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Friend drives drunk 7 days a week.

EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
edited October 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
At the very least 5/7 days.

He comes over, gets wasted as fuck sometimes to the point where he is breaking stuff. Some of the worst instances would be when he got drunk and slowly backed his car into my roommates SUV a nice car while everyone is yelling stop. He still drove home after this and has yet to get it fixed. Another time he tried to open a stuck window and broke it cutting himself.. Yet to get it fix.. At bars he break glasses spills beers.. Last time we were at the bar we tried to get his keys of course but he wouldn't give them to us.. He said he had to go to the bathroom, walked inside came out the side door and got in his car.

Getting pretty tired of it. Not sure what to do but calling the cops on his plate doesn't seem to sway him at all. One time he called 911 when we took his keys.

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    y2jake215y2jake215 certified Flat Birther theorist the Last Good Boy onlineRegistered User regular
    edited October 2010
    you can try refusing to go drinking with him. don't hang out with him if he's going to be drinking. hopefully having no friends to drink with would dissuade him from drinking, or at least bore him into trying to control himself so that he can hang out with everyone else.

    y2jake215 on
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    Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    stop hanging around him.

    Let it be known what the reason is.

    Al_wat on
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    matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    matt has a problem on
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    EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2010
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    EliteLamer on
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    BulwarkBulwark Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Did he take a bullet for you? Is he apologizing with the voice of angels when sober? Because if he's really doing this almost every night of the week, I have no idea how you could just be "getting pretty tired of it" instead of having cut all contact with him.
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    He's an alcoholic and he's going to kill himself or someone else. His life is already fucked up bad, and anything you do to get authorities involved will only be a step in the right direction.

    Bulwark on
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    EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2010
    Bulwark wrote: »
    Did he take a bullet for you? Is he apologizing with the voice of angels when sober? Because if he's really doing this almost every night of the week, I have no idea how you could just be "getting pretty tired of it" instead of having cut all contact with him.

    I can't cut contact with him he is my roommates best friend and he already said if his best friend couldn't come over he would move out.

    EliteLamer on
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    KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    KalTorak on
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    BulwarkBulwark Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    I can't cut contact with him he is my roommates best friend and he already said if his best friend couldn't come over he would move out.

    Find a new roommate.

    Bulwark on
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    EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2010
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    EliteLamer on
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    FyreWulffFyreWulff YouRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2010
    Stop threatening to call in his plates unless you're actually going to do it.

    Which is what I would do. If he habitually drinks all week and goes driving, the cops can pull him over and bust him instead of him driving into a minivan and killing 3 kids.

    Your roommate is just enabling his behavior. What's he going to do if his friend goes to jail because he plowed into someone? Move out then too?

    Him losing his car for a while would mess up his life a lot less (oh no, he has to walk to the bar!) than killing someone or himself.

    edit: and if his family is providing him a house, all his money and his car, yeah I can see what he has the attitude that he does. While it would suck for him (from his point of view) to lose that, he is the one that is choosing to get drunk. Losing all that would not end his life. It might end his lifestyle.

    FyreWulff on
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    Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    maybe this needs to happen

    Al_wat on
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    KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    KalTorak on
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    BulwarkBulwark Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    He absolutely shouldn't have a car. It sounds like getting disowned would force him to make some hard choices and start changing his life for the better.

    Bulwark on
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    EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2010
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed

    EliteLamer on
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    amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Seriously, I know this an extreme and very hypothetical, but if you were a bartender in that exact same situation and he was a regular you'd be liable for not taking his keys/calling him a cab/cutting him off/banning him from the bar.

    I mean just cut ties with the guy, room mate be dammed.

    amateurhour on
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    RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    So will killing someone because he was driving drunk. This guy's a loser and I would distance myself from him as much as possible. You've reached out to him in the past, and he didn't want it. Stop hanging out with him and report him to the police. The best thing for everyone in your community would be for this guy to get his car and driving privaleges taken away.

    RocketSauce on
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    BulwarkBulwark Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    He would become homeless and shamed

    He will become a prison inmate and shamed after he's arrested for killing someone while DUI.

    Bulwark on
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    KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed

    Better a homeless and shamed (relatively) innocent man than a subsidized murderer.

    KalTorak on
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    Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    This is what you should do.

    Next time you see him, tell him you are calling the cops next time you know he drives drunk.

    This way you are putting the choice with him, you don't have to feel bad for "fucking up his life". It isn't you doing it. It's him.

    Al_wat on
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    viciousdogatakviciousdogatak Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    So what? Its more shameful to drive drunk every night than it is to be homeless

    viciousdogatak on
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    GdiguyGdiguy San Diego, CARegistered User regular
    edited October 2010
    If you want a selfish reason - if he comes over to your place, gets drunk, and then drives home drunk (with your knowledge) and kills someone, you can (in different locations and to varying degrees) be held responsible. Usually not criminally (unless he's a minor), but definitely civilly (i.e., money lawsuit).

    Disregarding why you would ever hang out with someone who's doing something so stupid, there's absolutely no way you should be allowing him to get drunk at your place and drive repeatedly. If he's going to drink at home and drive, there's not much short of calling the cops you can do; if he's going to do it at your place, though, it puts you as well as him at risk

    Gdiguy on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2010
    Let your stupid moron of a roommate move out. Look, you said he "comes over and gets wasted", and then he leaves. You JUST SAID that someone at your residence is getting this guy smashed and setting him loose on the road. You might think about your own responsibility here, both legal and moral.

    You say calling the cops would fuck up his life? You might SAVE his life, along with any passer-bye he's unfortunate enough to literally run into on his way home.

    Your roommate is a dick and is actually, actively contributing to the probability that someone's life will end, not in any figurative, "had-the-cops-called-on-them" sense, but in a literal, "heart-and-brain-dead-in-a-ditch" sense. If you let him go like this EVERY NIGHT without doing anything, you are too.

    Call the damn cops as soon as he leaves, every night until someone cares.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    FyreWulffFyreWulff YouRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed

    I'm pretty sure people that give jobs don't care about your family's opinion of you. If he doesn't want to be cut off from the teat, he needs to give up the bottle.

    He can enter rehab in most areas confidentially.

    FyreWulff on
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    InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    You realize his life will be more ruined when he kills someone right?

    Infidel on
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    SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed

    Well, I guess that leaves you with your current policy of doing nothing until he's dead or someone else is. Then you can console yourself that at least he;s not homeless. Prison is a home, right?

    Sentry on
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    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
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    wogiwogi Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed

    And this is worse than him killing someone how?
    Dude, this guy needs to get under control, and if he can't do it himself, he needs a hard push in the right direction. A night in lockup is a start. He will likely be forced to go to AA by the court, and that will be a few steps in the right direction.

    If he knows his parents would disown him if he got caught drinking, then he knows the risks, and has decided that drinking is worth it. Its time for a swift kick in the ass, because he's already out of control.

    wogi on
    http://bit.ly/runshort
    -Current W.I.P.
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    Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Honestly lets say you do nothing here.

    He WILL get caught at some point. He will either get pulled over, or he will cause an accident.

    He will get caught, its an absolute certainty.

    Al_wat on
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    FyreWulffFyreWulff YouRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2010
    Sentry wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed

    Well, I guess that leaves you with your current policy of doing nothing until he's dead or someone else is. Then you can console yourself that at least he;s not homeless. Prison is a home, right?

    There's basically two results here:

    1) Allow drunk driver to get wasted at your house and drive away drunk. Drives into a car, killing 5 people. Family disowns him, now lives in jail forever.

    2) Call in drunk driver until he gets busted drunk driving. Family disowns him, takes away his house and car, gets to go live in a treatment center for a month or three, gets help on finding a job and getting his own place after recovery.

    FyreWulff on
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    EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2010
    Al_wat wrote: »
    Honestly lets say you do nothing here.

    He WILL get caught at some point. He will either get pulled over, or he will cause an accident.

    He will get caught, its an absolute certainty.

    He has been pulled over 3 times and guilts the cop out of arresting him everytime by talking in Arabic then saying..

    "No No NO, Forbidden my religion does"

    "You accuse me of this"

    "no No no"

    Then speaks in Arabic some more.

    EliteLamer on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2010
    Call the cops every time he leaves there drunk and keep doing it until someone cares.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    FyreWulffFyreWulff YouRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2010
    Then call him in until a cop with a spine pulls him over.

    Or you know, call your roommate's bluff and do not allow this person to leave your house wasted anymore.

    FyreWulff on
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    BulwarkBulwark Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    He has been pulled over 3 times and guilts the cop out of arresting him everytime by talking in Arabic then saying..

    "No No NO, Forbidden my religion does"

    "You accuse me of this"

    "no No no"

    Then speaks in Arabic some more.

    This is feeling less like a real problem and more like a setup for a punchline.

    Bulwark on
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    viciousdogatakviciousdogatak Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Al_wat wrote: »
    Honestly lets say you do nothing here.

    He WILL get caught at some point. He will either get pulled over, or he will cause an accident.

    He will get caught, its an absolute certainty.

    He has been pulled over 3 times and guilts the cop out of arresting him everytime by talking in Arabic then saying..

    "No No NO, Forbidden my religion does"

    "You accuse me of this"

    "no No no"

    Then speaks in Arabic some more.

    That doesn't sound like its true. Are you sure he didn't just make it up? If someone is blackout drunk, I can't believe that a cop would let him go.

    viciousdogatak on
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    Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Al_wat wrote: »
    Honestly lets say you do nothing here.

    He WILL get caught at some point. He will either get pulled over, or he will cause an accident.

    He will get caught, its an absolute certainty.

    He has been pulled over 3 times and guilts the cop out of arresting him everytime by talking in Arabic then saying..

    "No No NO, Forbidden my religion does"

    "You accuse me of this"

    "no No no"

    Then speaks in Arabic some more.

    His luck will run out. All this proves is that his driving has been bad enough to warrant being pulled over 3 times, ergo he will be pulled over again.
    He will not get away scott free every time.

    Still - my advice to you isn't "do nothing, it will sort itself out".

    You should let him know you're going to report him if he continues to drive drunk from your home, and then follow through. Give him the chance to not repeat the behavior by communicating your intentions to him. There isn't a fucking snowball's chance in hell he will change his behavior, however, and you're going to have to follow through.

    Al_wat on
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    EliteLamerEliteLamer __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Al_wat wrote: »
    Honestly lets say you do nothing here.

    He WILL get caught at some point. He will either get pulled over, or he will cause an accident.

    He will get caught, its an absolute certainty.

    He has been pulled over 3 times and guilts the cop out of arresting him everytime by talking in Arabic then saying..

    "No No NO, Forbidden my religion does"

    "You accuse me of this"

    "no No no"

    Then speaks in Arabic some more.

    That doesn't sound like its true. Are you sure he didn't just make it up? If someone is blackout drunk, I can't believe that a cop would let him go.


    I kinda believe it.. I have seen him first hand pull some tricky stuff.. He got a 300 dollar work on his car done for 100.00.

    EliteLamer on
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    HachfaceHachface Not the Minister Farrakhan you're thinking of Dammit, Shepard!Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    If you really don't want to be the one who calls the cops on him [you should], for fuck's sake at least don't let him get drunk at your place. This is something that is totally in your control, and if he ruins his life somewhere else it is not your legal liability.

    Hachface on
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    BulwarkBulwark Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    I kinda believe it.. I have seen him first hand pull some tricky stuff.. He got a 300 dollar work on his car done for 100.00.

    Cool story, bro. So are you going to do something about your "friend" inevitably killing someone, possibly himself, or not?

    Bulwark on
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    matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    KalTorak wrote: »
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Have you actually called the cops on him and given them his plate number?

    No we say we will all the time but that would fuck up his life so bad.

    It'd fuck someone else's life up pretty bad if he slammed his car into them while driving drunk.

    You'd probably feel pretty shitty after that happened too.

    He is muslim if he gets a DUI his family will disown him and take his house, money and car.

    Did you miss the part where the alternative is someone dies?

    Or are you willing to take that risk?

    He would become homeless and shamed
    Know what happens when someone leaves a bar or party and drives drunk, and kills someone? The people who provided the alcohol get arrested too!

    matt has a problem on
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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Unlikely portions of this story aside, I don't think Lamer is interested in our rational opinion on this matter.

    Are you looking for a passive aggressive way to deal with this problem? There isn't one. You're going to hurt his feelings and possibly ruin your friendship if you do the right thing. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do the right thing, but it sounds like you have no intention of doing that.

    You can continue doing what you're doing and enabling his behaviour or you can grow some fucking balls and deal with the situation like an adult. Stop letting him come over and get hammered at your house. Stop letting him leave the house drunk. Stop letting him drive home.

    Does he have a gun to your head while doing any of these things? Then you're letting it happen.

    The worst part of this is that you know what is eventually going to happen and you're not doing anything about it. When someone is killed, you should feel just as terrible as he (hopefully) will.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    wogiwogi Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    EliteLamer wrote: »
    Al_wat wrote: »
    Honestly lets say you do nothing here.

    He WILL get caught at some point. He will either get pulled over, or he will cause an accident.

    He will get caught, its an absolute certainty.

    He has been pulled over 3 times and guilts the cop out of arresting him everytime by talking in Arabic then saying..

    "No No NO, Forbidden my religion does"

    "You accuse me of this"

    "no No no"

    Then speaks in Arabic some more.

    Call him in, and tell them that he does this. Besides - Eventually, he's going to get pulled over by someone that's pulled him over before, and they wont fall for it a second time.

    wogi on
    http://bit.ly/runshort
    -Current W.I.P.
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