Engagement Ring Questions. Mostly about Gems: Answered! Please Lock

ahava

but the world's not perfect VoC, and those things happen. I lived through it. Guy asked me to marry him, diamond platinum ring, but since he didn't ask permission....

it could and can and might be a thing. And just because it's 'not perfect' doesn't mean it's not an angle to be considered.

The.White.Acre

VisionOfClarity wrote: »

The.White.Acre wrote: »

I don't know a huge amount about rings, but I just thought I'd mention that if you are considering getting something other than a "real" diamond, you should also be aware of what her dad thinks. It might seem like old fashioned (which in some ways it is) and silly, but in the same way that many fathers want/need to be asked for permission, they also can have ideas as to what is "good enough" for their daughters.

I'm only saying this because I saw the shit everyone went through after my sister got engaged to a guy who did not even consider asking my father for consent and also bought my sister a saphire ring (her birth stone) which was the first reason of many why they ended up eloping and why there has not been a single word between my parents and them since. (It been over four years now).

That is completely misogynistic and absolute shit advice.


Also, the person causing the problem in your story is your misogynistic father, not your sister or her husband. And he really needed to get over it years ago.

How does that make my father misogynistic, may I ask?

I kind of rambled when I first typed this up, but basically what I meant was that it can be good to show your future father in law that you respect him and his opinion, even if you don't. It can help make the relationship a bit smoother.

Also, the thing about the saphire ring instead of a diamond one, from what I understand, is that the wedding/engangement rings are supposed to be, as a pair, the one good peice of jewellery a woman has, that she will have for the rest of her life. Buying a decent ring is also supposed to show that the young man is willing and able to save up and buy something of decent value- a sign that says he is able to support the family he is about to start.

Also, for the record, my brother-in-law is a genuine creep, and there was many other reasons for what happened, this was just one. The fault is on both sides, and my dad is not a misogynist- just a bit sexist.

Six

Deebaser wrote: »

Six wrote: »

I'm shopping for engagement rings now and I'm doing everything I can to avoid mined diamonds.

Im with you man, but dude-to-dude, make sure she is on board with non diamonds before you give her a non diamond.

She is.

It's been my experience that many women, once they learn about why diamonds are considered the standard for engagement rings (a DeBeers marketing campaign), why diamonds are so expensive (a DeBeers monopoly combined with artificially-constrained supply) and the problems that diamond mining causes in Africa, are more than happy to talk about either lab-created diamonds, diamond simulants like moissanite, or other stones.

My biggest problem with lab-created diamonds is that the most common ones have the color of piss.

Blake T

You know, diamonds only became invogue in the fifties when debeers did their marketing campaign of diamonds for engagement rings.

Before that sapphires were super popular.

VisionOfClarity

The.White.Acre wrote: »

VisionOfClarity wrote: »

The.White.Acre wrote: »

I don't know a huge amount about rings, but I just thought I'd mention that if you are considering getting something other than a "real" diamond, you should also be aware of what her dad thinks. It might seem like old fashioned (which in some ways it is) and silly, but in the same way that many fathers want/need to be asked for permission, they also can have ideas as to what is "good enough" for their daughters.

I'm only saying this because I saw the shit everyone went through after my sister got engaged to a guy who did not even consider asking my father for consent and also bought my sister a saphire ring (her birth stone) which was the first reason of many why they ended up eloping and why there has not been a single word between my parents and them since. (It been over four years now).

That is completely misogynistic and absolute shit advice.


Also, the person causing the problem in your story is your misogynistic father, not your sister or her husband. And he really needed to get over it years ago.

How does that make my father misogynistic, may I ask?

I kind of rambled when I first typed this up, but basically what I meant was that it can be good to show your future father in law that you respect him and his opinion, even if you don't. It can help make the relationship a bit smoother.

Also, the thing about the saphire ring instead of a diamond one, from what I understand, is that the wedding/engangement rings are supposed to be, as a pair, the one good peice of jewellery a woman has, that she will have for the rest of her life. Buying a decent ring is also supposed to show that the young man is willing and able to save up and buy something of decent value- a sign that says he is able to support the family he is about to start.

Also, for the record, my brother-in-law is a genuine creep, and there was many other reasons for what happened, this was just one. The fault is on both sides, and my dad is not a misogynist- just a bit sexist.

The an engagement ring/wedding rings are what the couple want them to be. Saying that buying a nice diamond shows he can care for his woman is completely incorrect. And today many couples are choosing to go with something else that suites their personalities more. The idea that you have to save up 3 months salary and spend it on a big diamond solitaire is completely outdated.

Shanadeus

Sarcastro wrote: »

Shanadeus wrote: »

Sarcastro wrote: »

Six wrote: »

My problem with conflict-free diamonds is that they still help support the market for diamonds overall, which supports the market for conflict diamonds/helps line DeBeers' pockets.

I'm shopping for engagement rings now and I'm doing everything I can to avoid mined diamonds.

I feel the same way, but in regards to engagement ring hype in general. Theres no real reason for it other than a marketing plan so brilliant it has become a cultural expectation. Still buying a rock the size of Texas though, cuz that's what baby wants.

I'm just glad I won't have to bother with expensive rings and will be able to just put that cash on something more useful.

Its weird that a hunk of hard rock is supposed to symbolize being together forever. I mean, the reality is if you really wanted to say 'i wanna grow old with you', you'd invest in a mutual fund, get joint medical, and pour what you could into a solid retirement savings plan. :P

Oh and I'm hearing some good stuff about Canadian diamonds these days as well, esp in terms of the blood to carat ratio.

Exactly.
Or you can put the money towards paying off your mortgages or for that sweet home cinema system in the basement.

Kistra

The.White.Acre wrote: »

VisionOfClarity wrote: »

The.White.Acre wrote: »

I don't know a huge amount about rings, but I just thought I'd mention that if you are considering getting something other than a "real" diamond, you should also be aware of what her dad thinks. It might seem like old fashioned (which in some ways it is) and silly, but in the same way that many fathers want/need to be asked for permission, they also can have ideas as to what is "good enough" for their daughters.

I'm only saying this because I saw the shit everyone went through after my sister got engaged to a guy who did not even consider asking my father for consent and also bought my sister a saphire ring (her birth stone) which was the first reason of many why they ended up eloping and why there has not been a single word between my parents and them since. (It been over four years now).

That is completely misogynistic and absolute shit advice.


Also, the person causing the problem in your story is your misogynistic father, not your sister or her husband. And he really needed to get over it years ago.

How does that make my father misogynistic, may I ask?

I kind of rambled when I first typed this up, but basically what I meant was that it can be good to show your future father in law that you respect him and his opinion, even if you don't. It can help make the relationship a bit smoother.

Also, the thing about the saphire ring instead of a diamond one, from what I understand, is that the wedding/engangement rings are supposed to be, as a pair, the one good peice of jewellery a woman has, that she will have for the rest of her life. Buying a decent ring is also supposed to show that the young man is willing and able to save up and buy something of decent value- a sign that says he is able to support the family he is about to start.

Also, for the record, my brother-in-law is a genuine creep, and there was many other reasons for what happened, this was just one. The fault is on both sides, and my dad is not a misogynist- just a bit sexist.

It is a sign that your father misogynistic because he thinks he has the right to control your sister's future. You are saying he should have been asked for consent, not even just permission like is more common these days.

And no, it is not just "better safe than sorry" to ask a future father in law. If my husband had done that I would have left him.

Wouldn't saving up for a down payment on a house or a 401k actually be a much more useful sign of the guy's ability to save money and support a family?

Nisi

Deebaser wrote: »

VisionOfClarity wrote: »

from what I understood it was difficult to find synthetic diamonds in the states and that they tend to be more expensive than diamonds

VoC is correct. If you read the fine print, Diamond Nexus Labs does not make diamonds in a lab. They manufacture "diamond simulants". It's glass cut to look like a diamond. People often confuse them for "Synthetic diamonds" which are actual diamonds that are created in a lab.

Colorless Synthetic diamonds still cost $TEXAS and are not yet widely commercially available. I just got engaged myself and did a lot of homework in the lead up (IIRC I even started a similar H/A thread )

If you want an actual diamond, check out Blue Nile. They sell loose conflict free stones at a fair price and the database is easy to browse.

Good luck!

I worked once in Blue Nile's Seattle call center as a temporary seasonal worker, and I definitely recommend them, plus they have a lot of knowledgable people in the call center who can help if you have any questions about diamonds.

ceres

Let's keep this thread on topic, that topic being jewelry.

webguy20

Hey Ceres I think I've gotten what I needed from this thread, and as it seems to be drifting you can feel free to lock it.