Roomates, and the choosing of

Varinn

I live alone, I live alone and work an opposite schedule of the rest of the civilized world as well as all my friends. My problem is that my life consists of workworkworkwork and my place is empty when I get home. So little friend time away from my job is depressing.

Im a 22 year old, single guy with anxiety, I want to find a roomate. Friends are a direction I've already tried but none are able to move right now so it's either wait, or find a random. My problem is a reluctance to find a random that i not only like, but trust. How does one go about doing this kind of search?? I have no issues with living with girls or guys. But where do you start? What questions do you ask?

see317

Are you looking for a room mate because you're lonely? Or because you need cash and have space?

If the former, then maybe finding other people with similarly odd schedules to hang out with would be a more preferable solution then letting a stranger into your space and hoping they're human enough to get along with for a long period of time. Certainly you aren't the only person with a dead-man schedule for work or school or whatever. Possibly sign up for a class at a community college or a rec center or something on your days off to meet people. Maybe sign up for a gym membership.
Maybe adopt a dog. I mean, if it's just the empty house is getting to you, then maybe a furry friend could make it less empty. Plus, walking a dog can be a great way to meet people.

If you are set on finding a room mate, I'd suggest start by making lists. Decide what you don't want first, because it's likely easier. Just list the absolute deal breakers. Smoking? Allergies? Drug use? Doesn't know the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear by heart? Plays loud music when you try to sleep? Whatever, this is a person coming to live, they aren't going to just dissapear or rewrite their personalities to fit you, and if you think you're miserable alone, wait until you try living with someone who you can't stand for a week, or a month, or a year.
Then decide what you want in a room mate. Is it important that they share your hobbies? You said your schedule is odd, maybe you want to find someone with a similar schedule? What about drinking? Maybe you want to specify a guy who likes a beer now and then but knows when to call it good, maybe you want to find a guy who doesn't drink at all. Maybe your idea of a good weekend is drinking till you puke, then doing it again and you want someone who can match you shot for shot.
Also a list about yourself. Remember, your new roomie will have to deal with you just as much as you will with him/her, it seems fair to give them an honest impression of what they'll be putting up with.

Varinn

Fantastic advice, thanks

And yes, I would very much say my reasoning stems from the former but saving a few bucks on some of the things I'm currently paying for entirely myself would also be nice. I looked at getting a dog, or a cat even. But living options around here dwindle for me as soon as I throw a pet into the mix (my current place doesn't allow it). I lose alot of flexibility for 1 bedroom places as I already require having garage space to store my motorcycle as I ride it all summer, too many friends have had theirs stolen to risk putting it outside/parking garage.

I guess I'll scour craigslist and just see if I can find someone that fits the bill. I'm a pretty understanding person, generally get along with most people (despite being extremely quiet). First step, I'm going to write myself a list of all the things I could or couldn't live with as well as my own traits.

Improvolone

Have an honest friend double check those traits

RadicalTurnip

If you've never had a roommate, an easy-to-get-along-with person (like me) can turn into a sulking passive-aggressive jerk after a few months of getting your space crowded and not getting any "me" time.

This is just a warning, I saw it in myself, and hated it. Eventually I worked it out with my roommate that I just needed some personal time every now and then and things got a lot better, but I almost lost a good friendship because of that part of myself I didn't know about.

No matter who you are, expect some traits of yourself to come out that you didn't realize and that you maybe don't particularly like. Of course, this assumes you're at least mildly introspective...if not, then they're just being an idiot and why won't they act like a civilized human being?

I highly recommend a roomie just so you can get to know things about yourself, but yeah, I would recommend trying to find someone with a similar schedule.

Cryogen

I'd strongly recommend against getting a roommate/housemate if you're just lonely, especially one you don't already know quite well. It is very likely it is not going to work out at all the way you are imagining it. You say you are an extremely quiet person, part of that personality it is likely you'll soon start craving your own space/private time, and start resenting this new person, much like RadicalTurnip suggests. I'm not extremely quiet, but i'm fairly private, and even living with my brother tests me. And we get along pretty great.

Definitely look into hobbies as see317 suggests first.

kedinik

If possible, I recommend a pet.

Pets do wonders for the happiness of lonely people.

Varinn

On the subject of pets, what are good full size dog breeds that would be ok to leave at home while I work?

Kakodaimonos

None.

At best, if you can set it up so the dog has shelter outside and a fenced yard, you may be able to have a dog and put it outside while you're at work. But do you want to be talking a dog out for walks and dealing with it barking and wanting to play during the day when you get home from work and you want to get some rest?

A cat is probably a better fit for your schedule. Especially if you get one that's more nocturnal.

Cultural Geek Girl

Yeah, as far as pets go, cats are best if you're going to be leaving them alone. Bunnies and Ferrets are also OK.

You may be able to find a smaller, adult dog from a shelter who might not need AS MUCH attention. I don't know what your definition of "full-sized" is, but a nice lazy older corgie or similar might fit your bill. Some shelters or rehabilitation programs will tell you about the personalities of the dogs, they can give you a better answer regarding whether or not there are any dogs who would be ok with that kind of situation.

As for finding a roomate, one option might be to put a profile up on Roomates.com. It's a pay site so it's a little more selective/less prone to crazies than Craigslist. You could write pretty much what you've written here: "I'm a nerdy guy who keeps odd hours (list hours). I've got some extra space and I'm looking for a similarly nerdy roomate. I really want someone I can chat with and hang out with occasionally, not just someone to pay the bills." It might take a few months but you could get some interest eventually.

What is the nature of your space? You talk about having a one bedroom apartment, are you looking to get a 2 bedroom?

Varinn

I live in a brand new single bedroom basement suite. It's a really nice place but there's a few things about it that bother me (small kitchen, no laundry, dark, and cold) so I want to get an above ground rental. In my budget, I can't afford a very nice place solo and I wouldn't mind having someone, or something around. Hence the search :P

My definition of fullsize dog is something around 50-80lbs average. I know I can afford food/medical etc (one of my best friends is a vet and does most things free, or very cheap) its more a matter of when im not around

EDIT: I can look for a cat too, but not where I live now.

Kealoha

Yeah, for sure do not get a roommate with the idea of having him/her be a friend. Boyfriend and I were in a roommate situation where she wanted to kind of have the house be like a big family. Our lifestyles were nowhere similar, and neither were our eating habits. She ended up sequestering herself for the last month or so of our stay; it turned into a very uncomfortable situation.

Kazaka

There's definitely a difference between a friend that you live with and a roommate. You're not going to make friends with everyone, no matter how personable you are. My current roommate and I are both fairly outgoing, but we speak to different crowds, have different senses of humor, etc. so it's pretty much strictly business. Two dudes in a room, not two friends. Big difference. Not necessarily horrible, but it can't be forced unless one of you changes to fit the other (unlikely).

SkyCaptain

KITTY! They're the best.

Varinn

I'm going to talk to my ex girlfriend, she's a vet and will know if a kitten is right for me with my lifestyle. Maybe it's exactly what I need! The hard part will be finding a new place thatwill offer garage space for my bike and a cat allowed.

I'm not 100% against roomie idea yet but I'll be doing some major thinking with your opinions in mind. Im going to be waiting for a friend to decide to move out before jumping in with someone.

Cultural Geek Girl

If a kitten is too much, consider an adult (or half-grown) cat from a pound. They're about half the work and need a lot less attention. You do miss out on the ultra cute omg phase, but you're also doing a good deed and often it's significantly cheaper.

On the human front: I had a roommate I found on a website and it was awful, but I didn't follow my own rules that I made up later (namely, don't be looking for a roommate on a deadline and be very specific in what you want). After that I had a friend for a roommate and that was pretty awesome. Everyone I know who had a good roommate experience knew or had some connection to the person they were rooming with ahead of time, though: as a coworker, someone they knew from some activity, or a friend of a friend.