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More Stupid Drama I don't need

KillgrimageKillgrimage Registered User regular
edited October 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
Hey guys, more help required :(

Remember Rebecca? Well I finally decided to break up my friendship with her because she was verbally and emotionally abusive and I'd had it. I told her that I didn't hate her, but the friendship needed to end. I was polite and a grownup about it. She came over a couple days later to collect her stuff, all the while bitching at me and treating me very poorly, even as I had collected everything into a nice box and then helped her load up her car. Then about a month later she asks for her bike and rack back. No problem, but there was no way I wanted to ever see her again, so I left them on the back porch for her to pick up, which she did. Now, another month gone, and she's asking for the "camera that she paid for" back.

Now, my husband is a camera person, and takes pics all the time. A couple years back, he had an older Canon that was easy to use but not that sophisticated. She loved that camera, and would use it alot. She liked it so much that, to be generous to us, she bought a complicated and expensive Canon D60 to give to Scott, and then we gave her the older camera. Except she couldn't pay for the whole thing, so we also gave her a 100$ in addition, but still that was a good deal for him and he bought a 600$ long lens to go with it. The new camera was clearly considered a gift, was used exclusively by us, and has stayed at our house where we continue to use it, for a year or more.

So now I figure I have a couple options:

Option 1: Ignore the request. This smells alot to me that she is running out of money and wants to sell the nicer camera that she bought. However, we are concerned that she might try to do something stupid like take us to small claims for what is a 500$ camera. I'm sure that if she doesn't have the receipt, then she can probably go back in her CC records and show proof that she bought the thing. People give gifts all the time though, how do you prove something was a gift?

Option 2: Give her back the camera, with the stipulation that we want the old camera back, and the 100$ that we gave her also. This makes me nervous because it would probably involve meeting up with her, since she lives reasonably close. We *could* ship it, but I guess we would have to insist that she ship the old camera and money first? Of course, we would only give her the camera and lens it came with, not the long lens that Scott bought with his own cash.

Option 3: Profit?

But seriously, I am freaking out here. I DON'T want to see her, and I really need her to stop contacting me. There isn't anything left in the house that belongs to her as far as I can find, but I am afraid that she is going to continue this tortuous mind game of asking for stuff she should have picked up the FIRST time around, or stuff that honestly doesn't belong to her. I am worried that if we do option 2, she will see that as us "giving in" and will try to walk all over us like she did when we were "friends." What is the best legal and non-assraping way to fix this?

Killgrimage on

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    matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    It was a gift. It was given as a gift. It was technically a trade, since she got a camera and you paid for $100 of the new camera. You're under no obligation to give it back to her. The fact that it's been in your possession for several years and her having no interaction with it should be more than enough to prove that it was a gift. If you, for whatever reason, feel like being diplomatic, sure, tell her you're willing to exchange that camera for the old one and the $100, otherwise you consider the matter closed.

    Also you need to tell her to stop contacting you, and if she continues you're going to file a harassment claim.

    matt has a problem on
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    ChillyWillyChillyWilly Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    I read the previous thread that you linked to and it seems like she left the house over a year ago on good terms. What has happened in the past year that has made you not be friends anymore? You don't have to answer this, as it's not technically related to the thread, but I'm just curious.

    As to the OP, I don't think there is really anything you can use to prove it was a gift except citing the backstory you just mentioned to us. If she can't find a receipt, it will likely be your word against hers. You know it hasn't been in her possession, obviously, but it sounds like she would lie were this to go to court. Just more drama you don't want.

    If you're really worried about meeting her in person, you can always ship the camera back and buy a new one. If your husband can afford a $600 lens, getting a new camera shouldn't be too difficult. Of course, that's only if you truly can't stand seeing her in person again.

    Option 3 is to give her nothing, tell her to leave you alone and insist that harassment charges will be filed if she continues to contact you and disrupt your life for no good reason. This is, of course, a last resort and not actually something I would do unless the situation actually warranted it. But it is an option.

    ChillyWilly on
    PAFC Top 10 Finisher in Seasons 1 and 3. 2nd in Seasons 4 and 5. Final 4 in Season 6.
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2010
    It wasn't even a gift. It was a trade. She wanted something you had and so she gave you something you wanted more for it.

    The thing is, even if you just ship it back no questions asked, you're going to keep hearing from her. She's going to keep finding things to bother you about because you folded here. I'd say it's probably better to ignore it and risk seeing her in small claims than to keep letting her shake you down for money, stuff, or attention.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    Dark_SideDark_Side Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    I think you're right op, she's probably running low on money and trying to come up with old "debts" to call in to make ends meet. I would ignore it and move on with your life, and if she tries to take you to small claims court deal with it then. Trying to get the old camera and 100 bucks back isn't going to go well, and you're just setting up this friend to try more shakedowns if you acknowledge this one. (Such as claiming the camera is in poor condition and you owe her money for damages, etc etc.)

    Without a contract or paper trail to prove she lent the camera to you, she's pretty much fucked either way, and ultimately even if she does take you to court and somehow win, you're still only out the camera which probably has depreciated in value a bit anyway. (It's the lenses that matter most, not the body.)

    Dark_Side on
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    Sir Headless VIISir Headless VII Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Don't give it back, she is just trying to bully you because she is upset. So she doesn't like the terms of your trade several years later, so what? She has absolutely no moral or legal leg to stand on, she is just trying to push you and your husband around. If you ever make contact with her again just explain that you will not give her your camera and you will not be responding to any of her requests or communications in the future.

    Sir Headless VII on
    Steam - Backpack - Bnet: SirHeadless #1154
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    bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Tell her you traded the camera and even gave her money for it, and if she wants to pursue it she can take you to court. Make sure to tell her to stop contacting you.

    I mean sure you can feel noble and have her itemize things that are still hers in your possession and agree to give them back, but that's nitpicking, no judge is going to give her this shit back. It's pretty clear cut she's just using this to harass you. You may want to look into a restraining order.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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    FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    I think that in this istuation, the ownership is clear.
    The problem is that expressing that will cause more drama.

    I guess my advice is to clearly outline how you want to communicate this message. You know this will cause drama, so be prepared and don't lose your cool. If you can put it in writing, then keep a paper trail. If this goes to its logical conclusion (a small claim or something), you want to be able to smell like roses and not rise to any bait.

    Fallingman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited October 2010
    How did she contact you?

    e-mail/post: Reply by same to express the following: "We paid for part of it and gave you the old camera in exchange. We get a lot of use out of it and don't believe that we owe you anything."

    phone/voicemail: Block her number.

    MrMonroe on
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    DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2010
    Why are you even letting this be an issue? You're letting her string you along as she makes all sorts of unreasonable requests of you. Being grown up about it doesn't mean letting her continue to jerk you and your husband around. You told her you wanted her out of your life. Now stick to your guns and stop letting her back into it. You owe her nothing. What's she going to do? Stop letting her do this to you. At this point you're letting her get away with this shit. Put your foot down and terminate contact. For good.

    Druhim on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2010
    Honestly I would say it's better not to reply at all until you are legally obligated to do so, just because it sends a message that those are the only circumstances under which you will talk to her. Not a lawyer, by the way.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    KillgrimageKillgrimage Registered User regular
    edited October 2010
    Well, the decision was made for me by my husband. I was ready to ignore/put my foot down, but he contacted her, demanding back his old camera plus the money, and then he'll send back the newer camera. Also, not to contact us anymore, I guess, but I'm not sure he handled it the way I would have. From their conversation though, it kinda looks like a dumb way to try to get us to see her, which will happen under no circumstances.

    I guess lock? You guys are right though, this should have been a non-issue but ended up affecting my whole damn day. Fuck.

    Killgrimage on
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2010
    I know how that goes. Try not to let it get you down, she's just trying to cause you stress.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
This discussion has been closed.