liar she is probably going to girlfriend divorce me or something!

Hur-umph!

Also these comics rock.

Baroque And Roll

oh my god, bomb

World as Myth

holmes on holmes sounds like a guy investigating himself

beavotron

why on earth would a home repair guy and an illustrator share studio space?
it'd be so... weird! but now i think about it, it'd be kind of hilarious, think of the antics!

Nikolai

But the Holmes on homes guy is rad

pillow

the only TRUE STORY I can think of at the moment is the time I put nair on my face and forgot about it. It gave me a scab mustache.

Meissnerd

once I was hungry so i went to this bagel place to get a sandwich. the bagel-wich came with a little basket, and so when i was done i made to put the basket over by the garbage bin with everything else. the man behind the counter lifted his hand and motioned for me to come over, and so i did. his hand was still raised, so i shook his hand and thanked him again for the sandwich. he gave me a confused look and said

'uh, i just wanted the basket back'

and i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarassseeeddd

Indie Winter

I.H.N.I.W.T.R. wrote: »

My awesomest army story:

My bootcamp wasn't just for new recruits. Veteran units also came there for advanced mountainous training and a little break from the normal, often tiresome routines of the job. It is important to note that said bootcamp was situated on top of a mountain and right on the edge a sheer, almost completely vertical shelf.

One day me and my buddies, who were only in the army for a month and a half at that time, were chilling out during one of our rare, I guess you can call them "break periods", basically times when our officers got tired of making up ridiculous shit for us to do and just let us relax for a while. We were sitting on the stairs of a little amphitheater that was used as our flag square, and was also, at the time, as a training floor for one of the units going through advanced training. They were doing basic stuff, charging, switching firing positions, that sort of thing. And one of the soldiers doing all that, a genuine, bonafide mouth-breathing monstrous hulk of a man if I ever saw one, had a grenade launcher attached to his rifle.

Now we're watching these guys doing their stuff, and suddenly their officer fucking panics, orders them all to stand up and stop what they're doing immediately. He goes to the neanderthal, and the following exchange takes place:

Officer: "Soldier, what in god's name do you think you're doing?!"
Retard: "Uuuh, sir?"
O: "Why in the hell is there a grenade in the launcher, man?!"
R: "I don' know what yurr talkin' 'bout, sir" *lowers his rifle in confusion"
O: "DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH"
R: "uuuuugh"
O: "Soldier, you put that weapon on the floor right this instant!"
R: (suddenly upset) "But sir, there ain't no grenade in that launcher!"
O: "I have given you an order son and you will obey it!"
R: "Sir, honestly, there ain't no grenade in that launcher!"
O "I AM WARNING YO-"
R: "Look, I'll prove it to ya!"

and at this point the dumbass takes the rifle,aims it above the officer's head and fires the motherfucking grenade launcher. I can only assume he wanted to show the officer that the thing was indeed unloaded, but as it turns out, he was wrong. The grenade whooshes over the officer (who most probably crapped his pants), over the heads of me and my friends who are sitting there with our mouthes open, and over the ledge. A few seconds later, a faint BOOM is heard from below.

But the story does not end there. For you see, at the foot of the ledge was a peaceful pasture, where cows from a nearby organic farm grazed. One of said cows was unfortunate enough to stand close enough to where the grenade fell to get blown the fuck away.

After the boom, (and subsequent frantic mooing from the grasslands below) the officer quickly came back to his senses and took the rifle from the dumbfounded simpleton. The idiot was tried later that day and, as the rumor goes, was reassigned as a cook in the most remote base they could find for him. I don't know what happened to the officer, but we never saw him again, even though his unit stayed in the base for another month.

And that is how I saw a moron explode a cow.

unintentional

one time I saw someone waving at me and I waved back, but it turned out they were waving to the person behind me

Futore

that Moe is my favorite.

this looks cool too, though, Beav! how's things working out at your studio?

Cristoval

But you still share studio space with Kate Beaton right?

I can still get points for knowing someone on the internet who knows someone on the internet right?

Internet.

Phonehand

my genitals have been poisoned

spono

unintentional wrote: »

one time I saw someone waving at me and I waved back, but it turned out they were waving to the person behind me

that was me

I was the one being waved at

god damn you for stealing my wave

Wren

I always preferred the savage love column to the true story comic in the coast

vsove

Mike Holmes looks like Sting.

Like, a lot.

Phonehand

Cristoval wrote: »

But you still share studio space with Kate Beaton right?

I can still get points for knowing someone on the internet who knows someone on the internet right?

Internet.

what is wrong with you

beavotron

i still share space with kate beaton, yes

and futore: it is awesome! everything is great here in this awesome studio

Meissnerd

Phonehand wrote: »

Cristoval wrote: »

But you still share studio space with Kate Beaton right?

I can still get points for knowing someone on the internet who knows someone on the internet right?

Internet.

what is wrong with you

your genitals have been poisoned

bro

Baroque And Roll

Indiewinter wins the thread.

Mysst

one time I didn't cut my nails for about a week after they needed to be cut because I didn't want to take the time off from playing red dead redemption

World as Myth

World as Myth wrote: »

one time I was exploring this beautiful old ruin of a house, just stone walls and nothing else left, on the rocky coast of ireland by myself, and then I pooped in it and ran away

<3

Beavs, don't forget to come hang out with meeeeeee this summer.

Phonehand

Meissnerd wrote: »

Phonehand wrote: »

Cristoval wrote: »

But you still share studio space with Kate Beaton right?

I can still get points for knowing someone on the internet who knows someone on the internet right?

Internet.

what is wrong with you

your genitals have been poisoned

bro

this is not a joke

Indie Winter

Baroque And Roll wrote: »

Indiewinter wins the thread.

But wait, there's more!

I.H.N.I.W.T.R. wrote:

So we got a new dog, a pekingese we called George. Little bastard cost us 375$, but he's adorable and cuddly and dumb as a brick.

So anyway, my sister goes out to somewhere, and I gotta babysit the tyke. We play, we laugh, good times are had. But all of a sudden the little guy looks a little strained, if you get my meaning, and I take him on up to the front door for a little walkie.

So I pick George up, take him to the door, and wait for the little guy to go outside and do his business. Except all of the sudden George doesn't seem so interested in the secretion of excrement, but rather in some strange bulge on the living room carpet. We go up to it, and I discover that bulge is in actuality a huge fucking spider. And since I've been in my fair share of spider threads, I can safely say this sonofabitch was just about the size of Clock Spider, except less leggy and more hairy.

Now, first instinct is, get this fucker out of my house. I turn to the kitchen, ready to take a towel and toss this abomination unto God out to the street, when all of a sudden George goes berserk. He starts barking, howling, jumps back from and to the spider like mad. So now I got a big fucking spider and a crazy fucking dog on my hands. I try to take George away, but the bastard bites me. And this aint the usual playful, 7 week old puppy kind of bite, this is the "get the hell away from me you dickwad I WANT THAT SPIDER" kind of bite. So he's barking and biting, and the spider starting to run under a sofa, and I panic. And I pick up the nearest flat faced object around, which is a Life magazine. And I smack it down on the spider. Hard.

At this point, three things happen at once:
1) George goes dead quit, too terrified to move.
2) The spider's 8 eyes pop the fuck out with a sickening sound and roll on the floor.
3) I come to the sudden and horrifying realization that what I just killed was, in fact, a spiderette. This becomes apparent to me because now about two dozen tiny spider babies swarm out of mama spider gutted corpse and start to scatter from under the magazine. So, I panic further.

I literally hurl George back down onto my bed and quickly close the door before the tiny maniac gets a chance to gnaw on me again. I then start to frantically dash around my houses' many restrooms ( place was originally built as a housing complex for collage students ) looking for bug spray. I find an amazingly ueless assortment of air fresheners, toilet scrubbers, all natural liquid soaps, and little wooden sticks stuck in Essence of Vanilla, but no fucking bug spray. This goes on for, say, a minute and half, before I give up the search and make my way back to the living room armed with naught but a floor wiper and sheer desperate bravado ( It is important to note that, at this point, I had DVDA's "Now You're A Man" playing constantly in my head ). But as I head down to face the Hellspawned Hatchlings of Shelob, I discover something unimaginable.

My door room was open.

That little fucking mutt George must've clawed at the door hard enough to open it, and then ran to the living room. I stumble on my feet ( and on the floor wiper ) as I try to run over and see what's going on. And when I got there?

The living room carpet. The magazine. The mangled spider body underneath it. The baby spiders. All of them. Completely and totally covered in pee. Little guy couldn't help himself anymore, and just let loose right then and there, killing just about all the spiders that got caught in the stream.

I cleaned up the living room, hung the carpet out to dry, and walked George, before going back to my room. Today was the most intense day of my life.

Meissnerd

wam what do you think of my story

BugBoy

one time I was at camp, and someone found a sombrero

apparently whoever wore it got to be the "mexican ninja" and sing the mexican ninja song

I put the hat on, and got a swift kick to the groin for my troubles

Wren

I.H.N.I.W.T.R. can I get the cliffnotes version. I have an essay on your story due in an hour

Indie Winter

Wren wrote: »

I.H.N.I.W.T.R. can I get the cliffnotes version. I have an essay on your story due in an hour

dog pees on spiders in the most epic way possible

Phonehand

did you guys know that the skin of a mango contains urushiol which is the chemical in poison ivy and poison sumac

it is an important thing to know

beavotron

i want you all to know that wren is by no means a good indication of how cool halifax is
he is a very poor representative.

i kid, wren's not a bad dude

Baroque And Roll

Jesus, keep them coming. This is more interesting than any other thread now.

Futore

stop fucking mangoes, phonehand.


here is a great story

pinenut_canary wrote: »

Once I was taking a poop at a restaurant and a kid crept underneath the door into my stall. I let out a big fart and then he threw up all over the floor in front of me and I just stared at him.

World as Myth

Meissnerd wrote: »

wam what do you think of my story

what story