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Best way to tell roomie to be more discreet about woman issues
Deusfaux
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
tampon wrappers on top of the garbage in plain sight is one thing - and really, even that's not necessary and probably too much information (push it down under other stuff or cover with a tissue or some tp, please)
BUT
visibly bloody items half assed wrapped in tp sitting out there in the open on the top of the garbage is so not acceptable.^
possibly worse are the "bits" left in the shower's drain catcher (meant to prevent hair from accumulating and clogging up the drain as has already occured once). fucking clean the catcher out after every shower ANYWAYS, but for god's sake do it when you're on your period
FYI: the garbage is just a little bin immediately next to the toilet. we could get one with a lid, but you'd still see stuff every time you put something in or were the one to take it out.
^personally I don't even like it when people have nosebleeds and leave visibly bloody tissues around. I don't need to know or see the stuff that comes out of your body
I'm 100% sure it's just ignorance and obliviousness - perhaps not enough experience living with others (she's 20? 21?)
but all the same, how do you raise this issue without embarrassing the hell out of both parties and making them want to kill themselves/move out immediately after?
MORE DISCRETION NEEDED
BUT
visibly bloody items half assed wrapped in tp sitting out there in the open on the top of the garbage is so not acceptable.^
possibly worse are the "bits" left in the shower's drain catcher (meant to prevent hair from accumulating and clogging up the drain as has already occured once). fucking clean the catcher out after every shower ANYWAYS, but for god's sake do it when you're on your period
FYI: the garbage is just a little bin immediately next to the toilet. we could get one with a lid, but you'd still see stuff every time you put something in or were the one to take it out.
^personally I don't even like it when people have nosebleeds and leave visibly bloody tissues around. I don't need to know or see the stuff that comes out of your body
I'm 100% sure it's just ignorance and obliviousness - perhaps not enough experience living with others (she's 20? 21?)
but all the same, how do you raise this issue without embarrassing the hell out of both parties and making them want to kill themselves/move out immediately after?
MORE DISCRETION NEEDED
Deusfaux on
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If you leave a note or something that's easy to perceive as passive aggressive even if your intention was to avoid embarrassment.
This is how roommates are.
edit: I'd say "Hey, not making a big deal or trying to embarrass you but can you please <however you want to word it>." with the reasoning being that you don't like the sight of any blood if you have to rationalize it. I don't either, so it's a valid thing. Menstruation really shouldn't be taboo because 51% of the population has experienced it and the other 49% know about it.
It happens. The shower thing is kinda gross, but for the rest, get a bin with a lid. Yeah, as you say, you'd still "see stuff" when you put things inside it, it's still easier to tuck something inside one of those revolving lids without looking yourself.
The shower thing is a bit gross though.
edit: meanwhile, we have a covered trash lid and it was a little full so I was trying to push one last thing in there. Suddenly it slipped and my hand plunged into something awful and slimy. Was just a yogurt container but grosssssssssss. Don't just put your hand in there!
However, leaving bloody anything is not acceptable, and this should be discussed. Just be civil about it and not like "you're a gross girl who bleeds!!" You should be fine. If you want to soften it further ask if you are doing anything gross that she hasn't mentioned and you'll try to improve.
Wrappers and stuff, though, thats ridiculous. Especially because pad wrappers are usually the best for rewraping a used one for odor, the plastic will contain it a bit. You have to get over the knowledge her period exists, or ask her to facilitate your obsessiveness.
Yes, bloody pads are gross and so are bloody tampons. But expecting her to dig little holes in the trash to hide "the evidence" is absurd. And seriously, worrying about tampon WRAPPERS?
The shower thing is different. Discuss that with her.
Incidentally, if your roomie starts using DivaCups she'll need a lot less pads. Maybe none. They are AWESOME.
Well they aren't really why I made a thread, are they?
this is amoung girls.
The difference is between knowing it exists (who cares?)
and knowing when it's happening / for the duration of it / each and every time.
One doesn't need that in their face, but it's been tolerated until things got markedly worse. (see above)
Will look at other trash bin options.
you know, like how we close the lid on the toilet (THE LID, not just the seat like every other home of people my age - why do people think toilets have a fucking lid ?)
turn on the fan to mask bathroom noise
turn on music to mask sex noise or porn videos
go into a closed room or leave to have a heated argument
it's politeness and discretion and how we like to live here.
sharing a living space with someone does not necessitate sharing everything with them
it's not up to me to talk to her, but I personally never have a problem talking to anyone about anything.
edit: I don't think it needs to be said, but yes she'll have it mentioned to her
edit 2: via note written in blood on the bathroom wall
Wait, before you made it sound like this was an ongoing thing. I'm confused. Is it that it's happened a few times and it just happened again now?
If it's habitual, wait till the guest leaves and then just talk to her about it. Don't pussyfoot around it. It's not tough.
If it's the first time? Get over it until it becomes a thing, then have a talk with her. Just be up front with her.
EDIT: (In response to your edits)
1. It does need to be said. Don't project your habits and wants/needs on others. That's the first step toward being a horrible roommate.
2. Please don't do that.
And fuck being creative, just be an adult and talk to her. For example: "Hi female roommate, the bloody tampon hanging out in the trash is kind of icky. And the bits in the shower drain are not cool. Could you take care of that please?"
Why is it "not up to you to talk to her"?
Because he feels like he shouldn't have to and she should just "know" what she's doing wrong.
Someone else is talking to her.
This assumes the problem girl also (in addition to her roommates) takes it to be a simple issue. A dialogue involves 2 people. If she has big hangups or is shocked out of obliviousness about what she's been doing it could have more serious effects on the relationships here. Just because it's not a big deal to US (you, I, most of the people here) doesn't mean we can go around treating it and talking about it like it's not a big deal to anyone.
There are specifics in how one could or might approach a potentially sensitive topic. (tact, etc). But hardly anyone wanted to really get into that and instead just dump on the OP, as is all too often the case here.
There are multiple roommates. The one speaking to her thinks it is a problem. I already said I don't have a problem talking to anyone about anything.
For the record: not looking for any more help or advice in the event you think I still am. It's dead in the water
We've already told you what you or this mysterious third party need to do. Try and not be so hostile when you want advice. You asked a simple question and you're getting a simple answer which for some reason doesn't seem to be what you want to hear. You're rather needlessly over complicating the situation.
and...
Deusfaux wrote:
Esh, your crystal ball fucking sucks. When you assume you make an ass out of yourself. Only yourself.
Someone else is talking to her.
Deusfax wrote:
"edit: I don't think it needs to be said, but yes she'll have it mentioned to her"
I just repeated what you said. Calm down.
I know you're not looking for more advice at the moment, but chilling out about the simple things is probably a good idea
sorry, maybe you're off the hook here:
I meant I dont think it needs to be made clear to the thread audience here,
but that yes she'll be talked to IRL (so people stop giving that as their only "advice")
edit: there's just the prevailing attitude here that if someone makes a thread about something, that person must believe it's a big deal, and they're too excited or too angry or too emotional or too this or that, and they're always told 90% of the problem is them for being too sensitive or upset or whatever.
I'm like, dudes, this is one of 5 tabs I have open, in addition to Steam and winamp blasting music, and I'm making and eating a wrap and texting people on the phone and they're just words on the internet asking for the casual opinions of some people who are likely to respond very quickly. It means literally nothing in the grand scheme of things, yet people always take it upon themselves to remind the OP of HA threads of that, like they didn't already know.
I wanted to see if people had a creative or skilled way of broaching the subject with her, that protects her dignity, saves everyone from embarrassment and yet still ensures the issue will be addressed.
The best I got was "just talk to her".* Well, that's really descriptive and helpful. And of course the pile of personal criticism for having a problem that needs HA in the first place So, forget it, it's over. Words of our own careful choosing will be thought out.
*actually that first reply suggesting to keep it real short is a good consideration. calm and rational and given, i think.
edit: You might be reading between the lines, I didn't really mean to imply that you were crazy? Generally being really cute about issues like this just makes it weird. I guess if you want some Shakespearian lines for it, I'm not really surprised people didn't assume that. I'm sorry that the thread isn't serving your interests, You can easily state we're going in the wrong direction, without much issue.
You can modify a very small trash can top to have a sanitary drop hole, I guess, Is that the sort of solution you're looking for?
on her - I mean, if I knew more maybe I'd have more to share, as it stands she's too new and just a big question mark
-But see it doesn't matter anyways because the surest bet is you treat someone the safest way possible. You can't go wrong with that. If she's very open and understanding and not overly sensitive, great, you didn't need to be so delicate! You hope for the best, but you prepare for the worst.
Sincerely apologize if I am being too unspecific, but I really dont see the point in trying to be less than strait forward.
But man, the second one? That is totally your problem and not hers. You need to get over that. You are complaining that there is rubbish in the rubbish bin. This is ridiculous. If the bin was never emptied and it became a temple of blood and pads that would be different, but it is not.
You need to get over it or buy a bin with a lid yourself.
Satans..... hints.....