Scientology's website has been updated

Kevin R Brown

Wooooo.

Click on 'L Ron Hubbard: Founder' for kicks. It's the same story that's been there for months, but it's been prettied-up (and if you haven't already heard the story, you must).


Apparently the CoS has had some large measure of success in upgrading their facilities all over the place and has had a big celebratory opening of a new fortress in Washington D.C. Most displeasing.

Are people really still giving this organization their money?

Thejakeman

Are people really still giving this organization their money?

Do people still pay tithes to the pope? that's what I want to know.

Hacksaw

Three words: celebrity tax shelter.

Raiden333

Hacksaw wrote: »

Three words: celebrity tax shelter.

I'm honestly curious if they just walk right in and talk shop, or if they pretend to actually be into it first.

Pi-r8

hahaha the biography of his life is like the north korean biographies of Kim Il Sung.

I particularly like the part where he earns the master mariner's license to captain "any kind of vessel, in any kind of sea".

nuka

Raiden333 wrote: »

Hacksaw wrote: »

Three words: celebrity tax shelter.

I'm honestly curious if they just walk right in and talk shop, or if they pretend to actually be into it first.

It's not like they're actors or anything.

Hacksaw

nuka wrote: »

Raiden333 wrote: »

Hacksaw wrote: »

Three words: celebrity tax shelter.

I'm honestly curious if they just walk right in and talk shop, or if they pretend to actually be into it first.

It's not like they're actors or anything.

They're certainly not good at pretending, or anything of the sort.

Zilla360

I really can only hope that Pastafarianism can become as popular as L Ron Hubbard someday.

Hail Xenu! :P

The Ender

If nothing else, I have to say: Scientology has a heck of a webmaster. That interface is purty.


The L. Ron 'biograhy' is... wow. If they're going to spin all of that bullshit, they may as well go all the way and try to claim that Hubbard founded the U.S.A. and/or ripped Emperor Hirohito's spine from his torso to single-handedly end WWII.


The bigger the lie...

Zilla360

Pi-r8 wrote: »

hahaha the biography of his life is like the north korean biographies of Kim Il Sung.

I particularly like the part where he earns the master mariner's license to captain "any kind of vessel, in any kind of sea".

I heard that he once battled Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, and defeated Chuck Norris in a wrestling match.

It's true! You only need to pay $600 for his biography to see for yourself.

Henroid

Can anyone post the good stuff to laugh at so I don't have to support the site via clicking on a URL to get to it? :P

Jintor

The goddamn Scilon ads are running on Sky Business channel... and on Google Ads as well.

L|ama

Zilla360 wrote: »

I really can only hope that Pastafarianism can become as popular as L Ron Hubbard someday.

please god no, that shit's already played out and annoying as hell

The Ender

Henroid wrote: »

Can anyone post the good stuff to laugh at so I don't have to support the site via clicking on a URL to get to it? :P

It's too long for me to transcribe, but I'll record it and post it up in my Dropbox for your listening pleasure(?).

The Black Hunter

The problem is that in 50 years, should Scientology still be around, people will believe it

Raynaga

Henroid wrote: »

Can anyone post the good stuff to laugh at so I don't have to support the site via clicking on a URL to get to it? :P

At one point the bio claims that he spent a year studying magic with the last remaining court magician of Kublai Khan.

And that isn't the craziest thing in there.

The Ender

I like the brazen lie about Dianetics being at the top of the NYT best seller list for 26 consecutive weeks. As well as the claim that he was 'without peer in the art of getting things done' as far as the U.S. navy was apparently concerned.

lolwut.


As you might imagine, stuff like L Ron dying a vagrant fugitive from the law after the Snow White clusterfuck is curiously omitted from the bio. :P


Here's the audio.

Zilla360

L|ama wrote: »

Zilla360 wrote: »

I really can only hope that Pastafarianism can become as popular as L Ron Hubbard someday.

please god no, that shit's already played out and annoying as hell

Wait, Pasta and Pirates aren't cool now? When did that happen? :P

Elitistb

As long as religious idiocy persists, Pastafarians shall remain.

Which means they'll probably be around a very, very long time.

Tomanta

Raynaga wrote: »

Henroid wrote: »

Can anyone post the good stuff to laugh at so I don't have to support the site via clicking on a URL to get to it? :P

At one point the bio claims that he spent a year studying magic with the last remaining court magician of Kublai Khan.

And that isn't the craziest thing in there.

I noted that they didn't bother to mention the time Hubbard spent playing secretary for occult orgies and swindling money from his friends.

deowolf

Zilla360 wrote: »

Pi-r8 wrote: »

hahaha the biography of his life is like the north korean biographies of Kim Il Sung.

I particularly like the part where he earns the master mariner's license to captain "any kind of vessel, in any kind of sea".

I heard that he once battled Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, and defeated Chuck Norris in a wrestling match.

It's true! You only need to pay $600 for his biography to see for yourself.

He wasn't just AT Shakka, when the walls fell, he was the reason they went down.

Inquisitor77

You know what's sad is that people take this stuff for reals. Hubbard and the Shaolin-Do guy (skip to Page 4 and read onwards) really make me hate my father for instilling in me a sense of integrity. If only I didn't have one, I could be filthy fucking rich.

MrVyngaard

Inquisitor77 wrote: »

You know what's sad is that people take this stuff for reals. Hubbard and the Shaolin-Do guy (skip to Page 4 and read onwards) really make me hate my father for instilling in me a sense of integrity. If only I didn't have one, I could be filthy fucking rich.

Pretty much. It's both amazing and pathetic to see how well this cult has done for itself.

GungHo

What the fuck is with Chewbacca?

Burtletoy

Zilla360 wrote: »

L|ama wrote: »

Zilla360 wrote: »

I really can only hope that Pastafarianism can become as popular as L Ron Hubbard someday.

please god no, that shit's already played out and annoying as hell

Wait, Pasta and Pirates aren't cool now? When did that happen? :P

Everyone knows that Googlism is the joke religion of choice these days.

Loren Michael

Burtletoy wrote: »

Zilla360 wrote: »

L|ama wrote: »

Zilla360 wrote: »

I really can only hope that Pastafarianism can become as popular as L Ron Hubbard someday.

please god no, that shit's already played out and annoying as hell

Wait, Pasta and Pirates aren't cool now? When did that happen? :P

Everyone knows that Googlism is the joke religion of choice these days.

It's not a joke, bigot.

cloudeagle

The St. Petersburg Times has done some AMAZING reporting on Scientology. Here's how their special report begins.

The leader of the Church of Scientology strode into the room with a boom box and an announcement: Time for a game of musical chairs.

David Miscavige had kept more than 30 members of his church's executive staff cooped up for weeks in a small office building outside Los Angeles, not letting them leave except to grab a shower. They slept on the floor, their food carted in.

Their assignment was to develop strategic plans for the church. But the leader trashed their every idea and berated them as incompetents and enemies, of him and the church.

Prove your devotion, Miscavige told them, by winning at musical chairs. Everyone else — losers, all of you — will be banished to Scientology outposts around the world. If families are split up, too bad.

To the music of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody they played through the night, parading around a conference room in their Navy-style uniforms, grown men and women wrestling over chairs.

The next evening, early in 2004, Miscavige gathered the group and out of nowhere slapped a manager named Tom De Vocht, threw him to the ground and delivered more blows. De Vocht took the beating and the humiliation in silence — the way other executives always took the leader's attacks.

And that's just the beginning.

http://www.tampabay.com/specials/2009/reports/project/

Burtletoy

Hey, their proofs have convinced me more than any other religious claims.

I, for one, hail our new Google Overlords.

Tomanta

Burtletoy wrote: »

Hey, their proofs have convinced me more than any other religious claims.

I, for one, hail our new Google Overlords.

I call BS. Google is subject to the whims of China. A deity should not be subject to the whims of man.

SaraLuna

Tomanta wrote: »

Burtletoy wrote: »

Hey, their proofs have convinced me more than any other religious claims.

I, for one, hail our new Google Overlords.

I call BS. Google is subject to the whims of China. A deity should not be subject to the whims of man.

So you also reject all flavors of christianity that consider prayer at all important?

Tomanta

pablo_price wrote: »

Tomanta wrote: »

Burtletoy wrote: »

Hey, their proofs have convinced me more than any other religious claims.

I, for one, hail our new Google Overlords.

I call BS. Google is subject to the whims of China. A deity should not be subject to the whims of man.

So you also reject all flavors of christianity that consider prayer at all important?

Prayer is a request that may or may not be fulfilled. The China-Google relationship is more along the lines of orders that Google must comply with if they want to have followers in east Asia.

Burtletoy

Why should a diety not be subject to the whims of man?

Elldren

Burtletoy wrote: »

Why should a diety not be subject to the whims of man?

I'm unaware of any that aren't.

nstf

Kevin R Brown wrote: »

Wooooo.

Click on 'L Ron Hubbard: Founder' for kicks. It's the same story that's been there for months, but it's been prettied-up (and if you haven't already heard the story, you must).


Apparently the CoS has had some large measure of success in upgrading their facilities all over the place and has had a big celebratory opening of a new fortress in Washington D.C. Most displeasing.

Are people really still giving this organization their money?

They are opening up another one of them here :? We already have a giant one.

It's funny how they sucker in all the migrant workers that can't speak english.

Sipex

cloudeagle wrote: »

The St. Petersburg Times has done some AMAZING reporting on Scientology. Here's how their special report begins.

The leader of the Church of Scientology strode into the room with a boom box and an announcement: Time for a game of musical chairs.

David Miscavige had kept more than 30 members of his church's executive staff cooped up for weeks in a small office building outside Los Angeles, not letting them leave except to grab a shower. They slept on the floor, their food carted in.

Their assignment was to develop strategic plans for the church. But the leader trashed their every idea and berated them as incompetents and enemies, of him and the church.

Prove your devotion, Miscavige told them, by winning at musical chairs. Everyone else — losers, all of you — will be banished to Scientology outposts around the world. If families are split up, too bad.

To the music of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody they played through the night, parading around a conference room in their Navy-style uniforms, grown men and women wrestling over chairs.

The next evening, early in 2004, Miscavige gathered the group and out of nowhere slapped a manager named Tom De Vocht, threw him to the ground and delivered more blows. De Vocht took the beating and the humiliation in silence — the way other executives always took the leader's attacks.

And that's just the beginning.

http://www.tampabay.com/specials/2009/reports/project/

Woooow.

I mean, I totally wasn't in this thread berating scientology.

Nosiree.

Please don't hunt me down crazy scientologist lurkers.

Zilla360

This is interesting (spoiler'ed for wall of text):

I believe that L Ron Hubbard's background as a writer of science fiction stories came back to haunt him as he worked on the OT levels. Remember, he wrote (or rather, typed) at a breakneck pace. He never went back and proof-read, and never re-worked or corrected substantially. He doesn't appear to have ever drafted a synopsis before he charged on in and wrote his latest penny-a-word pulp western or sci-fi short story.

That's impressive in a way (he'd have been good at NaNoWriMo) but it doesn't make for great or even comprehensible literature, but it does get an awful lot down on paper, fast.

Ron needed to get the OT levels in place fast. His followers were braying for more, and if they ever reached the endpoint of the 'bridge', many of them would wake up to the scam. So Ron did what Ron did best: he sat down at his typewriter with a bottle of rum and some pills, and wrote what came to mind. Remember, although Ron wasn't a Scientologist himself, he did (at times) believe in the eMeter. So if it registered 'true' on the how-hard-are-you-squeezing-the-cans machine, it was true, and could be considered holy scripture... how ever ludicrous.

This is Ron's displacement activity. If in doubt, go with what you know. Get a boat and get away, get a typewriter and write some shit sci-fi. Exaggerate your past accomplishments. Ron in a nutshell, over and over again, all his life.

The other thing about Ron's sci-fi career is that he was in touch with the other sci-fi authors of the day. (A E Van Vogt was briefly impressed by Dianetics, for example, and John W. Campbell, Jr. was the first to publish it, in 'Astounding Science Fiction'.) A key point here is that Ron knew Robert A. Heinlein, author of 'Stranger in a Strange Land' (published 1961).

Heinlein's publisher demanded that his work was abridged considerably, but nowadays you can buy the full-length version if you want. It has a much more detailed description of the cult that the central character, 'Valentine Michael Smith' establishes when he comes to Earth. The structure of the cult is described as having circles within circles. It has a respectable, simple 'public face' where worship isn't particularly controversial, but this acts as a shield for the inner circles, each of which is more secret than the one before, with new revelations and eventually abilities that would seem supernatural to Earth folks.

I suspect that Hubbard was greatly influenced by 'Stranger in a Strange Land', just as he was by George Orwell's '1984' (written in 1948), and worked key concepts from both of these books into his pseudoreligion.

One thing that he couldn't control was the secrecy of the innermost circles of his 'religion' - the highest OT levels. Hence the nonsense about people who approach the 'wall of fire' out of sequence getting pneumonia and dying, and the Excalibur suicides. And of course, this is why something like the Internet is so damaging for Scientology.

I propose, then, that the OT levels were a flawed attempt to establish a multi-layered 'inner sanctum', and that in his more lucid moments, Ron would have realised that this was just a make-work syllabus to keep his acolytes busy. And to keep them paying, of course. Had Ron remained well for longer, he might well have released OT9 and perhaps OT10... and they still wouldn't have resolved anything, either.

So apparently, a lot of Scientology 'scripture' and protocols is based on/inspired by this book.

Burtletoy

Do we have any scientologists here at PA, lurker or otherwise?

Nucker

Zilla360 wrote: »

Pi-r8 wrote: »

hahaha the biography of his life is like the north korean biographies of Kim Il Sung.

I particularly like the part where he earns the master mariner's license to captain "any kind of vessel, in any kind of sea".

I heard that he once battled Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, and defeated Chuck Norris in a wrestling match.

It's true! You only need to pay $600 for his biography to see for yourself.

Dude. Chuck Norris?

Shaka, when the walls fell.

Barrakketh

Burtletoy wrote: »

Do we have any scientologists here at PA, lurker or otherwise?

I think Page- is a former Scientologist.

Sipex

Who would admit to being a scientologist on an internet forum?

Modern Man

Burtletoy wrote: »

Do we have any scientologists here at PA, lurker or otherwise?

I don't think I've ever even met a Scientologist, and I lived in LA for a while.

I find it hard to believe that people still buy into this cult, with all of the information that's available about Hubbard and the organization.