Helping a depressed friend

[Deleted User]

Hello. My friend's unemployed and it has him down.

We used to grab dinner together at least once a week; I think that was good for his spirits.

Recently he left dinner early, saying he was tired and sad and just wanted to rest. We haven't had dinner together since then because he stopped responding to my attempts to contact him.

I've spoken with mutual friends and he's been freezing them out recently too.

I don't think he's hurting himself or anything drastic like that, but he's been pretty withdrawn; don't think he's really left the apartment or done anything fun in weeks.

I'd like to help him break out of this funk but I'm stumped.

Ideas?

Thank you.

RedDelicious

Just try to be a supportive friend and actively try to spend time with him/involve him in things without being too forceful about it.

Wezoin

Hang out with him and try to distract him from the fact that he's unemployed, and avoid talking about his depression - just be a friend and don't draw attention to it.

jefe414

Do you run? Work out? Play pickup sports? Try getting him to go and join you and your other friends doing FREE active stuff. The dinner thing almost makes sense solely on the fact that this dude isn't making money at a job. It's possible having dinner reminds him of this fact (coming up with the cash). Depression can be slow and subtle or happen all at once. being active and doing free things might help out.

Edd

I agree with all aforementioned "spend lots of time / encourage exercise" advice.

But, it's worth pointing out that one doesn't just pull someone out of a state of diagnosable depression. It generally takes a good deal of time and commitment on behalf of the depressed.

jefe414

Edd wrote: »

I agree with all aforementioned "spend lots of time / encourage exercise" advice.

But, it's worth pointing out that one doesn't just pull someone out of a state of diagnosable depression. It generally takes a good deal of time and commitment on behalf of the depressed.

I agree. The original post said "recently" so hopefully it will be easier. With spring around the corner and days getting longer, that might help as well. Even when in a great place in life I tend to get a little depressed in the winter (generally post Christmas). Once Daylight Savings Time returns and I get that extra hour + of light post work, I find my mood naturally improves.

Bliss 101

Be available, but make sure you're not making him feel guilty for not being socially active anymore.

Wezoin wrote: »

Hang out with him and try to distract him from the fact that he's unemployed, and avoid talking about his depression - just be a friend and don't draw attention to it.

I kinda agree with this, as long as you don't turn it into an "elephant in the room" situation. When I was depressed I was grateful that people acknowledged the state I was in, that I wasn't expected to participate in the way I usually would. "Hi I know you're still feeling down, but if you're up to it, it'd be great if you'd join us..."

Depressed people tend to interpret everything in the most negative way possible. They don't think rationally. If you invite them out, they'll feel guilty for not wanting to come. If you don't invite them, they'll think you've abandoned them (and blame themselves for it). There's a very thin line to walk.

[Deleted User]

Appreciate the advice, thanks all.

We weren't going out for dinner, actually. We took turns cooking cheap home-made food for each other; a communion of the young and poor, of sorts.

The situation's made a little more delicate because we don't have any other friends in the area; we're both recent transplants to this city. When I say he's been freezing out "other friends", I mean he's even having trouble mustering the energy to play online games with the usual gang of e-friends from our old state.

I think exercise is a great idea. We're both pretty avid runners and we've both fallen off the wagon lately; would be a good way to stay active and social, I think.