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Well the party happened and all that. Went over reasonably well, Mira came with her boyfriend, I said nothing to him and it was pretty awkward for me. When i went to Mira's place to meet up with her and her sister beforehand, her sister had bought drinks for me because i made the excuse that i wasnt going to drink because I needed to save some money for some school books, which is not entirely untrue.
She also recorded a music CD for me (Shes a musician/singer, and a good one, gets played on CBC Radio and such.) and that was pretty surprising, but also a nice gesture I guess. At the party I tried to keep myself a bit low key but it didnt help much that Mira's sister kept pouring drinks and i had to cut myself off. I stayed for a couple hours before going back, Mira's sister asked if she could walk me home, i politely declined saying I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. So this thing with her sister still has me confused, shes never been this friendly with me, but i cant tell what her intentions are.
It seems to me with Mira's boyfriend though that she is going to take the "im going to pretend nothing happened" route for now. I am ok with this, I dont want to mess up their relationship and in the end its her choice and her life.
Anyway, is there any reason why you wouldn't want to date the sister? I mean, baring all the stuff that happened with sister #1, sister #2 sounds pretty great. I wouldn't let your past history with sister 1 completely rule that out.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
is the sister aware of what happened? If there's no possibility for a relationship, i assume it's none of her business. It sounds like you get on well with the sister and all though. Is Mira vindictive enough to sleep with you just to ruin things for her sister? Being the "other guy" totally sucks, though. you feel bad for some dude you barely know for NOT fighting off his GF hard enough.
Sounds like Mira's sister is into you. (Mix tape!)
LadyM on
0
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
edited March 2011
I will cut the next person to post a video about mix tapes. Also, I can't check right now, but those better be sfw. Because if they aren't... *fistwave*
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Mine is not only safe for work, but will make work better.
It was either post that, or the entire movie High Fidelity.
Either way, you don't get more obvious then a mix tape.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
I've been in this exact situation. Literally. Exact. Girl from way back. Came back into town. Slept with her while she was dating someone. Younger sister had a crush on me. I played it differently than you are. Trust me. It is NOT worth it.
I slept with her, and the next day she made the decision to break up with her boyfriend. He went NUTS. Started stalking and harassing her. Eventually we called the cops and he backed off, but the torture didn't stop there. She, while initially totally into the idea of cheating (apparently. I wasn't even aware she was seeing someone until AFTER the deed was done. that's some pillow talk, i tell ya), eventually came to resent herself and felt extremely guilty. She felt obligated to see me regularly so that she didn't feel like she'd just wasted all the time she'd spent with that guy on a single night with me. I felt obligated to do the same because I'd just participated in ruining ANOTHER ONE OF HER RELATIONSHIPS (the last time, she had an abusive boyfriend and i'd just encouraged her to end it -- no sex or anything, was just being a good guy, but i participated in the end of it). Long story short, it was a horrible relationship that lasted a month and led to a lot of therapy (for her) and guilt-driven drinking (for me). I'm no longer friends with her, her sister (who found out about everything and disowned me, understandably), and all because I didn't rebuke her advances (or even ask if she was seeing anyone, really, BUT WHO DOESNT BRING THAT UP?)
So yeah. Keep doin what you're doin. Bitches like that be crazy hard to deal with.
I dunno, i dont really think I want to pursue the sister based on the fact that regardless if Mira has a boyfriend, if i pursued her sister i think it could cause some issues. That and as much as i do think the sister is cool, at this moment i'm just not that into it. Things could change, but i'm so focused on avoiding drama and focusing on my schooling that keeping them all at a decent distance sounds good to me right now.
I dunno, i dont really think I want to pursue the sister based on the fact that regardless if Mira has a boyfriend, if i pursued her sister i think it could cause some issues. That and as much as i do think the sister is cool, at this moment i'm just not that into it. Things could change, but i'm so focused on avoiding drama and focusing on my schooling that keeping them all at a decent distance sounds good to me right now.
Yeah. If you ever do decide to go for the sister, don't let Mira's feelings and situation stop you. Obviously she's had and still has time to get her feelings for you sorted out.
I dunno, i dont really think I want to pursue the sister based on the fact that regardless if Mira has a boyfriend, if i pursued her sister i think it could cause some issues. That and as much as i do think the sister is cool, at this moment i'm just not that into it. Things could change, but i'm so focused on avoiding drama and focusing on my schooling that keeping them all at a decent distance sounds good to me right now.
Then it's probably best to make sure the sister knows that before she lets herself get too carried away.
Xagarath on
0
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
I dunno, i dont really think I want to pursue the sister based on the fact that regardless if Mira has a boyfriend, if i pursued her sister i think it could cause some issues. That and as much as i do think the sister is cool, at this moment i'm just not that into it. Things could change, but i'm so focused on avoiding drama and focusing on my schooling that keeping them all at a decent distance sounds good to me right now.
Then it's probably best to make sure the sister knows that before she lets herself get too carried away.
That depends entirely upon a number of things, like how far in the future they might get together, or you know, the OP actually being interested in the sister.
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
OP--you are correct in thoughts and deeds at this point. I'm sure you regret hooking up with her int he first place, but you like her. I sincerely hope she figures it out and heads your way, bagage free. I can't give you the best advice on extraction or damage control (other than "manage expectations. Hers and yours)--but I can provide you with VINDICATION.
My Story: Got together with my ex, when she cheated on her BF with me. Not together right away, but a whole wound-up graduate school style affair that involved study sessions, projects, trips to my apartment (b/c the boyfriend was living at hers! He moved out here for her!), etc... All of this culminated in her telling him to move home. I was ecstatic.
Fell in love? I certainly thought so and she had reciprocated, so I was thinking everything was going swell. Then--as relationship happen, cheating or no--we fought more and became resentful over each others behavior and attitudes. Ha, we were getting to know each other. She pulled a being distant with head games and our last month together was like hanging out in a burn ward, knowing you aren't gonna make it.
Final Straw (or YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, OP): after months of plain old infidelity, she tells her bf. I thought they were exs, she really hadn't been clear and I really hadn't asked because I was trying to steal her. Bf texts me, threats, macho bullshit-- The girl and I no longer speak, and that concludes one of the dumbest sagas of my young life.
I will NEVER fool around with a girl with a BF again if only for this reason: Not Worth It.
I never get why the BF in these situations want to pound the other guy. I'd be pissed at the GF not him! I certainly wouldn't want to be buddies with the guy, but i guess you can't punch her, so who is left?
Anyways, you may want to distance yourself from both of these girls for a bit. if not cut yourself out of their lives, at least stop cuddling on a couch/bed with them. It's tough to move on with Mira around, and I'm betting once the whole Mira thing is resolved, and you find yourself a new lady to flirt with, sister will flip out if she sees you together.
Mira called me today saying her boyfriend was leaving for work again (He goes away for weeks at a time for work.) so yeah, thats interesting thing to call me about. I can't really distance myself from them entirely because they are really good friends of mine, and deep into my own circle of friends so it would sort of cut off my social life were I to do so.
Ontop of that Mira's sister hasn't done anything other than show interest in me, and as far as she goes there really isn't anything wrong with that and I am capable of turning her down and not leading her on. I am sure she will continue to pursue a friendship regardless of anything. What worries me is that Mira is calling me this way, and i'm wondering if she's going to be trying to drop in on me while he's gone to work now. She lives so close that she can easily just drop in unannounced. I can totally turn her down though if she tries something again, but it's really hard to completely avoid 2 people who are constantly in my life no matter what I do.
Start seeing other people. I assure you that if you start going on dates with women who are NOT these two, the fact that they are after you so hard will fall off your radar. I'm not saying start a new relationship with anyone. Just meet some new women. Women without all the baggage. It's good for your perspective to remember just how many people are out there.
Namrok on
0
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
edited March 2011
You don't need to worry about it if you're really determined to turn her down. If you don't want her presence you can always tell you're in the middle of something and it's not a good time, or you can even just tell her you need some space for a while, but there's really no reason to be concerned unless you're worried you'll decide to participate.
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
You don't need to worry about it if you're really determined to turn her down. If you don't want her presence you can always tell you're in the middle of something and it's not a good time, or you can even just tell her you need some space for a while, but there's really no reason to be concerned unless you're worried you'll decide to participate.
This is true, seeing them when i am out with other friends is totally different than letting her drop in and not turning her away.
Also the seeing other women thing isn't bad advice either. I dont get out much due to my corespondence studies but I'm sure i could swing it somehow.
Mira called me today saying her boyfriend was leaving for work again (He goes away for weeks at a time for work.) so yeah, thats interesting thing to call me about. I can't really distance myself from them entirely because they are really good friends of mine, and deep into my own circle of friends so it would sort of cut off my social life were I to do so.
Just a query regarding this section I've bolded (not exactly relevant to the situation, but it might be)...
What does her BF do for a living that takes him away for stretches at a time? I happen to work in an industry where long distance travel or work terms take the employees away to remote places for long stretches at a time, and Mira's behavior is relatively common among wives and gf's of these workers. Break ups and fights are often over how much time they spend away from home, regardless of the financial stability that this work brings to the relationship.
What this could be is that she's feeling resentful that her guy isn't around as much as she would like and is craving attention. You happen to be a readily available and accessible source of this attention so she's substituting you for him while he's away. It might not necessarily be that she's got the hots for you, and could maybe be worth consideration to explain some of her behavior.
Whether this is the case or not, dipping your pen in someone else's ink is never a recommended practice. If a similar situation arises where you're left alone with her and she seems to be trying to put moves on you, take that oppurtunity to set things straight.
All this is moot if you just remove yourself from the situation, however.
Mira called me today saying her boyfriend was leaving for work again (He goes away for weeks at a time for work.) so yeah, thats interesting thing to call me about. I can't really distance myself from them entirely because they are really good friends of mine, and deep into my own circle of friends so it would sort of cut off my social life were I to do so.
Just a query regarding this section I've bolded (not exactly relevant to the situation, but it might be)...
What does her BF do for a living that takes him away for stretches at a time? I happen to work in an industry where long distance travel or work terms take the employees away to remote places for long stretches at a time, and Mira's behavior is relatively common among wives and gf's of these workers. Break ups and fights are often over how much time they spend away from home, regardless of the financial stability that this work brings to the relationship.
What this could be is that she's feeling resentful that her guy isn't around as much as she would like and is craving attention. You happen to be a readily available and accessible source of this attention so she's substituting you for him while he's away. It might not necessarily be that she's got the hots for you, and could maybe be worth consideration to explain some of her behavior.
Whether this is the case or not, dipping your pen in someone else's ink is never a recommended practice. If a similar situation arises where you're left alone with her and she seems to be trying to put moves on you, take that oppurtunity to set things straight.
All this is moot if you just remove yourself from the situation, however.
This has crossed my mind, definitely. It's why i mentioned it actually. The thing is when she did this cheating thing before, her boyfriend was only going away for 2 days to a town over, not even an extended time. Regardless I wont let her do it again, no matter how hard she tries again. Who knows, she was feeling pretty guilty about it when i talked to her about it after the fact so theres also a good chance the situation wont even arise.
I agree though that him leaving for weeks at a time for his job is going to put a damper on that relationship for sure. I can already see it, and thats outside the cheating issue. In any case I wont let her use me as a substitute if thats her plan, and I wont let her be indecisive about it. Whether she likes me more or not is irrelevant and she knows it, because we both know that I dont plan to stay here in this town for the long term, so her choosing me over him would not be beneficial to her for a long term thing anyways and I am sure thats also a factor in this. (I actually really dont like this town as a place to live, at all. I like the people i know here, but thats about it.)
Posts
She also recorded a music CD for me (Shes a musician/singer, and a good one, gets played on CBC Radio and such.) and that was pretty surprising, but also a nice gesture I guess. At the party I tried to keep myself a bit low key but it didnt help much that Mira's sister kept pouring drinks and i had to cut myself off. I stayed for a couple hours before going back, Mira's sister asked if she could walk me home, i politely declined saying I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. So this thing with her sister still has me confused, shes never been this friendly with me, but i cant tell what her intentions are.
It seems to me with Mira's boyfriend though that she is going to take the "im going to pretend nothing happened" route for now. I am ok with this, I dont want to mess up their relationship and in the end its her choice and her life.
Every person in this thread sees her sisters intentions.
And her sister sounds awesome btw.
Even if you don't go for her you need to realize that from what you are saying she seems to be crushing on you pretty hard.
I mean come on, she gave you a mix cd.
I am glad you are holding strong with Mira though. You seem to be doing the right thing.
It reminds me of that Office episode where everybody knew that Angela was cheating on Andy.
Seriously. This is starting to feel like amateur hour.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw46vGwwpak
Anyway, is there any reason why you wouldn't want to date the sister? I mean, baring all the stuff that happened with sister #1, sister #2 sounds pretty great. I wouldn't let your past history with sister 1 completely rule that out.
Another mixtape related vid...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LU7leX9RCc
It was either post that, or the entire movie High Fidelity.
Either way, you don't get more obvious then a mix tape.
I slept with her, and the next day she made the decision to break up with her boyfriend. He went NUTS. Started stalking and harassing her. Eventually we called the cops and he backed off, but the torture didn't stop there. She, while initially totally into the idea of cheating (apparently. I wasn't even aware she was seeing someone until AFTER the deed was done. that's some pillow talk, i tell ya), eventually came to resent herself and felt extremely guilty. She felt obligated to see me regularly so that she didn't feel like she'd just wasted all the time she'd spent with that guy on a single night with me. I felt obligated to do the same because I'd just participated in ruining ANOTHER ONE OF HER RELATIONSHIPS (the last time, she had an abusive boyfriend and i'd just encouraged her to end it -- no sex or anything, was just being a good guy, but i participated in the end of it). Long story short, it was a horrible relationship that lasted a month and led to a lot of therapy (for her) and guilt-driven drinking (for me). I'm no longer friends with her, her sister (who found out about everything and disowned me, understandably), and all because I didn't rebuke her advances (or even ask if she was seeing anyone, really, BUT WHO DOESNT BRING THAT UP?)
So yeah. Keep doin what you're doin. Bitches like that be crazy hard to deal with.
Telling her boyfriend will basically get two people mad at you.
Tell me your secrets?
Obviously that statement isn't entirely true, considering I let a girl cheat on her boyfriend with me.
Yeah. If you ever do decide to go for the sister, don't let Mira's feelings and situation stop you. Obviously she's had and still has time to get her feelings for you sorted out.
Then it's probably best to make sure the sister knows that before she lets herself get too carried away.
That depends entirely upon a number of things, like how far in the future they might get together, or you know, the OP actually being interested in the sister.
OP--you are correct in thoughts and deeds at this point. I'm sure you regret hooking up with her int he first place, but you like her. I sincerely hope she figures it out and heads your way, bagage free. I can't give you the best advice on extraction or damage control (other than "manage expectations. Hers and yours)--but I can provide you with VINDICATION.
My Story: Got together with my ex, when she cheated on her BF with me. Not together right away, but a whole wound-up graduate school style affair that involved study sessions, projects, trips to my apartment (b/c the boyfriend was living at hers! He moved out here for her!), etc... All of this culminated in her telling him to move home. I was ecstatic.
Fell in love? I certainly thought so and she had reciprocated, so I was thinking everything was going swell. Then--as relationship happen, cheating or no--we fought more and became resentful over each others behavior and attitudes. Ha, we were getting to know each other. She pulled a being distant with head games and our last month together was like hanging out in a burn ward, knowing you aren't gonna make it.
Final Straw (or YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, OP): after months of plain old infidelity, she tells her bf. I thought they were exs, she really hadn't been clear and I really hadn't asked because I was trying to steal her. Bf texts me, threats, macho bullshit-- The girl and I no longer speak, and that concludes one of the dumbest sagas of my young life.
I will NEVER fool around with a girl with a BF again if only for this reason: Not Worth It.
Anyways, you may want to distance yourself from both of these girls for a bit. if not cut yourself out of their lives, at least stop cuddling on a couch/bed with them. It's tough to move on with Mira around, and I'm betting once the whole Mira thing is resolved, and you find yourself a new lady to flirt with, sister will flip out if she sees you together.
Ontop of that Mira's sister hasn't done anything other than show interest in me, and as far as she goes there really isn't anything wrong with that and I am capable of turning her down and not leading her on. I am sure she will continue to pursue a friendship regardless of anything. What worries me is that Mira is calling me this way, and i'm wondering if she's going to be trying to drop in on me while he's gone to work now. She lives so close that she can easily just drop in unannounced. I can totally turn her down though if she tries something again, but it's really hard to completely avoid 2 people who are constantly in my life no matter what I do.
Start seeing other people. I assure you that if you start going on dates with women who are NOT these two, the fact that they are after you so hard will fall off your radar. I'm not saying start a new relationship with anyone. Just meet some new women. Women without all the baggage. It's good for your perspective to remember just how many people are out there.
This is true, seeing them when i am out with other friends is totally different than letting her drop in and not turning her away.
Also the seeing other women thing isn't bad advice either. I dont get out much due to my corespondence studies but I'm sure i could swing it somehow.
Just a query regarding this section I've bolded (not exactly relevant to the situation, but it might be)...
What does her BF do for a living that takes him away for stretches at a time? I happen to work in an industry where long distance travel or work terms take the employees away to remote places for long stretches at a time, and Mira's behavior is relatively common among wives and gf's of these workers. Break ups and fights are often over how much time they spend away from home, regardless of the financial stability that this work brings to the relationship.
What this could be is that she's feeling resentful that her guy isn't around as much as she would like and is craving attention. You happen to be a readily available and accessible source of this attention so she's substituting you for him while he's away. It might not necessarily be that she's got the hots for you, and could maybe be worth consideration to explain some of her behavior.
Whether this is the case or not, dipping your pen in someone else's ink is never a recommended practice. If a similar situation arises where you're left alone with her and she seems to be trying to put moves on you, take that oppurtunity to set things straight.
All this is moot if you just remove yourself from the situation, however.
Mmmmm....toasty.
This has crossed my mind, definitely. It's why i mentioned it actually. The thing is when she did this cheating thing before, her boyfriend was only going away for 2 days to a town over, not even an extended time. Regardless I wont let her do it again, no matter how hard she tries again. Who knows, she was feeling pretty guilty about it when i talked to her about it after the fact so theres also a good chance the situation wont even arise.
I agree though that him leaving for weeks at a time for his job is going to put a damper on that relationship for sure. I can already see it, and thats outside the cheating issue. In any case I wont let her use me as a substitute if thats her plan, and I wont let her be indecisive about it. Whether she likes me more or not is irrelevant and she knows it, because we both know that I dont plan to stay here in this town for the long term, so her choosing me over him would not be beneficial to her for a long term thing anyways and I am sure thats also a factor in this. (I actually really dont like this town as a place to live, at all. I like the people i know here, but thats about it.)