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To be honest I'm surprised people here in SE++ have heard that story before, I think I told it once in D&D and it didn't get commented on much, and didn't get reported
earlier tonight i was naked with a girl and she looked down at my penis and said, completely sincerely and without intending to be mean
"wow, i didn't know they could get that small!"
no part of this is a joke. that is actually what happened
i don't know how this could have been anything but an attempt at being mean, unless she was genuinely shocked
like never in her wildest dreams had she imagined something so tiny
(i left out some details to make it a funnier post)
we were sitting on my couch and i was leaning back in such a way that i had kind of sunk into it
gravity dropped my dick between my legs in such a way that only the tip + a little bit was poking out from between my thighs
my girlfriend is not the most experienced girl in the world and has rarely seen anyone's dick flaccid, and she genuinely thought that what she was seeing was my entire dick and that that was a normal size for a penis to be
i pointed out that she had just inadvertently burned me in possibly the hardest way a man can ever be burned and then collapsed into laughter
This one time when I was a Turian on the Citadel Council I blithely disregarded the warnings of one of our Spectre agents, nearly resulting in the obliteration of myself and all advanced life in the Galaxy.
As I sail over her head majestically, it hits me what I have done with full force. I have just propelled my body, 6'0" and 140 lbs., up and over a little person. What the fuck.
I now realize that making this thread was to give me access to this story.
This one time when I was a Turian on the Citadel Council I blithely disregarded the warnings of one of our Spectre agents, nearly resulting in the obliteration of myself and all advanced life in the Galaxy.
And then you moved in with your auntie and uncle in bel air
This one time when I was a Turian on the Citadel Council I blithely disregarded the warnings of one of our Spectre agents, nearly resulting in the obliteration of myself and all advanced life in the Galaxy.
Good thing you realized your mistakes and immediately created a task force to deal with the Reaper problem.
This one time when I was a Turian on the Citadel Council I blithely disregarded the warnings of one of our Spectre agents, nearly resulting in the obliteration of myself and all advanced life in the Galaxy.
Good thing you realized your mistakes and immediately created a task force to deal with the Reaper problem.
Otherwise, boy would your face be red.
Turians turn blue when embarrassed. I don't know what colour they turn when deprived of Oxygen, but I'd like to find out.
As I sail over her head majestically, it hits me what I have done with full force. I have just propelled my body, 6'0" and 140 lbs., up and over a little person. What the fuck.
I now realize that making this thread was to give me access to this story.
I heard the Achievement Unlocked sound after I did it, too, I think I forgot to mention that
I'm in an opera right now that is supposed to be set in China. During the rehearsal tonight the choral director goes "It seems like the chorus is doing more American reactions. Do you want them trying to be more Italian?", and the Director director went "no, if anything they should be acting Chinese"
Now when you say this in a room full of divas you are instantly going to get some fairly racist reactions. I put myself behind a couple large people so nobody could see what I was doing. Which is good because it was the most racist.
Unfortunately, for one of the guys, he was directly in the line-of-sight of some Asian ladies who were playing the part of attendants to the female lead. They apparently got offended by what he was doing (and it was tame compared to what others did) and they went to complain to the stage managers. Who in turn went to our union representative and complained to him. Who then had to corner the guy on our break and give him a lecture about cultural sensitivity.
The guy got SUPER upset about it. Like, he's one of those people who isn't really racist, but when you accuse him of it he freaks out so much that he starts trying to explain how he isn't racist and says a bunch of racist stuff in the process. I think as soon as you say "I have plenty of friends who are whichever group I have offended" you should probably just say you are sorry and leave it be. Nothing good ever comes when you start a rant like that.
Also! The director said "the chorus get more and more excited so the guards have to beat them off" again. I cry a little each time.
After rehearsal I called a girl fat when she mentioned that she and her hubby are trying to lose weight >_>
My brother and I were at academy one time and he told a joke that made me laugh so hard I bent over guffawing. I sent my head right onto one of those posts that they keep the weights on, leaving a perfect circle on my fore-head. I was embarrassed mightily. Then I laughed.
In I dunno 9th grade? A fairly old and clueless teacher is trying to make some point, I cannot remember it, something about opinions or points of view in an argument. And for some reason he chooses me at random and goes
"Lets say Prohass doesnt like girls..." Blah blah blah, not realising the whole class is laughing their asses off.
To be fair I dont think he even knew what gay peolpe were, he was old enough to probably think they were just happy people. I think he had meant it in a sort of "thinks theyre icky" kind of way or something, I honestly have no idea.
I slunk into my chair. I liked girls, but was a massive loser and the whole "faggot" insult was pretty much a standard.
I only got out of the situation because it took me a good minute to come to grips with what had just happened and by then the class had ended. The horrible thing was seeing it slowly dawning on the teachers face what he had said and the expression of helplessness because there was nothing he could say to reverse my embarrassment, any reference to it just made it worse. It wouldnt have been as bad if I had had some friends in the class, but it was a terrible class and I knew nobody in it, and didnt want to, every bully id ever met seemed to be in it.
EDIT:
Also I would like to thank everyone in this thread, my dad screamed from the other end of the house "WHATS SO FUNNY PROHASS?" because pretty much on every page ive burst out laughing.
What page is the "I fell face first onto the bar floor and screamed AAHHHHHH" on? I couldnt stop laughing at that. Is that even in this thread or is it the injury thread. Damn you Penny-Arcade and ctrl+t tabs, so many interesting topics!
In I dunno 9th grade? A fairly old and clueless teacher is trying to make some point, I cannot remember it, something about opinions or points of view in an argument. And for some reason he chooses me at random and goes
"Lets say Prohass doesnt like girls..." Blah blah blah, not realising the whole class is laughing their asses off.
To be fair I dont think he even knew what gay peolpe were, he was old enough to probably think they were just happy people. I think he had meant it in a sort of "thinks theyre icky" kind of way or something, I honestly have no idea.
I slunk into my chair. I liked girls, but was a massive loser and the whole "faggot" insult was pretty much a standard.
I only got out of the situation because it took me a good minute to come to grips with what had just happened and by then the class had ended. The horrible thing was seeing it slowly dawning on the teachers face what he had said and the expression of helplessness because there was nothing he could say to reverse my embarrassment, any reference to it just made it worse. It wouldnt have been as bad if I had had some friends in the class, but it was a terrible class and I knew nobody in it, and didnt want to, every bully id ever met seemed to be in it.
EDIT:
Also I would like to thank everyone in this thread, my dad screamed from the other end of the house "WHATS SO FUNNY PROHASS?" because pretty much on every page ive burst out laughing.
What page is the "I fell face first onto the bar floor and screamed AAHHHHHH" on? I couldnt stop laughing at that. Is that even in this thread or is it the injury thread. Damn you Penny-Arcade and ctrl+t tabs, so many interesting topics!
I think the times when I just barely avoided being embarrassed in public stuck with me more than the times that I was actually embarrassed.
One time on the bus coming home from kindergarten, I had to poop really bad. So bad that a little bit actually came out just before my stop. The kid in front of me turned the guy next to him and asked if he had crapped his pants with that fart, and I was off the bus before the other kid could deny it. I'm sure I looked a little odd running up the driveway with cheeks clenched to keep anything else from coming out, but no one knew the truth.
The thought of what would have happened had the accident occurred earlier in the bus ride, and the resulting ridicule still haunts me to this day though.
Also, I was wearing my favorite ninja turtle underpants
Until I read through this thread I thought I had just put Rane on ignore for some reason I'd forgotten. Even knowing that's not the case, it still seems like a pretty good idea.
In HS, the Spanish class I was in had a really cool TA. Middle of winter, as I'm walking into school I see him getting some stuff out of his car so I call out, "Hey Mr. Bowling!"
He stands up, turns around, "Oh, hey Da-" *slip* *CRUNCH* "OH FUCK MY FUCK FUCKING FUCK MY ARM FUCK FUCKING HELL OH FUCK!"
I stammer a bit. Then I go to class...
I see him 3 days later with his arm in a cast from dislocating his shoulder.
I'm a very physically expressive storyteller, and this one time in 11th grade, i was with my girlfriend and a couple buddies in a classroom with one of our more awesome teachers during lunch break, telling a story about some obnoxious old people in a movie theater. My two buddies and the teacher were standing in front of me, and my girlfriend was to the right and slightly behind me. I was waving my hands as i was talking about how this old couple kept coughing and complaining about the movie the whole way through and got to the point where i told them off, saying to my buddies "So I spun around in my seat and shook my fist at them...". The story ended there, because as I was saying this, I acted it out and punched my girlfriend right in the face. I knocked her on her ass and busted her lip >.>
ctowsley on
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SheriResident FlufferMy Living RoomRegistered Userregular
actually we dated for another 3 months >.> in that time I accidentally knocked her on her ass twice more during stories because she had a habit of standing at my side and slightly out of my peripheral vision. I've knocked countless trays and plates out of restaurant servers hands and glasses off of tables too >.>
edit: i also broke a young childs nose once while at a barnes and noble. i was summarily barred from the premises.
In I dunno 9th grade? A fairly old and clueless teacher is trying to make some point, I cannot remember it, something about opinions or points of view in an argument. And for some reason he chooses me at random and goes
"Lets say Prohass doesnt like girls..." Blah blah blah, not realising the whole class is laughing their asses off.
To be fair I dont think he even knew what gay peolpe were, he was old enough to probably think they were just happy people. I think he had meant it in a sort of "thinks theyre icky" kind of way or something, I honestly have no idea.
I slunk into my chair. I liked girls, but was a massive loser and the whole "faggot" insult was pretty much a standard.
I only got out of the situation because it took me a good minute to come to grips with what had just happened and by then the class had ended. The horrible thing was seeing it slowly dawning on the teachers face what he had said and the expression of helplessness because there was nothing he could say to reverse my embarrassment, any reference to it just made it worse. It wouldnt have been as bad if I had had some friends in the class, but it was a terrible class and I knew nobody in it, and didnt want to, every bully id ever met seemed to be in it.
EDIT:
Also I would like to thank everyone in this thread, my dad screamed from the other end of the house "WHATS SO FUNNY PROHASS?" because pretty much on every page ive burst out laughing.
What page is the "I fell face first onto the bar floor and screamed AAHHHHHH" on? I couldnt stop laughing at that. Is that even in this thread or is it the injury thread. Damn you Penny-Arcade and ctrl+t tabs, so many interesting topics!
The correct response to the teacher would have been: "Are you coming on to me?"
my friend always likes to remind me of the time we were walking up some stairs and i spun around to give him a surprise titty twister (yeah, junior high) and punched a tiny asian girl square in the face
one GF & I destroyed everyone else in the house in whatever you call that game where you put her on your shoulders and everyone else puts their GFs on their shoulders and then you BATTLE ROYALE
Until I read through this thread I thought I had just put Rane on ignore for some reason I'd forgotten. Even knowing that's not the case, it still seems like a pretty good idea.
Posts
That made my day.
How many people do you know who can say they've done that?
I'm going to be forced to jump the first midget I see
It's the condition and situation under which you did it.
It was justified and not only that, I think you deserve a medal for it!
Like Die Hard: The Little Leaping
What spring does with the cherry trees.
I am totally taking this name for the story now
Do I owe you royalties
What spring does with the cherry trees.
(i left out some details to make it a funnier post)
we were sitting on my couch and i was leaning back in such a way that i had kind of sunk into it
gravity dropped my dick between my legs in such a way that only the tip + a little bit was poking out from between my thighs
my girlfriend is not the most experienced girl in the world and has rarely seen anyone's dick flaccid, and she genuinely thought that what she was seeing was my entire dick and that that was a normal size for a penis to be
i pointed out that she had just inadvertently burned me in possibly the hardest way a man can ever be burned and then collapsed into laughter
But hadn't she seen it BEFORE this point
So I mean
Shouldn't she know better
Sheri Baldwin Photography | Facebook | Twitter | Etsy Shop | BUY ME STUFF (updated for 2014!)
i think she thought there was a lot more variance in flaccid penis size than there, in fact, is
or something
she was really embarrassed afterward, it was hilarious
I now realize that making this thread was to give me access to this story.
And then you moved in with your auntie and uncle in bel air
Good thing you realized your mistakes and immediately created a task force to deal with the Reaper problem.
Otherwise, boy would your face be red.
Turians turn blue when embarrassed. I don't know what colour they turn when deprived of Oxygen, but I'd like to find out.
I heard the Achievement Unlocked sound after I did it, too, I think I forgot to mention that
I'm in an opera right now that is supposed to be set in China. During the rehearsal tonight the choral director goes "It seems like the chorus is doing more American reactions. Do you want them trying to be more Italian?", and the Director director went "no, if anything they should be acting Chinese"
Now when you say this in a room full of divas you are instantly going to get some fairly racist reactions. I put myself behind a couple large people so nobody could see what I was doing. Which is good because it was the most racist.
Unfortunately, for one of the guys, he was directly in the line-of-sight of some Asian ladies who were playing the part of attendants to the female lead. They apparently got offended by what he was doing (and it was tame compared to what others did) and they went to complain to the stage managers. Who in turn went to our union representative and complained to him. Who then had to corner the guy on our break and give him a lecture about cultural sensitivity.
The guy got SUPER upset about it. Like, he's one of those people who isn't really racist, but when you accuse him of it he freaks out so much that he starts trying to explain how he isn't racist and says a bunch of racist stuff in the process. I think as soon as you say "I have plenty of friends who are whichever group I have offended" you should probably just say you are sorry and leave it be. Nothing good ever comes when you start a rant like that.
Also! The director said "the chorus get more and more excited so the guards have to beat them off" again. I cry a little each time.
After rehearsal I called a girl fat when she mentioned that she and her hubby are trying to lose weight >_>
"Lets say Prohass doesnt like girls..." Blah blah blah, not realising the whole class is laughing their asses off.
To be fair I dont think he even knew what gay peolpe were, he was old enough to probably think they were just happy people. I think he had meant it in a sort of "thinks theyre icky" kind of way or something, I honestly have no idea.
I slunk into my chair. I liked girls, but was a massive loser and the whole "faggot" insult was pretty much a standard.
I only got out of the situation because it took me a good minute to come to grips with what had just happened and by then the class had ended. The horrible thing was seeing it slowly dawning on the teachers face what he had said and the expression of helplessness because there was nothing he could say to reverse my embarrassment, any reference to it just made it worse. It wouldnt have been as bad if I had had some friends in the class, but it was a terrible class and I knew nobody in it, and didnt want to, every bully id ever met seemed to be in it.
EDIT:
Also I would like to thank everyone in this thread, my dad screamed from the other end of the house "WHATS SO FUNNY PROHASS?" because pretty much on every page ive burst out laughing.
What page is the "I fell face first onto the bar floor and screamed AAHHHHHH" on? I couldnt stop laughing at that. Is that even in this thread or is it the injury thread. Damn you Penny-Arcade and ctrl+t tabs, so many interesting topics!
http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?p=17995356#post17995356
It's at the very top of the page but it's Rain-eee-doodle's so it's hidden.
One time on the bus coming home from kindergarten, I had to poop really bad. So bad that a little bit actually came out just before my stop. The kid in front of me turned the guy next to him and asked if he had crapped his pants with that fart, and I was off the bus before the other kid could deny it. I'm sure I looked a little odd running up the driveway with cheeks clenched to keep anything else from coming out, but no one knew the truth.
The thought of what would have happened had the accident occurred earlier in the bus ride, and the resulting ridicule still haunts me to this day though.
Also, I was wearing my favorite ninja turtle underpants
In HS, the Spanish class I was in had a really cool TA. Middle of winter, as I'm walking into school I see him getting some stuff out of his car so I call out, "Hey Mr. Bowling!"
He stands up, turns around, "Oh, hey Da-" *slip* *CRUNCH* "OH FUCK MY FUCK FUCKING FUCK MY ARM FUCK FUCKING HELL OH FUCK!"
I stammer a bit. Then I go to class...
I see him 3 days later with his arm in a cast from dislocating his shoulder.
Sheri Baldwin Photography | Facebook | Twitter | Etsy Shop | BUY ME STUFF (updated for 2014!)
actually we dated for another 3 months >.> in that time I accidentally knocked her on her ass twice more during stories because she had a habit of standing at my side and slightly out of my peripheral vision. I've knocked countless trays and plates out of restaurant servers hands and glasses off of tables too >.>
edit: i also broke a young childs nose once while at a barnes and noble. i was summarily barred from the premises.
Except she was completely behind me.
And it was with a baseball bat.
Sure, she shouldn't have been standing that close to the batter's box during gym class, but I still felt like a big jerk.
The correct response to the teacher would have been: "Are you coming on to me?"
I ran by the tetherball courts.
I subsequently got a tetherball cord wrapped around my neck and was pulled backwards onto the ground.
I laid there for a while.
go coop
one GF & I destroyed everyone else in the house in whatever you call that game where you put her on your shoulders and everyone else puts their GFs on their shoulders and then you BATTLE ROYALE
you might be a bit Scottish if.....
is this a joke
because I will fight you on Rane's behalf
Sometimes you get socks.
SOMETIMES YOU COULD REALLY USE A NEW PAIR OF SOCKS.