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First date with a girl tomorrow
Misteareus
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey all,
Thanks for your help with my last thread about the LSATs. I've been applying myself in the community a lot more, and I just really appreciate all the advice I got.
Now on to the current topic:
I've been friends with this girl for about three months. Yesterday, I asked her out and she said yes. Yay! Anyway, tomorrow I'll be taking her out to dinner and then we're going to go for a walk in the park. The only issue is, this is my first date ever. I've asked a few times in the past, and have been rejected, but that was before I shaped up, lost weight, started practicing basic hygiene, etc.
I really like this girl, and I'm confident she likes me, but I just don't know what physically is appropriate on a first date. Do people generally hold hands? I know I shouldn't be freaking out, but I am. =/
Something that is really worrying me is the first kiss. She's very traditional, so I'm pretty sure she'll be expecting one. Of course I want to kiss her too, but I've never kissed a girl before! I keep on getting anxious over questions like, what do you do with your hands while kissing?
Oh yeah, one last thing: I'm very tall (6'5) and she's very short (a little under 5'0). How can I kiss her without it looking silly?
Any and all general advice would be appreciated.
Thanks for your help with my last thread about the LSATs. I've been applying myself in the community a lot more, and I just really appreciate all the advice I got.
Now on to the current topic:
I've been friends with this girl for about three months. Yesterday, I asked her out and she said yes. Yay! Anyway, tomorrow I'll be taking her out to dinner and then we're going to go for a walk in the park. The only issue is, this is my first date ever. I've asked a few times in the past, and have been rejected, but that was before I shaped up, lost weight, started practicing basic hygiene, etc.
I really like this girl, and I'm confident she likes me, but I just don't know what physically is appropriate on a first date. Do people generally hold hands? I know I shouldn't be freaking out, but I am. =/
Something that is really worrying me is the first kiss. She's very traditional, so I'm pretty sure she'll be expecting one. Of course I want to kiss her too, but I've never kissed a girl before! I keep on getting anxious over questions like, what do you do with your hands while kissing?
Oh yeah, one last thing: I'm very tall (6'5) and she's very short (a little under 5'0). How can I kiss her without it looking silly?
Any and all general advice would be appreciated.
Misteareus on
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1) Don't worry about what it looks like to other people. There are only two people that will matter- you and her. Your faces will be together and eyes probably at least half-lidded. My point? It doesn't really matter what it looks like because neither of you will see it. What it feels like is what's important.
2) There aren't any rules. Following that, there really aren't any rules for physical contact. If you know she's traditional, don't go for any more than a firm kiss. My biggest piece of advice->
If you like her, kiss her. It makes everything a lot easier, and a lot less murky all around. You've made your intentions clear, and she will understand and respect that.
Also, following 2), I wouldn't worry too much beyond that. I've been laid on the first date and then went on to have great relationships with those fine ladies. It's all up to what feels right to you two kids.
Or you could just stop worrying about looking silly and just go for it.
Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
If this is someone you've known for awhile, she's probably already comfortable with you. A little hand holding and in-the-moment smooching is to be expected.
Why would either person expect that on a first date? Unless she specifically was like "hey we should date". If a guy asked me out, I wouldn't necessarily want to kiss or hold hands
Just relax, take it slow, and have a good time!
Also dont be weirded out by the height stuff, its not a big deal. I dated who was 6'3" (I'm 5'2") and kissing wasn't a big deal
This is absolutely not true at all. At. All. In fact, it's a real quick way to weird a girl out really fast.
Take it slow. You'll know (hopefully) when something is appropriate or not.
But like it was said earlier, there are not set rules and who knows how things will go.
Be yourself.
Unless you suck, in which case you have bigger problems. Actually, I'd say you should treat your behavior on a date like you treat your appearance on a date: brush your teeth, shave, shower, comb your hair, dress nicely and flatteringly, but don't go in for plastic surgery. Try to present a slightly idealized version of yourself (which for most guys means get rid of the profanity, bellyaching, and snappishness). Anyway, the simple step of not trying to roofie her puts you ahead of at least half of the New Jersey club scene, so, no matter how oafish you come off, just remember that you didn't roofie her.
As for holding hands, trying to do it across the table may come off as a little weird, but bumping your hand into hers while walking together is a nice gesture. Putting your hand over hers while riding in a train, taxi, or bus is also a good option. For kissing, lock eyes when your faces are about level (again: public transportation is your friend), and she'll make the call.
I took out a girl once, very traditional. Her best friend had told me not to expect much, and take things slow. Well, things seemed to be going great, and I wanted to kiss her damn it. So as we were leaving dinner, I offered her gum. I had decided if she said yes, I was going to attempt the kiss (because LOGICALLY, if she wanted fresh breath it was for a reason :winky:). Long story short, I dropped her off, and went for it...year and a half later, we were married (almost for three now).
Now, is the gum trick stupid? Of course. It was simply a way for me to decide one way or the other, to avoid going back and forth the rest of the night. Everyone basically saying be flexible is spot on. You'll know depending on how the date is going, and when the time itself comes, you'll really know. Good luck!
That gum trick is actually quite clever if you were dating a girl who's quite shy.
For the kiss, I would go for it if everything's gone well! You'll want to do it when you're saying goodbye, and it's a funny thing. There's no wrong way, really, just be yourself. I usually put my hand on her hips, or I'll take her hands and hold them. The second one, there, might be more appropriate for a first date. Some guys will do it totally awkwardly, with their hands on their side, and that's totally fine! If she likes you, and you held your arms to your side and were all awkward, she's probably just going to think you're cute rather than inexperienced.
That said, it's okay to be nervous. Keep in mind that she's almost certainly nervous, too -- unless you have shitty taste in women, she wants you to like her as much as you want her to like you.
Quick tips: Avoid messy foods at dinner just so you can ensure you're not walking through the park feeling self-conscious about a gigantic gravy stain on your shirt afterwards. Be aware of how much you're drinking if you choose to order alcohol. If you find yourself feeling anxious about conversation, try asking a question about her rather than rambling about yourself or some other topic. Good questions for conversation begin with words like "how?" or "why?" and should be about something she thinks or feels about a topic rather than factual or background information: "Where did you go to school?" is a question for a job interview, so a better question for a date would be something like "What was your favorite thing about school?"
Feelings are boring, kissing is awesome. Just relax and have fun. And if you do need a crutch the gum trick is solid.
You have a few options. Easily there's the stoop down/on her toes approach, which is pretty much run-of-the-mill, if awkward at times. There's the sitting down approach, which should even the playing field a bit (walk in the park, eh?). Lastly, there's my personal favorite of "pick her up a little to reach you".
Of course, all of this is heavily dependent on context and how the evening goes. Nervousness, which it seems you have plenty of, can be endearing if it isn't neurotic. Just be yourself, hang out like you've done over the last three months-- the only difference is that it's just the two of you and probably no one else (I hope). Nothing should happen, so don't go all expectant that you'll kiss or whatever. Have fun, and if you click in a romantic way you shouldn't have any problem initiating that first-date physical contact: put your arm around her or rest your hand on the small of her back while walking.
You just need to make sure that you're nonthreatening (which, if you've known her for three months shouldn't be a huge issue if you aren't an aggressive dick, which I couldn't imagine reading this post) and that you're attentive to her reactions and actions. A quick "is that okay?" if you reach to put your arm around her is a lot less awkward than you both wondering and not knowing how you feel. Flash a smile, grin or whatever, and it becomes very endearing.
Good luck!
Your biggest problem is that you are overthinking this and becoming worried about everything.
You are going on a date.
With a girl who said yes!
Satans..... hints.....
It's better to try to go for it than worry about it and not do anything at all.
Edit: you could also start with a kiss on the cheek if you're too nervous/unsure about a real one. She'd probably find it sweet!
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Don't move to quickly, or even think about kissing/holding hands and such. Just go out and have fun, if it happens in the antural course of things, it happens in the natural course of things.
The only "acceptable" time to plan a kiss is if you think that things are going well at the end of the night, maybe kiss her then. You should be able to know, though. Just be receptive/observant and you should do fine.
Or you could pace it. The kiss doesn't have to happen on the first date.
So, my first kiss was some drunk girl that didn't even remember it the next morning. In retrospect, I'm not too happy about it, and my first "real" kiss...aka consentual was with who is now my wife...but I'll always be sad that technically my first kiss was a huge waste...
So I guess the moral is that kisses aren't actually that big a deal? If you like her and things are going well, trying to kiss her shouldn't be that big of a deal.
You know, a large portion of general advice given really boils down to that. It isn't a big deal.
We obsess over things because we're unfamiliar, and when unfamiliar and inexperienced possibility becomes both good and bad. I know I struggled for years with things that, in the end when I finally got to explore, ended up not being a big deal. When I discussed my polyamory with my therapist for the first time, he was more worked up over it than I was. Why? because it isn't a big deal.
Kissing a girl must seem like a big deal, but it isn't. And there's no way for it not to be until you get more comfortable with it. That goes for pretty much everything. So, in my best advice: kiss her (and listen to everyone in the thread about how, etc.) and then... kiss her again, or another girl. Or a boy. Whatever. But doing is the only way to be less anxious.
Bring it up at the end of the date. A lot of the questions you're asking in your head over and over will be similar to the things she will be asking in her head over and over. So instead of just freaking out about it, just ask her.
So something like "Hey, just wanted to let you know I had a great time tonight and I would like to end the date on a high note and kiss you...but I don't want to come off as too aggressive. What do you think?"
If she says no, then you know and you don't have to worry about it anymore...and you look like you've considered her feelings, so you get points there.
If she says yes, then go in for the kill.
It's a win-win
BE(E) YOURSELF!
Don't worry about the kiss, about the hand holding, about if dinner was ok or if she would have liked to see X movie instead of Y.
Have fun
It was pretty awesome. We went out to eat at 7pm and then talked in the park for hours. It was a lot of fun. We even decided to go to the midnight screening of Hanna (which was a surprisingly good action film, btw), and during the film we held hands. We also kissed when I dropped her off at her house; all in all, it went as fantastically as I could have wanted. You all were right... it was pointless to worry.
EDIT: It was actually really cute how she was "hinting" that she wanted to kiss at the end. It would have been impossible to not see the signs.
Good going, dude.
Congrats dude.
I think this is something a lot of guys forget, or flat-out don't realize in the first place: girls get nervous on dates too. While you're sitting there on the far side of the table wracked by agonies of indecision over when to make your move, we're here on this side sweating bullets of anxiety at the question of whether or not you're going to try to kiss us at all. You wonder if your second-best polo shirt is classy enough; we wonder if we should have worn a skirt instead of jeans (or jeans instead of a skirt, as the case may be). You think the story you told about that funny thing your roommate did was actually really dumb, now that you think about it, and you wish you could take it back because that might give us totally the wrong impression of you; we stress out because we laughed kind of loudly because it was so funny it caught us by surprise, and it was a little awkward and oh god what if he thinks I was laughing at him.
Whether you're a guy or a girl, and whether you're dating a guy or a girl, just remember: the person sitting on the other side of that first-date dinner table is probably just as insecure and self-doubting as you. And the more you do to make them feel happy and relaxed and accepted, the better you'll feel about the whole thing, too.
Congratulations on an excellent date, OP - now ask her out for another one!
And there wasn't any tongue. Should there have been? Dammit, I knew I messed up!
She actually has three steps going up to her house, and when I walked her to her door, she turned around on the first step, faced me, and then I kissed her. So she solved the problem of our height difference herself!
I don't know whether you're serious, but if you are, the answer is no. At least to me, tongue is something that shouldn't be used on the first date - that's usually reserved for feeling things out and gauging interest. Now that you know she's receptive to kissing, then you can move ahead
Remember to take it slow and don't overthink. Things will fall into place naturally and you'll know when it's the right time to do certain things
You're right, anything could happen but considering this was his first date ever, I would be cautious and let things go at their own pace. As long as he communicates with her and doesn't rush forward and surprise her unawares, he should be good. Much like women, not all guys are the same
Yeah, we have another date set up. Near the end of our first one, she told me she had a lot of fun and wanted to do it again. We made plans to go to the Titanic exhibit next Monday.
Besides her specifically being one step higher than me at the end of the date, I also saw her sneak a mint on the car ride to her house.
[edit] Congrats on the first kiss, btw.